A/N: Sorry for the slight delay - this chapter's a little shorter. We'll see where it goes from here. Not sure how long I want it to be. Anyway - thoughts?

Chapter length: 3220

Onward!

Chapter Nine: Dreams and Memories

Dorian had always been interested in men instead of women – he couldn't handle all the easy curves and soft lumps and preferred something more solid beneath his grasp. When he was just becoming a teenager and his preference became noticeable, he had a lot of… dreams. Several of them, centered around boys his age and random thoughts of fancy. When his first desire demon came to him at the age of fifteen he wasn't sure what to make of it. He had been warned against such creatures, but to actually see one in his dream was baffling. The demon came in the guise of a friend, a peer at the Circle where he trained, who often joked with Dorian when they could get away with it.

Dorian realized it was a dream – and a rather raunchy one at that – the minute the boy agreed to do as he wished. The moment they climbed into bed together he knew it was a dream, because there was no foreboding sense of worry that his father might catch them – that anyone might catch them. After that it became easy to notice the slight changes which made the dream enjoyable, little changes which weren't present in reality.

As a teenager he was haunted with dreams filled with demons and random fancies he had. At one point he stopped enjoying them altogether – it was never as good as the real thing, and sometimes it was a little too tempting when those demons got it right.

Dorian realized he had a problem when the demon looking back at him wore Callum's face.

Everything about him was perfect, right down to the slightest dimple along the right side of his mouth when he smirked. The long eyelashes, copper-green eyes, shorter frame, sandy hair too shaggy to truly be tamed… it was all perfect. It was Callum.

Except for one minor detail:

Callum would never look at me like that.

Which was truly a pity. Callum looked quite nice with his tongue playing on his lips like that, suggestively as he beckoned Dorian closer. The problem wasn't that he was being visited by a demon – he was a mage, after all, and demons were fond of tempting them toward the 'dark side', as it were – but that it was Callum.

Up until that moment Dorian had been perfectly comfortable in the knowledge they were just friends, and that was all he wanted from the rogue. This dream proved otherwise. The lust demon was very good at its job – Callum looked so good it hurt.

It's been a while, he tried to reason with himself, but it was hard to think when Callum kept smiling at him like that. This will pass. Don't worry. It'll pass like it always does.

He had been alone, physically, for a while. It was bound to happen sooner or later, and Callum was a dear friend. The best friend Dorian had ever had. Even Felix wouldn't have stuck up for him like Callum did, Dorian was sure. Felix was a good friend but even he had limits. Facing off against those Templars, Dorian wondered if Felix would have stuck around to help him, to fight for him, or if he would have used Dorian's fate as a distraction.

Felix was a good person. Alexius was a good man. They were a good family. He couldn't picture Felix just leaving him there. And yet…

Felix never stood up for him in Tevinter. He never ratted on him to Dorian's father, but he never took his side in an argument, either. He would keep quiet and attempt to cheer Dorian up later. Somehow, that was the difference between Felix and Callum. Callum would defend Dorian every step of the way and demand retribution – Felix would surrender, let the argument die, and then seek Dorian out after the chaos was over.

Somehow, this knowledge didn't help him any. All it did was make him appreciate Callum's appearance more, even though it was a demon.

"Dorian," the demon said, and the voice was Callum's. Every minute rumble, inflection, everything – Callum's. The demon stepped closer and even the walk was correct. This demon did its research. Thin fingers lifted, brushing against Dorian's cheek, thumb rubbing along the tip of his mustache.

That simple movement should not have had such an impact on him. He swallowed thickly and held his breath, staring at the demon.

At a perfect representation of copper-green eyes. He was so close he could count the individual flecks if he desired to do so.

"You're not real," he finally breathed.

"I can be," the demon said with a smirk – the mischievous one Callum wore when they were joking. "I can make this a reality, Dorian. All you have to do is say the word."

Dorian took in a breath and closed his eyes. "Not interested."

