Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's bedroom. Ross and Rachel are asleep in bed. A noise is heard from the kitchen. Rachel sits up and shakes Ross.
Rachel: Ross. Ross! Wake up!
Ross rolls over, and groans.
Ross: What?
Rachel: I thought I heard something!
Ross listens for a moment, and hears the sound of bottles clinking from the refrigerator. He gets up, grabs a bat, and walks out into the living room, flipping on the lights. Joey is standing in the kitchen, with a jar of mayonnaise in his hand.
Joey: Oh, hey. Sorry, didn't mean to wake you.
Ross: Joey, it is three thirty in the MORNING. What are you doing?
Joey: I was making a sandwich, and we're out of mayo. Sorry, I thought you guys were asleep.
Ross: Just take the mayo and go, before you wake up Emma.
Joey walks out the door, quietly closing it behind him. Ross shakes his head, and starts heading back for his room. The door opens behind him, and Joey sticks his head back in.
Joey: Oh, Ross. One quick question: do you have any pickles?
Ross stares at him. Theme song and title sequence plays.
So no one told you life was gonna be this way.
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.
But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.
Scene opens in Central Perk. Ross, Rachel, and Annette are sitting on the couch. Monica is sitting on the armchair. Mike is sitting on one the chairs at the end table. Phoebe is sitting in his lap.
Annette: I am SO sorry about what happened this morning, guys. I told him I'd be going to the store later today.
Rachel: Don't worry about it, sweetie. It's not the first time I've been a victim of Joey Tribbiani's appetite. He used to sneak into our apartment to raid the fridge for leftovers after Monica was done fixing dinner.
Monica: I thought you told me our apartment was invaded by hungry mice! I kept setting traps all over for those stupid things!
Rachel: They WERE mice! Mice named Joey. You never wondered why the traps were still set, with the cheese missing?
Monica: I figured they were intelligent mice.
Rachel: Intelligent mice don't go "OW! Dammit!" at two in the morning.
Mike turns to Phoebe.
Mike: Remind me never to have Joey over to our place for dinner, unless we have money set aside for the groceries.
Phoebe: As much as I love Joey, even I'm going to agree with that statement.
Ross: I wasn't as concerned about the mayonnaise, as much as I was he'd wake up Emma. And he seems to be doing better now, from his Janice experience last week.
Annette looks uncomfortable.
Annette: Yeah, he's doing better.
Mike looks at her.
Mike: Annette, what happened?
Annette: Nothing! Why do you ask?
Mike: Your leg is doing that twitching thing that you do when you're nervous or lying.
Annette sighs.
Annette: I woke up this morning to a face half an inch from mine. I freaked and started screaming, before I realized it was a dummy face. Joey put it in last night as payback for the whole Janice thing.
Rachel turns to Ross.
Rachel: TOLD you I heard someone screaming this morning!
Ross: As loud as you were, I'm surprised you heard anything.
Everyone groans, and covers their ears.
Monica: We don't need to know things like that!
Ross: Like you and Chandler haven't woke up the neighbors before...
Monica looks away. Ross nods.
Ross: That's what I thought.
Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's living room. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Rachel and Ross are sitting on the love seat. Emma is playing with Jack and Erica on the floor.
Chandler: So I think I finally figured out that Rogue's identity.
Ross groans.
Ross: Seriously, you're STILL on that?
Chandler: Hey, Rachel's been helping me with them.
Ross: No, she hasn't. She's been-
Rachel looks away. Ross looks at her with a surprised look.
Ross: Rachel! You promised me.
Rachel: I'm sorry, Ross, but Chandler offered me a pair of Gucci boots! How could I say no to that?
Ross glares at Chandler.
Ross: You BRIBED my girlfriend to help you? What's next, bribing my sister?
Monica looks away uncomfortably. Ross throws his hands in the air.
Ross: Wonderful. My sister, brother-in-law, and girlfriend are all going after that Rogue still. When were you gonna drag me into it?
Rachel: Well, I was gonna ask you to go tomorrow, but you have that interview with the museum.
Monica: You have an interview there? What happened to the university?
