Pairing: Peeta x Katniss.

Rating: M

Warning: Mature content. Deals with issues of pregnancy, and other issues that readers may find sensitive.

Update: Tuesday

Disclaimer: After fifteen years of marriage Katniss is counting the minutes for a pregnancy test to show results. She'd always been so careful. She had no idea what the rebellious actions she takes would cause to her marriage. Fighting to survive the hurdles of love and life and a needy little puppy thrown into the mix, Katniss is living in her own brand of hell. Can she manage to fix the damage and fall in love with Peeta again before they both seriously contemplate divorce?

Chapter Nine

Katniss

It'd been two weeks since the puppy made me lock myself in my own bedroom.

It's there wherever I seem to go, cornering me in the kitchen and begging for some attention. Attention that I seem unable to give it. It's like a freeze in its presence. Like those blue eyes can see me right through to my ugly black little soul and judges me for the last two months. I wouldn't be surprised if that were true. I judge myself every second of every day. That just seems to by my life right now; full of judgement and bitterness. It had taken Peeta hours to come home that night. Judging from the smell of alcohol on his breath when he'd yawned in his sleep that night, I could only assume he'd been out drinking with Haymitch

Because drinking was the way to go with our problems apparently. Ah, there's that bitterness again.

I was trying not to let any of this deter me from trying to get Peeta to respond to me in some way, but I kept drawing blanks of how to make such a thing happen, whereas before it would be something as simple as picking a bunch of dandelions and tying them in a ribbon and leaving it on his bedside table. For some reason he adored the little weeds and it used to make him smile. Perhaps I could try that? Just a little token to show that I still cared, I still remembered and I wanted to get better, I just didn't know how. He had thought the puppy would be the way, but clearly that plan hadn't worked out. It was still just 'puppy' -it didn't have a name yet, as far as I was aware, and I wasn't about to name the little thing. Although nowadays I couldn't help but think it was a little cute in its innocence and persistence for attention.

In some ways it was almost like a child.

It would follow me around as long as I was in the house and often waited for me when I'd gone out hunting, lying inside the front door, its little head nestled on its paws and watching the door for any sign of movement. It had grown attached to me without me having to encourage. I guess puppies, like children, were simply innocent and loved everyone instantly and upon first sight. I wish it were that easy with Peeta and I. He didn't seem to want to be near me, even though we haven't had an unpleasant atmosphere recently. He didn't vaguely mention something along the lines of going out for a meal in town when Johanna came back to visit. Just us three and Rye.

I knew they were trying to get me out of my comfort zone for a little while, and I found that I was surprisingly okay with that. I needed to be if Peeta and I were going to work again. I needed to show him that I was getting better and being sociable with our friends and family seemed like a good step in the right direction, even if it was only Rye and not, say, his parents. Then again, if I never saw his mother again, it would be too soon. It was only two days away and I was trying not to be a 'girl' about the whole thing, but somehow I knew a lot was riding on that evening. I wanted to dress to impress without being obvious. Especially since it was still winter there was only so many things I could choose that would impress anyone.

I raked my hands through my hair and sighed as I studied myself in the mirror over the bathroom sink. The puppy had trailed in beside me and was now cocking its head from side-to-side as I finished brushing my teeth and wiped my chin. I glared at it in the mirror, "What are you looking at, scruffball?" I teased before sticking my tongue out. It yipped and I rolled my eyes, unable to suppress a small smile. I swiped my hair back again and started to braid it over my shoulder. Some things really didn't change.

Mother was due any moment and I knew she would berate me in her gentle way for not changing out of my pyjamas but why did I need to change? It's not like I had anywhere to go. I sighed and brushed past the puppy as it tried to jump onto my leg. I huffed in annoyance. Just because I was getting used to it didn't mean it would be there forever. It was Peeta's dog. He bought it, he looked after it, he could deal with it. It was none of my concern.

The doorbell rang just as I was slipping down the stairs.

I yanked the front door open, using it as a shield against the bad weather. The wind slapped at my cheeks but I didn't care as my mother hurried inside and took her coat off. I shut the door and moved into the kitchen to put the kettle on. Why did it always feel so tense when she was around? I scolded myself for thinking such things. We both knew why. It was hardly a secret. I huffed to myself as I dropped tea-bags into the mugs and fetched the milk out. Thankfully, she didn't say anything until the tea had brewed and was placed on the table between us.

