Chapter 9

Stephanie swore it had gotten even colder by the time she turned into the tree lined street a block from her house. The black sky was clear and had a scattering of stars. The icy roads glistened in the moonlight as the bitter wind numbed the tip of her nose. The heels of her brown leather boots echoed loudly against the deserted sidewalk. It was after midnight. Despite the late hour, a few lights still shone in the windows of the small detached bungalows. People were up watching television or even sipping cocoa, warm and cosy in the confines of their homes. Stephanie envied them and questioned her own sanity being out on a night like this. She'd never felt it so cold.

She buried her face in the collar of her coat as she continued her journey home. Her gloved hands were buried deep in her pockets. It was all Carrie's fault she was freezing to death. It had been her idea to go for a drink after work. Of course one drink had somehow become seven or eight. Carrie could be very persuasive when she wanted to be. A fact Stephanie had learned on more than one occasion during the four years they had worked together at the local community college where they both taught English literature to young students.

Stephanie turned the corner as a taxi cab went slowly rumbling past. She watched the red glow of the tail lights disappear down the street. She knew she was going to pay for her late night tomorrow morning when her alarm clock went off at six. She would no doubt look like hell as she struggled to function on less than five hours sleep. Stephanie was a person who needed her rest. Less than eight hours and she could forget feeling human. Tomorrow was definitely going to be a long and arduous day.

She shivered as she finally made it home. As she approached the steps to her front door, she removed her bag from her shoulder and retrieved her keys. Placing the key in the lock, she turned it. As she stepped through the door, she instantly felt the warmth envelop her. Her ears began to nip painfully as her body began to thaw. It had been a long day. Her body felt weary and tired as she noticed the flashing light on the small table in the corner of the room.

Stephanie switched on the small lamp and pressed the button on the answer machine. She unbuttoned her coat as the message played in the silent living room.

"Steph, it's Mom. I just thought I'd remind you about the meal for your father's birthday tomorrow night."

She smiled gently. She knew her mother would call and she was in no doubt Shane had heard from her too. She never did trust her children to remember any plans made on their own. Then again, she had good cause. Stephanie knew she had been guilty of forgetting a few family gatherings over the years and she hadn't been the only one. Shane had forgotten the seventieth birthday party organised for their grandmother two years ago. Something Nana still constantly brought up every Christmas and birthday much to her brother's dismay.

"The booking has been made for eight o'clock so you could try and make it to the house for seven. I'll see you then."

The machine beeped loudly signalling the end of the message. Stephanie hung up her coat and dumped her bag on the floor as the second message began to play. She was on her way to the kitchen when her mother's words made her freeze in her tracks.

"I almost forgot to tell you. I think I saw Paul today."

Stephanie quickly spun on her heels. She swallowed thickly as she glanced towards the answering machine.

"I'm pretty sure it was him. I saw him at the cemetery. Anyway, I'll tell you all about it tomorrow. Bye honey."

Stephanie stood still. Her heart was thumping loudly in her chest and the answer machine was now quiet. The dark room was briefly lit up by a passing car outside. She tucked her hair behind her ear as she tried to process the fact that Paul was back. A million questions were running through her mind wondering why and why now. It had been a long time. Ten years had passed and yet she could still remember that night in the garden as if it was yesterday. It was the last time she had seen Paul and he'd been practically a stranger to her. His normally warm brown eyes had been empty and hollow. His face had been thin and pale. His radiant smile had been replaced with such a deep sadness that it had torn her apart to see him that way. When she'd said goodbye, it had broken her heart. She swore she could feel it shattering into tiny pieces as she watched him disappear into the darkness. But she had let Paul go that night knowing that it had been the right thing to do. He had needed time and space to grieve. God only knows what he had been going through. Paul had loved his parents so much. When he lost them, it must have felt like his entire world had been blown apart. She just hadn't realised that when she said goodbye, it would be the last time she would ever see or hear from him.

She had waited almost a month before finally contacting Paul. She'd written him a letter. It had been a short one. She honestly hadn't known what to say to him. But she had let him know that she was there for him anytime he needed her and just to call her whenever he felt up to it. He hadn't responded but that hadn't discouraged her from writing again. In fact, she had written to him several times over the following months. But each letter that remained unanswered slowly dashed any hope she had that she would ever see him again and she finally had allowed herself to come to the realisation that her best friend was really gone.

Stephanie didn't know how long she had been standing there thinking about Paul when she quickly crossed the room and picked up the phone. She glanced over at the clock on the wall. It wasn't even ten o'clock in Oregon. She was safe enough to make the call. She didn't even really know why she was thinking of calling Paul's grandparents. She had given up on that one a long time ago. Almost seven years had passed since she had last tried to contact Paul. Like her letters, every message remained unanswered but she just knew that it was something she had to do. She couldn't rest until she at least had some sort of answer. Stephanie punched in the still familiar numbers. She chewed on the inside of her lip as she listened to the distant ring. Her heart was heavy as she heard Lillian's frail voice.

"Hello. We're sorry we can't take your call……….."

Stephanie hung up and sighed heavily as she tossed the phone down on the small wooden table. It looked like she wasn't going to get an answer. Not tonight anyway. Her blue eyes travelled to the silver picture frame sitting beside the lamp. It was a photograph of her and Paul. Her father had taken it at their graduation. Paul was smiling widely. His cap sat crooked on his head. Stephanie smiled sadly. They both looked so happy then and their future had been full of promise. Their friendship had been firmly in tact. Now it was a painful reminder of what she had lost. God knows she still missed him terribly. Paul had been such a major part of her life for so long. Without him, it seemed empty somehow no matter how many new friends she had made or people she met. No one knew her like Paul did. Or at least he used to know her. And the sad part was they could have had something even more special. She'd never forgotten how making love to Paul had made her feel. Every kiss and every touch was still firmly engrained in her mind. She thought about it even now. In fact, every day she thought about Paul. The sad part was she was still thinking of someone who obviously no longer thought about her. Paul had been home and hadn't even dropped by the house he had considered his second home for so many years. She just wondered if he was still there. Maybe there was a chance he was still in town. Maybe she could find some way of tracking him down. They didn't live in a big city. There were only a couple of places he could stay. But did she really want to see him? After all, Paul had made it blatantly obvious he didn't want to see her. He hadn't even contacted her once. She had her pride after all. Did she really want to put herself out there?

But as she quickly crossed the living room, Stephanie knew she couldn't stay away. He was so close. Paul was only an hour from Boston. This could be her one chance to see him and it was a chance she knew she couldn't throw away.

Feeling her stomach churn with the excitement of seeing him again, Stephanie walked to her bedroom to pack. She would leave first thing in the morning. The sooner she went home, the sooner she could find Paul. As she quickly pulled items of clothing from her drawer, Stephanie realised that morning couldn't come soon enough. Sure she had waited ten years for him but her heart wasn't sure it could wait another second.