Caroline and the Sperm Donor
By: Jana
Chapter 10
XXX
--Caroline nearly attacked Richard the second he walked through the door, bombarding him with questions.
"How bad was the damage? Is your stuff ok? Is the building uninhabitable?"
Richard calmly hung his coat on the hook before turning to answer her. "Everything is fine. Annie was… mistaken." He opted not to rat her out by telling Caroline she had lied.
"Mistaken?" she questioned him, confused.
"It wasn't my building," he told her, leading the way to the desk.
She was close behind. "Whose building was it?"
"I don't know," he answered, stopping short of taking his seat, adding quickly, "Not mine. Look, Caroline, I need to talk to you. How's the deadline looking?" He lifted a comics panel to show he was referring to the deadline for the strip.
"The strip for tomorrow is already done," she said as she pointed to a manila envelope on the counter. "This is just ahead work for Monday. Why?"
"We need to talk, but I didn't want to create a panic for you later, if we were behind," he explained, gesturing towards the couch. "Let's sit down."
Cautiously, she took her seat, scowling. "Is something wrong?"
"No," he told her assuredly, sitting beside her and turning sideways to better face her. "I've been getting the feeling lately that, you would like to take our relationship, to the next level. I haven't been misreading things, have I?" he asked, to which Caroline shook her head.
"I've just been waiting for you to be ready," she whispered, almost shyly.
"I just need more time," he sighed. "It's not about you," he added, expressing remorse. "This is about me and me alone. I have stuff to work out in my head first."
"What stuff?" she asked, whispering, emotional.
"It's not important," he said with a shake of his head, but when she looked back at him skeptically, he knew he was going to have to elaborate at least a little. "Part of it, has to do with the baby."
Frowning, she asked, "What about him?"
"Being intimate with you, while you're pregnant with him," he answered carefully.
"The book said sex wouldn't hurt the baby," she reminded, still somewhat confused.
"The book didn't cover everything," he said softly, embarrassed.
Sensing his tension, she was reluctant to press further, but curiosity got the better of her. "What was missing?"
There was no tactful way to answer that question, he realized. Every possible answer sounded just as crude as the last, causing him to fluster as the seconds ticked past, knowing she was awaiting his answer.
"Richard?" Though she uttered his name quietly, he snapped back at her uncharacteristically.
"I'm thinking!" Off her saddening expression, he became aware of the tone he'd used, and apologized immediately. "I'm sorry, Caroline. I didn't mean to bark at you. It's just that- This is hard for me, ok?"
She could almost see his internal struggle, and she sighed before reminding him of what he had once said to her. "Richard, we're both adults. You can say the words."
Nodding, he picked the sentence that seemed the least crass of all the options he had mulled over in his head. "I was worried that my orgasm would hurt the baby."
For a moment, she wasn't exactly sure what he'd meant by that, but then suddenly, it struck her clearly. "Richard," she asked him, "If that helps make the baby, how could it hurt him?"
"I don't know," he answered, feeling almost ashamed. "I looked in over a dozen books and magazines, but none of them had any information on the subject."
"Maybe we could ask my doctor?" she suggested carefully, knowing he was feeling uncomfortable over the topic.
He shook his head, then told her, "I finally got an answer on that."
"From whom?" she asked, curious.
"I got the answer from a random pregnancy clinic out of the yellow pages," he answered, purposefully omitting Annie's name, hoping she wouldn't push the issue.
"That must've been hard for you," she ventured, adding gently, "Talking to a total stranger about that."
"The beautiful thing about the phone is," he quipped, "You have the option of total anonymity. They can't see me and I can't see them."
Not wanting to lie to her, he went with a vague joke, speaking the truth, but not in direct response to her comment.
"Ha, ha," she muttered sarcastically, a smirk following, but a moment later, she got serious again. "So, where does that leave us?"
Eyes pleading with her to understand, he said to her, "It leaves us waiting, to take that next step."
