Long Author's Note!
I've had questions about whether this is a Sess/Rin fic still. Yes, it is. BUT it isn't a perfect Sess/Rin as I'm sure you've figured out. I'll be frank with you all: Sesshomaru needs heirs and with invitro fertilization 500 years shy of his time, he IS going to sleep with Ginrei. I know for many of you that's horrible news.
As usual I admire and adore all of you because, unlike Sueric who's always complaining about being flamed (sometimes I wonder if it's really true considering I am blocked from submitting reviews and I am pretty positive that nothing I've said constituted "flaming.") I have not received reviews that discourage or intimidate me. Occasionally I receive one that pokes me a little with doubt, or one that is highly charged with emotion at my writing/storyline. I don't consider these "flaming." So as a result I must say I'm impressed with the level of maturity that my reviewers typically give me. Even with that dependable past history, I'm a little wary of this current story and where my writing has gone with it.
Part of my wariness is because this story is, and this baffles me, very popular. I don't know if this trend will continue, and I'm certainly not complaining, but a number of the reviews express concern and people have told me "If this is a Ginrei/Sess thing count me out…" I hate losing readers, but I can't really change my plans or I wouldn't be true to everyone else that's here for a good story, as evil as it is.
So what is Sess/Ginrei for those of you that are outraged/frustrated? Is it sex? Is it emotion? Is it Sesshomaru's inability to accept Rin's children as heirs?
I define this story as Sess/Rin, but some of you might disagree. It's up to you to decide what up there counts and doesn't count and whether I'm crossing YOUR line. I will assure you all that Sesshomaru will sleep with Ginrei, it's a must. He'll have some emotional entanglement—but next to nothing, which as far as Sesshomaru goes means zilch. And as far as Rin goes I'll answer this question that has also been asked quite a bit: Rin will NOT be a pushover. I have not characterized her that way in my other stories; it would be poorly written on my part to change my tune now. I have grand, ambitious plans for her.
With those thoughts aside, I have mostly decided on writing a shorter plot scheme. This hurts Rin less and shortens the story some, moving it along so that we can see Rin's reaction and Sesshomaru's turn to suffer.
As a result my next chapter, which I wanted to post today but looked at it and cringed thinking of the reaction I'd get, feels speedy to me. The new-ish conflict I added is fine, but I continued the events of last chapter into the this one, taking advantage of it (the sex). I was truly uncertain of last chapter, but as most of you accepted it, I went ahead writing this one as my gut instructed. I was going to publish it and grit my teeth, cross my fingers, but I decided to warn readers first, and to answer a few questions to those of you who are wondering but not reviewing to ask me personally.
After this update the following chapter will be gentler, I promise you. I'm going to write an interlude of the Inuyasha household for catching up and a little comedic relief.
Disclaimer: Nope, not me.
Last Chap: Rin has realized she's pregnant and reconnected with an old maid/servant Jijo. She asked Daken to bring Sesshomaru back to her on Jijo's urging. Ginrei challenged Sesshomaru physically and things got out of hand. Jaken interrupted them at the last moment.
Note: for some of you that didn't read With Our Arms Wide Open there is some political intrigue in this chapter that you may not understand, so I'll outline and refresh you all. The Isei province belongs to Sesshomaru out of war. Previously it belonged to Nishiyori of the Middle Lands. There are several other rulers of the Middle Lands, but chief among them is Shimofuri, Tsukiyume's older half brother. Sasugainu is their uncle, younger brother of Lady Taikokajin who ruled the Middle Lands before Shimofuri, she was his mother. Shimofuri would've lost his power to Ginrei's family (Nishiyori and her father Seiyo) if Sesshomaru hadn't offered his money, troops, and supplies.
Shimofuri's Rebellion
"I think you've gone crazy, Nephew." Sasugainu murmured, scowling at the younger lord. "No one can attack Sesshomaru. Need I remind you that it was Sesshomaru's troops and supplies that let you keep the Middle Lands?"
The two inuyoukai lords sat in a small room, undecorated, unadorned. The maids and guards had been dismissed and both dog demons had their ears attuned to any sudden noises. They were nervous, tense. Their conversation was a dangerous one, if overheard they could be exposed and ruined. Their lives would be forfeit. They had sworn allegiance to Lord Sesshomaru in the Western Lands, but now the younger of the two, Lord Shimofuri, was proposing something that could turn Sesshomaru against them.
