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She's been in the hospital for a total of eight days now. Though she was only awake for one and a half so far still it was driving her crazy that she couldn't do anything. She tried reading but quickly got bored. Day time television was out of the question and staring out the window quickly got tiresome. She wanted company. Somebody who would stay by her and make sure she was okay. But the only people she could think of that would do that didn't want anything to do with her. The door to her room opened and she was very surprised to see the SecNav walking in. She sat up straighter in her bed. He waved her off. "No no Director, don't do that for me. Your injured just try to relax and get better. I just came to tell you a few things." He said and she relaxed slightly but not all the way. "I'm going to have assistant Director Vance take your place while you're recuperating." He said and her eyebrows shot up but she nodded. Jenny really did not like that man.
"Okay." She said waiting for the other news.
"And I heard about your… illness from Doctor Mallard. He insures that it should not affect your work?" He asks her and she clears her throat before answering.
"No sir it should not." She says and he nodded pressing his lips into a tight line. "Mr. Secretary I just have one question for you." He nods. "Can we keep this a secret? Being the first female Director is not an easy task and I don't want people thinking of me any differently because of this." She says.
"I completely understand. After you are released from the hospital I want you on medical leave for two weeks." He insisted and she bit the inside of her cheek trying not to lash out at him. She took a deep breath and nodded.
"Yes sir." She said and he nodded, looked at her once and made his move to leave but in a rash decision she stopped him. "W…wait sir has the team mentioned me at all? Are they coming to see me?" She asked slightly sheepishly as she tried to hide her blush. It wasn't like the Director to ask if anyone cared for her. Usually she could care less about what they thought especially in the last year. He sighed.
"No Director I'm sorry." He said and left. She lay there stunned. If even Abby didn't bother to worry then she knew she had really screwed up. She sat there in a shocked silence for a while contemplating her options from here on out. Jenny kept telling herself she could change now and get back to the woman she was when she first became Director. But now that she thought about it did she really even want to be that person anymore? What she really wanted to be was probie Jen, the one who was always laughing, making jokes and having a good time. Before she could delve deeper into that part of her life the doctor came in smiling.
"Okay time for your first session." He said happily. She figured it couldn't be too bad I mean it was just like an IV drip right? Boy was she wrong. As he was giving her a physical before the IV drip he kept talking to her. "With your injuries I've decided to lower the dosage this time of the Chemo session until you fully heal. I don't know how much you heard about this particular medicine or chemotherapy in general so I'll give you a brief overview." He said as he examined her bruises and cuts. "In our specific medicine for WM we've found a way to target a certain type of cells but it will still affect you a lot like a regular chemotherapy session, minus the hair loss and mouth sores. We've targeted only cells in the blood. Symptoms will include nausea, vomiting and fatigue. It will also lower your immune system so be wary of that." He said as he smiled and put away all his tools. "Since you're already in the hospital we have your blood work and results. If you'd follow me we'll get started." He said and led her to a different room and gave her the clothes she came in with minus the shirt. It was full of blood so the hospital kindly supplied her a too big grey tee shirt. "You can change and meet me out here." He said and she grabbed the clothes and went into the bathroom. She hadn't said anything to the good doctor the whole time he was explaining. She was still trying to absorb the fact that she was most definitely not dying, at least not for another thirty plus years. And also that her other doctor had been so misleading it led her to destroy the relationships she had with her co-workers and friends. Hesitantly she slid off the blue hospital gown and was shocked at what she saw. Stitches were littered over her abdomen and arms. One large bruise had started turning yellow on her stomach, one had yellowed on her sprained wrist and another was still rather purple on her cheekbone. She looked bad. Cringing she slipped on the fitting jeans. It stung on her injuries but she sucked it up. As she lifted her hands above her head to slip on the tee shirt after putting on her blood stained bra and froze as she felt a tugging sensation on her arm. Turning around to examine the source she saw in the mirror a long crescent shaped stitched up cut on the back of her left arm. She sighed and closed her eyes. She was damaged goods if she wasn't already. Slipping on the rest of the tee shirt she ran her fingers through her tangled hair and stepped out of the bathroom to find Doctor Swanson waiting for her with the IV drip. The room was casual and very large but at the moment empty except for the two of them. He smiled when he saw her and motioned for her to take a seat. Numbly she complied and he started cleaning her arm with some form of rubbing alcohol. He continued to talk. "Getting chemo in this fashion is virtually painless. The needle is the only thing that seems to bother people but even that isn't a big deal. Usually this room would be full of cancer patients' getting their chemo sessions but nobody seems to be here today. It's really a heartwarming sight. Despite everything going on around them they all take comfort in having another person with them who understands. They laugh and talk for hours while their here." He said chuckling and she couldn't help but grimace. Of course it would be empty the one day she needed a little comfort. She sighed and squeezed her eyes shut briefly as the needle pierced her skin. After a few seconds of holding her breath and closing her eyes he took his hands away from her. "There all done. I'll be back in four hours then you can sign your discharge papers and go home. I suggest a lot of rest and not a lot of work until the symptoms subside." He said and continued to tell her about all the side effects again and explain how she would need to come in for monthly check-ups and chemo sessions. They scheduled a few and then he left. She sat alone in the large warmly painted room with a portable IV hooked to her arm and sighed. Boy was she a bitch. Now she understood why Jethro was a 'functional mute'. It was definitely easier than talking.