Sadness lingered in her expression as her gaze dropped to her lap, and he instantly realized by her slumped demeanor, that he had hurt her.
"Caroline," he whispered, lifting her chin with his finger, requesting her attention. "I don't mean to upset you. I just, need more time."
Turning away from his touch, she muttered in a slightly biting tone, "I never realized it was such a chore to sleep with me."
Sighing, he moved to rest his body against the back of the couch, running his hand through his hair in frustration. "That is not what I think, Caroline," he told her with gentle sternness, "And you know it."
"You just don't find me attractive right now, is that it?" she asked, tears welling.
"No," he said, his eyes closing in pain. "That's not it."
"Then, why don't you want to make love to me?" she asked him, blinking her fresh tears to her cheeks.
Sitting at the edge of the couch once again, he took Caroline's hands in his as he leaned in, resting his forehead on her shoulder.
"I do," he whispered. "Please believe me."
Nuzzling against his cheek, she asked, "This isn't just about hurting the baby, is it?" Hesitantly, he shook his head. "Then, what is it?"
"I'm nervous," he admitted, his voice strained.
When she shifted away, he pulled back, but continued to avoid eye contact.
"Why are you nervous?" she asked softly, slipping one of her hands out of his gentle grip and running her fingers through his hair consolingly.
Leaning into her touch, he said, "It's hard to put into words."
"Can you try?" she asked of him, continuing to rake her hand through his blonde waves.
"What if it's-" He faltered, unsure of his words. Unsure of himself. "What if it isn't worth the hype?"
What he was implying dawned on her quickly, after only seconds of thoughts. "Wait a minute. Are you telling me that you're nervous about disappointing me?"
Face turning beet red, he offered a single nod in answer.
Smiling, she kissed his lips lightly before touching her forehead to his. "You won't," she whispered. "There's no way you can."
"I've dreamt of this moment so many times," he told her. "And in my dreams, I'm amazingly inadequate."
"And in my dreams, I show up late for school on test day, naked! Dreams aren't reality, they're a window into our subconscious. Dreams show us doubts and fears, and sometimes our desires, but they're not showing us truth!"
"I know that, Caroline," he muttered, pulling away from her. "I don't believe in premonitions, either. It's just, worrying about hurting the baby, worrying about pleasing you-- It's a lot of pressure on me."
"Well," she suggested, "If you need more time, I guess we can just, stick with what we've been doing, for now. Till the baby's born."
"You wouldn't mind?" he asked, somewhat surprised.
"Richard, this isn't my relationship, this is our relationship. And relationships involve compromise. If you would feel more comfortable waiting, we can wait. I really don't mind."
"You seemed to mind earlier," he reminded her carefully.
"Earlier," she explained, "I thought you didn't want to make love to me. That's why I was upset."
"So, knowing that I want to is enough for now?" he asked. "Even if we don't take that next step until later?"
"Yes," she replied simply.
Gathering her into his arms, he held her close, sighing with relief. "Thank you," he whispered.
"I would've never guessed you to be unsure of yourself, in that department."
He gave a scoffing chuckle as he pulled back. "I am unsure of myself in almost every department."
"But, you're so talented at it," she said with a shy smile.
Looking over at her abruptly, he asked with uncertainty, "You think so?"
She laughed. "You couldn't tell by my reaction?"
"Well," he said with a smile, "It has been a few hours. I seem to be having difficulty remembering."
Taking the hint, she ran with it. "Well, we could go upstairs, so I can remind you."
Nodding, he inched closer, touching his lips to hers in a gentle kiss. Passion and want soon fueled the simple affection, leaving them both breathless when she broke away.
"Let's continue this in my room," she whispered, taking his hand and encouraging him to stand with her. "Lock the door," she asked of him, "Then meet me upstairs."
Releasing his hand, she threw him a sly grin before ascending the steps. He watched her for a moment, swallowing the lump of excitement lodged in his throat as he turned to accomplish his assigned task.
