I love relaxing. I have nothing to do today… I'm planning on keeping that as a thing. I have some chem homework this weekend and some studying for finals, but that's it. No friends to deal with or anything. I love it!

And I'll be real. I've been putting this chapter off for forever… but guys, mad thank you to my girl PastaMama for basically deciding what to do with Jeff for me…

Let's get a tidge angsty, shall we?

You know what the one thing Jeff didn't like about Dalton was? You couldn't leave the dorm out of uniform. Ever. If any of the students wanted to leave the school, they still had to wear their blazers out to their cars. Even when Jeff crept out for sleepovers in the other guys' rooms, he carried his pajamas and changed there because the penalty for improper dress code was much more intense than sneaking out during lights out.

And wearing a uniform wasn't just pulling on a button down and throwing on a tie. No, Dalton had class. All boys were expected to be impeccably dressed, which meant your button down had to be spotless and bleached white and your tie had to be tight around your neck. And unfortunately, everything was expected to be wrinkle free.

So that left poor Jeff ironing on a Saturday morning, pulling pieces on as he finished. He was currently working with only a pair of pants, his belt, black socks, and a white undershirt –all Dalton issued, naturally. On a Saturday. He was currently trying to flatten his dress shirt and thinking quite heavily about Nick.

His roommate had left the dorm early that morning, leaving a note on the back of the door saying he had gone out for coffee with Trent. Jeff hated that. He was angry with Nick for not wanting him, and angry at Trent for stealing him away, but mostly? Jeff was just so angry with himself for letting this happen.

It was his fault completely.

God, see… he knew he wasn't good enough, but Nick being gone for him made everything seem so… hopeless. Nick meant everything to him, and seriously? Had it really been since Tuesday that they last talked? Jeff hated that, and he hated himself, and…

Shit!

Jeff hissed as the tip of the iron hit his hand. That's what he got for not paying attention. It may have also had something to do with how dizzy and how hungry he was, but Jeff was beyond used to dealing with that at this point. The skin on his finger immediately turned bright red and stung like a lot of words Jeff would probably get in trouble for shouting in such a prestigious prep school, but… gah, that hurt.

And for some reason, Jeff didn't mind.

"I miss him, Trent. I know you've officially decided that he needs to come and talk to me, but, like… I don't think he has the confidence to," Nick sighed, picking at the coffee collar around his cup, refusing to look Trent in the eye. He didn't want to see the skeptical look he knew would be there… Every time he kept something from Trent, the other boy inevitably found out. But this time, it was Jeff's secret to keep, and Nick knew he couldn't buckle under the other boy's all-knowing stare without serious consequences. Trent shifted in his chair across their tiny table.

"Look, I know…" he hesitated to speak, something so rare that it made Nick look up and take in the look of hurt on Trent's face. "I know that you guys are closer to each other than to… to me, and I know you have some… secrets going on right now, but, Nick, I still don't think that it's your turn to do anything. I feel like if he twisted your words to mean whatever he thinks they do, then he needs to work it out on his own that you still love him or whatever." Nick bit his lip.

"Trent… you know we both love you a ton, right? I mean… I'm talking about this with you." Nick looked at the other boy imploringly, this time Trent the one denying them eye contact. He rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, but you guys love each other," he said, and coughed a bit behind his hand. The other boy's expression seemed oddly genuine, and a terrible feeling of guilt passed over Nick. He could be so focused on Jeff… sometimes he just forgot about Trent. "Sue me if I feel a bit left out sometimes while you have eye-sex across the room, even when I'm sitting right next to you." Nick flushed.

"We don't have eye-sex, Trent, and could possibly say that any louder?" he hissed from across the table, narrowing his eyes but keeping his voice light, hoping his friend would still take him seriously. Trent let out a puff of air.

"You know what? Yeah, you do, Nick. Stop treating me like I'm stupid. I don't get why it's a big deal for me to know you like Jeff. If we talk about this, I don't understand why we can't talk about that, too." Nick wanted to say something biting back. He wanted to prove that he didn't love Jeff. He wanted to yell at Trent for even suggesting it, but the look on the other boy's face… and how he had already hurt two of the most important people in his life…

"You're right," he agreed, and it felt like his entire body decompressed with the admission. "I love Jeff." Trent smirked, a sad look in his usually sharp eyes.

