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Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

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"So, do you think she'll like it?" Xander asked, dangling the necklace and locket from his right hand.

Buffy regarded it. "I don't know." She pointed at the heart-shaped locket. "Does she know what one of these is?"

Xander rolled his eyes. "Har de ha-ha. I get it. When are you guys ever gonna stop teasing me about dating Cordelia?"

"I'm sorry," grinned the Slayer, "but never." She patted his shoulder. "She'll like it, don't worry."

"It's just... this is my first actual Valentine with an actual girl who's an actual date," Xander rambled on. He huffed out a puff of air. "I keep thinking that I'm gonna wake up in my bed, and it's still freshman year, and I have to go to school to be pummeled by Larry."

Buffy half-smiled and said, "No, you are going on a Valentine's Day date. I just think you could find someone more... better."

Xander snorted. "Parallel universe, maybe. Here the only other person I'm interested in is unavailable."

The blonde girl got it. "Oh."

"Beside," Xander went on, "Cordy and I have been getting along. we don't fight as much. Yesterday we just sat together, not even speaking, y'know, just enjoying the comfortable silence." He frowned. "Man, that was dull."

Buffy smiled and shrugged. "Well I'm glad – almost really – that you guys are getting along. and don't stress about the present. She'll love it."

The teenage boy made a face and hunkered down. "I just wish dating was like slaying. No muss, no fuss. Simple, direct, stake to the heart-"

A vampire's hand reached up in the middle of his speech, almost grabbing him by the throat. Xander fell off his perch and rolled to the side with a yell. The vampire clambered out of his grave, a snarling demon already in the driver's seat. Buffy rushed forward and smashed two punches and a side kick that sent him staggering back a couple of paces. While Xander got to his feet, Buffy grabbed a stake from her coat and finally staked the demon.

"Sorry, Xand, but I gotta say slaying is a tad more dangerous than dating," said Buffy as she dusted herself off and pocketed her stake.

Xander grinned crookedly. "Obviously you're not dating Cordelia."

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Shirosaki lay supine on the couch, watching Ben Hur on the television. Someone came in and sat in the armchair nearby. The demon raised its head and nodded acknowledgment. "Aizen-san."

"Shirosaki," said Aizen. They watched the movie for a long while. "I always liked the chariot race."

"I love the horses," said Shirosaki. He sat up. "What is it you want, Aizen-san?"

"Hmm?"

"You called me out of Ichigo's psyche, allow me to wreak havoc in Urahara's life – which I'm very grateful for, don't get me wrong – and let me do much as I please." The demon frowned. "But why?"

Resting an elbow on the arm of his leather armchair, Aizen leaned his chin on his fingers. "You have not been told because we were not sure earlier."

"Not sure of what?"

"Come with me, Shirosaki." The dark-haired ancient vampire stood up and held a hand out. "Follow me."

The two made their way to the study. The scroll was now mounted on one wall instead of left on the floor. Aizen regarded it fondly, much as a tzar would regard the Winter Palace. He placed a reverent hand on an edge and said, "This scroll has taken me almost a hundred years to track down."

"Why did you want it?" asked Shirosaki, taking a seat.

"Because it has foretold my turning, Gin's turning, our reign in Kyoto, the fall of the Silverblue army – our army – the opening of the Kyoto Hellmouth and its closing." Aizen sighed. "If only I had this earlier."

"So you're keeping it for the prophecies that have already come true?" Shirosaki tilted its head. "I thought that would be called history."

"I want it for the coming prophecy," said Aizen. "And I want you here because you feature in that prophecy, Shirosaki."

The demon was astonished. "Me?"

"Yes, you." Aizen got up and squatted before Shirosaki. He touched its face. "You are very important to us, Shirosaki, and we need you here."

"Me?" repeated the demon. "Wh-what about me?"

Aizen smiled and sat on the arm of Shirosaki's chair, pulling the demon's head against his waist. His cold hand ran through Shirosaki's bone-white hair. "You have existed for a long time, Shirosaki, but was made corporeal by a powerful magic-user. That in itself is a remarkable history. But the body you inhabit..."

"This is about Tsukiyomi's avatar," Shirosaki said flatly. "It's about Ichigo." It pushed away from Aizen's touch and out of its armchair.

The vampire caught hold of Shirosaki's arm. "No. It's about you being able to use that power against itself. You can redirect that conduit – and devour the light. And out of everyone in the world, you are the only person who can do this."

"I don't understand," said Shirosaki.

Aizen cupped the demon's cheek and stroked its cheekbones with his thumb. "Dear Shirosaki, I have told you. It is about your abilities. It's about you, my dear demon. It's true that we need Ichigo's physical body, but without you, nothing is going to work. I need you to trust me."

"Why should I?"

With a soft laugh Aizen pressed a kiss to Shirosaki's brow. "I am not Urahara, Shirosaki."

The demon stiffened upon hearing the name.

Aizen went on, still caressing soft white hair. "I will not discard you. Look at my family. Look at how we stay together." His voice lowered and he gazed into black-gold eyes, his cold hands cupping Shirosaki's cheeks. "Stay with us, and never be lonely again."

"I'm not lonely," protested Shirosaki weakly.

Patting the demon on the head, Aizen smiled tenderly. "Trust me, Shirosaki."

Shirosaki didn't speak, but swallowed. It then leaned forward and, very tentatively, reached its arms about Aizen and hugged him.

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Cordelia jogged up the staircase and immediately saw her friends. "Hey, Harmony!" They didn't hear her, apparently, and as one headed into the school. Cordelia caught up with them. "Hi girls!"

"Oh, hey," said Harmony with a small smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"Why didn't you call me last night?" asked Cordelia. "We were supposed to discuss what we're wearing to the Valentine's dance, remember?"

Harmony shrugged. "I guess I forgot."

Cordelia almost frowned, except that would give her wrinkles. "Anyway, I'm wearing red and black so you will need to change-"

"Red and black?" Lilian interrupted with a sneer. "Is that what Xander likes?"

"Xander?" Suddenly Cordelia felt cold running through her veins. "What about Xander?"

Harmony smiled evenly. "Well, a girl wants to look good for her geek."

Lilian and Jannah tittered. Cordelia stood her ground, but her voice faltered. "Xander is just-"

"Are you two gonna start wearing cute matching outfits?" snickered Harmony. "Because we're planning to vomit." On seeing Cordelia's hurt expression, all three smirked and trotted off to class, leaving the brunette all alone.

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"Papers on my desk," Miss Hartman announced crisply at the end of class. "Anyone who goes without submitting a paper is looking at a fail grade."

Xander shook out his dogeared sheet. "No fail grade for Xander Harris today," he told his girls. "No sirree. This baby's my ticket to a sweet D-minus."

Buffy and Willow exchanged amused glances. Buffy's was neatly written, with some crossing-out, but of course Willow had to wreck the curve with a typed-out, bound assignment. Xander waited until the girls had submitted theirs when Amy Madison cut in front of him. Being a gentleman, Xander waited.

Amy only stared Miss Hartman in the eye. The teacher blinked, reached out, took a paper that wasn't there and said, "Thank you, Amy."

The girl sauntered off.

Xander passed Miss Hartman his paper and trailed after Amy. Then he frowned and looked at his teacher. "You're welcome," he remarked pointedly, but Miss Hartman was already actively ignoring him.

"Tch," muttered Xander, and caught up with Willow and Buffy. Amy was with them.

"You guys going to the Valentine's dance?" asked Amy.

The Slayer rolled her eyes and nudged Willow. "Go ahead, you know you want to say it."

The redhead looked about to burst. "My boyfriend's in the band!" she chirruped excitedly.

"Cool," said Amy, impressed.

"And now you've told everyone in the world." Buffy grinned at her best friend.

Willow beamed. "Only in the northern atmosphere."

Amy looked at the blonde girl. "What about you, Buffy?"

Buffy waved a hand. "Oh, Valentine's just a cheap gimmick to sell cards and candy and overpriced flowers."

"Hm," said Amy sympathetically. "Bad breakup, huh."

"The worst," admitted Buffy.

Amy waved them goodbye as she headed for her locker. Xander folded his arms. "I just saw Amy working some mojo on Miss Hartman," he confided.

"Heh?" asked Willow, still in 'boyfriend's in the band' mode.

Buffy was more concerned. "Amy?"

"Yep," said Xander. "She gave Miss Hartman homework that wasn't there."