With the locks clicked and the chain latched, he moved quickly up the stairs, stopping with a gasp when he entered her room.
His heart rate soared when he saw her, standing before him, in nothing more than a smile.
"Your turn," she whispered, grinning.
His breathing ceased as he stared back at her, drinking in her beauty. Her abdomen swollen with his child, her breasts fuller from the pregnancy, her pale skin with a sprinkling of freckles radiant and glowing.
When his body reminded him to, he took in a sharp breath, the sound like that of a man just saved from drowning, desperate to fill his lungs with air.
His gaze never left her form as he fumbled with his shirt buttons, blindly unhooking each one before pulling the article from his body and tossing it to the floor.
She smiled as he cursed at his belt buckle for being uncooperative, pushing his pants down and off after kicking his shoes aside.
"You're still a tad overdressed," she teased, looking to his boxers before meeting his eyes once again. "Need some help?"
He nodded, forcing himself not to reach for her as she approached. The moment her hands touched his waist, he felt unsteady on his feet, struggling to keep balance as she slipped her fingers into the waistband of the last obstacle between them.
Slowly, she slid them down his body, grazing his hips and thighs before allowing gravity to take over. He stepped out of them, backing her towards the bed as he stepped forward.
"Before you ask," she whispered, "I want it slow."
Smiling, he said, "You always want it slow."
"Then let's just say, unless otherwise notified, I always want it slow."
"Duly noted," he returned, reaching past her to pull down the covers. After helping her to sit, he literally jumped onto the bed, immediately hunkering down under the sheet and blanket.
She laughed as she swung her legs up and joined him. "Someone's eager."
"Do you blame me?" he asked rhetorically. "Look at you!"
Laughing again, she joked, "I'll take that as a compliment."
"It was meant as one," he whispered, drawing her into his arms.
The kiss that followed was gentle and tender, setting the mood for the slow ascent to frenzied passion.
XXX
--Del bounded through Remo's door, with Charlie, as usual, in tow. He spotted Caroline and Richard immediately, sitting at a table near the center of the semi-crowded restaurant, alone.
"There you are!" he exclaimed, approaching, Charlie skating up fast behind him.
"We went to your apartment," Charlie added, bumping into Del as his momentum prevented him from stopping in time, "But you aren't there."
Caroline smiled patiently. "No, Charlie, we're not there, because we're here."
Richard rolled his eyes as he took newfound interest in his bowl of minestrone soup.
"Why were you looking for me?" Caroline asked Del, shooting Richard an apologetic look over the intrusion.
"We came up with a great way to boost sales of your Christmas cards!" Del announced excitedly.
"Um, ok," Caroline stuttered apprehensively.
Del was forever coming up with odd marketing ideas which never seemed to pan out. She was sure this was about to be another in a long line of other bad ideas.
Del paused for dramatic effect, before announcing, "Caroline in the City boxed card sets! Three designs, six cards each, a box of eighteen cards!"
"He can do math," Richard quipped flatly, almost under his breath, but Del just ignored him.
"And with every box set purchase…" Del signaled to Charlie, who produced an object from his messenger bag and handed it over. "A Christmas scented candle!"
"And what does Christmas smell like, exactly?" Richard asked, deadpan.
Without answering verbally, Del proceeded to stick the candle under Richard's nose, to which he abruptly turned his head and pushed Del's hand away.
"I know smelling stuff wasn't in the job description," he snipped, but Del just huffed and handed the candle over to Caroline.
"Smells like cinnamon," she decided, handing it back to Del.
"Right!" he exclaimed, then pointed out, "It also has a little picture of Caroline on it!"
Richard glanced at it briefly before muttering sarcastically, "Great. So, as it burns, it'll look like Caroline's in a horror movie about a fire at a house of wax museum. Very festive."
"It's not in the wax," Del shot back. "It's on the wrapper!"
Richard conceded the point by simply returning to his soup.
It wasn't exactly a great idea, but Caroline couldn't see the harm in it, so she agreed.