"Tsukiyume has written to me, by his permission I assume, and informed me that he has housed her in the Isei province with the bitch we provided him—his wife." Shimofuri's voice had taken on a noticeable tone of disgust. "She has told me that he will allow her to return to me in a year's time." The young dog demon's posture stiffened, his face soured, "I find this unacceptable."
"Tough." Sasugainu grunted. "We're stuck you know, but it's not a bad place to be stuck. Sesshomaru has given us power—actually given you power. Your heirs will rule the Middle Lands. Let him hold your sister a year, if she is unharmed can it truly be bad?"
"He is out of control." Shimofuri's spine was still rigid. In the months since he had ascended to power, and through the months of civil war within his lands, he had become harder and matured. He was a handsome inuyoukai with blue-gray eyes and blue-black hair. His uncle was fair in comparison, which was typical of their side of the clan. Sasugainu had silver-white hair and pale blue eyes. His sister before him, the infamous Lady Taikokajin, had been a full-fledged albino with white hair and pink eyes. Shimofuri took after his father with darker hair and features.
"What would you do about it? And I'll tell you now—I will have nothing to do with your little rebellion. I want to keep my family and my province intact, even if I'm the last one standing in the Middle Lands."
Shimofuri's eyes narrowed on Sasugainu carefully. "I have employed several wolf youkai as spies. I have information about his activities, his whereabouts. We are not trapped, Uncle."
"Everyone is spying on each other. What difference do a few wolf youkai make?" Sasugainu shook his head, smiling without mirth. "You are inexperienced, Shimofuri. Leave Sesshomaru alone, he will rip you to shreds."
"He is in a delicate time, Uncle. We could gain the upper hand." He paused a moment to lean forward, dropping his voice. "Do you recall his mate?"
Sasugainu frowned. "The poor helpless bitch we gave him? That one?"
"No, no." Shimofuri leaned forward conspiratorially. "His mate. Lady Rin, the human."
Sasugainu snorted and then actually laughed, short and bark-like. "I had heard that rumor, but it is merely gossip—or worse, it's true and he has taken a human as a toy…"
"She is not a toy, I have met her." Shimofuri scowled, disapprovingly. "He's trained her as if she were an inuyoukai. She met with me in his place once. She speaks with great authority. She is not his toy."
"Fine, she is not a toy." Sasugainu rolled his eyes once but straightened with seriousness as he saw his nephew's irritation mounting. "What does she have to do with any of this?"
"My sister has told me that Lady Rin has no knowledge of the bitch we gave Sesshomaru. She believes he is loyal. There is great emotion between them and Lady Rin has been unable to carry his offspring long enough for them to survive."
Sasugainu made a face of sympathy. "My wife suffered a miscarriage several years ago. She has never recovered emotionally." He fell silent, turning his mind away from his personal connection with the news and toward how it would benefit them. "You wish to expose him?"
Shimofuri nodded slowly, meaningfully. "He holds my sister against me—but I know where she is. She is closer to us than she ever has been before, and she is less guarded. We can take her—and then we can take Lady Rin from him as well, in a manner of speaking."
"Bold, Nephew." Sasugainu regarded the younger inuyoukai with a new, almost wary gaze. "You are perhaps as ruthless as Sesshomaru, but how do you propose to do this?"
Shimofuri pinched his lips together then. "I will need your help, Uncle. If not you then I risk sharing it with someone outside our family—the wolf youkai spies, or perhaps Arasoizuki."
Sasugainu snorted loudly. "Arasoizuki would not aid us in the war. He is too busy with his new wife." The inuyoukai they spoke of was another ruler of the Middle Lands, in control of the Itou province within the Middle Lands.
"Then you agree to help me?"
Sasuginu withdrew, sitting further back on his haunches. His face took on a deep, pensive look. "Risk enraging Lord Sesshomaru of the Western Lands? It sounds like a suicide mission, Nephew. I cannot make such a decision lightly."
Shimofuri's hands clenched into fists in his lap. "You would allow that tyrant to continue cowing us into his service? I will need your support—and Tsukiyume will recognize you and leave with you if I send you to get her. I can't be in two places at once."
"What do you mean?"
Shimofuri drew in a deep breath. "I will travel in person to reveal the truth to Lady Rin. My spies have learned where he is keeping her now. I will bring Tsukiyume's letters to prove my words. She speaks often of Sesshomaru's secret wife. Lady Rin will recognize my sister's handwriting and know that I am not lying to her."
"I will not leave my scent for Sesshomaru to pick up." Sasugainu frowned, troubled, "But I will aid you in every other way that I can, Nephew."