"I was wondering how you and Peeta were getting along since he brought the puppy home?" She really didn't mince her words lately it would seem. I ground my teeth together and dropped my gaze down to my tea before taking a sip. She continued, "You know, that puppy needs just as much care and attention as you were preparing to give. I know it really isn't the same, but don't deny the poor thing a warm, loving home."

"I don't need a puppy to replace my dead baby!" I snapped out, my knuckles flashing white as I gripped the cup between my hands, silently wishing it were her neck. I blinked in astonishment and avoided her patient, calculating stare. Apparently my temper wasn't as improved as I'd first hoped. Of course it wouldn't be! I wasn't about to talk about my -our -lost child just because everyone felt I should be getting on with my life. It wasn't that simple.

"I wasn't suggesting that it be a replacement," she stated mildly, "I was merely saying that you could help yourself to move past this if you direct your attention elsewhere."

"Like a distraction?" I sneered under my breath.

She nodded her head, "Exactly. I haven't told you this before, partly because I felt it was never relevant, but during the first three months that I was married to your father I also miscarried a child. Our first child." She paused to gauge my reaction before continuing, "I know you'd probably think that it's been over thirty years since that happened so why should it still bother me. But it does. The pain will never go away, Katniss, you know it won't. But it also doesn't have to eat you up inside and push you onto the brink of insanity."

"You mean like you did when Dad died," I spat out, glaring up at her with barred teeth. I felt more like an animal than the puppy.

Her eyes turned cold and hard, like they were trying to shield my eyes from a pain only she could understand. "Losing your father was something else entirely. I had known him nearly all my life. I had loved him for over eleven years and he was my soul mate. Of course it all but destroyed me when he died. I'd only just seen him off to work that morning, only just spoke to him. I could still remember exactly how he sounded only it was almost like an alien sound to me. He was no longer there, so over time his voice distorted in my mind and because something else entirely. I fear that I have all but forgotten how he sounded. If it weren't for his photo on the mantle, I'd have forgotten what he looked like, too. And then to lose Primrose too, well that was worse than losing the unborn baby, because I knew her, I'd spoken to her, I'd loved her more than I'd loved the unborn baby. And that cut me up inside, but at least she's with your father now and I feel safe in the knowledge that she has him, wherever they are."

I watched in shock as her hands and lip began to tremble, her hot, hurt tears trickling down her cheeks. I really was an ugly, despicable person. No wonder we resented one another. I couldn't look at her or her tears running down her chin. 'I caused those', I thought bitterly. I shook my head, "As heart-breaking as that must have been you left us alone. I don't know how to cope, like you. I changed my mind and then the universe struck me down when I was most vulnerable. It zapped my happiness out of me." I glanced up at her, "I don't know how I'm supposed to move on from here." I inwardly winced at the idea that I had become the thing I'd most feared. I'd reacted to loss of a loved one the same way as my mother had. If it was that easy, then how easy would it be the second time, or the third or fourth? It could just as easily happen again and I wouldn't have any idea about it until it got to that point again, where I hurt those around me, because misery really does love company.

She wiped her eyes and face with a napkin, "There is no right way forward, Katniss," she stated in her patient, motherly way, despite the clipped edge to her voice it was almost comforting. "You just need to push yourself forward. As hard as this may be to hear, your child was nothing more than a blob inside you. No bigger than a small peanut. It had no cute little toes or fingers or arms or legs or even functioning organs or a brain. Not really. It had the potential for all of that, yes, and I know that's what's hurting you aside from actually losing the child. But you can't let this set-back diminish your life like you're letting it."

"I don't know how to," I murmured a little while after her words filtered through my stubborn defences and soaked into my brain. I sighed, "Maybe this is a sign that I just wasn't meant to take care of anything. I can't even have that animal in the same room as me without wincing."

She gave me another sympathetic smile, "You took care of Peeta when he'd been hijacked and later when he was traumatized after the Revolution. He thrived with you there to take care of him and has done with every ache and pain since. A child isn't all that different, except they can't say 'thank you'. A puppy isn't that hard to love or care for. You just need to give it a chance."

I sighed with a shake of my head and repeated, "I really don't know how to."