Ross: I'm still there. The museum just wants to have me come back on a part-time status. If things work out there, I can switch to full-time if I want, and quit the university.
Monica: That's great! I really hope they let you go back.
Rachel: Me too. I'm so proud of my Rossatron.
Rachel leans in and kisses Ross passionately. Chandler and Monica look away, gagging.
Chandler: Do that in your own place, not ours!
Ross: I wouldn't be talking, considering some of the things I've heard you've done to my sister.
Monica looks in shock at Rachel.
Monica: Rachel! You promised me!
Rachel: Uh...wow, look at the time! Emma, sweetie, go get your coat. It's time to go.
Ross: It's only five-thirty.
Rachel: You're tired.
Ross looks in confusion at Rachel. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Phoebe, Rachel, and Mike are sitting on the couch. Joey is sitting in the armchair. Annette is sitting in the chair at the end table. Enter Ross.
Ross: Hey.
Rachel: Hi, honey. How was the interview?
Ross: It was good. I'll find out in a few days if they want me to go back or not.
Mike: Good luck, man. I hope they'll let you back.
Ross: Thanks.
Gunther walks over.
Gunther: Hey, Annette. Are we still on for this weekend?
Annette: You better believe it. You want me to meet you here, or there?
Gunther: Why not meet me here? I have to get the schedule for next week posted up before we go.
Annette: All right. I'll see you then.
Gunther walks off. Everyone turns and stares at Annette.
Annette: What?
Joey: You wanna fill us in?
Annette: We're going to go see a movie this weekend.
Mike: I thought you said you weren't dating him.
Annette: I'm not! But that doesn't mean I'm not going to go out and do stuff with him. He's my friend.
Mike: Fair enough.
Annette looks at her watch.
Annette: Well, I'm out. I have an audition to get to. I'll see you guys later.
Annette walks out the door. Ross sits down in the chair she was sitting in, as Joey leans forward.
Joey: You guys'll never believe what she did to me last week.
Phoebe: What?
Joey: Remember what happened after I kissed Janice?
Ross: I think the whole city and over half the Internet crowd knows what happened by now, Joe.
Rachel: Yeah, the last thing I wanted to be seeing was Joey's naked butt on a YouTube video.
Mike: Just be glad it was his butt you saw. Some old ladies were staring at the front end, and looking like they were gonna have a heart attack.
Joey: They were mesmerized by my awesome tool.
Ross: If it was so awesome, why was it so small?
Joey: That mace the vendor sprayed hurt!
Phoebe: Anyway, what happened?
Joey: Well, we were sitting in my room, and she KISSED me.
Everyone: WHAT?
Joey: Yeah! She kissed me, and said her lips were the last ones touched, so they weren't tainted by Janice anymore. Then Monica kissed me, but I'm not gonna count that one.
Ross: I HOPE not, that's my sister. It's bad enough thinking about what Chandler does to her, I don't want the image of you kissing her floating in my brain.
Mike: And the idea of my cousin kissing him is better HOW?
Ross: It's not my sister.
Mike: You got a point there.
Rachel: So...she kissed you?
Joey: Yeah.
Phoebe: That's great! Joey, you should so ask her out.
Rachel: Yeah, Joey. Do it! You two can double date with me and Ross sometime.
Mike: Excuse me, but don't Ross and I have a say in this, since we're both right here?
Rachel and Phoebe: No.
Mike shakes his head, and turns to Ross.
Mike: You wanna go upstairs, and watch the Yankees play? We can leave lover boy here with these two.
Rachel: Yes, do that. We can call Monica over, and plan the ways Joey can ask her out. Maybe we can even get you two involved.
Mike and Ross look at each other, jump up, and run out the door. Joey attempts to follow them, but Phoebe grabs his arm and yanks him down between her and Rachel.
Phoebe: You stay.
Joey looks at Rachel, who is on the phone.
Joey: Rach? Little help here?
Rachel: Hey, Monica? Are you busy right now?
Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Mike are sitting on the couch, watching TV. Enter Chandler.
Chandler: Hey.
Ross: Hey.
