Chapter Ten- September

I've always loved September. When I was a kid, it meant the start of a new term, which meant there were new things to learn, new theories to discover, new friends to make. There was a chance for new beginnings, to learn from the mistakes of last year and to grow and develop as a new person. However, this year for me, it meant another month staying at home, on maternity leave, whilst all of my friends went back to University to study and train. Don't get me wrong, I loved being at home with my son and husband but by now, I was starting to get a bit restless. The smallest things would set me off and my mood began to be withdraw and snappy. I was cold and distant with Anthony and even Daniel. I wouldn't sleep for days at a time. So in the end, Daniel made me an appointment with John, who had become my GP.

I was reluctant to go. I rarely left the house much these days and the prospect of leaving alone filled me with cold dread. I could easily get the train to John's surgery and so I headed out, with my headphones in and a thermos full of coffee. I got there in plenty of time for the next train and a short 5 minutes later, I was at the surgery.

As I sat in the waiting room, the panic started to rise. I had no idea what to say to John or even how to react. John was one of my oldest friends but he was also my doctor. I knew deep down that I could trust him, of course I did but I was so worried about everything that it didn't matter who I could or couldn't trust. I looked up at the screen and saw my name flash up. It told me the room number so I left and walked down the hall to John's office. The walk seemed to take forever but I think that was just because I was nervous.

John was sat at his computer when I pushed the door open. He looked up and gave me a warm smile as I sat down opposite him. For a while neither of us said anything. It wasn't awkward, it was a way for us to assimilate to the situation and then confront it.

"So," said John, after a while, "Dan phoned me and seemed to think that you may be suffering from postnatal depression."

I nodded.

"Abigail, for this to work, you are going to have to talk to me."

"Yes, John, that is what Dan thinks." I sighed.

"And what do you think?" he asked, writing on a pad.

"I honestly don't know anymore. I was fine in America and the weeks after we got back and then something changed."

"Dan said you've been feeling restless?" John asked, looking at me.

"Well, I suppose I have. Life with Sherlock meant I was always on my feet, always thinking about the next problem, the next solution. And now I'm on maternity leave, it seems the only problem I have to contend with is when Anthony wants feeding, or when he wants to sleep."

"Don't you enjoy being a mother?" he asked.

"I love it, John, I love it more than anything, but now, it's just become mind numbing, everyday the same now, there's nothing new to surprise me."

"Could Dan help with that?" John asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, and forgive me for being crude, but could he try being spontaneous once in a while. You know, sweep you off your feet?"

I blushed. "I don't know." I thought, "I suppose we could try. Everything has been about Anthony at the moment, we've kind of neglected us."

"Ok, so try that. Another thing you could try is getting out and about. Anthony is able to go swimming, so why not take him to lessons. Meet other parents. Stop isolating yourself at home. Meet up with Sally and Emily with the kids and bounce support and advice off each other. I think your problem Abigail, is that you have kept yourself at home since America. You've not seen anyone other than Dan and Anthony. So I'm telling you as your doctor and, more importantly as your friend, to get out there and have some fun!"

I smiled. It felt good. "Thanks John."

"Hey, that's what I'm for." He smiled, "Listen, Mary's throwing Amber a party for her 10th birthday. She needs some help. Bring Anthony to our place at two this afternoon and see if that helps."

"Cool!" I replied. "I'll pop over. Are you sure she won't mind?"

"Abi, she won't mind. You know Mary. Social butterfly if ever I saw one."

I laughed and thanked John. I was feeling much better. Maybe things didn't have to be so bleak. I had isolated myself at home too much and I needed to get out more. So I headed home with a spring in my step.

Once at home, I relayed to Dan everything that John had told me. He smiled and told me he could see a difference already. I told him about Mary and he jumped at the idea, so he ended up coming with me. We drove to John and Mary's. They lived in Watford which was on the other side of the city. Mary already knew I was coming. Anthony had fallen asleep on the way over so I put him down in the nursery and helped Mary to decorate the house. It was fun and we laughed and chatted all afternoon. Dan left just after 3 to pick Amber up from the village school and soon people started to arrive. Mrs Hudson, Sherlock, Molly (who was now 7 months pregnant!), Sherlock and Hamish were the first to arrive. I assumed they had all come together. Then Mycroft, Lestrade and Phoebe arrived, followed almost immediately by Emily, Johnny and Elijah. Sally, Sam and Claire were away in Middlesex visiting Sam's parents so they couldn't make it.

"Is Amber expecting any of this?" asked Emily, worried about her little sister.

"She knows I was planning something, but she doesn't know that all of you will be here!" said Mary smiling. "I just hope John isn't late!"

"He won't be," assured Emily, "He's an ex-army medic. If there is anything left from those days, it'll be his punctuality."

Mary smiled. Just then, John burst in through the door.

"Amber and Dan are coming down the street!" he panted.

"Quick!" cried Mary, "Hide!"

We all hid behind chairs, doors and walls.

"Uncle Dan, what's going on?" we heard Amber ask as the front door opened and closed.

"You'll see!" Dan said. Footsteps came down the hall and the living room door opened. Someone blew one of those party hooters and we all leapt up and yelled:

"SURPRISE!"

Amber looked shocked but then her face broke out into a huge smile.

"Happy Birthday, Amber!" said Mary, going to her daughter and hugging her tightly.

"Thanks Mum. I love you!"

"I love you too!"

John coughed, "And Dad?"

Amber looked at her Dad, "Oh, he's ok, I suppose!" John pulled a face. "Just kidding, I love him too!" And she gave him a big hug too.

"I love you too, Amber!"

We had a lovely afternoon and evening with the Watson's. Amber had a very special day and loved the attention. Even the Holmes' brothers were engaging in the party spirit and fun but then John Watson had a hold over Mycroft and Sherlock that no one could explain. John was right. A bit of social interaction, a bit of fun was just what I needed. I felt brighter and more energetic. I was going to treat each day as a new one, full of hope and positivity. Even though it was September, this was my new year's resolution; to be more positive, to devote my happiness and myself to my husband and son and to have fun and laugh. It was William Thackeray who said "A good laugh is sunshine in the house." And from that day on, the sun never set in our house.