"But... Amy's mother was a witch," said Willow, remembering how Amy's mother Catherine had switched bodies with her daughter last year. "She's the last person that would meddle with the occult... right?"

The Chosen One made a face. "I don't know."

"Well, maybe we should have a talk wi-"

"Buffy," Giles cut in, having appeared out of nowhere, "I need to have a word with you."

"Have a sentence even," replied Buffy perkily.

Giles paused and processed the comment. "Ah, yes, quite amusing. It's regarding Valentine's Day. If we could talk in private in the library?"

As the Slayer followed her Watcher, someone stepped in front of them. Jenny Calendar saw Buffy and half-nodded, but her attention was on Giles. "Hi, Rupert."

"Good afternoon, Miss Calendar," Giles said stiffly.

The computer science teacher reacted to the use of her last name with a tightening of her jaw. Still, she forged on. "I need to speak with you. Could I have a moment?"

"I'm sorry." Giles did not even pause to consider. "There is a matter of some import that I wish to discuss with Buffy." He led the way past the brunette, and as they passed Buffy could not help seeing the flare of regret in Jenny Calendar's eyes.

The Slayer ignored it.

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Snyder stared at Urahara and slowly enunciated, "No way."

"Principal Snyder, Ichigo has a valid excuse," said Urahara. "He's undergoing tremendous stress and almost suffered a mental breakdown. I do implore-"

"-no." The principal placed his fingers together almost delicately. "He will be retained a year when he does not return within the next week. That will teach him a lesson."

"He will pass his exams."

"His attendance is abysmal," snapped Snyder. "His association with the Summers girl is questionable. He has violent tendencies and often provokes people into fights. I think a year more of quiet reflective study would calm him down and teach him to be more accepting of his peers."

Urahara pushed out of the chair. "If I can get him back in school before the end of term?"

"Then we may discuss this issue again, Mr Urahara." Snyder started twirling a pen. "But, if I may suggest, you should watch your step too. Such solicitous... attachment to a single pupil... one might jump to certain... unsavory... conclusions."

The physics teacher stared at the diminutive but vindictive principal before snapping on his heel and storming out. He was careful not to slam the door though; politeness often irritated Snyder more than outright defiance.

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"So what's up?" asked Buffy, her perkiness lost on the journey between her locker and the library. "You okay?"

Giles pushed up his glasses. "Me? I'm fine," he replied with a ghost of a smile. "I am actually concerned about you."

"Me?"

"Yes. Ever since Angel... turned, I've been reading up on his exploits as Angelus. Learning about his predatory patterns, if you will." The librarian paced the width of the library, clearly agitated.

Buffy crossed her arms and inhaled slowly. "And?"

"There's a disturbing trend," Giles went on. Around Valentine's Day he's prone to rather brutal displays of... of what he would consider affection, I suppose."

The Chosen One felt the tension around her heart. "Such as?"

"No need to go into detail," Giles said.

"That bad, huh." Buffy breathed out again.

The Watcher licked his lips. "Suffice it to say I think it would be best if you stayed off the streets for a few nights. Urahara and I can patrol, keep our eye on things." He met her gaze. "Better safe than sorry."

Buffy managed a wry, humorless smile. "Kind of late for both."

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Kira opened the silver box and smiled happily at Shuuhei. "This is lovely," he cooed, his slender hands hovering above the ornate crucifix studded with sapphires the color of Kira's eyes. "All sparkly."

"Only the best for my lovely sire," said Shuuhei as he kissed the top of Kira's head. They lingered over the tender moment, Shuuhei enjoying Kira's gentle caresses and soft kisses even as Kira's fingers skated over brilliant blue sapphires, dancing to the pain.

The door to the den opened and Gin sauntered in with a huge grin. "Numbers, Kira darling. Isn't it a wonderful time of the year?" he drawled as he went to them both, kissing each on the cheek. "A gift for the both of you – they match, too."

"Oh?" Kira's interest was piqued.

Gin placed a pair of eyes on the side table nearest Shuuhei. "From a sweet little tot. Taishou brought the girl home last night and surprised me this morning. Hair like a fall of sunbeams, and her blood filled with the delicate taste of adrenaline." He hissed, remembering the pleasure. "Like opium."

The two younger vampires stared at the bloodied orbs. Shuuhei was the first to chuckle and turn the eyeballs such that they faced the same direction, but Kira beat him to hugging the silver-haired vampire.

"You get the neatest gifts," crooned the blond vampire.

Gin shrugged, but his ebullient mood was evident. "He knows what I like."

Kira picked up the eyes and his crucifix. "Shuu, I'm gonna get this hung and these in a champagne glass. Come with?" His smile was wicked; Shuuhei knew how Kira loved feeling the searing pain of the cross even as they defiled it.

"Later," Gin cut in. "I want to speak with Numbers privately."

Kira nodded and went to his room. Shuuhei sat down and waited for his grandsire to speak.

Gin's smile disappeared. "Nanao-chan is gone."

"I know," said Shuuhei. The older vampire leaned in and whispered in Shuuhei's ear. The dark-haired vampire nodded twice and then replied, "I understand."

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Momo licked her fingers delicately. Angelus leaned against the headboard, his eyes on how the girl-like vampire cleaned off blood from her hands. His smirk deepened as she regarded him.

"You do know how to please a girl," said Hinamori Momo with a languorous sigh. "But I'm afraid you have too many vying for your attention."

Angelus shrugged with one shoulder before reaching for his shirt and his present for Drusilla. "I believe in spreading the love, my lady."

"Really?" said the petite vampire, one pale hand on Angelus's chest. "Nothing divided by infinity is still nothing, Angelus. You have no love to spread."

The male vampire laughed and got dressed. "And you, my lady?"

"I bestow my affections where I please," said Momo primly. Then she lay back against her pillows. "Much as your Darla used to do."

There was a wince of regret. "If I had been in the driving seat then..."

"...Sunnydale would already be in flames," Momo finished. She blew Angelus a kiss. "But there is still a chance, isn't there?"

Angelus nodded and walked out of the room. Hinamori Momo's smile disappeared as she headed to the bath to soak herself free of the male's scent.

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Giles and Urahara walked stealthily through the cemetery. The physics teacher had on a dark green coat with a matching hat, a cane which hid Benihime, and a pair of clogs. It was an outfit which, upon first viewing, caused Giles to almost choke from trying not to laugh hysterically.

"Thank you for the input, Miss Wintour," Urahara had said at his driest. "This is a very comfortable outfit for patrolling, if you must know."

The two adults decided on a driving patrol and a walk-through of the cemeteries. As they were in the middle of the fifth, Urahara decided to broach a sensitive topic. "Giles."

"Yes?"

"Are you ever going to forgive Jenny?"

The Watcher was quiet for a very long moment. "On my part, I have already done so," he said at last. "It is Buffy to whom Jenny must seek forgiveness now. As long as Buffy is my Slayer, she is my first priority."

"That is as it should be," said Urahara. They walked on, footsteps nearly soundless even on the dry grass. "She has been very down lately."

"I can't say I am surprised by that."

"You can respond to her beyond pushing her away," remarked the physics teacher. "She is trying her best to offer assistance. At this point in time, it does not make sense to deny anybody's help. We need it."

Giles nodded, remembering Rukia who fell to Shirosaki recently. Kuchiki Byakuya had to immobilize Renji to get him aboard the plane back to Japan; the redhead's prints were on Rukia and the evidence was damning. It wasn't as if Renji could explain that he had been possessed by a demon at the time.

They were on the seventh cemetery when the Watcher deemed it appropriate to ask after Urahara's progress.

"There is no other way," said the younger man. He looked defeated.

"No other way at all?"

"Only the one which killed Rukia." Urahara's self-loathing was too plainly read.

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Cordelia's heart fell when her friends all turned away from her. This was unprecedented. The world must have been sucked through some hellhole and spat out this Bizarro world on which she now lived.

Or they somehow found out she was dating Xander Harris.

Siad Xander Harris was on a sofa near the back and damn he looked cute. He saw her and stood up, his hands brushing down the front of his pants. "Hey," he said with a smile.

"Your clothes," said Cordelia quietly. "You look so nice."

"I let Buffy dress me," he said. Cordelia's expression made him explain further. "Well, not physically..."

He can be so cute if he even tries. "Perfect. You just had to make this harder, didn't you?" snapped the brunette, though her heart wasn't in it. She did blame him for being not-bad-looking though; this was becoming too difficult.

