"I'm goin' to my old place tonight" Ella told Maria at breakfast the next morning.
Maria gave her a warm smile, "Do you want me to come? I can spare a few hours." She collected up the finished with bowls that had contained scrambled eggs.
"That's kind of you Maria, but I think this is somethin' I gotta do alone, it only seems right and I've left it too long anyway, it was mighty nice of Gordo to keep a watch over the place t' make sure no one moved in, but I can't ask him to keep watch forever."
"Gordo only does what he wishes to do, be careful he does not ask you for payment." She gave Ella a knowing look, telling the young girl silently that she did not speak of money.
"I know his type," Ella said with a small nod, "I doubt I'll bump into him anyway, he's been drunk most of this week, since his wife died he don't do much else but drink."
"Well, it is up to you if you wish to go alone." Maria placed the bowls upon a small side table.
Ella nodded, "I gotta sort out who Dave owed too, I know he owed plenty to Sandro at the saloon, I guess that'll be the first place I'll go tomorrow."
"Take all the time you need, we will all be here when you return." She placed a hand tenderly upon Ella's shoulder knowing full well that the young girl was dreading the chore ahead.
---
The evening came quicker than Ella wished and she said her goodbyes for the night to Maria and the children, taking a crust of bread and some frijoles to stem any hunger. She hesitated outside the old wooden building, her eyes glancing over the many repairs that still needed doing after many years. How it had stood through the winter winds she'd never know, she'd always thought the damn roof would fall down upon her head when they had a bad storm.
She gave half a smile at the memory despite herself and pushed the old door open; it creaked on its hinges. Inside smelt a little mustier than it had done the last time she had been here, she fumbled in the darkness for a moment locating a candle and matches before lighting the candle and bringing a small gloomy light into the room. She held it aloft for a moment, studying the place about her, it seemed Gordo had done a good job in watching, nothing was missing, in fact it looked quite neat and tidy.
She sighed and found two more candles and lit them, making the light to work in more bearable. She did not waste time and began to slowly sort items from a large badly constructed chest; it contained clothing, old shawls, a few bonnets and the only dress that she never wore. It came in two parts: a fancy bodice with puffed sleeves and a full, pleated skirt; both in dark blue cotton with delicate cream lace edging, this had been her wedding dress. Ella let her fingers brush over the material; now it seemed almost as if someone else had worn it, that another girl had gotten married while she had watched…
She huffed a humorless laugh. "I guess it's goin' to be a long night" she said to herself before pushing herself up onto her feet. She gathered anything that she knew was of value, avoiding the bedroom, that place, she thought, could be left until last, it held no fond memories for her.
She found Dave's guns upon a table, they were fairly new and in good condition, she knew she could at least pay off his saloon debt with them. His clothes on the other hand were all worn and old but still Ella packed them away, perhaps Maria could use them for darning the children's clothes, if not then she knew Billy would gladly take them off her hands.
She found a small amount of money stuffed into an old sock and stuck behind a loose brick just inside the chimney it was all of her and Dave's saving or more correctly what she had managed to hide from Dave, with this money Ella could at least pay Maria back a little for her kindness. The rest of the belongings would not fetch much although she did consider selling the blue dress, she had no further use for it and Billy could take it to Texas next time he went that way, she could buy at least two normal dresses with the money she got from it.
Ella pulled down a bottle of whiskey from the shelf and studied it. "Seems a shame to let it go t' waste" she mumbled to herself. "After all, Sandro won't take back half a bottle."
She uncorked the top and poured herself a generous amount into a small round cup and knocked it back in one go, giving a loud hiss through her teeth as the fiery liquid hit the back of her throat. She picked up the small clamshell photograph frame from where it stood above the fireplace and opened it while pouring herself another drink. Inside was one picture although the frame had been made for two. It was a browning tintype of herself and Dave taken on their wedding day. She was sat in a wooden chair in her fancy dress and Dave was stood behind her, his hand placed tenderly upon her shoulder. He actually looked smart in this, it was the only picture she had of him and yet strangely it looked nothing like the Dave she had known. She downed another cup and let out a dry laugh. "You actually look respectable" she mused. Her eyes glanced over her own image in the tintype, she looked so young… "An' stupid!" Ella voiced the thought out loud before her gaze went again to Dave. "I wish I'd never listened to your stories, or at least had enough sense t' know that you were talkin' out of yer backside just like you always did." She downed another cup, feeling the liquid begin to take effect on her, it never had taken much liquor to get her drunk.
She drank two more cups before giving up on the nearly finished bottle and letting it rest upon the table. Ella stared at the candle to her left, watching the flame flicker and before she could fully register what was happening tears filled her eyes and began to cascade down her cheeks as she dissolved into harsh sobs.