"Oh, but you are."

"No. I want nothing you have to offer."

"Then why do you respond to my touch?"

He brow furrowed as he opened his eyes, but the demon was right, he knew. His stomach felt hot and his clothes felt tight.

"Dorian?"

The voice echoed around them – warm, familiar, and not the demon.

"Wake up," the voice continued.

Dorian closed his eyes, then opened them. This time when he opened them he actually woke up, and found Callum hovering over him, smirking down at him.

"Morning, sleepy head," Callum said with a chuckle. "You move a lot in your sleep, did you know that?"

"I would have thought you'd have learned that by now," Dorian said.

"Yes – but I'm not usually next to you."

Dorian blinked a few times, sitting up. "Next to me?"

"My options were limited. It was either snuggle with you or stay awake talking 'Justice' with Anders," Callum said with a shrug, like it was no big deal. In truth it shouldn't have been, but in light of his recent dream, Dorian couldn't help but feel a bit… exposed.

"I move a lot, you said?"

"Yes – you kicked me in the hip. If I get a bruise I will never talk to you again."

Dorian couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Don't be so dramatic."

Callum flashed him a grin. "Anyway – Emry's got breakfast waiting for us."

"For us? Me as well?" Dorian asked, quirking a brow even as he followed the rogue to his feet, stretching sore muscles. He had no desire to sleep on the hard ground again, even if it was near a warm fire.

"Of course, silly," Callum said. "Unless Hawke eats it all. Fenris warned me not to leave my food unguarded around him. I just hope Emry will be enough to fend him off."

Dorian laughed, unable to stop himself. It felt incredibly good to laugh, long and hard. It felt so… freeing, like he hadn't done it before. In fact Callum was able to make him laugh a lot of the time. He hadn't laughed this much since he was a child. At least, not genuine laughter he couldn't stop from spilling out of his mouth.

"Then perhaps we should hurry, lest we starve," he said.

Callum smiled at him for a moment.

"What?" Dorian asked, frowning somewhat.

"Nothing," Callum said. "You just have a nice laugh. You should do it more."

Dorian honestly didn't know what to say to that, so instead he blushed – he could deny it all he wanted, dammit, but he could feel it – and looked away, rubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck. "Um, yes," he said quickly, "well, uh… we should be joining them, then."

Callum chuckled and turned to lead the way. They headed toward the gates, down the steps. Dorian could smell food from a cookout not far ahead.

"Oh…" Callum said slowly, "I, um… I need to talk to you about something, actually."

Dorian frowned at his sandy-haired companion. "What is it?"

"Well… I need to go to Ostwick soon."

"Ostwick?" Dorian asked, frowning. He'd never been there before. "Whatever for?"

Callum looked away, shrugging. "I just… it's… I go there about this time every year, when I can."

Dorian quirked a brow. "Why?"

"It's just… important to me. Anyway, I usually go alone."

"I do not think that is wise."

"As I said – usually go alone. This time, however…"

Dorian watched as the rogue took in a slow breath and then released it in a huff, glancing at Dorian.

"I'd like you to come with me. If you want to, that is. If not, that's perfectly fine, I won't be angry or anything. It's going to be a long walk anyway and I know I can get annoying after days upon days of listening to me talk and-"

At this rate Callum was going to pass out from speaking too fast without taking time to breathe between the words. He held up a hand, halting him mid-rant, copper-green eyes focusing on him somewhat timidly.

"I will go with you," Dorian said with a smile, finding amusement in Callum's sudden shyness since the rogue was usually not shy at all.

"You will?"

"You have only but to ask, Callum."

Callum's face split into a wide grin and he threw his arms around Dorian in a quick hug, letting him go almost as soon as he touched him.

Dorian wasn't sure why Callum wanted to go to Ostwick, and was even more confused as to why he would choose him to go with him when he usually went alone, but somehow the trip seemed… nice.