She reached out and placed her hand over the top of mine and I was surprised to find that it didn't feel like a strangers' hand, but comforting, as though all those missed years of motherly nurturing were pouring out of her hand and into mine. I offered her a weak smile which quickly faded. "I think going out on Saturday night is a good start. Getting out would do you both some good and maybe talk to one another a little more," I nodded my head, numbly taking her advice. "And Katniss?" I looked up at her expectantly as she gave a forlorn little smile, "You're going to be okay," she leaned over and pressed a hesitant kiss to my forehead, "My brave little girl."

I nearly broke into tears at that moment as I watched her unwind herself from me and her untouched cup of tea, before heading over to the front door and slipping into her coat and winding her scarf around her neck. I fumbled for the right words to make her stay but apparently it wasn't my forte as was I asked sounded rushed and a little too loud in my own ears. "Was it a girl or a boy?"

She stopped short on her way to open the front door and looked back over her shoulder at me. I suddenly felt naked underneath her vulnerable stare. We were not so different, she and me; we'd been through almost the same things. She had lost a lot more than me and yet she was still here, fighting and living and surviving. For the first time in my life I suddenly wished that I were more like her. She gave me a sad little smile as she turned the doorknob, "It was a little boy."

Without another word she turned away from me and left me alone with a tight, unsettling feeling in my stomach.

~0~

My stomach was in knots as I slowly slid the comb through my hair. It was freshly washed and I could my skin prickle with the cold draught coming in from under the door. I could hear the muffled sounds of their laughter downstairs as they waited for me. Johanna had already threatened to come up and drag me kicking and screaming in my underwear if she had to. I had to smile at that because I knew she'd at least try. I hadn't realised how much weight I'd lost in the last couple of weeks until that evening after my shower, when I'd tugged on a soft dove-grey jumper down over my head, with its large roll-neck collar when I noticed how baggy it seemed on me. I'd never been fat of course, but it seemed as though my curves had disappeared. It even seemed loose around my breasts despite the push-up bra I was wearing. I blanched at myself in the mirror upon removing the jumper. My ribs poked out and my stomach was shadowed though I blamed the angle of the lights. Pathetic, obviously, but it was easier than admitting I had really let myself go. Was this why Peeta wouldn't touch me? Because he'd been afraid of breaking something? I did look more fragile than I used to.

I sighed to myself and added a gentle hue of make-up on my face to wash away the dark circles under my eyes and the bland milky colour of my skin. I needed to look more vibrant and alive tonight. I hoped it wasn't too obvious. I'd never been good at that sort of thing. I'd changed into a pair of black dress pants and I opted to keep the jumper on; it was fluffy, warm and soft against my skin unlike machine-wool. I checked myself in the mirror one last time and decided I looked decent before getting up, swiping my scarf of the back of the chair and turning the lights off.

As I came down the staircase the chattering in the hallway came to a stop and I immediately felt self-conscious. I eyed them all as they stared up at me. Did I really look that strange? I raised a shaking hand and smoothed my hair back out of my eyes and bit down on my bottom lip. "So are we ready then?" I asked a little shakily as I stopped at the bottom of the steps and took them all in; Rye had actually dressed decently with a smart button down shirt and was freshly shaven and was standing rather close to Johanna who looked gorgeous in a long red knit dress and a black leather jacket and snow boots. And then there was Peeta; he looked quite dapper in a smart shirt covered with a hoodie that had a rolled neck and hood and a scarf looped around his neck.

But it was the look in his eyes that made my heart stutter in my chest and my breath to escape me. It was a similar look like the day he watched me walk up the aisle to take his hand in marriage. That look in his eyes gave me hope and I had to blink tears away and smiled shyly over at him. He came to stand next to me, his arm circling around my lower back. He was so close I could smell his aftershave. It tingled my nose and made me feel light-headed. "You look beautiful," his soft words murmured in my ear and made my skin prickle with anticipation. I felt a flush on my cheeks as he dipped his lips to kiss my cheek.

As soon as his lips touched my skin I felt something spark inside me and I knew in that moment that I couldn't lose him. Judging from the look in his smoky blue eyes, I knew he felt it too.

"So, dinner then?" Rye asked with a clap of his hands and a large grin on his face.

There is a high end sort of restaurant in Twelve that is mostly designed for when the holiday-makers from the Capitol come to stay, but during the winter months we liked to come here now and then. Johanna had been there with us a couple of times and Rye rarely ever left the bakery in the last year. It would be a nice change for all of us and apparently being in the company of our friends meant that Peeta was more willing to talk to me and touch me, even if it was by accident or about the most mundane things. I knew it couldn't last but I was willing to enjoy it while it lasted. Once we'd ordered and our drinks had been brought to us, I felt a lot more relaxed and settled back down against the soft seats and felt my stomach knot as Peeta's thigh brushed against my own. He kept shooting me glances when Rye and Johanna weren't looking and it made my heart skip a beat when his lips twitched into a small smile.