"Okay. Clearly the fact that I please you visually is getting us off on the wrong foot." Xander breathed in and sighed.

"Xander-"

"Let me finish. I've been thinking a lot about us, the why and the wherefores. And, you know – once, twice. A kissy here, a kissy there." This was evidently a rehearsed speech that was deteriorating into bad-ad-lib. Xander backpedaled and went on. "You can chalk it up to hormones, but hormones can only take you so far." He paused, considered, and corrected, "Okay, really far. And maybe that's all we have here. Tawdry teen lust. But maybe not." Now he was all sincerity. "Maybe something in you sees something... special in me. And vice versa. I mean, I think I do. See something. So..."

Cordelia had to hold her breath. She had not expected this and she was hating herself for how this would end. Xander thrust a box into her hands and she opened it.

It was gorgeous, the silver heart elegant and sweet and... "Xander, thank you. It's beautiful." She looked him in the eye. "I want to break up."

Xander was stunned. "Not really the reaction I was going for."

"I'm sorry, I really am. It's jut – who are we kidding? I mean," she tried to elaborate; Harmony and the girls were looking over, "even if parts of us do see specialness – we just don't fit."

"Yeah, okay." Xander was seething now. "You know what's a good day to break up with someone? Any day besides Valentine's Day. Were you just running low on dramatic irony?"

"I didn't mean to do it like this," Cordelia said in a soft voice. She could empathize – to her own horror – and she wished she could take the words back.

Xander grabbed his coat. "Yeah,well, you did."

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Buffy burped discreetly. Cheetos and pretzels were on the coffee table, but she was too stuffed to reach anything. Joyce Summers, leaning against Buffy, was equally full and reluctant to move.

"Buffy, pass my drink?"

The Slayer did not stir. "I can't move."

"Good," said Mrs Summers. They stared as Brad Pitt came on the screen in all his yummy glory. Both Summers women smiled and both frowned when the doorbell rang. Buffy, finally acknowledging that she was the fitter of the two, got up. "I'll get it."

She went to the front door and opened it. The cold night air blew in and Buffy tightened her robe. No one was there. Suddenly her senses were on high alert. A car driving away from the neighbor's house. No rustle of leaves or branches. A dog, a small one, yapping away four houses down. A step-

The Chosen One shut the front door and ran to the back door. As she entered the kitchen she almost collided with her mother. "Mom!"

"Buffy!" exclaimed Joyce Summers. "What's the rush?"

"I-I thought I heard something behind," said Buffy.

Mrs Summers smiled. "Me too. Here. This was left on the steps at the back door."

She handed a long, narrow box to her daughter. It was matte black, with a silver ribbon and bow. Buffy took it gingerly and opened it. Inside, a small card was nestled next to a few long-stemmed roses.

"How beautiful!" Joyce Summers exclaimed. She beamed at her daughter and prudently returned to the living room.

"What's your favorite flower, Buffy?" Angel asked as they strolled back to her house from the cemetery.

The Slayer tilted her head. "You're gonna give me some?"

There was a mischievously mysterious half-smile. "Maybe."

"I like red roses," said Buffy, her arm linking through her boyfriend's. "Long-stemmed red roses."

"Why?" Angel frowned, as if contemplating something serious. "You're not that tall..."

"Hey," she scolded and lightly tapped his arm. He chuckled and pressed a kiss to her forehead, and they headed for her home before the sun came up.

The card was plain, but the calligraphy on it was elegant. Strong, flowing lines. It took some time for Buffy to read the word on the card, so caught up by her memory.

'Soon.'

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Gin waited in the back of the house. Just before the moon sank below the horizon, Hisagi Shuuhei turned up.

"You couldn't find her," Gin stated quietly.

"I've looked in all the haunts, and sent word through the underground." Shuuhei lowered his head.

Gin straightened from his slouch against the wall and walked up to Shuuhei. "I knew you wouldn't. Don't fret about that." Then he leaned in and breathed against Shuuhei's ears. "There is another job I need you to do. Tell no one, not even Aizen-sama. Especially not Kira."

"What is it?" Shuuhei whispered, masking his voice with the growing wind across the neighborhood.

"Watch Peaches carefully, and don't let her know." Gin's cheek rested briefly on Shuuhei's. "Come back to me when you find evidence of her betraying the Family."

The dark-haired vampire's eyes narrowed further. "When?"

Gin's smile was darkly innocent. "When. Not if."

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"Oh, Spike," Drusilla crooned, "it's beautiful. Sparkly."

"Glad you like it, pet," said Spike, pleased by her reaction. The ruby and diamond necklace had been hard to find.

Someone sauntered by and dropped an item onto the table with a sticky, wet plop. "Happy Valentine's, Dru," said Angelus.

Drusilla brightened and touched the human heart. Her large eyes looked up at her sire. "It's still warm," she marveled.

"I knew you'd like it," said Angelus. "I found it in a quaint little shopgirl." He leaned over Drusilla and picked up the necklace and raised an eyebrow. "Cute. Here, I'll just-"

As he prepared to fasten the necklace about Drusilla's neck, Spike rolled closer. "Leave it. I'll get it."

"Done," announced Angelus. He smirked at Spike. "I know Dru gives you pity access, but you have to admit, it's so much easier when I do things for her."

Spike seethed and snapped, "You'd do well to worry less about Dru and more about that Slayer you tramped about with."

Angelus smiled fondly and touched his mouth. "Dear Buffy... I'm still trying to decide the best way to send my regards."

"You could rip her lungs out," Spike suggested. "That might make an impression."

"It lacks poetry."

"It doesn't have to." Spike turned to Drusilla, who was watching her two men with a small, secretive smile. "What rhymes with lungs?"

"Don't worry, Spike," said Drusilla, "Angel will find his way." Her gaze returned to the heart. "In time, Angel always finds what speaks to a girl."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Morning arrived, as mornings were wont to do.

Xander Harris slumped his way down the hall, aware of titterings from a gaggle of girls when they passed him. A jock – one of Percy's gang, if he wasn't mistaken – slapped him on the back and showed him two thumbs up.

"Dude," he said with incongruous bonhomie, "way to get dumped!"

Xander retained his composure and walked on. He noticed Buffy, who looked a little worse for wear.

"Buffy!" He was glad to see her. "My bud. You would not believe the kind of day-"

"-I can't talk right now," said Buffy, a little apologetically, but still moving. "It's Angel."

Alarmed, Xander put away his own pain. "Well, do you need help?"

"It's okay," she said and pushed her way down to the library.

As the Chosen One headed for her Watcher, Xander saw Cordelia and Harmony, along with their loyal worshipers. Harmony sneered as she reached him. "Gee, Xander, maybe you should learn a second language so that more girls can reject you."

Other girls giggled, but Xander saw that Cordelia turned away.

Too little too late, Cordy.

He left the group and went down another turning. A brown-haired girl passed him and Xander suddenly stopped. He grabbed the girl and tugged her into an empty classroom.

"What are you doing?" Amy said, freeing her arm from Xander.

He was sure he sounded only that little bit of manic. "Amy! Good to see you! You're a witch."

"No I'm not," Amy protested, her voice suddenly soft. She hissed, "That was my mom, remember?"

"I'm thinking it runs in the family," he said. A humorless smile curled the edge of his lips up. "I saw you working that mojo on Miss Beakman. Maybe I should tell someone about that."

"That's not even – I never – that's so mean!"

"Blackmail is such an ugly word."

Amy frowned. "I didn't say blackmail."

"Yeah, well, I'm about to blackmail you," explained Xander, "so I thought I'd bring it up."

Resigned, the girl folded her arms. "What do you want?"

Xander Harris stepped closer. "What do I want? I want a little respect around here. I want – for once – to come out ahead. I want the Hellmouth working for me." A shadow walked by outside the door. Xander saw that it was Cordelia and his resolve firmed. "You and me, Amy... we're gonna cast a little spell."

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Aizen wasn't startled when a slender hand snaked up his leg and all the way up to his chest. He was even less surprised when lips fastened on the back of his neck.

"Taishou," murmured Gin. "Happy day after Valentine's."

"I love you too," said Aizen. He turned around and tugged his silver-haired lover into an embrace. "Where have you been?"

"Moon watching," he answered, snuggling into he customary position.

Aizen smiled. "How was the moon?"