Sesshomaru did not sleep that night. There was no true reason why he needed to sleep; it was more out of habit. Living beside Rin had molded his patterns, making him at least pretend to sleep at night because she needed it. Sleep was necessary for him after an injury, after stress, and sometimes just to refresh his mind and body. He would not die, like humans would, if he didn't sleep regularly, but it was always advisable to sleep when the chance arose.
He sat awake for several hours in the evening, alone within the room across the hall from Ginrei's. He knew she was inside her own room, silent but awake. His hearing was acute enough that, if he wished, he could tune into the sounds of her breathing and heartbeat. They were too fast to be patterns of sleep, so he understood that she was awake as well. Normally she slept as often as possible, until he had forced her to take lessons during the day. She was recovering emotionally from the trauma of losing her family, which made sleep actually essential to her. Now she stayed awake, troubled no doubt by him.
Tsukiyume, a hanyou, actually needed sleep. Sesshomaru was certain that she slept deeply in one of the rooms downstairs. He and Ginrei had not emerged from their respective rooms all day since their "fight." He had not eaten, nor spoken to anyone, and no one had come to visit or bother him. A few maids had come around to badger Ginrei about eating. Apparently she had refused food in the beginning of her stay. Sesshomaru could've guessed that from how thin she was underneath her robes…
Desire still pervaded his thoughts, his mood. He thought of leaving without word often, of hurrying back to Jouka and joining physically with Rin, and then dismissed the idea time and time again. His need was instinctual, harsh. It was less a desire and more a need, a compulsion, a forceful drive. He worried about being unable to control himself and harming her, perhaps seriously. An inuyoukai "love bite" in human terms might disfigure and scar. It also might draw a lot more blood in a human than an inuyoukai. His desire, his compulsion, was for blood.
Aside from his own instincts, there was another major concern: Rin's health. She was pregnant, he was almost certain of it. If this child took a secure root within her Sesshomaru could jolt it right out of her. The last thing he wanted to do was cause her to miscarry. Also, since her miscarriages, Rin shied away from intimacy with him while she was pregnant. Her months of pregnancy were times of celibacy for him when both of them tiptoed around the other, worrying only about the scrap of life trying to sprout within her.
A windstorm blew up out of the north. It rattled the screens on Sesshomaru's windows; it forced freezing air into the cracks, cooling the room. Sesshomaru enjoyed the dip in temperature; it eased his tension, his anxiety—but not his guilt. As the night wore on and the storm's fury increased, Sesshomaru left his room and headed for the balcony.
As he passed Ginrei's room he heard her sit up, coming to attention inside. Her scent lingered outside the room, making him pause as it hit him. Pungent, rich, and…fertile.
He exhaled fiercely, trying to banish the scent, trying to push away its effect on him. It was with great effort that he made his way toward the balcony, into the cold, rather than into the warmth of her room.
Outside the wind howled bitterly. It twisted the snow, carving snow banks into eerie, beautiful structures with scalloped edges. Sesshomaru's night vision was excellent. He watched the snow devils writhing in the air and then vanishing, like wraiths or ghosts.
He thought of Rin visiting the small shrine inside his castle after her last big miscarriage. She'd prepared a tablet with a name that she'd inscribed herself. She left offerings to the shrine and prayed to the kami spirits that were responsible for the souls of unborn children. She mourned in both religions, Buddhism and Shinto. She prayed things that Sesshomaru found silly but never said so: that the souls of her lost children would not disrupt the new ones conceived within her. That they would be reborn to happy, healthy families and be given long lives and that perhaps she could know of them in her dreams. She prayed for a living baby that she could hold in her arms, nurse at her breast…
Sesshomaru didn't believe that their many, many miscarried, unborn babies would be reborn. They were hanyou; they were uncertain creatures, already not-meant-to-be. In the spirit world they likely held no power at all. He would've believed that reincarnation was a myth, impossible, if not for his half-brother's involvement with the humans Kagome and Kikyo. Perhaps, he believed, human souls reincarnated, and perhaps youkai might as well. But hanyou could not. They did not belong.
He loved Rin, adored her, respected her, but the thought of their offspring—hanyou babies—intimidated him. Sesshomaru could not overcome his suspicion, his dislike. Inuyasha had, in the circumstances of his conception and his birth, killed the great Inutaisho. Sesshomaru had been young, foolhardy at the time of his father's death. Leadership came naturally to him, as did power, but he lived in Inutaisho's shadow. Inutaisho had died too soon, and for a hanyou son, for a mortal woman. It left Sesshomaru with a bad taste in his mouth. He felt betrayed, robbed. His father had left him too soon, left him to rule over the Western Lands when he was too young.