Maybe we really would be okay if this evening went well.

"It is so good to finally get out of that bakery," Rye stated with a grin as he sipped at his beer.

Johanna snorted next to him, "Oh yeah, all that bread and cookies and cupcakes. How dreadful!" her sarcasm was light-hearted and he seemed to eat it right up with an identical cocky grin on his lips. Was that a blush on Jo's cheeks? Were they flirting with one another? Where had I been all this time?

I ducked my head to hide my weak smile and felt Peeta's hand resting on my thigh, "Are you alright?" he murmured in a low voice in my ear.

I glanced up at him with a frown. Did he really mean that or was it for the other two's benefit? I opened my mouth and struggled to find the words, "I … I think I'm feeling better. How about you?"

He nodded his head slightly, "I'm glad we came out tonight. It's the most relaxed I've felt in ages. I'm sorry we haven't been talking much," he murmured into the shell of my ear and I shivered at how much it tickled. "I can't believe how beautiful you look tonight," his lips moved against my skin and every inch of my body felt as though it was about to burst into flames.

"You don't look so bad yourself," I teased with a weak smile, the words sounding familiar and foreign to my ears all at the same time. He must have noticed too because he gave my hand a squeeze and a sympathetic smile.

For the most part the dinner went well, there were a few tense moments but I had expected that. It couldn't be perfect straight off the bat. Johanna and Rye made the effort to steer clear of difficult subjects, mainly about children, Peeta's mother, and the fact that I seemed to have a lot of free time on my hands to mope around the house and yell at the puppy for following me and taking a special interest in hiding my bobble hat. The tug of wars that ensued when Peeta wasn't hope would have made me smile if I hadn't wanted to get rid of the annoying little thing. It was sort of cute, I suppose. When we had finished our dessert and Johanna was about ready to fall asleep, we decided it was time to head home. We paid the waiter, shuffled into our coats, and then stepped out into the cold air. "Alright well I'll be getting this one off home," Rye grinned as he nudged Johanna in the arm, for which she playfully punched his shoulder.

"I'll stop by tomorrow, Katniss," Johanna grinned as she was steered away as the wind picked up and blew her short, spiked hair into her eyes. I nodded and waved goodbye to her. I was suddenly all too aware that I was alone with Peeta. All my sense went into hyper-drive. We looked at one another, chuckled nervously and then looked away. We weren't even this nervous the first time we had sex.

He broke the silence by coming over to me and resting his hand in the small of my back, "Let's hurry up and get home," his voice was low and rumbled in the pit of my stomach. All of a sudden I felt nervous and excited. The smoky look in his blue eyes was always there whenever he was aroused. Was he? I glanced down and flushed at the tell-tale bulge shifting discreetly in his trousers. He slipped his hands into mine and I let myself get whisked back along the roads towards the Victors Village. My heart was in my throat and I was desperate to feel his weight on top of me. It had been too long.

We practically tripped inside the front door, ours clothes tangling around our limbs as his mouth met mine in hungry, wet, passionate kisses that set my blood on fire. I craved his touch, his taste and his weight but I couldn't cloud my mind completely. The closer we got to our house the more the reality of our situation sank into my brain and made my skin prickle against the cold.

We fumbled through the darkness to our bedroom, his hot hands barely leaving my body as we stood there, me in my bra and knickers and him in his boxers. I was panting heavily against his neck, feeling his hardness press between our hips. His breath was heavy and ragged as he pressed hungry kisses along my shoulder and up my throat. My mouth tipped open in a soft moan that I couldn't swallow back down. My fingers threaded through his hair. I couldn't deny how much I wanted him, how much I'd missed him and how much he clearly wanted me. He took a step back towards the bed and I held back, my stomach knotting. "Wait, wait, wait," I breathed, my eyes downcast and my arm taught as he tried to tug me down.

"I can't wait any longer," he grunted low in his throat, shifting to the end of the bed and burying his nose against my navel. My breath hitched as I ran my fingers through his hair. I closed my eyes and for a moment I pictured myself letting it happen and how it might be in the morning. But another, stronger part of me stopped myself from dropping over into his lap and letting his hand slip to the ache between my legs.