"Ok, Del, you can go ahead with it."
"Great!" he exclaimed, kissing her on the cheek. "But, here's the thing," he added, his tone changing to something more serious.
"The other shoe's about to drop," Richard mumbled in Caroline's direction, almost warning her.
"We can't use the designs we already have," Del explained. "People won't want to buy the sets if they can buy the cards individually. So, I need three new designs from you."
"By?" Caroline asked warily.
"Tomorrow," Del answered, grimacing in anticipation of her reaction.
"Tomorrow?!" she screeched. "I can't come up with three new cards by tomorrow! Not with the calendar deadline!"
"One of them could be simple," he told her pleadingly. "Like, Caroline and Salty next to a Christmas tree, and on the front, it says, Merry Christmas, and inside it could say, and Happy Holidays!"
Caroline shook her head. "No, Del, it's too short notice. Maybe next year," she added.
"I could help you," Richard offered, his eyes never leaving his food, and Caroline smiled over at him appreciatively.
"But the phrase is Merry Christmas," Del reminded him sarcastically. "You don't really have the gene for that." Richard glared at him in response.
Knowing Del's comment hurt Richard, she quickly interjected, "Alright, Del, I'll do it. But next time," she added, "You need to give me more notice."
"Deal!" he exclaimed, giving Caroline another peck on the cheek. "C'mon, Charlie! We have calls to make!"
"Right behind 'ya, boss!" Charlie skated in line behind Del, following him out the door.
"Why don't those two just come out of the closet and be done with it?" Richard muttered as he returned to his soup.
"They're not gay," Caroline insisted, "They're just lonely."
Richard just shrugged in response.
"Thank you, for offering to help," she said softly to him, placing her hand atop his.
"You're welcome," he returned plainly, his tone and demeanor indicating that he was upset.
"Is something wrong?" she asked, knowing something was.
"I'm fine," he answered, but his inflection didn't mirror his words.
Deciding to take a different approach, she said to him, "I know something's wrong, Richard. Talk to me."
He dropped his soup spoon in his bowl and sighed. "I know outwardly, I'm not a merry person, but I do have the ability to feel happiness."
"I know that," she whispered, stroking his fingers with hers.
"What if our son turns out like me?" he asked solemnly. "Unable to show emotion, cynical of the world."
"You show emotion, Richard. You're not a robot! It's just hard for you sometimes. And that's because of the way you were raised."
"I don't remember my parents ever saying I love you to me. Or to each other."
"It's time to break the cycle," she told him, and he nodded.
"I want our children to know what love and affection is," he said, without paying attention to the words he was using.
"Children?" she asked, a wide smile gracing her face.
Blushing, Richard told her, "I never imagined myself as a father, but through this experience, since the very beginning of the pregnancy, really, I've come to realize, that I only felt that way because of my parents. Now, I can imagine myself not only as a father, but a father of several."
Tears welled in her eyes as she listened to him speak, whispering his name when he finished. "That was beautiful," she sighed, entwining her fingers with his. "That," she added, "Was a show of emotion."
"I'm better at angst," he muttered. "It's joy I have difficulty expressing."
"But you feel it," she reminded him. "And that's a start."
"I suppose." He sounded anything but certain. "I just don't want our son to see me as unapproachable."
"He won't," she assured him.
"How can you be so sure?" he asked.
"Because," she answered, "I won't let that happen."
He smiled. "And, how do you suppose to stop it?"
Grinning back, she said, "Cause I'm gonna teach you to be cheery!"
He groaned, but his smile remained. "Can cheeriness be taught?"
"Of course!" she exclaimed brightly. "It's all in how you look at things! Like, for example, what's the first thing that comes to your mind, when Christmas time comes around?"
"Greedy people. Drunk Santas. Stores exploiting the holiday by price gouging-"
"Ok," she interrupted. "Try, spending time with loved ones. A beautiful holiday dinner. Finding the perfect gift for someone special. The joy on your child's face when they see Santa."