"Big, round, white with dark spots."

"Same as always then."

"Same as always."

They lay there, enjoying the contact of their bodies. Then Gin spoke. "Peaches is gone."

"She'll be back," said Aizen. "She never liked a Valentine's which I don't spend with her."

Gin twitched a grin. He knew, which was why he always monopolized Aizen on Valentine's Day. The entire week, in fact. "Nanao's gone too."

"She does that on occasion, doesn't she?" asked Aizen. He glanced at Gin and decided not to worry him with what he found out from Ulquiorra. "Numbers hasn't found her?"

"No."

"That's a little worrying." Aizen knew he hadn't disapproved of Kira's siring of Hisagi Shuuhei because Shuuhei had been an excellent hunter when he was alive.

He hadn't been so kind with others of his children's sirings. Other than Kira, Gin once raised three others only to be unceremoniously staked when Aizen decided they were too violent or too stupid. Shuuhei had sired a girl once, but she had been so irritatingly dim that Aizen staked her himself. Momo had sired three, one of whom was Nanao and a real find; the other two were staked by Kira upon Gin's orders for inviting trouble. They went out seeking shinigami, so before they could be caught by one Kira got them. Momo had yet to forgive Kira for that, not that the blond was seeking any forgiveness.

Gin closed his eyes and pressed close. "I know."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"A love spell?"

Xander nodded grimly. "Just the basic. You know – can't eat, can't sleep, can't breathe anything but little old moi."

"That kind of thing is the hardest," said Amy. "I mean, to make someone love you for all eternity..."

"Whoa, back up." Xander raised his hands. "Who said anything about eternity? A man can only talk self-tanning lotion before his head explodes."

Amy was perplexed. "Then... I don't get it. If you don't want to be with her forever, what's the point?"

"The point is, I want her to want me. Desperately." The lanky boy's eyes darkened. "Then I can break up with her and subject her to the same hell she's putting me through."

"I don't know, Xander," Amy hesitated. "Intent has to be pure with love spells."

"Right, I intend revenge," Xander stated. "Pure as the driven snow. Now are we gonna play, or do we need to chat some more about invisible homework?"

The girl sighed. "I'll need something of hers. Something personal."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Giles was not in, so Buffy dropped the card on the book that Urahara was reading. He picked it up and looked at it. Buffy raised her eyebrows.

"Soon?" she asked. "Soon what?"

"Giles did say Angel is prone to acts of affection around Valentine's," said Urahara, carefully placing the card on the table as if it would explode.

Buffy started pacing. "Giles never held back on me until the big bad thing in the dark became my ex-honey."

Though he wouldn't say it aloud, Urahara knew the feeling. He motioned her to sit down. "Where did this come from?"

"He said it with flowers," said the Slayer. She looked haggard. "This is no time to be protective guy."

"Giles didn't want to worry you," said Urahara, but off her look he inclined his head. "I know. You can't prepare when you don't know what's coming."

She closed her eyes in resignation. Urahara decided.

"After school," he instructed, "come by the Physics laboratory. I'll fill in the details. Giles wouldn't approve, but I think you need to know."

"I do."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Shirosaki was watching movies again, this time an old B-movie classic.

"Attack of the Killer Tomatoes?" asked Grimmjow as he flopped down to join the demon. "You really are bored, aren't you?"

"I don't sleep," said Shirosaki with a sidelong glance. "What's your excuse?"

"It's day," drawled the teal-haired Panthera demon. "And I'm not a vampire."

Shirosaki snorted and focused on the show. Suddenly a sharp stab ricocheted around the inside of its head and it bent over, clutching its bone-white hair. A thin, piercing shriek emerged and the demon started thrashing about.

"Holy-" Grimmjow tried to grab hold of Shirosaki before it hurt itself but the demon threw Grimmjow off. To Grimmjow's amazement Shirosaki's eyes were turning from black-gold to the teen boy's brown one. "Shit!"

Kira and Ulquiorra ran in. Kira snarled and yanked Grimmjow away from Shirosaki. "Get away from him."

"I didn't do anything-"

"Get away from him, Grimmjow," instructed Aizen who had joined them. Ulquiorra, who held Shirosaki in his arms, let go and all of them watched as Aizen hugged the demon. The oldest vampire murmured reassurances, all the while rocking Shirosaki as a child.

Kira walked out of the room. "Grimmjow, don't get too close to Shirosaki."

"Why?" Grimmjow was confused and angry. "We sat together in the car after he killed that girl from the Shinigami. He was fine."

"It wasn't fine," Kira enunciated the pronoun. "Shirosaki was riding on adrenaline then, but I saw the change in his eyes. Just a flicker. You're one of the triggers of his change, Grimmjow. You helped to kill Ilforte."

"Ilforte's alright, he's reincarnated-"

"The boy saw you holding him down while the Ladies devoured him alive," said Ulquiorra flatly. "The boy loved Ilforte, who had pretended to be Theo, and he saw you help murder him how do you think he would react?"

The light of understanding dawned on Grimmjow. The Panthera demon seethed. "I didn't know, okay?"

"Which is why Daddy has not blamed you," said Kira. "It was only a hypothesis until now."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Shirosaki was shaking and sweating, but at least it had uncurled from his fetal position. It was now on the Italian leather sofa.

"Feel better?" asked Aizen, wiping off the damp brow.

"Yeah." Shirosaki groaned and covered its eyes. "Felt like something was trying to claw out of my brain."

Aizen smiled and placed his hand on the demon's head. "Rest well, Shirosaki."

"I'll try."

Aizen left the room and quietly closed the door. Kira straightened and Grimmjow whirled around. Ulquiorra, at Aizen's nod, entered the room to keep Shirosaki company.

"Aizen-san, I didn't know," Grimmjow started, but the vampire shook his apologies away.

"Not your fault. At least now we know." He turned to Kira. "Any chance of the boy resurfacing?"

Kira breathed out slowly. "Probably if Shirosaki gets badly injured and there's an emotional trigger nearby."

"He's not injured now."

"But Grimmjow is one of the strongest triggers here. The few others I can think of would be the Ladies themselves, and perhaps Ilforte."

Aizen frowned in contemplation. "Ulquiorra will be with him. Grimmjow, stay away from Shirosaki unless there is a large group of us, and Kira, keep studying him." He gazed at the two of them. "We must keep this demon with us."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"... in the early 1900s, Angelus nails a puppy-"

"Skip it."

"Buffy..."

"I don't have a puppy. No one I know has a puppy. Skip it."

"Fine. Two years later, he arranges for a ship to burn after it sails from harbor, knowing that the girl's brother was onboard..."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Cordelia sighed. It had been a really long day. At least Harmony and the other girls were talking to her again.

Somehow that wasn't as comforting as I thought it would be.

She caught sight of Xander heading her way. Oh lords, not now, she thought, a little panicked.

"Don't flatter yourself," said Xander. "I'm not going to make a big scene. I just want the necklace back."

"What?" Cordelia was aghast. "I thought that was a gift."

"Last night it was a gift. Today it's scrap metal. I figure I can melt it down, sell it for fillings or something."

"You're pathetic," said Cordelia.

Xander tapped his foot impatiently. "Come on. I'm not gonna add to the 'Cordelia Chase Cast-off Collection'."

"It's in my locker," the brunette said, stalling for time.

The boy shrugged. "I can wait."

Knowing that she had to return it, Cordelia huffed over to her locker and opened it. Once Xander was looking elsewhere, she unbuttoned her collar and undid the clasp. It was beautiful, and she knew he had saved up just to buy it. She took a deep breath and slammed the locker shut.

"Here," she snapped, stuffing the necklace into his hand. If she had too see it once more it would really, really hurt. "Thank God we broke up. Now I don't have to pretend I like it."

Xander glared at her and moved off. Cordelia blinked back the sting of tears that threatened to show.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The next morning, Xander sauntered over to Cordelia and her crew of Cordettes. That in itself was unsettling. Cordelia braced herself for some Xander-esque insults.

"Morning, ladies," he said with a large smile. "Some weather we've been having."

Huh? "What do you want now?" asked Cordelia. "You can't be sniffing around for more jewelry to melt, because all you ever gave me was that Walmart-looking thing."

"Is this love?" Xander's smile was quizzical. "Maybe on you it doesn't look all that different."

Cordelia's patience snapped. She pushed him back. "What is up? Are you going, like, stalker-boy on me now?"