"I knew it. So what are you gonna do?" he questioned, and Nick was thrown off.

"About him being mad at me?" he asked, and Trent smirked.

"No about your oh-so-obvious crush," he sang, and Nick could feel his entire face redden. He scratched at the back of his head. What was he going to do? Wouldn't it be wrong to try to date Jeff when his whole life was such a mess? If they didn't work out… no. Nick knew they would be fine. Maybe that just proved he was too head over heels for his own good, but Nick had a feeling they could stay together for an incredibly long time. He loved his Jelffaba. They could do anything. But that still didn't mean it was right…

"I don't know, Trent…" he breathed, suddenly feeling like in taking air was way too hard. "I don't think he's in a good enough head space for me to do anything, even if…" Trent smiled coyly.

"If you don't get your hands on him you'll die, and you can't take another day of thinking about him, but you do all the time anyway, and it's seriously time you did something about it?" he asked, and Nick felt violated, that was so close to what he was actually thinking. He scrubbed his eyes.

"It's like you're reading my mind. How would you even know that?" he asked, and Trent stood up, patting his cheek as he went to throw away his empty coffee cup.

"You're not the only one who's in love with the ridiculously oblivious, Nicholas," he said, jingling his keys in his pocket and Nick took it as a sign that he was ready to go back to school. He got up from the table, straightening out his blazer and adjusting his tie because he was a Dalton kid: perfection was expected. He felt a little uncomfortable doing it, though, under the adoring eyes of the barista's over the counter. It was a shame… any other two Dalton boys would be hitting on these girls all over –a little desperate for female attention in a school filled solely with boys- but Nick and Trent obviously weren't any other two Dalton boys.

Oh… itch. Frick, frick, frick, this hurt so bad. Jeff was squirming under the pain… he was resting the iron on his arm, shirt completely abandoned, but oh my- frick, this hurt. He dropped to his knees, refusing to move the iron away from his arm, trapping it between the hot metal and his ironing board. However, Jeff wasn't sure if he could move it if he wanted to, he was in so much pain.

Jeff had his eyes closed, unable to focus on anything but his burning skin, but when he opened them, Nick was above him. Jeff was completely confused. When had he gotten there? Why didn't his arm hurt? How had Nick gotten his iron? With some alarm, Jeff realized there were tears streaming down his face and he brought a hand to his cheeks slowly, his fingers coming away wet.

A hand slapped across his face.

"Jeff!" Nick yelped, and suddenly the blonde realized he was talking to him and had been talking to him. His face stung from where his roommate had hit him, but he was too confused and preoccupied by the immense pain in his arm to do anything about it. "Jeff, what were you thinking? Wha~" Nick was crying, and guilt washed over Jeff. He looked down at his arm, horrified by the indent the iron had left on his skin, a big red triangle of sorts.

"Nick, I…"

"No, Jeff, I… No. What are you…? Okay. Okay, just… let's go to the nurse, okay? Pull on your blazer, we're going to go, okay? Okay. Oh my… Jeff, let's just go. Just in your t-shirt; let's just go." He nodded in response and let Nick lead him away, feeling absolutely terrible. Nick was struggling to hold back sobs, and Jeff just felt… numb. He hated that Nick was crying, and he hated himself for letting it happen, and… Ugh. How hard was it to do something right for a change?

Nick was sitting in his bed, knees curled up to his chest and watching Jeff very, very carefully. The other boy was staring up at the ceiling, one arm crossed over his stomach and the other one –bandaged and intimidating looking- laid out on his bed like he was. Nick was scared. He was so thankful he hadn't come into the room a second later, but… but he wished he had never left at all.

Because Jeff had hurt himself.

You know, people talk an awful lot about cutting and self-harm, and it's not like Nick hadn't seen self inflicted scars on people or anything of the sort before, but… but there was something different there when it came to watching someone hurt themselves. Hearing a story was one thing, but… but seeing it? That made things so real, so… so scary.