What was a few more days – or weeks – away from his hut, anyway?

xXx

"You're going with him?"

Emry was as angry as Callum expected him to be, though he could not for the life of him figure out why. It wasn't like Emry went with him to Ostwick. He never invited anyone with him and always went alone, but suddenly, with all that was happening… he wanted to bring a friend. Dorian was the first to spring to his mind, and he wasn't sure why. He had known Emry longer, after all. Perhaps it was because he and Dorian had been spending more time together lately, or because he didn't want Dorian traveling back to his hut alone, with the war worsening. He would make an easy target for a group of Templars.

There were a lot of possible reasons for wanting to bring Dorian with him. There weren't many reasons for not picking Emry first, or as well.

"You said you wanted to get back to work," Callum said, frowning at the elf. "And Dorian would be traveling back to his hut alone, which is unsafe. This way neither of us are alone. I thought you'd be happy I was finally taking precautions. Aren't you always nagging me about it when I go to Ostwick?"

Emry huffed agitatedly, glowering at him. "Yes, but you could take me instead. You've known him for all of five minutes."

"It's better if I take him with me," Callum tried to reason. "Safer for everyone."

"Then why am I not permitted to go, if it would make it safer for everyone?"

"We already discussed this – you said you wanted to get back to work, and someone needs to report into Caine."

Caine was their boss, so to speak, and he was using the term loosely. He gave them their jobs and gave them their pay after their completion. If it took too long he docked some of the pay and kept it for himself. It certainly gave them incentive to do their work quickly and efficiently.

It had already been a while. Weeks. One of them needed to report back to Caine.

"Besides," Callum said quietly, "you hate Ostwick."

"I dislike it, I don't hate it," Emry corrected with a scowl.

"Why are we arguing about this?"

"Why are you taking him? You barely know him!"

"I know enough," Callum replied, scowling back at his friend. "I don't know what he did to make you hate him so much, but this needs to stop, Emry. He's my friend and he's going to join us from time to time. You're going to have to get used to him."

Emry sighed, looking down at the ground. "I know you're friends. I just… don't trust him."

"You don't trust him? Why not?"

Dorian hadn't done a thing to make him the least bit untrustworthy in Emry's eyes. In fact it was Emry who walked away when Callum was hurt, leaving him alone with Dorian. Dorian stayed the entire time. Granted, he didn't really have a choice in the matter since it was his home, but still. He was there and Emry wasn't.

Perhaps he was still a little miffed at Emry for leaving in such a huff, but guilt was a powerful feeling and Emry didn't wear it well.

"Look, just… if you want to take him with you, I can't change your mind," Emry said quietly, still looking at the ground, head bowed. "But do be careful. I won't be there to watch your back."

"I'll be fine," Callum said.

Emry nodded, though he didn't look convinced.

xXx

Ostwick was a city-state along the southern coast. As soon as they entered the city came the scent of the marketplace. Listening to the hustle and bustle of city life always left Callum feeling homesick. As a boy he chased his brothers and sisters through the marketplace while his parents bought items and food. The air coming off the coast always seemed to make it easier to breathe after being cooped inside all winter.

It was perfect, when he was little.

To this day Ostwick held a certain charm and it would forever maintain a place in his heart.

Dorian seemed to like the charm of the city and the children running around the marketplace. He wore a soft smile which was rare to see. Callum found he enjoyed the sight of it.

"What brings us to Ostwick, if you don't mind my asking?" Dorian asked, and Callum had been waiting for this question for a while.

"You'll see," he said quietly.

In truth, he still wasn't sure why he decided he wanted company this year. Every year he made the trip here, alone. And yet this year… he decided to bring Dorian, and he wasn't even sure why. Why not bring Emry instead, or bring them both? The reasons he gave Emry were true, but it seemed like there was more to it than that, too.

It was all very confusing.

"Does this place hold some sort of meaning to you?" Dorian asked a few minutes later, after walking in relative silence save for the chatter around them.