Chandler: So I left Monica at Central Perk, and ran up here before I got roped into whatever they're doing to Joey.
Mike: Smart move.
Chandler: What're they up to, anyway?
Ross: Planning ways to get him to ask Annette out on a date.
Chandler: Good luck. I remember all the plans we tried to do with you to get you to ask Rachel out.
Ross: That was different. Besides, it worked, didn't it?
Chandler: Only after I let it slip you were in love with her.
Mike looks at Ross.
Mike: You two have a very odd history.
Ross: Yeah, but it all worked out in the end.
Mike: I was referring to you and Chandler.
Ross stares at Mike, as the door opens. Annette enters, with Monica behind her, holding a binder in her hands.
Monica: Come on, Annette! You know he's a good guy, just say you'll do it!
Annette: Monica, for the love of God, stop pestering me about it!
Monica: Not until you say yes. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please?
Annette: AUGH! Stop it!
Monica: Say yes, and I will. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please?
Ross: What're you pestering her to do?
Annette: Agree to go on a date with Joey. She wants me to ask him out.
Annette turns to Monica.
Annette: Which I am NOT gonna do, so stop bugging me!
Monica: Please, please, please, please, please -no- please, please, please, please, please, please, please?
Annette: Will someone PLEASE get her to stop?
Ross and Chandler look away.
Annette: THANKS, you two are a lot of help.
Ross: I grew up with her, I know what happens if you try to stop her when she's like this.
Chandler: And I'm married to her, she can make my life hell every night, if she chooses.
Annette turns to Monica.
Annette: Stop bugging me, or I'm gonna do the same thing to you that I did to Joey!
Chandler: That's not gonna work, but watch this.
Chandler looks at Monica.
Chandler: Honey, stop. Or I'll let Annette track mud across the kitchen.
Monica stops mid "please", with a horrified look on her face.
Monica: You wouldn't DARE!
Chandler: Watch me. And then I'll let Mike set sweaty drinks on the coffee table, WITHOUT a coaster.
Monica: Okay, okay! I won't pester her!
A pause.
Monica: I'll let Rachel do it.
Ross: Mon!
Annette: How about we NOT try to get Annette and Joey together, and just let things take their own course?
Monica: But then that makes all my plans, which I worked very hard on, go out the window! Look, I even organized it!
Monica holds up the binder. Annette turns to Ross, and points to Monica who is stroking the binder.
Annette: Is that normal?
Ross: For Monica, yes.
Monica: Ross!
Ross: You remember 8th grade Science Fair, when you had me help you with that huge model of the solar system? I don't think anyone else in the history of that school was given the "Most Organized Project" award.
Monica: A record I still hold to this day, I might add.
Mike: You actually CHECK on that?
Monica: I still get the monthly newsletter.
Mike shakes his head at Monica. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is standing in the kitchen, making a sandwich. Enter Annette.
Annette: Hey.
Joey: Hey.
Annette: I wanna go on record as saying that Monica is an annoying pain in the ass at times.
Joey: Try catching her if you make a mess around her. I once set a beer on the coffee table without a coaster, and she freaked out. What was she doing to you?
Annette: Bugging me to ask someone out.
Joey: So why don't you?
Annette: Not ready to yet.
Annette looks at the mayonnaise jar.
Annette: Is that Ross and Rachel's mayo?
Joey: Yeah, I haven't gotten to the store for groceries for us yet.
Annette grabs her purse, and turns to Joey.
Annette: Finish making that, clean up, and let's go.
Joey: Go where?
Annette: The store. I have the grocery list.
Joey: What about the kids?
Annette picks up Duck Jr, and puts him in the box set up for the birds.
Annette: Grab the chick, put him in, and let's go.
Joey puts Chick Jr in the box, grabs his sandwich, and follows Annette for the door. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are sitting on the couch, watching TV.
Rachel: Honey?
Ross: Hm?
Rachel: Did the museum call you yet?
Ross: Yeah, I'm gonna go see them after work tomorrow. Do you wanna go with me?
Rachel: I don't know. You know how much I hate that place. Besides, who'd watch Emma if I go with you?
Ross: Joey and Annette offered.