"I never had any of those things growing up," he told her, trying to detach from the pain he was feeling.
"I know," she whispered. "I can't change the past, but I can help you move on from it. You need to let that go and focus on the now."
"It's not so easy to do," he said to her as he pushed his bowl of cold soup aside. "I've carried it with me for so long now."
"I never said it was going to be easy. You need to take baby steps. Like, for instance," she added, "Try naming one good thing about Annie."
"That's not a baby step," he quipped, "That's a giant leap!"
She laughed, then asked of him, "Seriously. Try."
Sighing, he paused a moment to think before muttering, "She's a good listener."
"See?" she asked him with a grin. "Was that so hard?"
"No, not at all," he returned sarcastically. "My body just rejected my vocal chords, and my tongue is now numb, but other than that-"
Lightly, she slapped him playfully. "Oh, hush!" Signaling to Remo for the check, she added, "Let's go home and get started on those Christmas cards."
"Oh, joy," he quipped, "Another late night at the sweat shop."
XXX
--Caroline was beyond frustrated. She had only created one new card, and was completely blocked for any other ideas. Balling up the failed attempt, she threw it to the floor with the others, sighing deeply.
"I shouldn't have agreed to this!" she complained. "I'm too distracted to think!"
"What's distracting you?" he asked as he continued coloring the one card she had finished.
"You don't want to know," she muttered, flicking her pen on the desk repeatedly.
Looking up at her, he asked, "Again?"
An almost guilty expression eased onto her face as she nodded.
"Is this insatiableness a pregnancy thing or a regular thing?" he asked, returning to his work.
"It's a pregnancy thing," she answered, groaning. "But I wish it wasn't! I can't work like this!"
"We don't have time right now," he answered her unspoken request, checking his watch. "It's already ten till midnight, and you only have one card done out of three."
"I know that, Richard," she sighed, slamming her pen down.
He watched her for a moment, then set his pen down as well. "Would you be able to settle for a quickie?" he asked, and her eyes moved slowly to find his.
A slight smile spread across her face. "We've never done a quickie before."
He returned her smile. "I know. Is that a yes?"
When she nodded, he rounded the desk and pulled her into his arms, kissing her heatedly.
Breaking away, he whispered, "I'll lock the door. Go lie down on the couch."
"The couch?" she asked breathlessly. "Not the bed?"
"This isn't going to take long," he whispered back, then darted towards the door.
Seconds later, the door was locked and chained, and he was crawling over the back of the couch to join her.
Though his movements were frantic, his touch was as skillful as ever, and completely arousing. Pressing his lips to hers, he kissed her as he swiftly moved from her breasts to inside her pants, playing with her for only a few moments before slipping two fingers inside her and caressing her with his thumb.
Pushing against her, he moved in time to the rhythm of his fingers, his breathing erratic as he kissed and nipped gently at her neck. Within minutes, he was near panting.
"Please tell me you're almost there," he breathed. "I'm about to make a mess of myself."
She nodded, licking her dry lips. "Hook your fingers a little," she whispered, moaning when he complied.
The sound made him shudder. "God, Caroline, please--"
"Wait for me," she asked of him, opening her eyes to find him gazing down at her.
"I'm trying," he whispered, the sheer effort causing sweat to bead on his forehead.
"I love you," she told him, and he nodded.
"I love you, too."
Suddenly, her eyes slammed shut and she arched her back, a moan of satisfaction soon following.
When he was sure she was finished, he removed his hand from her pants and quickly went to work on his own. She helped to expose him, then immediately wrapped her hand around him, moving against his thrusts.
It took less than a minute for him to get there, his body tensing for several moments before relaxing back into the couch cushions.
Several silent minutes ticked by, the only sound their labored breathing, before Caroline finally spoke up.
"Shower?"
He nodded. "But a quick one. I don't want to be up till dawn doing those cards."