"You were an idiot." She scolded his picture, "I knew you'd go off an' get yerself killed, and now Doc is missin', he ain't even sent word, everythin' just seems to be goin' wrong." She stood up from the table and began to pace a little. "If you'd just kept your big mouth shut" she roared at the picture, fully venting her anger. "You… you never could! Cocky, arrogant, always about you!" She paused, her hand clasping once more around the bottle, meaning to pour herself another drink. She studied the amber coloured liquid that sloshed inside before her face twisted with fury.
"Ah goddamit!" She threw the bottle at the wall just above the fireplace; it smashed on contact with a loud crash. She sank down into the chair and watched as the remaining whiskey trickled down the wall her hands shook a little in shock at her actions.
"Why are you making so much noise?"
Ella quickly stood, her heart hammered hard within her ears; Gordo had said he was keeping the place empty. She glanced over to where the guns had been packed away; it was too late to make a move towards them. Her eyes were drawn to the curtain as it moved aside, and they widened as Joey stepped out half dressed in drawers and a half buttoned shirt.
"I have been trying to ignore you for a long while, but you make too much noise" he scolded, his tone annoyed but lazy, still coated in sleep.
Ella stared at him open mouth, shocked into silence. Joey cast a look over her before turning his gaze to the wall where she had smashed the bottle, he smirked.
"What are you doin' here?!" she squeaked, her voice holding no authority.
"I come here sometimes," he stated casually, "when I want to be alone and sleep, no one lives here" he ended with a shrug.
Ella felt her anger bubbling inside her. "How dare you!" she bellowed. "You have no right t' be in here - you killed the man that lived here, get out!"
"I am not stealing, I am only sleeping" Joey said simply, watching her. "I have not taken any of your things." He sneered as if the mere notion that he would want any of her meager belongings was ridiculous.
Ella glanced around, her mind working slower than normal thanks to the drink, she had to admit he was right, he had not taken anything and what could she do about him staying here other than shout?
"Well," she mumbled, "get out while I'm here."
Joey slowly sat down at the table, "No." His eyes studied her again.
Ella gritted her teeth; she knew it was no use arguing with him. She hurriedly began to gather her belongings but the anger seemed to continue to well inside her as she felt him resume observing her movements. Finally she could take it no longer and whirled around to see, just as she had expected, he was smirking.
"Hey!" she said, her voice sounding a little slurred to her ears; she prayed silently that he hadn't noticed. "You can wipe that smile off yer face; you don't scare me half as much as you wish you did!" she huffed, her eyes narrowing. "You think that you have a right to go around tormenting folk and looking down on them just cause you had a hard life, well I'll tell you something'!" she declared, fully aware that she sounded far too self righteous. "You ain't the only one that's had it hard; everyone in this damn village lives a hard life!"
Joey continued to watch her with an amused smirk.
"You think just cause you had somethin' bad happen when you were young that it gives free leave to do what you wish!" She saw his smirk fall at her words. "I had it rough as a child too!" she blurted. Her mind tried unsuccessfully to stem her words before she gave away too much but it was useless. "My Ma had a whole god damn army of men comin' an' goin', each one was promised to be my new Pa, an' none of them stayed. Then one got a little too friendly and my Ma didn't like me much after that, thinkin' her innocent girl had caused it. She was jealous I was gettin' attention so I left and I worked for my livin' doin' somethin'… I wish t' forget, but you don't see me goin' around killin' people for a god damn rifle!!" The last word seemed to echo a little around the room filling her ears; it faded quickly and was replaced by the sound of her own harsh breaths. Her mind fully kicked in, reprimanding her for her torrent of words, her tone and drinking too much.
Within a flash Joey had moved from his seat, his face mere inches from her own. "You know nothing about me!" he hissed. "You talk too much even for a gringo!"
Ella narrowed her eyes, "Well, it just says a lot if all ya can do is insult me." She turned and made for the bundle of clothing, feeling tired with the conversation… if it could even be called that.
Before she had taken more than a few steps she felt his fingers twist into a clump of her hair and jerk her backwards. Joey pulled her to him his blue eyes blazing.
"I will not warn you again!" he whispered menacingly into her ear.
Normally Ella would have heeded any such warning but the whiskey had given her more courage than sense. "Are you gonna beat me?" she asked, her voice bearing the full weight of her contempt. "It won't be the first time a man's put his hands on me for tellin' the truth!"