"Peeta we can't rush this!" I stated in an urgent whisper, pressing our foreheads together so that I didn't come off as hostile and miserable as I probably sounded.

His fingers gripped my hips a little tighter, his hot breath skirting over my skin and through my knickers. Oh, God I wanted him to touch me, kiss me, have his way with me –but I couldn't. Could I? He looked up at me, his smouldering eyes making my skin burn with lust and my mouth run dry. A shiver ran down my spine and my knickers grew damp between my legs. It was such a strange sensation after so long. His jaw was set and he seemed to have sobered a little. Yet his words didn't match his expression, "Katniss for nearly three months, we've barely touched one another. Please, just for one night, let me make love to you. Go back to hating me in the morning if you like, but for tonight, let me make love to that beautiful, beautiful body of yours. Let me love my wife the way I want. Please?"

How could I deny him one night where we were finally comfortable with one another? I closed my mouth and felt my head nod slowly before I cupped his face in my hands. "I could never hate you, Peeta," I murmured before pressing my mouth against his in a slow, passionate kiss that surged forth from my soul.

He pulled my back on top of him, his mouth hot and hungry, as his fingers dipped into my knickers and squeezed my arse before shifting my legs on either side of his hips. He rubbed himself against my wetness and I moaned deep into his mouth, my body aching with the need to be filled with him. He rolled on top of me and tugged my knickers off and splayed my legs. I leaned back onto the pillow and felt a pool of heat stirring in my belly and spreading through me. I gasped as I felt his hot, wet tongue slipping inside me and tasting me again. He must have liked me as he thrust his tongue deep inside me, his hands gripping my thighs and sucking on my lips. I moaned and thrust me hips into his mouth, my eyes fluttering closed as I rocked beneath him. "Peeta!" I gasped out as he wet his fingers and slipped one inside me.

I was beyond tight around him, with just one in me!

I panted heavily against the back of my hand as Peeta continued to finger me, making me wet and wide with desire. Oh, God, I need him inside me. I sat up, forcing his head away, and shifting to the end of the bed where I took his cock in my hand and slipped my mouth around his head and sucked. His breath hitched and then he groaned low in his throat as he slowly thrust into my mouth, his hands curling into my hair.

"Lay down," he grunted as he pushed against my shoulders, my mouth falling away from his hard cock with a small wet 'pop'.

I complied, the coldness of the duvet cover against my back making me quiver as Peeta slid between my legs and positioned his head against my entrance. He brushed his head against my lips and the ache in me made me groan his name and thrust against him. He grinned down at me –How I'd missed that smile! I was delirious with lust. My eyes flew wide open as he pressed inside me. I reared up and clutched at his back, pushing him deeper in me. He pressed a kiss against my head and thrust inside me completely, sheathing himself inside my heat. I whimpered against his chest I breathed in his musky scent.

We'd just finished and rested for a little while, when his hot hands were on me again. I breathed a sigh of relief. I hadn't wanted any of it to bend, because as soon as it ended that would mean we were right back to square one. We made love with a slow passionate hunger that seeped from every pore of our beings. We did almost every position we could come up with one the spur of the moment. The bed creaked with our weight, the wall became dented where the headboard had banged against it repeatedly and my g-spot had been thoroughly abused and I revelled in the feeling of it burning away inside me. My arse cheeks were a little raw from where he's spanked me and gripped me when we'd done it doggy-style over the end of the bed and up against the window, the frosty glass making my nipples even harder.

I literally wouldn't be able to look at any part of our room that wouldn't have a memory of us fucking with the raw passion that exploded within both of us.

I slept naked for the last time in ages despite how cold it was outside. Lying under the duvet with the warmth of our love hanging around on both of our skins, and Peeta's naked muscles pressed up against my back, I felt safe and secure for the first time in what seemed like forever. He held me in his arms all night and I fell asleep with a smile on my lips as I listened to the steady drumming of his heartbeat.

I woke up the following morning chilly and alone and the reality of everything sobered me from my sluggish state. I trembled and drew the warm sheets around my shoulders and inhaled the scent of our love. I closed my eyes and bowed my head onto my knees. I took a few deep breaths and winced at the ache between my legs; too much too soon. I glanced over at the bedside table and my heart clenched in my chest. There was a small note from Peeta signed with more X's and O's than I'd seen in months.