The term recalled Xander's friend from way back last year, when Buffy first came. Both halted, and Xander withdrew. "Sorry, my mistake."

"Yeah, I'd say so."

Xander sloped off, chagrined. Cordelia turned to Harmony. "What is his deal?"

"I know," agreed the blonde. "Did he cut his hair or something? He looked halfway decent for a change."

Cordelia blinked. Huh?

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Here's another," said Urahara, thumbing through another page. "Valentine's Day... convent. Guess we can skip that. Hey Xander."

"Hi," said Buffy with a wan smile. Giles was in another seat, resolutely ignoring Buffy and Urahara. Xander took a glance at the book-strewn table and flopped into a seat.

"I have a plan," he announced. "We use me as bait."

"You mean, make Angel come after you?" asked Urahara.

Giles scoffed. "And of course you'll enjoy going over my authority to do that."

"Giles," Buffy said wearily; Xander had the feeling she had done this many times, "I told you. I asked for this. Urahara is helping me, your Slayer."

The Watcher cast them a dirty look and returned to his own research.

"Anyway, I didn't mean that," said Xander. "I mean chop me into little pieces and stick me on hooks for fish to nibble at, because that would be more fun than my life."

Urahara sensed that it was adolescent-related matters and decided to grab another batch of books on Angelus. Giles followed Urahara into the librarian's office. The two teens heard them arguing over something inside the room.

Buffy leaned forward. "I heard about you and Cordy. It's her loss."

"Not the popular theory."

The blonde ran her hand through her hair and gazed at her friend. "You know what I'd like? Why don't you and I go do something tonight. Just us."

"Really?" Xander discreetly pinches the flesh on the back of his hand. Yes, he was awake.

"Yeah," said the Slayer with a warm smile. "We can comfort each other."

"Would lap dancing enter into this scenario at all? I find that really comforting," Xander cracked.

Buffy tilted her head and the smile curved sensually. "Play your cards right..."

This was becoming Twilight Zone strange. "Uh, you do know I'm Xander, right?" the boy asked.

"I don't know... I heard you and Cordy broke up, I was surprised how glad I was," said Buffy. She was sitting very close now. There was a sincerity in her gaze. "It's funny how you can see a person every day and not really see them, you know."

Xander tried to keep his mind level. "It's funny. And it's just getting funnier."

"When you think about it," Buffy went on, still gazing into Xander's eyes, "we make a lot of sense."

The doors opened and Amy came in. "Xander. Can I talk to you for a minute."

"Yeah, okay," he said, tearing his eyes off Buffy. Then he looked at his friend again and said, "Hold that thought. Tightly."

Outside the library, Amy fiddled with her buttons. Xander kept looking through the circular windows into the room at Buffy.

"Xander, I don't think the spell worked out right," said Amy.

"We bombed, yeah. No biggie." Urahara had returned to speak with Buffy, but the Slayer was looking at – looking at! - Xander instead.

Amy ploughed on. "We can try again. I'm still pretty new at this."

Xander shrugged. "It's okay. You know what? It was wrong to meddle with the forces of darkness and I see that now. I think we've all grown. I gotta go." Buffy was blatantly staring at Xander now and ignoring Urahara.

"Well," Amy said, "we don't have to cast any spells. We could just hang out."

"Sure." Then his brain caught up with his ears. "What?"

"I really liked spending time with you," said Amy, looking up at Xander. "You're so sweet. It's funny how you can see a person every day and-"

"-and not really see them?" Xander finished, his expression draining.

"Yes!"

Another girl walked by. "Xander?" she said. Xander remembered she was called Katie.

The boy was rattled now. "What?"

She was quite attractive and clearly smitten. "You're in Mr Baird's history class, right? I thought maybe we could study together tonight."

Amy glared at Katie. "Do you mind? We were talking."

"I... really have to leave right now," said Xander.

Katie held out a slip of paper. "Here's my number if you want to-"

He walked, returned, took it and took off.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Ulquiorra was sitting in the armchair when Shirosaki woke up. Somehow the demon had dozed off.

"I thought you did not need to sleep." The half-Klaardis demon's tone was cool and clipped.

"I thought so too," said Shirosaki. "Guess I thought wrong."

Ulquiorra tilted his head. "Do you dream?"

"No."

"Then what happens in your sleep?"

Shirosaki closed its eyes. "I don't know. I recover my strength, I suppose." It exhaled through its mouth. "I don't know." The demon curled up on the sofa again, its gold-and-black eyes staring at the gray television monitor dully.

Ulquiorra sighed and moved over to the sofa. Startled, Shirosaki scrambled up, but Ulquiorra merely seated himself next to the demon and patted his lap. "Place your head here," Ulquiorra Schiffer ordered.

Shirosaki's brows met, but soon the demon smiled and lay down, its head of white hair on the half-Klaardis's thighs. Much to both of their surprise, Ulquiorra began running his fingers through soft dead-white hair.

Lulled by the soothing motion, Shirosaki drifted to sleep again.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Xander burst into the room and slammed the door. Leaning on it, he caught his breath. If it were not so scary, he might have taken up Buffy's offer. Just for security's sake, Xander locked his door, and then fell onto his bed.

"Surprise!!"

The dark-haired teen rolled frantically out of bed. "Willow!"

Willow was beaming at Xander. "Sorry. I wanted to surprise you," she said, her eyes luminous with earnest intent. She was dressed in a shirt and, to Xander's fascinated horror, apparently not much else.

"Very good job, high marks," he blathered, desperately avoiding looking at Willow's legs.

"Don't be so jumpy. I've been in your bed before."

"Yes," agreed Xander, backing away to the door, "but we were in footie pajamas."

The redheaded girl shifted, her manner more and more sweetly predatory. Xander calmed his racing heartbeat; this was Willow.

"Xand, I've been thinking," she began, and Xander cut her off.

"Will, I think I know what you're thinking, but this is all my fault." He swallowed. "I cast a spell and it sort of backfired-"

"-how long have we been friends?" Willow asked, ignoring his rambling.

Xander backed against the door as much as he could. "A long, long time. Too long to do anything to change anything now."

"But friendships always change," argued Willow. "People grow apart. They grow closer."

"This is good," Xander blurted. "How close we are now? I feel very comfortable with this amount of closeness. In fact-" he opened the door and stepped into the hall "- I could even back up a few paces and still be happy... See?"

Willow tilted her head coyly. "I want you, Xander. To be my first-"

"Baseman?" Xander interrupted weakly. "Please tell me we're playing baseball."

The slender redhead sidled forward. She placed her hands on Xander's chest and slid them up, her smile mature and sensual but her gaze still innocently Willow.

"That's... dry clean only," Xander murmured, trying his best to keep his mind on track.

"Shh... we both know it's right." Willow tried to kiss her friend but Xander turned away.

He gulped again. "It's not that I don't find you sexy-"

"Is it Oz?" asked Willow. She smiled tenderly. "Don't worry. He's sweet – but he's not you." She latched onto his ear and started to nibble on it, sending thrills down Xander's spine and his guilt-o-meter shooting through the stratosphere.

He shook her free. "Yes he is! And you should go to him. Because he's me."

Undeterred, Willow leaned in. The tall boy pushed her away. "Willow, don't make me use force."

The smile Xander saw on Willow's face tripled his guilt. "Mm, force is okay."

"That's it. This has all gotta stop." Xander pushed Willow away again. "It's time for me to act like a man. And hide."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Awwww.... that is just so doggone sweet!"

Shirosaki snarled before it recognized the voice. When it opened its eyes, it saw Gin and Aizen observing it. They were sideways, their heads pointing to the wall on its left. With a start Shirosaki understood that it was lying down, and its pillow had been Ulquiorra Schiffer's thighs.

It sat up, feeling the burn on its cheeks and hating that it could have such reactions. Ulquiorra himself was alert and impassive.

"Are you rested now?" he asked Shirosaki.

"I guess," said the demon. "I don't feel much different."

Aizen sat down next to it. "You may not have needed rest, but you are inhabiting a human host. Ichigo's body needed to rest. I suspect you will find that you need sleep just like all of us."

Gin knelt in front of Shirosaki. "You don't have to afraid of sleep, my darling Shiro-chan," said Gin.

"Wh-who said I'm afraid?"

"I'm a clever person." Gin tapped the demon's nose with affection. "You came from the nothingness between reality and unreality. I suppose losing consciousness feels the same as losing your hold on physicality."

