Chapter 10

It's crazy how fast life can change. One minute, you're on the road, side by side with your brother, trying to stop the apocalypse. The next, you're settled down in a small town in Kansas, trying to make a living. Just a few more heartbeats and you're on the road again, on a fair-well trip with said brother.

They had been in the car for two hours and already, there was tension.

Sam had clearly listened to different music, when he had been in Stanford and now he was complaining about basically every song that came on.

So, eventually, they had turned off the music.

Dean had gotten used to having the car to himself again, so it was strange to hear the rhythm of another person breathing, another one clearing his throat and rustling with his bags.

They were driving in silence, the quiet got more and more awkward with every second that passed. The last few weeks had helped them to rebound again and, of course, with everything that had happened in the last few days, they were almost back to the way they had been before.

Still, there were moments, and Dean saw in his brother's eyes that Sam was feeling it too, where they remembered everything that had happened, the words that had fallen between them and were now again echoing through the silence.

The awkward feeling lasted for a few more minutes, then Sam sighed and turned on the radio again.

"Still better than hearing nothing but your breathing", he said and Dean smiled.

The state sign of Kansas was fading in his review mirror and in front of them, a long, straight road stretched ahead, up to the horizon.

Their surroundings and the concrete melted into one, the static humming of the engine was lulling them into a state of trance. Time became irrelevant.

It was moments like this, when they became invincible. Right there, on that street, they could be teenagers again; on their first trip alone without their father – young and wild and free, not knowing what was lying ahead, not scared, still full of hope and compassion for this world.

Dean looked over and suddenly, he saw the young Sam Winchester again. The tall, skinny teenage boy that had not yet experienced such a loss as Jess's. The young, brilliant mind that still had his whole future ahead of him. The boy who was still dreaming about a normal life, going to High School and maybe even to College. Back then, who knew what could have happened?

Yeah, who knew? For the first few years when they had been back on the job, Sam had mentioned Stanford and the possibility of him going back a few times, but eventually, he had stopped. Dean hadn't heard him talk about Stanford for years when they closed the Gates of Hell.

They had never really had a final discussion about this and it was now that Dean realized, that maybe, he should have said something.

Something like "thank you". For being there, for going through this with me. For not being selfish or smart and living your own life but living through one this with me.

Something like "I'm sorry". I'm sorry for what you had to endure, for what you had to give up and for what I have put you through. I'm sorry for not being a better brother, for not being able to protect you. I am sorry for not always having trusted you, for having lied to you and traded in your name behind your back.

Something like "I missed you". The car felt too big without you being there and occupying three quarters of the space in the front bench. I missed having lunch together. And the breakfast, when you just wouldn't keep quiet, no matter how many times I told you that I fucking need my peace before the first coffee.

Something like "stay". Let's just stay in this car, on this road and drive until the horizon meets us. Let's forget about all this surrounding us and let it just be us, you and me, once again. Against the whole world or just by ourselves. Let us drive through the whole night, let us cross state borders, not even bothering where we are going.

Let us sit on the roof of the Impala and watch the stars for hours and hours on end. Let's drive to Minnesota once again; let us see another football game. Let us drive up to the borders of Canada, to that secret lake that you found behind the gas stop. Let us trade everything we have; the bunker, the guns, the machetes, the iron, the salt, the holy oil, the fire. Let us trade all that for just a little more time of you and me, on this road, in this car, together.

Something like "don't leave me". I can't… I can't lose you.

A slight bump on the road made him focus on what was in front of him again.

He looked to his right. Sam was himself again. the longer hair, the broader shoulders, the stern face, the dark eyes.

"Sammy?"

The eyes lit up when he heard that old name again after such a long time and his brother turned his head. "Hmm?"

"Feels good being on the road again, doesn't it?"

Sammy smiled. "Yeah. Yeah, it does."

Dean watched him for a few more seconds, then he looked back to the road.

"You wanna drive for a while?"

Sam's eyes shown even brighter when he shook his head. "Naa, thanks. I trust you behind the wheel."

And in that moment, Dean knew. He knew, he would never be able to put into words what he was feeling. But he also knew, that he didn't have to. He didn't have to say a word, because the feeling was mutual.

They looked at each other for one moment, then Dean's eyes returned to the road.

Saying Goodbye had just become a thousand times harder.

Dear everybody,

It has been ages since I last updated and I feel awful about it. Unfortunatly, the exams hit hard again and I was burried between books and files for ages. Now, I'm finally free again and on holiday with my family.
I hope you like today's chapter. I know it has zero content, but somehow, it's special to me. Take it as a transition to what is to come.

Speaking of what is to come: They're finally on the road again. What are places that they have to visit or people they have to meet? I would be more than happy if you could drop a comment with your ideas and I'll try to work them into my story.

Alright, enough talking. I hope, you are having an amazing summer and are able to enjoy it without having to worry about school or work or university. Take care!

Peri :)