'Good morning, Katniss, I hope you slept well. I think we need to talk tonight, but I promise I'm not angry. Nor should you be. Relax today, and I'll bring dinner home. Last night was perfect.

Peeta XOXOX'

It should have made me happy –and it did –but my stomach flooded with dread as I imagined his smile as he wrote that note with me sleeping not two feet away. I drew the sheets tighter around me. He was right, we did need to talk. I didn't know how it was going to do but for the first time in ages I didn't have the energy to think about all the possible outcomes. What would happen would happen and I didn't want to spend all day worrying about it. A chirpy little bark drew my attention to the bedroom door where a blur of grey and white bounded over, sprung for the bed and bounced off. I smiled tiredly as the puppy jumped up and down several times, its pink tongue lolling out of its mouth, before I finally rolled my eyes and reached over and scooped it up.

It yapped and licked at my hands and wriggled around in my lap and pawed at my thigh. I held my hands over its head, watching it twist this way and that to decide which hand to follow, before ruffling its flanks. His large blue eyes were wide with excitement. I bopped its nose gently. "You'd better not tell Peeta about this," I threatened with a wry smile as I scratched the squirming little thing behind the ears.

The puppy yapped before leaping off the edge of the bed. I heard it bump down the stairs, no doubt in search for my bobble hat. I shook my head slowly before opting to take a bath.

I spent the day shuffling around in my boot-slippers, a thick cardigan over my thermal pyjamas and rummaging through the fridge for left-overs to nibble on. It was the most relaxed I'd felt in weeks. I didn't feel tired and my skin didn't feel tight and drawn on my face. It was like I was waking up from a great sleep, which technically was true. The puppy stayed at my side all day and even managed to claw its way onto the sofa and sat beside my feet, tongue lolling about as I watched another crappy daytime show on the Network. How Capitol citizens had the time to enjoy such rubbish day in and day out was beyond me.

I tapped the pup's paw with my toe and watched it bat at my foot before nuzzling it.

The doorbell ringing throughout the house forced me to leave my comfy cocoon of blankets and trudge to the door. I opened it and froze when I saw Peeta's mother standing there. My eyes turned cold and hard as I glared down at her. "What do you want?" I sneered at her, drawing myself up to me full height. "Peeta isn't here and even if he were, he wouldn't want to see you."

Her lips twisted into a cruel little smile and I felt my blood run cold. "Well I was just coming to see if he'd come home or not or if he'd gone into town. I'd stopped by earlier and mentioned that Delly had popped down for a visit. Oh well," she gave an exasperated sigh, her beady little eyes mocking me, "I guess I'll come by another time." With that, she turned on the spot and flounced off. I slammed the door so hard the glass panes rattled in the frame.

I stood there for who knows how long, fists clenched and panting heavily as I glared at the door. I knew it wasn't true. He wasn't interested in Delly, hadn't been interested point blank. So why was this lie bothering me so much?

'Because it could be true, if he really wanted it,' the voice in my mind taunted, 'He could have any girl he wanted. He's a hero after-all.'

I shook my head clear and went back to sulk on the sofa, my brain kicking into over-drive. I didn't know how to talk to Peeta now. He wanted to discuss where we stood with one another later, but how could I do that when I was still so shaken up? Spinning around, I snatched the phone from its cradle on the side table and punched in the bakery number. It rang three times before Rye picked up, "Hello?"

"Hey Rye, it's Katniss, is Peeta there?"

"No, he left about half an hour ago. Isn't he home yet?" his voice hummed with concern.

"N-no," I managed to choke out, "Not yet. I'm sure he won't be long." The feigned cheeriness in my voice made me feel sick and I stammered out a quick, high-pitched goodbye before dropping the phone back into the cradle with a little too much force.

And then I started to pace the floor.

Memories and daydreams that never came true punched through the sheer white fog clouding my judgement. I gnawed on my thumbnail and winced as it broke between my teeth. I spat into the bun, and continued to pace as the sky darkened outside. The temperature dropped and the house grew dim yet I didn't move to turn on any lights. The only light came from the Network still humming away and it cast an eerie glow against the furniture in the room.

I don't remember what I said when Peeta got home but suffice to say it wasn't the conversation either of us had been suspecting. We both threw good and bad points back and forth up until the point of insulting one another. In the end he sneered in disgust and stormed up to our bedroom, where he snatched some pillows and a thick fleece blanket from the top drawers of our wardrobe and went to sleep in the nursery. My heart clenched at the thought but by that point I was too angry and hurt that it didn't register until the early hours of the morning.

