A/N: SHIT GETS SERIOUS.

PLEASE LEAVE ME A REVIEWW!

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Chapter 10: Of Soup, Strong Tea, and Determination

"Dotty? Remmy!" Rowan called out as they reached the huge kitchens.

A small House Elf with large crooked ears and small upturned nose appeared, decked out in a white tea towel appeared around the corner. Rowan was tempted to say that she had a pretty face. "Miss Rowan Delacroix! What a pleasure it is! A pleasure! What can Dotty get for you, Miss?

"Hi, Dotty," Rowan responded fondly. "I was wondering if you all had any French onion soup left over from dinner, and maybe some bread and tea?" She turned to Remus. "Is that okay with you?" she asked.

"Sounds great," he smiled, his stomach gurgling at the thought.

Dotty squeaked and ran off to fetch their dinners. The two pulled a pair of seats up to the end of one of the long tables and sat quietly, each assessing the high ceilings and great space.

"You know, no matter how long I've been here, this place still renders me speechless sometimes," Rowan said dreamily. "I don't know how I'll ever be able to leave this place. I can't imagine living any other way."

Remus looked over at her fondly. She had her hands flat on the tabletop, arms stretched out in front of her with her neck craning to stare at the structure work of the high ceilings. He admired the delicate lines of her jaw and throat and wondered how he'd be able to leave her and all of this behind in a couple of years. He turned his head upwards as well before responding back softly, "Yeah, I've been thinking the same thing recently."

She looked over at him, chewing her lip with a worried expression. Remus met her gaze and smile amusedly at her. "Rowan, your gears are showing," he teased. She pouted back at him. He grinned and continued, "Why don't you just ask me what you were thinking?"

Rowan paused before deciding to speak, "I was wondering where you've been these past few days. It's been quite frustrating dealing with Sirius and James without you."

For a moment, she kicked herself for mentioning it, as she could immediately see on his face that he was withdrawing again, but he stopped and sighed. "I've just been worried about what comes next. All of this talk of O.W.L.s and the war…" he trailed off for a moment. "It's maddening. I just… I just needed some time to consider my next steps. Those two are usually so loud that I can't even hear my own thoughts around them," he joked. "I just needed some quiet. I'm sorry if I worried you."

She nodded, "Yeah, I understand. It was pretty overwhelming to see them earlier after this afternoon. I guess it's easy to be like that when you don't have to worry about your future plans." She grimaced. "I suppose I should apologize for weeping all over you like some lunatic earlier. I guess the stress of everything has gotten to me, too."

"Are you worried?" he asked, surprised.

"Of course, I am," she responded, now staring down at her hands. "I mean, I know that logically I'll probably be fine, but I don't know…" she trailed off. "I'm scared of leaving this place. Things outside of Hogwarts are so frightening, especially now with the war that's going on. I'm scared of facing what's out there, of losing all of you, of being alone." She suddenly seemed so much older than 15. "James and Sirius are so sure that they're going to fight, and I want to, too, but…"

"You're scared," Remus finished for her.

Rowan looked up at him, and he saw so many tones of fear in her face and an indescribable fire in her eyes. They were such a warm amber – how had he never noticed before? He felt overwhelmed by her heat.

"But I've decided already," she continued determinedly, "That it's worth it. What good will it do to stand by while my friends are fighting for what's right? I'd never be able to live with myself if they got hurt while I was hiding because I was too scared to fight. As soon as we leave this place, I'm joining Dumbledore's army with James and Sirius. I'm going to fight." She looked at him desperately, questioningly. What will you do?

Before she could voice her burning question, Dotty and another House Elf that Rowan identified as Remmy appeared before them with two large bowls of steaming soup, large chunks of French bread, two mugs of Earl Grey tea, and a huge slice of strawberry cake.

"Dotty remembered that you like this cake, Miss, so she brought you the last slice!" she squeaked at Rowan. "Also, Dotty knows that Miss Rowan has much homework, what with her exams and all this year, so Dotty brewed you and the Mister Remus some strong tea!"

