Sometimes forgiveness is a necessary thing. In order to move on, we must forgive an
Anastasia's fingertips stopped moving against the keys once again. Forgive and...forget. But could she?
She had woken up the next morning following their 'kiss' and felt nothing but shame. While most women would have butterflies in their stomach at the prospect of kissing him again, she only wondered when he would hurt her next.
She could not, would not, move on without at least a proper explanation, and she planned to get that information out of him sooner than later.
She clicked the backspace key until the page was clear.
"Not today Grey..." She murmured. As if he knew she was talking about him, her phone pinged.
Christian: I'd like to invite you over for dinner. Mrs. Jones will be cooking, and no rude interruptions.
She stared at the text, her fingertips poised and ready to move.
Ana: No.
Christian: Excuse me?
Ana: Is that a problem? Me saying no?
She smirked slightly at the phone, knowing it most likely was.
Christian: I'm just not used to opposition Miss Steele.
Ana: I'd like to see you, but I want to do it without distractions by you. The state fair is going on right now, want to go?
It took minutes before the resulting fine came in.
The state fair was not something Christian had ever imagined he would attend. Even now, as he stared at the lights of the rides and smelt the fried food, it felt surreal. He stood at the entrance, keeping his eyes peeled for Ana while a group of women stared at him. Of course, he knew he looked good. Even in his dark blue jeans and v-neck t-shirt, he knew he could get any of those women.
But he didn't want those women. He just wanted to spend more time with Ana. Since he had come to this realization he had received no less than fifteen calls from Elena, all informing him about a new submissive and wanting to know what the issue was.
He knew he'd need to tell Ana the truth. But he also knew she'd be very upset with him, and that she wouldn't understand.
He finally spotted her walking towards him in a gray silk tunic and leggings, her feet covered in black boots. Her hair was curled, just enough so that the curls bounced as she walked.
"Don't you look out of place..." She said lightly, a small smirk on her face.
"I feel out of place. I didn't realize people still did this for fun." Christian responded, leaning in to try and place a kiss on her lips.
Ana immediately pulled back, shaking her head. "No, no distractions."
For a split second he felt a flash of anger, his brow furrowing. But as soon as it came, it left when she grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the entrance.
"Two please." She said, "Unlimited rides."
The woman behind the counter gaped at Christian, and he felt Ana tense up beside him, no doubt not used to the attention he would receive. He gave the woman his best smile, watched as she dropped the cash he gave her, and put a reassuring arm around Ana.
"My treat." He said, to which she responded with a 'thank you' and a dirty look to the cashier.
An hour later Christian found himself standing in line for 'The Terminator', a roller coaster that he was sure was only being held together by pins. As the cart flew by them, he frowned, and for the third time found himself trying to get out of it.
"Christian... you are riding this coaster with me. No excuses! Not like last time!" Ana said, putting a reassuring hand on his own.
He took a deep breath, remembering the last time.
Ten Years Ago . . .
While Christian was sure he wasn't afraid of most things, he was sure that this would be the exception. The coaster loomed above him, the cart racing over the tracks resulting in screams from the riders. Upside down they went, and he felt his stomach drop.
Ana stood beside him, excitedly bouncing on her toes, ready for the ride.
For 'good behavior', the entire class was taking a field trip to their local amusement park. Christian at first was sure he would not be going, and had even begged Grace not to sign the field trip form. After Ana had begged him, however, he changed his mind and now stood at the food of the coaster.
"Ana, I don't think I can do this..." He stared up at it, his stomach dropping again as the carts did.
She frowned at him, "But Christian, then I'd have no one to ride with!"
"I'm sorry... I just can't.." He scooted out of the line, her protests ringing in his ears.
He saw the look of disappointment on her face as she was put into one of the carts with another male classmate. Jealousy ignited quickly as he watched the disappointment flit away to be replaced with a smile.
Present Day . . .
"Okay," Christian began. "I'll ride the roller coaster. Scouts honor."
Ana watched as he visibly tensed the closer they were to the front of the line. She giggled, shaking her head.
"This is nice," He continued. "It's like nothing changed." He pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Christian... come on. Everything has changed. I'm still waiting for an explanation from you... you're People's Hottest Bachelor, suddenly Mr. Successful and you haven't even told me how that came about. And the way you kissed me last night..." She paused, "I don't think that would have happened in high school..."