As the IV was finishing up she was already starting to feel the effects of the drugs. For the past four hours she has been bored out of her mind and finally opted to turn on the TV which she doesn't do often. But now she was starting to get drowsy and run down. All she wanted to do was lay down and rest. Just as her eyes were fluttering closed the doctor came walking back in. "Okay you've taken the right dosage. If you get any of the bad symptoms we talked about make sure to call me right away. But the current symptoms you are surely feeling right now should be gone within the week." She looked up at him.
"A whole week feeling this crappy?!" She exclaimed and he chuckled.
"Unfortunately yes and maybe longer. I'm going to prescribe some bed rest and no work until you feel up to it." He said taking the needle from her arm. She nodded wearily and he helped her up. They walked to the reception desk and she signed her release forms. "Miss Shepard since you don't have a car here with you and you shouldn't be driving right now anyway I suggest you call a friend. I'll be back in a few minutes." He said and walked into another room with the forms. She considered who she should call. Definitely not Gibbs or Tony. Ziva and McGee were also out of the question. She wouldn't mind Abby taking her home yet Jenny didn't think Abby would have the patience not to snap at her at some point. The only person she could think of that would be graceful enough to take her home and not comment on her behavior or decisions at that moment was Ducky. She dialed his number and waited for an answer. "Hello?" the Scottish accent rang through her ears jolting her awake slightly.
"Hey Ducky, its Jenny." She said tiredly. She could practically hear him furrowing his brow.
"Jennifer, are you supposed to be out of bed?" He asked concern lacing his warm accent. She nodded not realizing he couldn't see her.
"Yeah I just signed my release papers. Would you mind driving me home? I don't have my car." She said rubbing her forehead lightly. He sighed and didn't speak for a moment.
"I'll be there in ten minutes." Ducky said and the line went dead. She set the phone back on the hook and suddenly felt very worn out. Her legs were about to give out so she sat down in the nearest chair. The nausea was also starting to come in waves. Groaning she held her head between her legs and tried to calm her churning stomach though she had nothing to throw up. That's how Dr. Swanson found her a minute later.
"I see the chemo has started to take effect. Just breathe through the nausea and try to start with small foods. I'm sorry to say you might throw it up but you need to eat something eventually. But don't worry it will go away with time and rest." He assured her and she looked up at him. Her throat was getting very dry and she needed some water to wash it down. Plus he had told her to drink lots of fluids.
"Can I have a cup of water?" She asked and he nodded then left. She had drunk the whole cup and felt much better though her stomach did not. The doctor noticed her turn a shade of green and ushered her up right before she took off to the bathroom. Just as she left an old man walked up confusion written all over his face.
"Excuse me Doctor Swanson where did Jennifer go?" He asked and the doctor turned his head. They had spoken when Jenny was in her brief coma and had gotten acquainted.
"Oh hello Doctor Mallard, Miss Shepard has just gone to empty the contents of her stomach." He said forcing a joking smile. Ducky was very concerned, he didn't know about her current treatment.
"Good heavens, is she alright? Aren't you concerned especially after her injuries?" He asked glancing to the direction of the bathroom nervously. Dr. Swanson chuckled.
"I forgot Doctor you don't know of Miss Shepard's current treatment path. It's a revolutionary new treatment in the form of intravenous chemotherapy. It's very successful. We've been able to target certain cells in the blood so the chemo does not kill all the cells. She can keep her hair. Unfortunately regular symptoms from chemotherapy cannot be avoided." He said and Ducky raised his eyebrows but nodded. Jenny came shaky kneed out of the bathroom and saw Ducky talking with her doctor. She walked over weakly and Ducky smiled as warmly as he could at her.
"How do you feel Jenny?" He asked and she looked at him.