Rachel: Still...
Ross kisses Rachel.
Ross: For me?
Rachel: Well...okay. But only because I love you so much.
Ross: Really? I thought I was gonna be in competition with your other boyfriend.
Rachel sits up and looks at him.
Rachel: WHAT other boyfriend?
Ross: The caveman in the display who's anatomy you were checking out on our first date.
Rachel blushes.
Rachel: You know about that?
Ross: Security knew about that. I think they might have that saved as a desktop background somewhere, if the rumors are true.
Rachel groans, and buries her face in her hands.
Rachel: Ugh...I'm so embarrassed.
Ross: And being caught by the Catholic school group in the display wasn't embarrassing?
Rachel laughs.
Rachel: We'll never live that down, will we?
Ross: Probably not.
Rachel: Well, since you're willing to show your face there after that incident, the least I can do is join you.
Ross: Thanks, sweetie. I love you.
Rachel: I love you, too.
Rachel kisses Ross, and snuggles back up to him to continue watching TV. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe, and Mike are sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting in the armchair. Chandler is sitting in the chair at the end table.
Ross: Okay, so is everything set up?
Monica: Almost. I'm still waiting to hear back from Joey and Annette. Where are they, anyway?
Ross: Grocery shopping. Annette banged on our door to return the mayo Joey borrowed yesterday morning. I told her she could keep it, but she insisted on returning it, since they were going to the store.
Phoebe: Does Rachel suspect anything?
Ross: As far as I know, she doesn't have a clue.
Phoebe: Good.
The door opens and Annette walks in, followed by Joey.
Annette: Forget it, Joey! I'm not doing it!
Joey: But he offered us a discount on the bill!
Annette: No! Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is?
Mike: What's going on?
Annette: The cashier at the store offered to cut our bill in half, if I agreed to do a belly dance for his friend's party this weekend. And when the male role model here found out, he started drooling.
Joey: He had curry! And I was hungry.
Annette: You ate a sandwich on the way there!
Chandler: The word "full" isn't a part of a Tribbiani's vocabulary, Annette.
Annette: No kidding.
Monica: Okay, putting aside your little debate for later, are you two ready for tonight?
Annette: Tonight? What's tonight?
Monica glares at Joey.
Joey: What?
Monica: You were supposed to tell her!
Joey: Oh, yeah!
Joey turns to Annette.
Joey: We're supposed to help Ross set up a surprise date for Rachel in the planetarium tonight.
Annette smacks Joey.
Annette: Why didn't you mention this earlier?
Joey: Because you were ranting about the belly dancing job!
Annette turns to Ross.
Annette: How soon do we need to start setting up?
Ross: Well, I'm gonna take Chandler, Joey, and Mike over so we can get everything set up.
Monica: Which means I get to take charge from here. Okay, Phoebe, you're running interference on Rachel. Annette, you come with me.
Annette: Why?
Monica: You're gonna be the waitress tonight. Let's go up to your place, we can go over everything there.
Monica grabs Annette's wrist, and pulls her out the door. Joey turns to Chandler.
Joey: And you MARRIED that.
Ross: I grew up with it.
Joey: I feel for the both of you.
Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Monica is in the kitchen, cooking at the stove. Annette is off to the side, reading over the menu Monica made up.
Annette: Are you sure you want me to name ALL of these choices? You're not even cooking them.
Monica: Think of this as practice, in case you ever land a role as a waitress on a show.
Annette glares at her.
Annette: You're right, because I have NO prior experience to draw on at all.
Monica smiles, as a knock is heard.
Rachel: Annette? Are you home?
Monica and Annette look at each other in a panic.
Monica (whispering): What's she doing here? I thought Phoebe was running interference!
Annette (whispering): Obviously not, if she's RIGHT OUTSIDE MY DOOR!
Annette walks over and opens the door a crack.
Annette: Hey, Rach! What's up?
Rachel: Can I borrow your black pumps? Ross wants to take me out tonight, and I don't wanna go shopping for shoes, or I'll never be ready in time.
Monica turns to the fridge, and bumps one of the pots with her elbow. It slides, making a noise.
