So I've decided to be as inventive as Ebony with my insults
Chapter 10
AN: stup it u gay fags (no ice cream for homophobes bumbum doodah) if u donot (hmmmmm dounuts) lik (nobody would lick her story) ma story (so that's everyone then) den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al (she was never a muggle to begin with) n she n vampire r evil (harry and hermione are probably the people least likely to turn evil in the whole of hogwarts) datz y dey movd houses ok!
I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. (Welcome to Hogwarts!) I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band (oh god no) Bloody Gothic Rose 666. (*Throws up in bucket*)I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar (obviously). People say that we sound like a cross (omigurd, you said cross, you'll now be burned to death by the witch finder general) between GC, Slipknot and MCR. The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) (Tara, I hate you. And I will find you. And I will end you. Slowly.) and Hargrid. Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming (slackers, that's no excuse) and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) (you did earlier plebian) or a steak) (kill him with steak, well that's a waste of a good cow's sacrifice to provide the human race with sustinance) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. (I love that film :D) I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs (just imaginaing ebony walking out of her dormintory and McGonagoll just looking at her and being 'Miss Way, this is not a brothel, I think I and the rest of the school would thank you if you went back upstairs and put some clothes on') and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. (No, I defo believe you hun *cough* SLAGGGGGGG *cough*)
We were singing a cover of 'Helena' (god is that like the only song you know) and at the end of the song I suddenly bust (again, spontaneously combust?) into tears. (Naw Ebony, its okay, you guys weren't that bad. Actually I'm lying - you were shite)
"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted (get your words right you chocolate muffin) voice.
"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. (*Spike voice activate* real charmer you are love) And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" (Don't tell her you sausage) I burst into tears. (...again? You were already crying hamburger-face)
Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. (NINJA STYLE BITCHES)
"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you (naww, don't cry Draco) fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) (Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes indeed.)
I started to cry and cry. (You were already fucking crying you twatasaurus) Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.
We practiced for one more hour. (Never mind your boyfriend suddenly bursting in, then out) Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.
"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. (the man has a talent) (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." (but you just said, and I quote, 'I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists, he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too' well you're a little bit a contradictory armless goblin wongbat)