They walked through the center of town and through the marketplace, up a hill toward flat ground, an empty area of mostly dead grass.

In his mind's eye he could picture a large house – a mansion. The Trevelyan Estate on this very land. Kids running around the front yard, through the front doors and through the halls, sidestepping servants and other siblings. Himself hiding on top of the cabinets, the champion of hide-and-seek.

The blood on the ground. The screams. The silence.

The glow of the fire – the scent of a scorched life withered away to ashes.

"Callum?"

Callum blinked and looked at Dorian, unaware he'd stopped walking then, simply standing in place, staring at the empty bit of land. He swallowed thickly, for a moment hearing the sound of laughter, an echo of good times. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath as he took a step forward.

"Callum?" Dorian asked again, and a hand landed on his shoulder.

He shook off the tentative hold, opening his eyes. "It's not far."

Dorian thankfully fell silent and the two walked a few more feet into the center of the empty bit of land. The noise from the marketplace drowned out and all that was left was the silence of a life he used to know.

Every year he came here to pay respects for his family. Each year it became harder and yet easier all at the same time. He didn't want to forget them, but it was getting harder to remember their faces. The laughter, the smiles, the conversations, the arguments… Everything was blurry, forever slipping away and one day he would remember nothing except that there used to be a memory there.

He pulled the flowers from his knapsack. Dorian eyed them strangely, unaware he'd been carrying them in the first place. Callum kept them hidden from Dorian the whole time so it was understandable the mage was confused.

"Callum?" Dorian asked again, a touch more timidly. "Why are we here?"

"To pay our respects," he replied quietly, keeping his gaze focused on the ground as he knelt there, carefully placing the flowers on the dead grass.

"Respects? What happened here?"

"There was a fire," he said softly, voice barely audible.

"A fire?" Dorian knelt next to him.

"Killed everyone. Burned the house to ashes."

Dorian remained silent, but Callum could feel his eyes on him as he continued to look at the flowers on the ground. They were black roses and took him a while to find, but he found a place to get them which wasn't far from Ostwick. He got them there every year before coming here.

They were a little wilted but still alive.

Like me, he thought grimly.

"Killed…?"

Callum took in a breath. He had never spoken of this to anyone. Very briefly he mentioned it to Emry, but to speak of it here, where one could potentially identify him if they wanted to do so…

"My family," he said. The words felt foreign – so long since he admitted the truth. So long since he claimed them as his family, since he felt like he belonged somewhere. So long since he thought of himself as a Trevelyan. Some days it didn't feel real. Some days it felt like he'd always been Callum. But in truth Callum didn't exist.

He was nothing but a well told lie.

Everything about him was a lie.

"Your family?" Dorian repeated, sounding quite shocked. "I… I'm terribly sorry."

"Don't apologize – you had nothing to do with it," he said, shaking his head, carefully brushing down the petals of the roses, careful of the thorns. "It was a long time ago."

"How long ago, if you don't mind my asking?"

"A decade."

"You were but a boy."

He shrugged, uncertain as to how to respond to that.

"Were you not home the night of the fire?"

"I was there," he breathed, closing his eyes again. "I barely escaped."

"Oh… I see…"

"That's not the worst of it."

Callum, stop – what are you doing?

Sorry, Callum doesn't exist, remember? Schuyler wants someone to know.

He wanted Dorian to know.

"It gets worse?" Dorian asked, frown evident in his voice.

"They didn't die in the fire."

"They didn't? Then…?"

He took in a slow breath, opened his eyes and glanced over his shoulder at Dorian, who knelt watching him carefully, expression filled with shock and sympathy.

"The fire happened after."

Dorian's brow furrowed, and then his eyes widened in realization. "You mean…?"

"They were murdered."

"Maker…"

"The fire covered it up."

A/N: And there's the chapter. Hope it sounds okay! Thanks for reading and please review!

~Muffy the Dough Slayer~