He pulled his pants and boxers back into position, holding them in place as he followed her up the stairs. As soon as he entered the bathroom, he stripped them off his body, along with his shirt, then waited for Caroline to test the water, strip herself, and step in before joining her.
"How can you be nervous about having actual sex?" she asked in a semi-casual tone. "We practically just did!"
He shrugged as he grabbed the bar of soap and began working it into a lather. "It's the idea of being inside you," he told her, running his soapy hands over her body.
"You were inside me," she reminded him as she touched the wall to stabilize herself when her eyes drifted shut.
"Just my fingers," he said, passing the soap over to her. "The other is more intimate."
Working the bar back into a lather, she asked, "You don't think what we just did is intimate?"
"It's very intimate," he told her, sighing as she began to soap him down. "The other is just more so."
"But, if you're worried about disappointing me," she challenged him, "And it's obvious you won't, what's the problem?"
He closed his eyes, about to divulge something he had serious doubts about admitting.
"If I tell you," he prefaced, "Will you promise not to overreact?" When he opened his eyes to find the worried expression on her face, he immediately shook his head, muttering, "Never mind."
"No, Richard, please," she begged of him. "I want to know."
Sighing, he swept the wet hair off his forehead. "I want you to know, I never lied to you. Everything I told you, about my doubts and fears, was one hundred percent true. I just-- I left something out."
She forced her expression to remain neutral. "Ok. And that is?"
Sighing again, he mentally prepared himself for what he was about to say. He knew if he didn't say it soon, he would lose his nerve, so he quickly took a breath and blurted it out. "I feel like a pervert."
Taken aback, she stared for a moment before questioning him. "What are you talking about?"
"You're pregnant with my child, and I look at you, and I get aroused! There is a child inside you! I shouldn't be getting aroused! I'm a pervert!"
She couldn't help herself. She knew he was upset, she knew she shouldn't, but there was no stopping it. She laughed.
Looking back at her in confusion, he asked, "Why is that funny?"
"Richard, it's ok to be turned on by a pregnant woman!" she assured him, but he shook his head as he looked away. "A lot of guys react like that," she added, but again, he shook his head.
"I'm not a lot of guys," he told her, still avoiding eye contact.
"No, you're right," she said to him. "You're Richard. The most tender, kind, moral, self-inflicted man I know! Why are you so sure how you feel is so wrong?"
"Because it is," he muttered, feeling lost by her reaction.
Smiling, she sighed, asking, "Do you lust after other pregnant women? Do you go out in search of them, so you can gawk at them?"
He shook his head. "Of course not. I don't feel this way about anyone else. Just you."
"Just me," she repeated his sentiment. "Did you find me sexy before I got pregnant?"
He nodded. "Yes."
"Are you turned on by the fetus inside me?" she asked, "Or just the roundness it creates?"
"I'm not turned on by our son," he returned sharply, scowling.
"Richard," she whispered, touching his face and encouraging him to look at her. "Pregnancy can be very sexy to a lot of people! It creates new curves, fuller breasts-"
"Caroline," he groaned, interrupting her and looking away once again. "You're killing me."
"You have nothing to be embarrassed of," she told him, adding, "I'm flattered that you find me sexy like this!"
He looked back at her in surprise. "Flattered?!"
"Yeah!" she exclaimed. "A lot of women feel very unsexy while pregnant! But knowing how you feel-- I feel incredibly sexy!"
"You really think this is a good thing?" he questioned her in a near-whisper, placing his hands on her waist when she wrapped hers around his neck.
"Yes," she sighed, "I really do." She kissed his lips softly before pulling back to ask, "Can we please have sex now?"
Groaning in response, he said to her, "I'm working on it, Caroline. I really am. I just need more time."
She nodded, pulling him into another hug. "I can give you that," she told him. "Thank you for sharing with me."
"Thank you for laughing at me," he joked, and she laughed in response.
"The water's getting cold," she realized when she shivered. "We should go finish those cards now."
TBC
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