"You're right. It wouldn't have. I was an awful kisser then." She laughed, but he felt uncomfortable knowing that it was Elena who made him a better kisser. He changed the subject, "I remember when you got on the ride with Jacob Hensley, I wanted to knock his teeth in because he made you smile..."
"Because he made me smile?" She scoffed, shaking her head. "You are ridiculous."
"I wanted to be the one to make you-"
Christian stopped, as they were finally to the front and being let on the ride. He found himself sitting next to her, held in only by a lap bar.
"Are there no harnesses?" He asked, to which the ride operator chuckled.
"Calm down, it's going to be fun!" Ana's smile glowed next to him, and so he found himself smiling as well despite the terror brewing inside of him.
"Time for questions." Ana began, holding a corn dog in her hand. Christian had begged to take her out to a proper dinner, as he called it, but Ana won out in the end.
"Okay." He cleared his throat, tapping his fingers on the wooden table.
"What happened to the shy little 15 year old boy? How are you all of a sudden Seattle's hottest bachelor/richest man?"
Running his other hand through his hair, he answered, "Well, I went to Harvard for two years and then realized college really wasn't for me. A friend loaned me money to start up my business... I just happened to be very good at it, and what I do."
"He must have had a lot of faith in you."
"She. And yes, she did."
Ana cleared her throat, taking another bite and working to pull the meat away from the stick she held.
"Have you had any serious girlfriends?"
He laughed, and shook his head. "That's what you ask me?"
"I'm curious... I mean, you and I used to tell each other everything. Remember?"
"I do. And no, I've not had any serious girlfriends. I haven't been interested in 'dating'." Except maybe you, he thought. "Can I ask you a question..?"
Finishing her corn dog, she folded her hands in front of her and raised her eyebrows waiting.
"Were you ever interested in me? Romantically?"
He watched as her pale cheeks immediately flushed with a blush. "I didn't think about dating then.. but I felt like I was yours, and you were mine. Until you left me."
Ten Years Prior . . .
The afternoon Christian helped Elena
The sting on his face shocked him, and as he raised a hand to touch it, he found his mothers friend kissing him roughly.
And he didn't know what to think. He didn't know what to feel. And moments later, she slapped him again, before walking away.
Overall, it felt right and wrong at the same time.
Right, because she touched him... but didn't hurt him. He felt free, he felt his anger slip away.
Wrong, because of Ana. Because he somehow felt he was betraying her.
And the next day... the same... but more.
She promised to help him control his anger. She promised to help him be better for his parents, better in school.
And in those moments, he knew he'd have to chose.
Present Day . . .
"Can't you at least just tell me who she was?" Ana asked, frowning.
"You didn't know her..." He lied, feeling guilty immediately.
"But why would you stop talking to me, just because you were seeing someone?" Ana said quietly, and then let out a small laugh. "I mean, I would've been jealous, but it's not like we couldn't date people. I was just so confused because we were always together."
I couldn't tell you because I couldn't risk the chance that someone would find out. Christian thought.
He took a deep breath, tugging at his copper hair.
"I didn't want to hurt you," He held up a finger as she moved to interrupt. "I know that I inadvertently did. Trust me, I know. And it rips me apart, every single day. But I felt like... I felt like I was being disloyal to you. I mean if you would have started dating someone, I probably would have knocked his lights out."
"Well that's not fair." She scoffed. And you were being disloyal. By not just being honest with me!" He could see her face flushing again, this time with anger. "I thought that you and I were the same! We were both hurt, we were both broken! I thought we would help each other! But you had only fooled me into thinking that, and left me for someone else!"
She stopped, taking a deep breath. She stayed quiet for a moment before speaking, "I'm sorry. I think maybe we should call it a night..."
"Ana, I am sorry. What is it going to take for you to believe me?"
"I don't know Christian. I find myself wanting to forgive you and move on. But then I remember how hurt I was, and how different you are now. You're still not telling me something, and I don't know how to get it out of you. When you want to be honest with me... then maybe..."
Ana sighed, watching as he stood and cleared his throat, his face impassive.
"Alright, well it was a wonderful evening. I hope you enjoyed yourself."
"I did, thank you for buying." She gave him a small wave and turned, leaving him to decide how and when he would ever be able to tell her the truth.