What, I'm alive?! Guys I don't even know what to say, I can list the million things that have been going on since I last updated but at the end of the day I suck for waiting so long. Having my first full-time job since giving birth five years ago was a big wake up call but people are still reading this and I'm getting alerts and reviews and I miss this story! So I hope you can forgive me and I hope that there's some of you still out there reading because here's Chapter 10 (it's looong) and Chapter 11 is already started. Again let me know what you think, what you want to see and I really hope you enjoy. Xoxo
Oh no, already Maggie? I know we both just talked about this happening and I've been waiting for it since I left the hospital but I just don't know how this is going to end. I know the age thing and how Daryl and I couldn't be more different will affect people and how they see us. But she's my sister, she loves me and I know she just wants what's best for me and wants to make sure I'm happy. And he's a good man who makes me beyond happy, so will that be enough to keep her calm?
We both follow her outside past a half timid half laughing Glenn. Once we've headed around the corner of the barn and we're out of ear shot she begins.
"Now, I had a feeling this is what was goin to happen. I've been watching the usually emotionalless Daryl war with himself for over a week now and it did nothing to help my broken heart. I know for fact he's the only other person that can understand how I felt the minute you walked in that door Bethy. And Beth I know you and I have things to talk about, I'm not ready to do that yet I hope that you can give me some time. But, I can see the one thing that can't wait is this, whatever this is. So are you guys together now, in a relationship?" She asks us.
"Yes we are, we are together and we're ready to tell the group. You're right, we do have things to talk about and I'm not ready to deal with that either, I just want to enjoy being back with everyone first." I tell her
"Well, I am a little shocked that you two are boyfriend and girlfriend now. You're very different and I know there's an age gap but I don't really care about that. All I care about Dixon is my sister. I care about her safety and her happiness. No matter what she's been through recently she is still walking around here with hope in her eyes and a smile on her face and I know it's not just because she survived and found her way here, it's because she found you again. That's enough for me, that along with the fact that daddy always respected and always liked you. I know that he saw what a good man you were, sometimes even talked about how he hoped you'd find your place even more so in the world and find some happiness because he thought you were one of the best men he ever met. And we've all watched you grow and become calmer, you might not be a puppy but you're a changed man and growing into the person you're supposed to be. But I will take your crossbow and kill you with it if you ever hurt her or if you ever let your natural manly stuff get in the way of you two. Just promise me to talk it out, to work through it. Holding it in and making assumptions just starts trouble, it's not worth it. Beth I'm just glad you found a man who looks at you with the way Glenn looks at me. You deserve that."
By the time she's finished speaking both of our mouths are hanging open. I was hopeful and optimistic that she would take this better than I was first thinking she would. But this? Practically giving us her blessing to be together? She must be really happy to have me back or this is what true love is. You simply want the best for them, even if you might not agree with it.
All I do is nod, partly because I'm in shock but mostly because I don't want to say too much and make her change her mind. And then even more surprising than Maggie's entire speech just now is the fact that Daryl starts speaking.
"I'll make sure Beth teaches you how to use my crossbow so you can use it to kill me if I ever hurt her because that's the one thing I never want to do and I will never will do. I'm trying to talk more, be open minded and not shut down. She's changing me even more now and not in a forced way but like you said helping me to become who I'm supposed to be. I'm liking the change and I have to say I'm glad I'm here with all my body parts and no black eye. This means a lot to both of us that you're okay with this and that you say that your daddy would've been as well. He's the toughest sonabitch and the best man I'm ever met in my entire life." He's talking to Maggie but by the last sentence he's holding my hand. I could cry myself to sleep every night thinking about my daddy being gone and how he was taken. But this world is so tough and awful and part of me is glad he can be with my momma again, happy and safe.
Maggie smiles and gives us both a big hug and Daryl doesn't even tense up.
"Okay then let's head back in there so we can get ready for tomorrow morning." She tells us before we all walk around the barn together but it's no surprise that she stays outside with Glenn as we head inside.
Once back inside the barn, Noah comes up to me and asks if he could talk to me. I don't like being away from Daryl but I know Noah needs this, part of me does too. I was overjoyed to see him still with the group, he survived, they accepted him but we definitely have things to catch up on. As he leaves us to talk, I see Carol motion to Daryl to come up to the second level of the barn. One person on the door and one person looking out the window up top is enough coverage for us. He quickly glances at me and I can't be selfish, I have to trust what he told me earlier. I nod and smile then focus my attention on Noah.