I clutched at the pillow that no longer smelled of him through the night and wept silent tears into it. I hated myself for letting my irrational theories get the better of me and for letting myself get so insecure over the venom his mother spewed. I shuddered and wriggled further under the duvet. No matter how much hatred I held for that woman, it was nothing compared to the hatred I felt for myself for believing her lies for a moment.

In the bleak light of dawn another sudden thought struck me down with an iciness that crept into my heart.

We hadn't used protection.

Did that mean I could end up being pregnant again? It had been long enough by the doctor's standards so it wasn't unlikely. I swallowed thickly and curled in on myself, wrapping my arms around my stomach, "Please, God, don't let it be true," I breathed through my tears and soft whispering sobs. I squeezed my eyes shut and quaked with the cold, "I don't want to go through this again."

I prayed for once that He'd listen to me.

When I let myself be roused the following morning, I felt my temples throb with the lack of sleep and the ear splitting sound that was coming from the front door. I groaned and forced myself out of bed and shuffled down the stairs ready to glare at whoever was banging on the wood so hard. I blinked rapidly in the weak grey light that blared down at me as I opened the front door. To my surprise, Haymitch was standing there looking as rumpled and sour as ever. His hard blue eyes bore into me and I suddenly felt like a naughty little girl about to be scolded. "What're you doing awake this early?" I asked, my tone a touch my accusatory than I'd planned it to be.

He scowled even harder down at me, "You better pick up your ears and listen, sweetheart, because I ain't repeating myself for you three weeks done the line," he leaned in closer and I was vaguely surprised to smell mint on his breath rather than alcohol. Apparently that was the day of miracles, no matter how small. "You better wake up and realise what you're doing to that boy," he sneered, his tone harsh and brutal to my ear drums, "One day he's gonna wake up and realise that he could have anyone he wanted and how he's stuck with a miserable little cow like you. He wanted so badly to talk to you last night and then you flip your shit for something his ma said, of all things!" I dropped my gaze not wanting to have this discussion but also knowing that he wouldn't leave until he was done. He'd shout it through our letterbox before leaving if he had to. I hunched my shoulders as he continued, "Your marriage is hanging by a thread, Katniss. If you put as much energy into loving that boy now as you did to save Panem or to even keep living after your sister, then you might have a chance. Let me tell you a little story," his mouth twisted as he leaned heavily on the doorframe and loomed over me, "Once upon a time I told a smart-mouthed little Seam girl that she could live a thousand life times and still not be good enough for Peeta. And you know what happened?"

I shook my head, my skin prickling with the cold.

"She married him and loved him for fifteen odd years before the cracks started to show. Then she all but turned him against her right at the crossroads that would have led to a brighter future," he stared hard into my eyes and I swallowed thickly, "Wanna know how it ends?" he didn't wait for a response as he continued, "She broke what was left of his poor little heart and he went off elsewhere to seek comfort from someone who could understand him, effectively ending their marriage."

I sniffed, not realising that I was on the brink of crying. I cuffed my eyes as dry as possible before glaring up at him, "Stories can be rewritten, Haymitch!" I bit out, grinding my teeth together.

He gave me a dark little smile that showed such raw disbelief it made me doubt my own self confidence. He pushed himself off the doorframe, allowing me the ability to slam it in his face. I didn't. I held it tight but was rooted to the spot. I loathed Peeta for running across the road to Haymitch whenever we had a tiff, or a fight or a full blown war like we'd had last night. He fixed me with an expression I couldn't read, "You better prove me wrong then, sweetheart."

Without another word, he turned on his heel and marched back toward his own house. I slammed the door behind me glaring at it with clenched fists, the sensation of déjà vu slamming into me before I could stop it. A distressed laugh choked out of my mouth as I looked down at the puppy that bumped its head against my shin. "Am I really ruining my marriage?" I asked rhetorically, even though Haymitch's presence at my front door in the morning was a clear sign that I was.

The puppy gave a sad little yap –if yapping could be done in a melancholy way –to which I gave a sad little huff of laughter before I scooped it up in my arm and trailed back to bed.

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I loved the fluff in there, but I just couldn't stop the angst from flowing. Do not worry! There is a method to my madness, my lovelies. Please R&R!