Ella felt his hand relax and she spun to face him, her eyes shining with resentment. For a long moment they stared at each other, neither fully able to read the others expression. Slowly his hand came to rest at the nape of her neck, his fingers glancing across her flesh and despite the situation Ella felt a sharp jolt at the sensation. The feeling unnerved her and she tried to push him away, her palms pressed against his chest, but before she could put any weight behind her actions Joey forced her towards him, his soft lips pressed against her own. The kiss was full of need and desire almost verging upon violent in its intensity. Ella's eyes widened in surprise at the unexpected contact, her first instinct was to become angry at his forwardness, to scream at him some kind of reprimand but in her current state the most she could manage was to begin to push away from him. She struggled, but his arms enclosed her fast in an iron embrace, it wasn't tender or loving it was raw want, merciless and unforgiving. His mouth burned against hers and she knew he wasn't going to let her go without a fight - and she would have fought, but as his tongue flicked gently against her bottom lip and then probed across the seam of her mouth demanding access, Ella felt her eyes close as the impression of longing imprinted itself upon her. She allowed him to continue despite the small warning her mind tried to flash up.
Ella responded, her hungry kisses merging into his as she let her hands slide up his chest and come to rest around his shoulders. After a moment Joey began to guide her slowly backwards, not breaking apart their lips, towards the back of the house. He absently brushed the curtain aside, his destination set upon the bed. Ella's mind again tried to gain control, but her thoughts spun with too much drink and too much lust to make any sense or cause her to check her actions.
Slowly they climbed onto the lumpy, hard mattress. Joey's weight pressed on top of her as he began to grope clumsily at her body, his caresses stating all too plainly that although he was not inexperienced in the act, he was not in any way skilled. Ella had known a few men that acted in such a way, the truth of the matter had always been that these men had never had a steady woman or any kind of meaningful contact with a female. They paid for their pleasures with whores and because they were paying by the hour they liked to make the time go as quickly as possible - have their pleasure and leave. Ella found she was not surprised that this was the case with the man that now kissed her, his personality was not exactly endearing and she doubted he had ever laid a sweet word in any woman's ear or more to the point ever wanted to. She quickly suppressed the smile upon her lips at the thought that she would be the first woman he hadn't paid for.
Joey's hands groped further, his actions mirroring all the other times he had been with a woman, searching up her skirts, uncaring of anything but satisfying his own lust. The woman below him was just there to aid the transaction; he would get it over with quickly and hope the sick, disgusted feeling did not overwhelm him as it sometimes did after he performed such a task… He hated feeling as if he needed any woman and yet whores always made him feel like they were privileging him with their presence, that they were above him. He hated the feeling and despised such women, each time they made him feel this way he wanted to slit their throats, to wrap his hands about their necks and squeeze until their little fake smiles melted to grimaces.
He'd even done it once, killed one of these women that had pushed him too far. She had made fun of him, asking why he was rushing, and did all Mexican boys have weak peckers that couldn't stand more than a few minutes at a time… She'd been pretty, but not his usual girl, his usual girl was sick that night and no matter how he tried he could not force the craving away to have a woman. It was unusual and he decided to make an exception, he'd gone with another girl: he more or less instantly knew that he would end up hurting her. Unlike Katia, a small Mexican girl who did not speak a word and just lay back, letting him be as quick as he pleased, this woman did nothing but talk and ask questions. She was too cocky and began to make fun of him for his silence, no amount of warning cold looks would shut her up, looks that normally made men think twice when he directed them their way, this woman most likely on drugs or too much drink and didn't even notice the callous, dangerous glances he gave her. But he had to curb the urge first, he'd taken her quickly and without tenderness, being intentionally rough, but still she talked and taunted and he knew once the lust was satisfied he would kill her.
He'd gotten dressed slowly as she lay on the bed still half exposed, the sight sickened him, the fact he had used her instead of Katia sickened him further. As she reclined in half a stupor he had pulled her up from the bed and dragged her over to the small wash stand, she screamed of course, sounding like a dying pig to his ears but he knew no one would come to her aid, everyone here at this dirty little brothel knew Joey and knew not to get in his way. He'd forced her head down into the shallow bowl of water and held fast. She'd struggled, her arms flailing uselessly at her sides, but he hadn't relented, he'd held fast until the bubbles of air no longer appeared on the surface of the water and she slumped down. He kept her like this for some time just in case she'd only passed out and when he was finally sure she was dead he'd harshly pulled her from the water with a violent tug of her hair. Her eyes were still open; their depths bore a look of shock. Joey had left her lying in the middle of the room and left, paying the saloon owner double so he could find a new girl, he also requested that Katia never be indisposed again when he rode into the small village. As he left he had toyed with the idea of going back into the saloon, up to Katia's room and killing her too. After all, it was her fault that he now felt angry and disgusted with himself for satisfying his lust upon such a repugnant whore. But he decided to just go home instead, his mother may be making good food and he desired a tasty meal. As he mounted his horse he doubted he would return, the thought of bedding with a woman revolted him now, but still he smirked knowing that Katia would miss him a little.