"Beth I'm sorry I kept running that day I got out and you didn't. Part of me wasn't thinking, I was acting on instinct when a smaller part of me thought that I would have a better chance of doing something for you if I got out, looked for weapons and found anybody that would help. And I should've asked you about your group, if I had known who they were I would've talked to them instead of trying to rob their things and then Carol getting hurt. I feel like crap about it. I don't even know why they let me join the group I've been nothing but trouble. Virginia was a bust, I don't even have two working legs but I know that if I want to live and I want to survive I have to try and try hard. I was almost completely decided to embrace being alive but seeing you and having you come back sealed the deal for me. There is a reason to keep moving and keep living and I hope that your group can learn to trust me more along the way." Noah tells me and I can tell he's nervous about my reaction and what I'm going to say. Bless his heart.
"Noah, I'm so happy to hear that you've decided to keep trying. You me and Morgan really are kindred spirits that way but I know it's harder for you two having lost everything. And I want to tell you how unbelievably sorry I am that Virginia was gone and I'm sorry about your mom, I know how it is to be an orphan, it really sucks. But you're right, we're here right now, alive. We have to keep on going we have to make the best of this. We've been granted something so amazing, so precious that many people have lost over the past few years. Life. We just have to make the most of it. And the group they will accept you even more but it just takes time to trust people. But I have to be honest, I felt nothing but happiness when you got out of there that day and you did help save me and bring me back to Daryl. I have to thank you for that." I finish by giving him a small one armed hug.
We get up and go our separate ways, Noah going over to Sasha and striking up a conversation which she seems grateful for, any distraction now is good for her. And I set off to find Daryl. Right before our conversation was ending I could see his and Carol's also coming to an end and him heading out the door.
I approach my brother-in-law, "Hey Glenn, which way did he go?" I ask, Glenn simply smiles and points to his left. "Thanks." As I make my way around the left side of our shelter, I wonder why he felt the need to completely leave the barn? There he is leaning against the farthest corner of the barn. I walk up to him and lean against the wall beside him, my arm is pressed against his and I lay my head on his shoulder.
"Everything okay?" I ask him.
He takes a deep breath before he says, "well you know I ain't much for talking and when I do I really only like to talk to you so that wasn't my shining moment just now. But nothing happened, you were more right than I was. Carol is a little disappointed, I could see the sadness in her eyes. I feel bad more so because I wish I had known sooner she had any feelings like that so I could've dealt with them before now. I never wanted her to feel hurt but even if I had never met you there would be nothing like that with her, she's a friend, she's a true family member. She's okay though, she's more happy for us than anything, says that you're good for me. I thought I was the only one who would ever be able to see that but I'm glad all of our family and friends can notice how good you are. How you're helping me, how I'm becoming a better man cause of you. I think it'll take a while for her to be comfortable watching us together but she needs to find her own reason to live. This seems like a new thing in our group. If you could do it all those years ago, Morgan now and Noah as well then her and Sasha can find their way too."
Wow, I thought it might be like pulling teeth to get the conversation with Carol out of him but he just laid it all out for me. I know he won't always be this open but I think he could see something weighing on my mind and just wanted to make me feel better. I love that man and I have to make sure I don't tell him that yet because he might have a heart attack and then we will all be screwed.
"Thank you for telling me. I've always liked Carol and I don't think she'll hold it against me. I hope she doesn't because I'd love to talk to her and catch up on everything that's happened. Plus, explain to her what what went on in the hospital." I tell him.
Daryl nods and then pauses for a long moment before he looks at me out the corner of his eye and asks, "what about you? What was all that with Noah?"
Oh my gosh he is jealous again! And of Noah? Never, it never even crossed my mind that he would look at me that way and I definitely never looked at him that way. For heaven's sake we were trying to escape the hospital in one piece and then trying to survive in our own ways after that.
"He just feels bad about what happened you know, he got out and I didn't. And of course as anyone would be he's really worried about the group, how you guys will accept him or not accept him, fully. But its good we spoke, he's definitely at the crossroads I was at back on the farm and he's choosing to keep going. Like you said him and Morgan now and next Sasha and Carol will need to make that decision." I tell him, hoping two of the best women I've ever met can pull through this.
"Beth you're many many things but naïve ain't one of them. I don't think limpy's feelings for you are the same as the ones you have for him. And it's fine, it's also fine that Eugene's eyes wonder a little too much and linger a little too long. They're all going to learn that I don't share. That you're all mine and they better recognize it. But never doubt your power over men beautiful girl because you could have anyone you want wrapped around both pinky fingers." He tells me.
I know for fact he's exaggerating. Yes I've had two boyfriends and I was always popular in high school but I highly doubt I could wrap anyone around anything, except maybe Daryl. I shake my head and tell him, "maybe my crazy is rubbing off on you. And they can feel however they want to, I only have eyes for my archer. He's all mine." I barely finish what I'm saying before my body is turned around and my back is pushed up against the side of the barn. After that we're a flurry of his hands around my waist, mine in his hair, mouths meeting, teeth clashing and tongues warring. It's over all too soon but this is just not the place or time for a make out session, unfortunately.