Rachel: What was that?
Annette: TV!
Rachel: That was too loud to be the TV.
Annette: Okay, you caught me. I called Monica for a new recipe for dinner, set one of the lids a little crooked on the pot to answer the door, and it fell off. That's all.
Rachel looks at her unconvinced.
Rachel: Okay.
Annette: Hold on, lemme go get the pumps for you.
Rachel: Just bring them over when you have a moment.
Annette: Will do.
Rachel turns away, as Annette closes the door.
Annette: Dammit!
Monica: What?
Annette: I wanted to wear those pumps tonight!
Annette walks into her room. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Phoebe are sitting at the table, drinking coffee. Enter Annette, with a pair of black pumps in her hand.
Annette: Hey, guys.
Annette hands the shoes to Rachel.
Annette: Here you go, Rach. Sorry it took so long, but Monica went on and on about every little detail in that recipe. Arrange the parsley this way, set the table that way...UGH!
Rachel: That sounds like Monica, all right.
Annette: How did you put up with that, when you lived with her?
Rachel: I tuned her out. I can pretty much tune out anyone, now.
Phoebe: Except Emma.
Rachel takes a sip of her coffee.
Phoebe: Rachel.
No answer.
Phoebe: Rachel!
Rachel opens a magazine in front of her.
Phoebe: UGH. I need to pee, I'll be right back.
Phoebe leaves for the bathroom. Annette looks at Rachel.
Annette: Phoebe was calling you.
Rachel: I know. I heard every word she said.
Annette: But I saw you! You just-
Rachel: Ignored her? I know. I did the same thing to Monica when she was off on a spring cleaning kick. I also do it to Ross when he goes off on one of his dino lectures. Drives him nuts. I'm working on the "pretend to pay attention" bit.
Annette: Oh, the thing men do when they smile and nod, but really have power tools or something guy related on their mind?
Rachel grins.
Rachel: Yep.
Annette grins, as Phoebe returns.
Phoebe: Uh oh. You have that evil grin again. What're you planning?
Annette: Nothing.
Phoebe: Annette...
Annette: I'm not planning anything, I swear!
Phoebe stares at her, as the door opens. Enter Joey and Mike.
Joey: Hey.
Rachel: Hey. Wait a minute. Where's Ross?
Joey and Mike look at each other, and shrug.
Mike: I don't know, I haven't seen him all day.
Rachel stares at Joey.
Rachel: Joey?
Joey: What? I don't know anything! I haven't seen Ross all day!
Rachel gets a suspicious look on her face, stands up, and walks over to Joey.
Rachel: Joey, tell me where he is, or I'll tell Janice you wanna ask her out.
Everyone gasps. Joey gets a stricken look on his face.
Joey: He's at the museum with Chandler and Monica!
Rachel: Doing what?
Joey: I can't. Ross will kill me if I say any more.
Rachel turns to Annette.
Rachel: Is Gunther at the coffee shop right now?
Annette: I don't know, maybe.
Rachel pulls out her cell phone, and starts dialing.
Rachel: Hi, this is Rachel Greene. Is Gunther there?
A pause.
Rachel: Gunther? Hi, it's Rachel. Listen, do you have Janice's number handy?
Joey: He's setting up a surprise for you tonight!
Phoebe: Joey!
Joey: She threatened me with JANICE! What was I supposed to do?
Rachel: Anyone else want quality time with Janice?
Everyone backs off, shaking their heads.
Rachel: Then start talking.
Joey: Ross got the job at the museum and is setting up a surprise dinner for you to celebrate!
Rachel gasps.
Rachel: Oh my god...everyone out! I have to get ready!
Rachel shoves everyone out the door, and slams it. Phoebe and Annette turn to Joey.
Phoebe: We have got to work on your lying skills, Joe.
Joey nods. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is the kitchen, in a dress and Annette's pumps. Enter Ross, dressed in a suit and tie.
Rachel: Hi, honey.
Ross: Hey.
Rachel kisses him, and then stands back.
Rachel: You look really great.
Ross: Thanks. You look gorgeous. But I have to ask: who talked?