Shirosaki was silent. It bowed its head, its fingers clasped together. Eventually the other three men heard it whisper, "I don't wanna go back to that. Never again."

Aizen stroked soft white hair. "Never again, Shirosaki."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Cordelia saw her friends and rushed up to them. "Hi girls." As one all of them turned from her. The brunette was confused and angry. "Wait up!"

"What is it you want?" snarled Harmony, turning around to glare at her best friend.

"Okay, what have I done now?" asked Cordelia. "Wear red and purple together?"

Ambrosia sneered, "You know very well what you've done!"

"Only a sick, demented puppy-hater would have let Xander go," Harmony elaborated when they registered Cordelia's utter bemusement. On the blonde's signal, all the girls swiveled about and marched off, leaving Cordelia Chase all by herself at the school entrance.

Cordelia raised her eyes heavenwards. "What does it take to make you guys happy?"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Giles, I'm in trouble."

Giles looked up at Xander and raised an eyebrow. "And a good morning to you too."

"Giles, no time for dry British wit. It's me. Throwing myself at your mercy," said Xander, his eyes wide and sincere and panicked.

The Watcher pushed his chair back. "What? Why?"

Xander took a deep breath and began firing off his words. "I made a mess. See I found out that Amy's into witchcraft, and I was hurting after the breakup, so I made Amy cast a love whammy on Cordelia, but instead of affecting her and her only, now ALL the women in Sunnydale wants to make me their monkey. Which sounds great on paper, but-"

"All right, I don't care if you have to physically throw me out of here, but we need to talk," said Jenny Calendar as she strode into the library, cutting Xander off.

Xander gulped and backed away as much as he could.

Jenny planted her hands on her slim hips. "Rupert, we need to talk. I just want to tell you that I am extremely sorry and I need to help. Pushing me away isn't helping you or your cause – hi Xander – and frankly I care too much about you to... Xander, have you been working out?"

The teenage boy tried to smile. The teacher had been running her hands over his arms throughout the duration of her speech and that was raising goosebumps all over his skin, and not in a good way at all.

"I can't believe you'd be fool enough to do this," said the librarian, pulling Jenny away from Xander.

"Oh no," Xander clarified, "I'm twice the fool it takes to do something like this."

"Have you tried to get Amy to undo the spell?"

Xander threw up his hands. "I get near her and all she wants is to talk honeymoon plans."

Jenny tried to sidle past Giles. "Maybe I should talk to Xander alone."

"Do you have any idea how serious this is?" said Giles, whipping off his glasses. He glared at the errant young man. "People under the influence of love spells are deadly, Xander. They lose all capacity to reason. And if what you say is true, and the whole female population is affected...Xander, stay. I'll find Amy and see if we can stop this thing."

Giles steered Jenny out of the library as fast as he could, especially since she was dragging her feet about leaving the library.

Xander let his head fall back and he stared out the ceiling skylight. He knew he had been stupid. He just wanted Cordelia to understand what he was going through. But knowing the Hellmouth way better than most of the student population, Xander should never have expected the Hellmouth to work for him.

He hopped out of his seat and pushed the heavy card catalog cabinet against the doors. That ought to stop the girls for a while and he could hide in this place until Giles figure out a way to stop the madness.

He hoped the book guy could get things done.

The doors opened outwards and the Slayer walked around the catalog.

"Hello Xander." Buffy was clad in only a raincoat. "Alone at last."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The sunlight was bothersome. Kira knelt before a simple wooden cross, forehead to the floor, his bloody hands splayed before him in supplication.

"I know you're watching," he stated and leaped to his feet. "Don't even think about sneaking up on me."

Hinamori Momo smiled thinly. "I wouldn't dare."

"Why are you here at my personal church?"

"Because it's a filthy, hypocritical place that stinks of falsehood," replied Momo. She glanced around. "Look around, Kira. Crosses and crucifixes... I know you were turned in a church, but isn't this overdoing it?"

Kira grinned and licked the blood off his fingers. "I renew my vows every time I step in here, Peaches. I come in here, knowing I am damned... I prostrate myself, because I know he has no mercy and no power. I'm just waiting to see when he burns me from the inside out." He looked around at his collection of religious symbols. "Everything here burns me, but from the outside in. His power is constrained to these pathetic pieces of wood, and silver, and gold, and bone..."

Kira tilted his head and ran his hands lovingly over a silver crucifix.

Momo almost smiled. "Does that make you feel good? That he has no power?"

"Oh yes," murmured Kira. "He thinks he's powerful, but is in reality entirely powerless. It's such a turn on."

"You're a big fan of power then, Kira-kun."

"Why else would I have stayed by Father and Daddy's side all these years?" Kira smirked. "Shuu is more than enough to satisfy my carnal desires, but I need Daddy to light my way spiritually."

Momo chuckled. "You are a very odd vampire, Kira."

Kira leaned in to whisper at her ear. "You are playing a very dangerous game, Peaches. I think... you had better end it with Angelus right now." He pulled away slightly. "Father knows, and he's not too happy."

The girl's smile disappeared. "I would never have gone to that sorry excuse of a vampire if not for Gin taking my place!"

"And you still cannot understand that Daddy is the only one for Father?" Kira' laugh was light and deceptively clear. "Can't say I didn't warn you, Peaches."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Xander backed away as Buffy approached. "Buffy, for the love of God, don't open that rain coat."

The Slayer smiled and caught her lower lip with her teeth mischievously. "Come on, it's a party. Aren't you gonna open your present?"

"Not that I don't want to," Xander explained. "Sometimes the remote, impossible possibility that you might like me was all that sustained me... but not now, not like this. This isn't real to you. You're only here because of a spell. I mean, if I thought you had one clue what it would mean to me... But you don't, so I can't."

Buffy's expression hardened. "So this is all a game to you?"

"Game? No!"

"You make me feel this way and then reject me?" Buffy pressed on, her fury mounting. "What am I, a toy?"

"No! God, no!" Xander wished fervently that he had some way of getting his friend to comprehend. "Buffy, please, calm down."

"I'll calm down when you explain yourself!"

Just when it appeared that Buffy was about to hit Xander, the doors swung open again. Amy strode in angrily. "Get away from him. He's mine."

Seething, Buffy turned on Amy. "I don't think so. Xander? Tell her."

"What?"

"He doesn't have to say anything. I know what his heart wants." Amy moved towards Xander but was stopped by Buffy.

"Funny," commented the blonde, "I know what your face wants." She punched Amy across the face and sent her flying.

Amy crashed into the magazine rack. Xander hurried down from the stairs to check on the brunette witch, but Buffy stopped him with a smack to his chest. Xanedr fell backwards.

"What is this? You're cheating on me?" she snarled.

Oh boy. Giles sure wasn't kidding about the irrational part. Xander scrambled backwards out of the Chosen One's way.

Amy rose from the wreck, her eyes dark and blood running from her nose. "Goddess Hecate hear my will... before thee let the unclean thing crawl!!"

There was a flash of blue-white lightning and a strong odor of ozone, and the raincoat that had been housing Buffy's delectable body collapsed to the ground. Xander's eyes widened. "You-you killed her!" He grabbed Amy by her arms. "You KILLED her!"

Suddenly a small shape darted out of a sleeve. A rat scrambled to the safety of the wall. Both Xander and Amy stared at it, but Amy soon returned her attention to the boy.

"Now that she's out of the way..." Amy leaned in to kiss Xander.

Xander pushed her away. "Can we focus here, please? You just turned Buffy into a rat!"

"Good lord, what happened?" Giles entered, Jenny Calendar in tow.

"She turned Buffy into a rat," said Xander. "We're not going anywhere until you turn her back."

"Why is she here?" asked Amy, glaring at the other woman.

Jenny strode forward and took Xander's left arm. "You heard him. Undo your magic trick and get lost."

Amy bared her teeth. "Who made you Queen of the world? I mean, sure you're old enough-"

"What can I say?" sneered Jenny. "Xander's too much man for the pimple squad."

The teenage girl fumed and her eyes darkened again. "Goddess Hecate to you I pray-mmph!"

"Will you quit it with the Hecate?" Xander shouted, his hand clamped over Amy's mouth. Her eyes returned to normal. Xander dragged Amy over with him and passed her to Giles. "No more talky for this one."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Cordelia shut her locker. It had been unbelievable. And now it was even more surreal. Harmony and the rest of the clique, along with the other girls and women in the school. Cordelia was exasperated. "Okay, what now? You don't like my locker combo?"