We pull apart both completely breathless and he tells me very quietly and almost shyly, "I like bein all yours, I ain't ever been anyone's before."
My heart breaks for him, not in pity never in pity. I know he doesn't want anyone to feel bad for him. The reason my heart breaks is because I just know he deserved so much better and I'm sad that he had people around him that couldn't see the amazing man in front of them. He overcame all of that and is so strong and has become so trusting and kind. Daryl is an invaluable part of our family and I just want to make up for the lack of care and love in his life.
"Well then its a good thing you like being all mine because I don't ever plan on letting you go. Like I said you're stuck with me, and a few more weeks of my incessant talking and annoying singing, let's see how happy you are to be mine then." I finish teasing him, hoping to lighten the mood. It partly works, he looks me in the eye and gives me one of his small smirks.
"I don't think there will ever be a jukebox around again and even if there is one day I won't be getting one. You're my little songbird, I was just too miserable and pessimistic to enjoy it before." He tells me. I have to say, admitting he likes my singing is just another perk to this amazing day.
"Whenever I'm not being a beacon for walkers, I'll sing to you anytime. Now let's head back in before it's your turn on watch. Can I come sit with you when it is?" I ask him, I understand if he says no, our safety is more important than my need to be around him but a girl can hope right?
"You're asking? I thought you'd just follow me out and not give me a choice in the matter just how I like it." And now the small smirk turns into a full out Daryl Dixon grin and my oh my if it doesn't make muscles inside of me clench that have never clenched this deliciously before.
As we head back towards the door I reminded him that I want to speak to Rick and ask if he wouldn't mind getting him for me while I gather my thoughts. He of course agrees and once we're inside he gives my hand a gentle squeeze before heading off towards Rick. All too soon they're back by my side in the most private area we could possibly get inside a barn full of other people.
"Is everything alright Beth, you wanted to speak with me?" Rick asks me looking genuinely concerned.
I take a deep breath before I say, "yes everything's fine Rick and thanks for talking to me, I know today's been a crazy one to say the least. I actually wanted to talk to you now sooner rather than later about my place in the group. First of all, please know that I love Judith as if she was my own and I will always be there for her to watch over her and take care of her in anyway she'll ever need me to be. However, I realized once I got out of the prison with Daryl that I needed to learn more skills than I knew and that once I started learning more I caught on pretty quick and I could take care of myself. I stayed alive inside that hospital and I even got Noah out of it and then I found my way to you with the help of Morgan. I can't go back to just being her babysitter anymore Rick. I love her and she means to me the world to me but I need and want to do more for the group. I'm good at killing walkers and Daryl had already started training me with his crossbow and I'm picking up the tracking even quicker. I don't want this to be a fight and I don't want anything to make our reunion any less happy but I had to be honest." I finish telling him everything I feel and everything I want and then hold my breath waiting for his response. Before he can give one the amazing man standing to my right speaks up first.
"I've seen it myself Rick. She's strong and brave and she's a little spitfire. She can take care of herself and she was doing real well taking in everything I was teaching her when we were alone. I've seen it with my own eyes and you know that I wouldn't stand here and put the group in danger by letting her take over more responsibility than she could handle. And might as well tell you now that I refuse to go on any runs or hunting trips without her. I ain't letting her out of my sight again, not for any long period of time." He tells Rick and then his chest puffs out like they're going to battle each other. I have to hide my giggle.
Rick looks between us both at first very seriously and soon after his expression softens and he simply smiles before he says. "Well Beth, I'm glad, I'm glad you're back and that you want to do more. I hope you know I always want you to be there for Judith, she has a new bond and an amazing family member in Tyrese but you will always be her first caregiver. But you're right, you're stronger, braver and smarter than any of us ever gave you credit for and I think that's partly because we just wanted you to be safe. I know that you changed this man right here quite a bit but you've also changed all of us and help keep us hopeful and positive. So of course you can help out as much as you're comfortable with as long as it doesn't put any strain on your injury and as long as you're happy to do so. As for you brother, I completely understand where you're coming from and whenever the time comes to deal with those sorts of expeditions we'll deal with it so everyone's happy." He tells us then gives me a soft hug and Daryl a gentle squeeze on the shoulder before heading off to Michonne and his children. Is there something going on there? I hope so!
The rest of the night speeds by quicker than any of us are ready for. Luckily my watch with Daryl was extremely quiet, only two walkers that didn't make it too far past all the downed trees were the only disturbance. Other than that there was just a lot of cuddling and enjoying each other's company. I don't think we uttered one word to each other because it wasn't necessary, simply sitting there resting against each other's bodies was enough. After it's our turn to rest for a couple of hours we are all on our way, the supplies are split up between us all and we head off into the woods hoping for the best. We only walked for about four or five hours before we see it, a building hidden in the woods.