Rachel: Joey.
Ross: I'm not sure I wanna know what you threatened him with.
Rachel: Let's just say it was someone he'd never want to see in a million years.
Ross: Janice?
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross shakes his head.
Ross: You're mean.
Rachel grins.
Rachel: I know.
Ross: Are you ready to go?
Rachel: Yep.
Rachel grabs her purse, and takes Ross's hand as he goes out the door. Scene ends and opens in the hallway outside the planetarium. Chandler is standing in front of a podium dressed in a tuxedo, as Ross and Rachel walk up. Rachel starts laughing.
Chandler: Good evening. Do you have a reservation?
Ross: Yes, two under "Geller".
Chandler pretends to scan a list of names on the podium in front of him.
Chandler: Geller…Geller…ah, here we are. Your table is ready, follow me, please.
Chandler opens the door to the planetarium, as Ross and Rachel follow him in. The projector is turned on, and the room is lit up into a "starry" sky. Soft piano music plays over the speakers around the room. Rachel gasps, as Chandler leads them to a candlelit table in the middle of the room.
Chandler: Here you are. Your server will be right with you.
Chandler walks off as Ross pulls out the chair for Rachel. She sits and scoots in.
Rachel: Ross, what is all this? What's going on?
Ross: I thought we might have dinner under the stars to celebrate.
Rachel: Celebrate what?
Ross starts to answer, but is interrupted by Annette walking up to them.
Annette: Good evening. My name is Jolene; I'll be your server for this evening. Can I start you two off with something to drink?
Ross: Yes, a bottle of the house's best wine, please.
Annette: Of course. I'll be right back.
Annette walks off, as Rachel starts laughing.
Rachel: Is this the big surprise you had planned for me?
Ross: Yeah. The others helped me set this up. It's a celebration.
Annette returns with a bottle of wine and two glasses for them. She sets them on the table, and then steps back.
Annette: Are you ready to order?
Ross: I don't know what I want. What do you recommend?
Annette: Well, the chef has prepared a nice parmesan chicken with marinara sauce, served with fresh baked bread, and a garden fresh salad.
Ross: That sounds delightful. I'd like that.
Annette writes down Ross's order, and turns to Rachel, who is quietly laughing.
Annette: And for you, ma'am?
Rachel: I'll have the same thing.
Annette writes down her order.
Annette: All right. I will have those out to you in a moment.
Annette walks off to the back, as Ross pours the wine into both glasses. He hands one to Rachel, and raises his.
Ross: To the most beautiful, charming, and compassionate woman I have ever had the honor of falling in love with.
Rachel blushes, as she raises her glass against his.
Rachel: And to the most handsome, sophisticated, gentle man it has ever been my good fortune to know.
Ross blushes, as they take a drink. Ross stands up, and holds out a hand to Rachel.
Ross: Will you do the honor of having this dance with me, Ms. Greene?
Rachel smiles, and takes his hand as she stands up.
Rachel: It would be my pleasure, Mr. Geller.
Ross leads her to a clear space on the floor, as Joey puts on Wicked Games. Rachel leans in close to Ross, and slowly sways to the music, with her eyes closed.
Joey, Monica, Annette, and Chandler watch them from the back, as they slowly dance.
Annette: Now I see what Phoebe means about them being lobsters.
Chandler and Monica hold each other's hands. Joey puts his arm around Annette's waist, as she leans her head on his shoulder. All four stare at their friends, dancing together. Credits roll.
CREDITS SCENE
Scene opens in Phoebe and Mike's apartment. Mike is standing over the couch, gently covering Emma with a blanket. Enter Phoebe from the bathroom.
Phoebe: Mike?
Mike holds a finger to his lips, and points down at Emma.
Mike (whispering): She's asleep.
Phoebe nods, and pulls him into the kitchen.
Phoebe: Honey, I have something to tell you.
Mike: What's up?
Phoebe: I think I'm pregnant.
(A/N For those of you who are wondering why I went with Wicked Games, it's the song that Ross played on his & Rachel's first date in the planetarium. Look up the Chris Isaak version, not the HIM one.)