Rowan cried out happily, "Oh, Dotty! Thank you! You're the best! Thank you so much!"

Dotty seemed to grow a couple of inches with Rowan's praise, beaming toothily at Rowan and Remus before scurrying away with Remmy.

The two tucked into their meals with gusto, both ravenous from the emotions of the afternoon. The two remained silent, finishing their soup and bread and even the cake before speaking again, both clutching their hot mugs of tea.

"So besides fight in the war, what will you do?" he finally asked, breaking the silence.

Rowan glanced over at him, thinking carefully before answering, "I want to be a Potions Master," she responded measuredly.

He considered this for a moment, and it made sense. He was always amazed at Rowan's unusual talent for Potions, intuitively just knowing what worked and what didn't, as opposed to his rather pathetic attempts at even a few basic potions. She often experimented with her formulas in class, and Professor Slughorn was never short on praise for her. Their classmates enjoyed Potions a little more than they would have otherwise because she often collected a handful of House Points for them every lesson, and it was always fun to see the Slytherins beaten in the class taught by their own Head of House. She and Severus Snape had a fierce academic rivalry, and Remus was very proud to say that she usually came out on top.

"Do you want to teach or like open an apothecary?" he asked.

She shook her head, "I'm not sure yet. I think teaching would be interesting, but I want to do research. There are so many cures and antidotes that I'm sure I can uncover with a little time and funding. I can…" she trailed off.

Remus felt his throat constrict for a moment before swallowing it down. She was looking into her tea with an intensity that she usually reserved for their Potions lessons. He looked down at his own and realized that he'd already finished his. He pushed his mug away and looked back at her. She was still staring down at her mug, then raised it and downed the rest of its contents in one gulp before standing from her seat.

"We should head back. It's getting late, and I'd like to get started on our DADA reading tonight," she said, turning to look at him. The fierce look in her eyes was still there, and Remus thought that he might burn up under her gaze. She picked up the Marauders' Map from the table and handed it to him, then surprised him by grabbing his hand and lacing her fingers through his. She kept her gaze downward, staring at their joined hands before looking back up at him, the gentlest smile he'd ever seen playing on her lips, and he was struck by an urge to lean forward and press his own against them.

But he just smiled back at her, willing all of his thoughts to somehow reach her, and turned, leading them back out into the dark corridors.

They walked silently, just as they had before. The night was chilly with winter, but the feeling of her small fingers laced between his own seared through his skin and into his very blood. He engrained the sensation into his brain – when would he ever have the privilege of holding her hand like this again? He squeezed her hand experimentally, and she squeezed back but didn't release the pressure, and he wanted to believe that she leaned a little closer to him, that he wasn't just imagining it.

When they reached the Fat Lady, Remus quietly mourned when Rowan released his hand from hers to climb in through the Portrait Hole, but once they emerged into the warm light of the empty Common Room, she took both of his hands in hers and peered up at him, chin raised and eyes blazing again. The light of the fireplace danced in her eyes, and he truly thought that he might burst into flames.

She stared at him searchingly, before speaking lowly, fiercely to him, "I'm going to release you from this one day, Remus, because you deserve everything."

Remus felt the floor slip away beneath him. He could feel his heartbeat pounding in his head, and the sight of the fire in Rowan's eyes scorched his face, his ability to speak.

She knew.

Rowan saw his face pale, and a cold fear washed over her, but she held fast and onto him. They stood in silence for a short eternity before Rowan let go of his hands. She took a step back from him, eyes dropping to his feet before looking back at face . He was still and silent like a statue, staring blankly at her. She felt a sharp pain of hurt at his lack of response, regret for letting herself be known to him, but she'd made her decision, and whether he accepted it or not, she was resolute in her path. She looked at him determinedly, with an expression that was almost a smile, and turned, leaving him standing in the Common Room as she walked up to the girls' dorm without looking back.