He blamed Inuyasha for that, but more than that, he blamed hanyou kind. Hanyou seemed to come with a curse on their heads. Inuyasha had killed Inutaisho. Tsukiyume had driven her mother, Lady Taikokajin, mad with maternal worry. Now she was a thorn in Shimofuri's side because he loved and adored her so. If he could overcome his attachment then Sesshomaru would have little power over the young ruler. Inuyasha was sometimes prone to transformations that left him powerless or bloodthirsty so that he would kill his own children or mate if he could get a hold of them. Tsukiyume had not demonstrated the same curse, but Sesshomaru suspected it was there.
Although he could never admit it, Sesshomaru feared his own offspring—feared and longed for them at once. It was a thick, complex emotion. Even the thought of his heirs through Ginrei made him tense. He was the correct age to begin producing offspring. By clan standards he was even a little old. Inutaisho had been about the same age when the clan married him to Sesshomaru's mother.
A sound, the floorboards squeaking, drew Sesshomaru out of his thoughts. He lifted his head, feeling the wind rush through his hair at a different angle with the movement, and almost asked who was there, except that a rush of heat within him told him ahead of time. The wind snatched her scent away but he could sense her presence anyway, keenly. He shifted uncomfortably and faced the wind again.
"What are you doing, Ginrei?" he was troubled, disturbed by the roughness of his voice. It was not anger really, that roughened it…
She didn't answer, and the floorboards remained silent. She was apparently motionless, still out of fear or uncertainty or any other amount of emotion.
The moment dragged on with the wind howling in Sesshomaru's ears, through his hair. He turned and stared at the closed screen doors that led inside, narrowing his eyes. It was the middle of the night, no one else was likely to be awake. Certainly not the humans with their poor eyesight and their nightly need for sleep. This moment was truly the most private opportunity they had.
Sesshomaru pushed thoughts of Ginrei out of his mind, though he could still feel his body trying to react, his heart rate speeding, his breathing picking up. The instinct rose again, demanding that he approach her, test her readiness, mate if at all possible. His single hand clenched up into a fist with frustration, desperation.
"Leave me, Ginrei." He growled, and then closed his eyes at the sound of his voice, inwardly hating it though outwardly he showed little sign of his emotion. Words were deteriorating again, his composure was growing harder to maintain.
The screen door slid open, wide. The wind rattled it and whooshed past it. Ginrei fell into a bow on the other side of it. Her hair was wild and unrestrained, already flowing in the wind. "I cannot sleep, Lord Sesshomaru."
That much was obvious. "Leave me." He ordered again, still growling coldly.
"You are leaving in the morning, are you not?" she asked with her head still ducked low in a bow. When he didn't offer her an answer immediately she cleared her throat nervously and spoke once more, "Do you recall the deal you made with me?"
He considered her question for a moment, searching his memory. Thought was hard; his brain was clouded by need, distracted by his body's reactions. "Deal?"
"Your son for the Isei."
Her voice was barely discernible even to his ears from the howl of the wind. Yet when he put the scattered words he heard together and understood, the memory smacked into him forcefully. He had bribed her, offering her power if she gave him the heir he needed. For a time Sesshomaru stared at his bowing wife and was struck with admiration. Their offspring would be dangerous indeed with both parents motivated by the idea of power. Despite being a sheltered female, Ginrei was prepared to grab hold of power when it was offered to her.
"Yes, I recall it."
She lifted her head from the floor now, blinking against the ferocity of the wind. "Would Lord Sesshomaru honor it?"
Sesshomaru fought the desire to frown at her and instead maintained a calm, uncaring exterior. "The agreement was official—of course." They had drunk sake over it; he'd had papers drawn up detailing the exchange after she'd accepted. Sesshomaru was not a liar, especially not when it was in writing. And besides, if Ginrei could be made an ally it would not truly be losing the Isei…
Ginrei's eyes searched his, but in her mouth Sesshomaru could see desire. The slight separation of her lips, the increase in breathing and heart rate.
Abruptly, Ginrei scooted backward on her knees and turned away from him. Sesshomaru blinked and strained his ears against the wind, listening to her progress. He noted with annoyance that she had not closed the door to the balcony behind her. She passed through the hallway and to the entrance to the room that functioned as his sleeping chamber. There she halted, hesitating. Sesshomaru heard her slide the screen door open with a deliberate, careful slowness.