And now he regretted waiting for Jeff to talk like Trent had advised him because even if neither of them had even began to think that this kind of thing would happen, it had, and that made Nick feel more guilty than anything ever could…

Jeff seemed pretty worse for the wear. The nurse had given him a long speech on nutrition after finding she had been able to wrap her hand entirely around his arm while bandaging it, saying that he was probably exercising too much without enough fuel, and that now his body was eating unhealthily at his muscle tissue. She also said lots of things about body issues, and that 15% of kids in the United States were obese, and 30% thought they were, and if Jeff ever had problems with that then he should come and see her or a counselor.

Nick didn't want Jeff to have to see a counselor.

He wanted him to be happy and healthy, and he sure as hell never wanted him to hurt himself. Nick pulled himself out of his bed and sat on the edge of Jeff's. He hadn't thought about what he wanted to say to him yet, but he did know that he couldn't stand being across the room from him for a second longer. He practically exploded from shock when Jeff spoke first.

"I'm sorry," he said, voice hoarse and Nick could tell he was one wrong word away from crying. Nick grabbed his hand, thumbing the bandages at his wrist.

"It's okay, you just… scared me. That's all." They were both speaking very quietly. Dusk had crept up on them and the room was dark, neither of them realizing the sun had gone down to the point where they needed lights on. "I hate the idea of you being hurt." Jeff turned away, kicking his feet a little uncomfortably.

"I just… I don't get why. I thought… I don't know, I thought…" A few tears leaked down Jeff's face and Nick scooted closer to him, letting his body crumble on top of the other boy's so his head was resting on the blonde's chest.

"Jeff, I hate what you've been thinking," Nick said, his own voice cracking. "I said what I said because I hate your mom, not because I don't believe in you. I hate her as much as I hate you thinking I don't love you as much as I do, and as much as I hate you not loving yourself as much as you should, and as much as I hate you not thinking you're as perfect as you are…" Nick sniffled, trying to compose himself. "Why… why would you do this to yourself?" he asked, gently running his fingers over the other boy's hurt arm. Jeff shuddered beneath him, and Nick could feel him struggling to take a breath.

"I'm so sorry, Nicky…" he only said, and Nick sat up on his elbows. He extended his hand to brush the hair out of Jeff's wet eyes.

"Why are you sorry, Jeff? What's going on?" The other boy wiped his nose on his shoulder before answering.

"I'm… I'm sorry for not being able to do anything right. I'm sorry for being so stupid, I'm sorry for hurting somebody no matter what I decide, but mostly, I'm… I'm so, so sorry for upsetting you, Nicky. I… I'm so sorry. I made you cry, and I scared you, and I feel so bad…" Nick hugged around his middle.

"Jeff… don't feel bad for any of that; you're trying so hard… I… I just want you to eat more, Jeff. That's all, okay? And you don't have to do it for me, I just… I think it's important to do for you," he told him, and Jeff looked at him a bit hopelessly.

"But my mom-"

"Is a liar, Jeff. You're perfect, you've always been perfect, and you don't need to do anything to try to prove that to her. You…" Nick was getting choked up, and he hated it. This wasn't Nick time. It was Jeff time. And right now? Jeff needed him not to be upset. "Jeff, just don't… don't take anything that comes from her out on yourself. This isn't you, Jeff. It's not you hurting yourself like this, it's her, and I can't let… I can't let her hurt you like this. You're much too important to me." Jeff was absolutely sobbing at this point.

"I'm sorry, Nickpea."

"Don't be sorry, Jeff. It's not you." Crap, now Nick was sobbing. He fisted his hands into Jeff's shirt. "It's not you; I promise. It's not… Oh gosh, Jeff. It's not." Nick struggled to take a breath. "I just need you, I need you, to… to take care of yourself. Promise me you'll try."

"I promise."

That was such a pain to write. SUCH. A. PAIN. Thank you so much for reading. Reviews would be lovely and quite inspiring.

Sorry for the crappy editing job this chapter!

Also, feel free to stop me cold if I ever go on too many weird nutrition rants. I get worked up and I know a lot, so like... With Jeff doing what he's doing I may go a bit crazy with it, and I want you to yell at me if I do!