"It's not right." Harmony stepped closer. "You never loved him. You just used him. You make me sick."

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Harmony, if you need to borrow my Midol, just ask."

To her shock, Harmony slapped Cordelia's face. Then the blonde shoved the brunette against the lockers.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Giles pushed his sleeves up. "We have to trap the Buffy-rat."

"Good Buffy," Xander followed the rat, trying to catch it. The library doors opened again and Oz strode in, moved to Xander and punched him in the face.

The rat escaped.

Oz examined his hand. "That kinda hurt."

"Kinda?" Xander shouted, one hand to his left eye. "What was that for?"

"I was on the phone last night, listening to Willow cry about you. I don't know exactly what happened, but I was left with the very strong urge to hit you."

Okay, kinda justified. "I didn't touch her, I swear-"

"Xander," interrupted Giles coldly. "Where did Buffy go?"

The Watcher got to his knees and joined Xander in searching. The females glared at each other. Oz was puzzled.

Xander noticed the bemusement. "Amy turned Buffy into a rat," he explained.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Urahara was on his way to the library when he saw a rat run past.

"Huh," he commented, "guess the school basements are flooded."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"If anything happens to her, I'll..." Giles was too angry for words. "Just – go home. Lock yourself away. You're only going to cause more trouble here. Amy, Jenny and I will work on breaking the spells... Urahara."

"Hi," said the physics teacher. He noted the tense atmosphere. "Um, bad time?"

"Oz, if you could help us to find Buffy..." The musician nodded and jogged off.

Urahara frowned. "Why are we looking for her?"

"She's a rat right now." Jenny Calendar raised a superior eyebrow at Amy. "Courtesy of this amateur."

Xander shuffled his feet. "Giles-"

"Go. Get out of my sight."

Urahara patted the teen's shoulder. "We can talk later, if you want," said Urahara kindly. "Stay out of trouble, hmm?"

Xander managed a valiant smile. "Trying."

Giles sighed. "Urahara, would you be familiar with love spells?"

"I wouldn't say familiar, but I do have a general understanding of how they work."

"Then please find a way to break the spell on all the crazed females in Sunnydale." The Watcher looked at Amy. "Tell him which spell you used, and he'll undo it."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

As Xander ran down the hall he noticed a cluster of girls at the lockers. Some of the sounds from the gang were violent. Xander rolled his eyes. I just have to play the goddamn hero.

"You thought you could do better? Is that it?" shrieked Harmony, pulling on Cordelia's hair.

The poor girl tried to shield herself. "No! No, I, no..."

"We'll knock that snotty attitude right out of you!" screamed a girl with mousy brown hair.

Xander pushed his way in, grabbed Cordelia's hand and pulled her out of the mob. The girls, now recognizing that it was Xander, started shrieking and running after him.

"Xander, stop! I love you!" yelled Harmony.

Another woman, a huge cafeteria lady, beamed at Xander. The boy took a single look and ran the other way.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"You must have botched the ritual so that Cordelia's necklace protected her from the spell," said Urahara as he examined the spell book. "Anyway, you shouldn't have called on Diana. The relevant deity was Aphrodite or Venus."

"Why did you send Xander away?" whined Amy. Both men exchanged an irritated glance. "He needs me."

"That's a laugh," Jenny sniped.

"He loves me. We looked into each other's souls."

Jenny cocked her head. "No one can love two persons at once. What we have is real."

"Instead of making me ill-"

"-and me-"

"-why doesn't one of you try to help?" snapped Giles, ignoring Urahara's interjection. "It's not love you're feeling, either of you! It's obsession! Selfish, banal obsession. Xander has put himself in danger and if you cared about him you'd be helping me save him instead of yakking on about your feelings!"

Urahara nodded. "Hear, hear." He scowled. "I'm gonna need hemlock."

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Xander and Cordelia rounded a corner. The boy appeared relieved. "I think we lost them."

"No we haven't." Cordelia stopped dead in her tracks.

The mob was even larger now. Willow led them, and she was holding an ax. And she was weeping. "I should've known I'd find you with her!" she screamed.

"Will," Xander began, "come on. You don't want to hurt me."

"Oh no?" the redheaded girl shifted her grip. "You have no idea what this is like for me. I love you so much. I'd rather see you dead than with that bitch!"

She started for the couple but was tackled by a blonde girl. Harmony tried to wrest the ax from Willow's hands. Xander and Cordelia ran for it.

After another block or so, he risked a glance over his shoulder. "Now I think we really lost them."

"Dammit, Xander," huffed Cordelia. Her eyes were wide with fear. "Who died and made you Elvis?"

"That's Buffy's place. Let's get inside." Xander directed his ex-girlfriend to the house.

Joyce Summers was surprised by their visit. "Xander? Cordelia?"

"Hi Mrs Summers," said Xander.

"What happened? Why are you all scratched up? Where's Buffy?"

Xander shrugged awkwardly. "She's... around."

"Well." Mrs Summers sat them down. "Sit down and tell me all about it." She examined the scratches on Cordelia's arms. "Maybe you should go upstairs and get some bandages out of the bathroom?"

Cordelia took off. Joyce sighed and smiled at Xander. Her smile deepened slightly.

"Let me get you something to drink!" she suggested brightly. "Are you in the mood for cold or hot?"

"I... uh-"

"I think it's more of a... hot night, don't you?" she practically purred.

That's it. I give up. Xander dropped his head to the table. "Whatever."

"You're so tense," remarked the older woman. She started to knead his shoulders. Xander could just about feel her breath on his neck when he heard Cordelia's voice.

"What are you doing!? Make me yak!"

The voice of angels, Cordy. Thanks.

Joyce Summers regarded the girl coolly. "Go back upstairs, Cordelia. This is between us."

"Gross," Cordelia declared. "I think not."

Running from the stairs, Cordelia grabbed Joyce and pushed her away from Xander and out the back door. "Keep your mom-aged mitts off my boyfriend!" A thought. "FORMER!"

She whirled around to stare at Xander. "Why has everybody gone insane?" she demanded.

"Insane?" Xander was ticked off. "It's impossible for you to imagine that other women find me attractive?"

"The only way you could get girls to like you is through witchcraft!"

"That is such a-" Xander swallowed his retort. "Well, yeah, okay. Good point."

A rock shattered the back door glass. "Xander? Honey? Let Joycie in!"

The two teenagers bolted upstairs to Buffy's room. Xander ran to the window and opened it to look down the street. "Good. The mob hasn't found us. We should be safer up here-"

"In theory." A hand reached in and dragged Xander through the window, throwing him to the grass below.

Angelus leaped down with a cat's grace. Cordelia didn't waste time screaming from upstairs. The vampire leaned in. "Where's Buffy?"

"No idea," wheezed the boy.

"Perfect. I wanted to do something special for Buffy – actually, to Buffy – but this is so much better." Angelus circled the prone boy. Xander kicked out and hit Angelus's knee, but the vampire backhanded him and sent him sprawling into the bushes. Angelus yanked the boy's head up, exposing his neck.

"If it's any consolation," said Angelus in a quiet voice, "I feel very close to you right now."

Somebody slammed a fist into the side of Angelus's face, freeing Xander from his clutches.

"Man, Buffy, your timing doesn't suck-" Xander's words died in his throat. It wasn't Buffy.

A petite Asian girl stood in front of Xander. A willowy brunette was behind Angelus, poised to fight.

The Asian girl transformed into vamp face. "You will not hurt this beautiful boy," she said.

"Nor the golden lilies that crowns him," trilled Drusilla, edging about in a loose circle.

Angelus blinked with incredulity. "For this?"

"Don't fret, kitten," cooed Drusilla. "Mommy's here."

"He's not for the likes of you, stripling," warned the petite Asian vampire. "He's mine."

"I don't know what both of you are up to, Dru, Momo, but it doesn't amuse." Angelus was seething, his lip curled.

Xander could feel his blood curdling from abject terror. Now he understood what it meant by frying pan and fire.

The girl called Momo smiled daintily. "Just because we've found ourselves a real man..."

"... and daddy isn't pleased that we've grown up..."

Angelus raised both brows. "A real man? I guess I really did drive you crazy." He scowled at Momo. "Not so sure about you." He faded into the shadows.