"Like I need to go to sleep and not eat anything for a while. I feel like crap Ducky. I can't keep down a cup of water." She says as fatigue played evidently on her face. He managed a smile and placed his arm reassuringly on her arm.
"Let's take you home then shall we?" He asked nodding his head to the doctor and then walking off with Jenny. They didn't say anything until halfway to Jenny's house. She was staring out the left car window since Ducky's Morgan had the steering wheel on the right side. She didn't look at him when she spoke.
"I made a mistake Duck." She said and he didn't respond so she continued. "A really big one. I was being rash and I wasn't thinking about your or anyone else's feelings. I was too wrapped up in my…" She grimaced and shook her head then continued. "My old doctor's wrong and extremely disheartening "professional" conclusion." She sighed and collected her thoughts before continuing. "I didn't even bother to get a second opinion I was in such shock and… denial." She said still refusing to look at him. "But it was all my fault when I pushed everyone away. I should have handled things better. I was convinced that if you didn't care for me then it would be easier when I…" She choked up unable to finish her sentence but Ducky understood. She finally looked at him with tears in her eyes. "I am so sorry Ducky." She said and he sighed and pressed his lips into a tight line. "And I don't expect you to forgive me right away but it's a start I guess." She said and he glanced at her wiping away her freshly fallen tears.
"Thank you Jenny it means a lot. It will take time…" He said trailing off. Those were the only words they really spoke to each other the whole time. He made sure she was settled in at home because as a Doctor he knew what getting chemo would be like. Then he left leaving her to fend for herself. Not that she minded. She trudged upstairs to her bedroom, changed into her PJ's and discarded her old clothes. Then she slid under the covers of her bed and fell asleep as her head hit the pillow.
Ducky had gone back to NCIS. Nobody had heard the brief phone conversation he had with Jenny but they had noticed his absence when Gibbs went down to autopsy to find Palmer conducting one on his own. When Ducky came back into autopsy Palmer was still elbow deep in the body. He hung up his overcoat and hat and walked to his computer. "How are you holding up Mr. Palmer?" Ducky shouted across the room. He looked up over his wire rimmed glasses and smiled his omnipresent smile.
"Good Doctor I'm almost done actually." He said picking up his large knife.
"Good, good I'm going to go upstairs I'm sure the team is wondering where I am. Why don't you finish the autopsy for me Mr. Palmer then report to me your findings." Ducky said distractedly and Palmer grinned nervously but nodded as Ducky left again. In the bull pen the team was giving Gibbs and update on their current case when Ducky walked in. All heads turned to him.
"Where ya been Duck?" Gibbs asked cocking his head slightly at the Doctor. Ducky figured it would be pointless to keep it a secret. There was no reason why he should.
"I was with Jennifer." Ducky said while Gibbs raised his eyebrows and the team stood in a patient silence. "She got discharged and needed someone to take her home." He supplied not that he figured anyone cared. From what Jenny had told him in the car though it was clear she was meaning to tell the rest of the team a version of that soon.
"And?" Gibbs asked sensing there was something more he was not telling them.
"She seems to have had a revelation. No doubt she will be calling each of you soon." He said and was about to leave when Ziva stopped him.
"An apology is not going to set everything right." Ziva snapped and Ducky turned around slowly.
"No it won't and she knows that but it sure is a good place to start." Ducky said raising an eyebrow at her.
"What did she say to you?" Gibbs asked curious as to what the woman had to say for herself. There was a slim chance at best she could fix everything let alone establish a working relationship with them again. She had been downright cruel and heartless.
"Something meant for my ears and she will tell you something only meant for your ears. But for now she needs to rest. I'm surprised she got out what she did on the car ride to her house." Ducky said surprising the team. Her injuries weren't that bad, were they?
"I thought you said she got discharged today?" McGee asked furrowing his brow and pouting his lips. Something he did when he was confused. Tony was too furious at their Director to comment.
"She did but she started a new treatment for Waldenstrom's today because the previous one wasn't working. It involves a revolutionary chemotherapy technique. The good news is poor Jennifer won't be losing her hair." Ducky said trying to cheer up the solemn bull pen. Tony had finally had enough of their fake pity party.
"Poor Jennifer Ducky? She doesn't deserve sympathy! She deserves nothing from us! Actually we deserve something from her! She was a coldhearted bitch!" He exclaimed and received wide eyes from the bull pen. "Yeah that's right! I've just been saying what we've all be thinking! How could we even begin to forgive what she's done?" He asked pleadingly and half shouting at the group. They didn't have an answer for him.