Sesshomaru's heart pounded, though he struggled to quiet it. Instinctual anger rose within him. She had left without excusing herself, she had the gall to leave and then walk into his room. It was effectively like trespassing. She was taunting him.
He turned back to the wind, trying one last time to force his body back from the brink to sanity. Ginrei was fertile; she was initiating something she could not undo because of the pressure of instinct. Of course this argument with himself was cast at least partially into doubt because she had knowingly come to him and reminded him of the deal they'd struck, hoping to ensure herself some power for her cooperation.
Rin's image came to him. Her brown eyes full of warmth and love. The suffering she went through. He recalled the name she had given to the child she mourned in the temples: Aishou, sorrow. There would be even greater sorrow in her life if she could see him as he was now…
This guilt was enough to keep him sitting where he was, with the winter wind howling inside his ears—but only for an instant longer. In his room, Ginrei shut the screen door forcefully, rattling it jarringly and bringing Sesshomaru sharply out of his thoughts. She had not shut the balcony screen door, but she had closeted herself away inside his room…
It was time to teach her a lesson.
He rose to his feet and moved inside, shutting the screen door behind him with twice as much force as Ginrei had used on the door to his room. Moving with the speed of the inuyoukai, a furious blur of motion, Sesshomaru snatched open the door to his room and entered.
Ginrei was not in the center, as he'd expected, she'd waited beside the screen door, and as he came through, she slammed it shut behind him. Sesshomaru startled, lashing out at her. His claws glanced over her shoulder and her arm, tearing into the robe she was wearing. The faint scent of her blood entered the air. Ginrei attacked him just after he'd slashed her, ripping at his face, his shoulders, his stomach. Her lunge knocked him off balance. They stumbled into one another and fell onto the floor.
Ginrei gained the upper hand, pinning him facedown on the floor. She dug her claws into his shoulders, drawing out his blood to meet her own from seconds earlier. He snarled with the pain and used the advantage of weight, rolling and trapping her beneath him. A few slashes with his claws and her robes fell apart, slipping away in tatters. His own were already falling off from Ginrei's earlier barrage of slashing. Her flesh was scalding to him, almost electric. Like him she'd spent hours suffering from unspent sexual need, she rushed now with violent eagerness that easily rivaled his own.
As their bodies merged he caught snatches of her eyes. In the lightless room they looked dark; he could almost mistake them for a brown. Almost, but then Ginrei would scratch her inuyoukai claws over him, drawing the rich stink of blood, and Sesshomaru was drawn back to reality…
In the evening the next day Daken arrived, searching for Sesshomaru. He was greeted first by the human servants, then by Jaken and Tsukiyume. The toad was the first to speak, almost the moment he spotted him.
"You! Are you looking for Lord Sesshomaru?"
"Yes—I have a message for him." Daken glanced between Tsukiyume, who appeared nervous and tense, and the toad who was harried. Jaken walked with a wobblier hobble than usual, telling Daken that he was uncomfortable somehow.
"He isn't here." Jaken harrumphed. "He left at dawn—without telling any of us!"
"Really?" Daken felt the muscles in his face twitch. He was smirking, as he always did, but the twitch was a sign of his discomfort, his frustration. "I must find him. Lady Rin sent me to summon him."
"I'm sure he would've returned to her." Tsukiyume told him, quietly. "Where else would he go?"
"With Lord Sesshomaru it's anyone's guess." Daken mumbled. He saw Jaken's eyes bug out at this with shock at the disrespect and started to splutter; trying to scold the old inuyoukai for his words, but Daken turned his back on them. "Good day to you both."
"Good day…" Tsukiyume answered him, hesitantly. Her ears were lying flat on her head, white dog ears against her dark black hair. While Jaken huffed and puffed about Daken's rudeness, she was preoccupied, wondering about Rin. Did she know? Had Sesshomaru told her? How was she…?
Endnote: Because I'm generous and in a writing mood, I'll provide you with a sample of the humorous bit of next chapter:
Kagome called this activity "Hide and Go Seek." Inuyasha called it a survival lesson. One day he planned on teaching their daughter the same skills, though Kagome always protested. "There are too many ticks, Inuyasha! You're going to give them Lyme Disease!"
Whatever that was. Once, he'd told her that she shouldn't worry about it—he'd taught Koinu to eat the ticks. That hadn't gone over very well either.