As one, the two vampire women turned to Xander. Drusilla ran her hands over his face, her icy cold palm sending little shudders creeping over Xander's skin. "Your face is a poem," she crooned softly. "I can read it."

"Really?" Xander couldn't help the faint quiver in his voice. "Does it by any chance say spare me?"

"Hush, my lovely," said Momo, her small hands dancing up his shirt. "How do you feel about eternal life?"

Xander panicked. "Don't you think we should start with coffee? A movie, maybe?"

Momo bent her fangs to him and was shoved away by Drusilla. The taller brunette snarled. "Mine."

"I am your elder," said Momo, "you should cede your chance-"

The shouts of a mob cut across their disagreement. Xander scurried away from the vampires, ignoring the yells from Harmony and Willow and a gaggle of dozens of girls. He managed to scramble inside where Cordelia was.

"There he is!"

"Get them!"

Willow's ax thudded into the Summer's front door. "All you had to do was love me!" screamed Willow.

Cordelia grabbed Xander's hand. "We should head elsewhere."

The doors, both front and back, were ripped off their hinges. The front door assault was led by Momo, the back by Drusilla, and neither appeared to have given up. However they were left stuck outside the entryway while the other girls surged in.

Xander and Cordelia escaped into the basement. The girls flooded towards them and tried to tear that door open too.

Angelus materialized again. "Guess you're not invited, Dru."

Realizing the same at the front door, Momo bared her fangs and shrieked.

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"Why is it that every time I'm with you, somebody tries to kill me? Does it seem as if I needed more reasons not to date you?" Cordelia demanded. The door was locked and they had shoved a few larger items against it. The brunette cheerleader tried to catch her breath. "So what do we do now? Wait for Buffy to come home?"

"I wouldn't hold my breath." Xander pushed against the large chair he had wedged over the door.

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Oz whistled his tune softly. Ben, the two of us need look no more... We both found what we were looking for...

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"Xander? Xander it's okay, it's just me..." That was Katie's voice, Xander thought. Then the pounding started. "Xander! OPEN THE DOOR!!"

"Give me another nail," Xander ordered as he hammered another plank into place.

"If we die in here," threatened Cordelia, "I'm gonna kick your ass! I mean it!"

His patience at its end, Xander snapped, "Everything would have been fine if you hadn't broken up with me! But no, you're so desperate to be popular!"

"Me? I'm not the one who embraced the black arts just to get girls to like me!" Cordelia handed him another nail. "Congrats, it worked!!"

Xander slammed the last nail in place. "It would have worked fine, except your hide's so think, not even magic could penetrate it!!"

Cordelia was taken aback. "You mean, the spell was for me?"

A knife stabbed through the door and right in front of Cordelia's eyes. They two hurried away from the door.

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Oz was thinking about heading to the other side of the boiler room when a movement caught his eye. He headed for it.

There was a sudden burst of smoke and a very nude Buffy was standing before him. Oz caught a split-second glimpse before he lowered his flashlight. "Hi Buffy."

"Hi." Buffy crossed her arms over her chest. "Um, I seem to have a slight case of nudity here."

"I'll get you something," he said. "Uh, don't go anywhere."

The Slayer glanced about with a weak smile. "Really not a problem."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The mob of women swarmed in, their hands reaching wildly for Xander and Cordelia. The boy shielded Cordelia as much as he could while crazed hands pawed at him and tried to grab hold of him.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Urahara sprinkled crushed hemlock root over the symbol on the floor. "Goddess of love begone! Hear no more your siren's song!" He tossed in a necklace.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Everyone stopped and stepped back. Xander had thrown his arm over Cordelia.

Joyce shook her head, as if to clear it of cobwebs. "What – what did we...?"

"Boy!" Cordelia exclaimed cheerfully. "That was the best scavenger hunt ever!"

She beamed at all the women in the room.

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"Scavenger hunt?" Urahara raised both eyebrows.

Buffy snorted. "That was the best you could come up with?"

"Well, they seemed to buy it," said Xander.

"So she says." Urahara caught sight of Jenny and bade goodbye to the teenagers.

"I think she's just so wigged at hitting on one of my friends that she's repressing," Buffy added blithely. "I should probably worry."

"Well," Xander sighed. "I'm back to being incredibly unpopular."

"It's better than everyone trying to Jack Torrance you, right?"

Xander looked at his feet. "Mostly. But Willow won't even talk to me."

The Slayer's voice became very gentle. "Any reason she should?"

The lanky boy chewed on his lips. "How long am I supposed to grovel?"

"A month, at least." Buffy linked her hands behind her back. "She loved you before you invoked the great roofie spirit, so it must have been worse for her than anyone."

"You remember, huh."

"Oh yeah. I remember coming on to you. I remember begging you to undress me. And then a sudden craving for cheese." She smiled at her friend. "I also remember that you didn't."

Xander was confused. "Need cheese?"

"Undress me." Buffy half-shrugged. "It meant a lot to me, what you said."

"I would never take advantage of you like that," said Xander, his gaze serious. Then he rubbed his nose. "Okay, it was touch and go for a minute there, but-"

"-you came through." Buffy patted him on the shoulder. "There may be hope for you yet."

Xander sighed again. "Tell that to Cordelia."

Cordelia was chatting with Harmony, who boasted of receiving a call from a popular boy. Cordelia grinned. "That's so huge!"

"I know! He's just gonna ask these two other girls first and if they refuse – watch it!"

They had collided with Xander. The boy's gaze met Cordelia's hazel eyes and dropped. "Sorry."

Cordelia looked down as well.

Harmony huffed. "Excuse me, who asked you to share our oxygen? God."

Xander inhaled and started off. Harmony, intent on getting in one more shot, called after him, "I'm glad your mom stopped working the drive through long enough to dress you."

There was no pause in Xander's step.

"That reminds me," Harmony said, coming back to Cordelia, "did you see Jennifer's backpack? It's trying to be-"

"Harmony, shut up."

Cordelia's voice carried. Xander stopped, as did everyone, and turned to look at Queen C.

Cordelia stared at her best friend. "You know what you are, Harmony? You're a sheep."

"I'm not a sheep," protested Harmony.

"You're a sheep. Sweaters are made from your woolly coat." She strode over to Xander and turned to face Harmony. "All you ever do is what everyone else does, so you can say you did it first. And here I am, scrambling for your approval, when I'm way cooler than you are because I'm not a sheep! I do what I want, I wear what I want, and you know what? I'll date whoever I want to date!" Then she breathed in and put in, "No matter how lame he is!"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Watching from the courtyard, Urahara and Jenny wanted to applaud Cordelia's speech. When the couple had moved out of sight, the physics teacher touched Jenny's shoulder.

"Hey. You better? No more Xander-groupie?"

"Yeah." Jenny blushed. "Glad that turned out okay for everyone."

Urahara stuck his hands in his pockets. "Listen. I know these past few weeks has been hell on you as well as he. And I'm glad you're trying to make amends. But you have to give him something so he can forgive you."

Jenny Calendar was lost. "Like what? I don't know how to help, Urahara, when I don't know what they need."

"What was the last thing Buffy asked you to do?"

"To get lost."

"No, the last thing before that last thing."

Jenny breathed out heavily. "I guess, um..." She raised her clear eyes to Urahara's gray ones. "To re-ensoul Angel."

"You have any clue how to do that?" asked Urahara.

"I may... I may have a copy of the text... It's in an archaic form of Romanian, or maybe another language. I should have worked on that!" Despite the self-berating, there was a hope in Jenny's face. "Thank you!"

Urahara hugged the slim techno-pagan lightly. "You're welcome."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Aizen and Gin faced the screen.

"No sign of her yet?"

"No Lord Aizen," replied Stark. "Our finders' range is generally limited to Los Angeles area, but even with driving out to Sunnydale we have caught no glimmer."

Aizen propped his chin up with a fist. "Is she dead?"

"Seers say no, but they cannot see what happened to her – there is a shield about her."

"I see." Aizen closed his eyes. "Tell me more when you have news."

"Certainly, Lord Aizen."

Gin linked his thin fingers over his belly. "Taishou."

"Kitsune, tell Grimmjow to prepare the Red Room. We might need it soon."

"He should be pleased with that instruction," answered Gin. "We haven't used one in... a century, almost."

Aizen risked a faint smirk. "If what we think is true, then Kira would be ecstatic as well."

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