Now he was with this gringo woman and she wasn't a whore, he wasn't paying her to act this way, she neither talked nor laughed at him, but neither was she still and lifeless as Katia had been. She pulled him to her with as much desire as he himself bore and the disgusted feeling was not present, instead it was only a deep burning of want that seemed to scorch through him, one that almost seemed pure and good to his soul. And he wanted her, not just to satisfy the lust that clawed at him but he wanted her, the woman herself, he could not remember ever feeling such a way…
Joey's fingers aided her own attempts as she began to unbutton her blouse; he helped her out of most of her clothing until she was dressed in no more than a petticoat and camisole. She lay back and he once more came to lie on top of her. His lips again sought her own, his kisses more desperate and wanting as he wrapped his hands about her thighs and parted her legs, with one swift thrust he entered her with a small grunt of satisfaction. Ella clutched onto his back at the roughness of his actions, he drew himself back to thrust once again and gently she pressed her hands against his hips, stopping his clumsy, violent attempts. Joey glanced down at her, suspicion flashing through his eyes. Ella gave him a drunken but reassuring smile and gently she began to kiss his cheeks with feathered kisses, brushing his lips softly with her own, he flinched at first but allowed her to continue. Her palms moved from his hips to rest upon his buttocks, she guided him with encouraging pushes to thrust slowly, deeply, showing him a rhythm that was better suited for them both. He gladly took her teachings and continued, his movements more controlled and less rushed. Ella let her hands slide up his back as her legs wrapped around his waist; Joey gave a small low groan at the unfamiliar position, his eyes closing for a moment as this new consciousness washed over him.
Ella studied his face; her hands softly stroking his cheeks, her fingertips caressed his full lips as his rhythm increased in speed. Ella found that she too was now letting low moans spill from her own lips as the passion built, with one hand she clutched at his shoulder and the other curled around the headboard of the iron bedstead. Joey again closed his eyes, this time tightly as his speed increased further, Ella clutched onto his back, her fingers digging into his shoulder blades. As the near unbearable emotion spilled over her she let out a small cry and her body relaxed. Joey's body stiffened, his mouth opened but for a moment but he made no noise and then as if he had been holding his breath he gasped, his breathing coming in small gulps.
His blonde hair fell into his face as he let his brow rest against her shoulder, trying in vain to regain his senses. Ella gave a small groan of satisfaction before letting her ankles unhook from his back and her legs fall leadenly back onto the bed. After a few seconds had passed, Joey rolled from her to the other side of the bed, his hair hiding any expressions as Ella looked on in puzzlement. She had half expected him to finish and then tell her to leave; it would not have been the first time a man had acted such a way… instead he now lay a few inches from her, his arms wrapped about his middle, his legs pulled up towards his stomach, his back facing her.
Ella hesitated and slowly sat up, brushing her damp hair out of her face. She gave a small shiver as a chill draft touched upon her bare, sweat beaded skin. Her dark eyes studied him carefully as if he were trying to pull a terrible prank on her; she narrowed her eyes, trying to gain her mind back from the drink.
Gently, tentatively, she reached out an unsure hand and laid her palm upon his shoulder. He flinched at her presence but Ella had already felt the tremoring that was running through him. Through the dim glow cast from the other room she again studied him once more, becoming aware that his whole body was shaking slightly as if he were freezing.
Ella opened her mouth but found that words died harshly upon her tongue, the sight of this man… this boy that she had taken for granted as a no good killer, that had made her afraid and on many occasions threatened her, someone she wouldn't waste water on if he had been burning alive, now looked like a strange frightened child, naked, vulnerable… and scared.
Slowly she lay down beside him, not quite knowing what she would do, but feeling a great urge to comfort him somehow. She molded her body against his; he flinched again at the contact but allowed it. Ella pulled the covers over them both and gently wrapped an arm around his middle.
"It's okay" she whispered, as his body gave another violent shiver. "It's okay." She lightly nuzzled his shoulder and placed tender kisses across his skin.
She stayed close until finally his shivers subsided and his breathing became soft and mellow as sleep fell across him. Ella lightly brushed the hair out of his face, watching him a moment and marveling at how handsome he was, how innocent he looked in sleep. She knew full well why his reaction had been so unexpected, on this night, for the first time in a long time, Joey Garza hadn't been the one with the power… for the first time in many years he had been free.