Five days, five long days, five days without seeing Chris or hearing him; whether yelling or laughing; it didn't matter, it had been five fucking days. Matt had gone over to Jeff's and begged for refuge; pleading with Jeff to let him stay while he tried to get his head back on right. The white double lined paper sitting on the desk seemed to mock him and soon it was filled doodles, some innocent while still others were so x-rated that they made his cheeks burn red. A soft knock sounded on the wooden door and quickly Matt shuffled the papers and forced a bored expression onto his face.
"How much longer are you going to keep doing this to yourself?" Jeff demanded as he stormed through the door, scowling at Matt with his arms crossed over his chest. "Not that I don't like the company, but it's been five days and I don't know how much more I can take of your husband calling at 2 am drunk and demanding to talk to you. He was masturbating last night Matt. MASTURBATING on the phone and crying....FOR YOU in MY ear, not yours, MINE!"
Matt hung his head and a cast a look over his cell phone knowing that if he turned it on that there were probably hunderds of messages-both text and voice-waiting on him. He had practically up and disappeared after the fight in the shower; his nerves worn so thin that he had snapped at a bird for chirping too loud on his way over. Still it wasn't Jeff's burden to bear, he hadn't asked to be tossed in the middle and the more Matt thought about it, the more he felt like a complete douche.
"Look Fro I'm sorry. I really am..."
"Then why don't you go back over and put an end to whatever in the hell is going on?"
"It's not that easy Jeff," Matt's voice wavered as the phantom refrain whispered in his ear; mocking him and jeering that he was nothing more than second best in his husbands eyes.
"Sure it is, you go over, get on your knees and open that trap of yours and say that you're sorry for being an asshole and then plead for forgiveness."
"Dammit Jeff! I'm not the one in the wrong this time." Tears gathered quickly and threatened to spill over his lashes but he dashed them away before they could fall. "I'm not the one that settled..." the sentence broke off into a sob, all the anger and frustration pouring out of him amid scorching tears."I'm tired of being the one that everyone settles for while they're waiting for their 'hearts true love' or whatever they're calling that bull shit now." Matt snarled, his hand fisting in his lap.
"Jesus Christ Matt, all this over a lack of fucking sex? Why don't you just bend him the fuck over and give you both what you want? Damn your fucking pride, is it really worth your marriage? So he said some stupid shit, he's Chris, he says stupid shit all the damn time. What makes it so different now?"
"Well nothing..."
"Then get your ass off my couch and go back home and fix it. I don't want to wake up and find you naked with a hard on from hell humping my cushions again." The last little bit made Matt burn red in embarrassment and he opened his mouth to say something but once more Jeff cut him off. "Don't give my your shit and just go do it."
"I-I can't Jeff." The ghostly words once more crept up on him and the tears that he had worked so hard to keep to himself spilled over. "T-there's nothing left to fix." He whimpered softly.
Jeff watched silently as his brother pulled in large gulps of air only to lose them as he cried; his words nothing more than garbled nonsense. It had been a long time since Jeff had seen Matt break down so completely and he chewed his lip, remembering other times where his brother had heard those words. Amy, Ashley, Adam, Jay. Why does he always pick the stupid ones. As Matt's sobs dwindled down to hiccuping breaths Jeff moved over and wrapped his arms around the broad shoulders, resting his head on the satiny soft ebony curls.
"I think Matty that Chris didn't know what he was saying." Matt went to say something but Jeff cut him off, "I mean think about it. He's Chris Irvine--"
"Irvine-Hardy." Matt muttered.
"Exactly, Irvine-Hardy. Chris had, and probably still does, his pick of the roster, and yet he married you, Matthew Moore Hardy. I don't call that settling, I'd call that impeccably good taste."
Even though Jeff's words were soft, they struck home and loosened a bit of the knot that had taken up residence in Matt's chest. Of course that brought up the angry words that Matt himself had thrown back in his vexation at his husband. With another sniff Matt pressed his head against Jeff's chest; taking in the warm comfort that it provided as his mind tried to come up with the perfect way to say he was sorry for this latest transgression.
After much thought and mental growling--not to mention the threats against his life from Jeff--Matt found himself standing on the front porch of his own home with sweaty palms. Any other time he would have laughed hard at the picture he must have painted--standing nervously and shifting foot to foot like some first time boyfriend being called in to meet the father. A cursory look of the driveway and tentative peek into the garage let Matt know that Chris had gone out for the day. Or the week, maybe for the rest of your life. Matt swatted that annoying dark thought away and let himself into the house; heading immediately to their bedroom to start putting things together.
Not knowing how long Chris had gone for Matt sped through setting things to rights; rose petals on the floor, a champagne bucket chilling Chris' favorite drink and satin sheets on the bed. Instead of the normal two pillows however there was only one, Matt had removed his and put his things in the guest bedroom; it was his way of punishing himself. After that was done he slipped into Chris' favorite pair of jeans and struggled into one of his old mesh shirts, frowning at himself in the mirror and poking at his gut. His hair he left down to curl around his shoulders and he dug through his top drawer for one of the large ball chain necklace that he used to sport all the time. He took one last look at himself in the mirror over their dresser before leaving the room, hoping that it wasn't too late for him to make amends.
It was with tired eyes that Chris entered the house, his hand loose on the knob and his steps sluggish. He had forced himself to the store to get some necessities--mainly to get more alcohol to drown the guilt and desolation that had taken up residence in his chest since he found that Matt had left. At first he had thought that it was only going to be for a few hours, but as the days piled up Chris faced the possibility of Matt being serious about ending it all and it ate away at him, forcing him to drink more than normal and harass the one person that whether he liked it or not was thrust in the middle. The smell of chili powder mixed with other delicious scents hung on the air and brought Chris up short, stopping him from getting more than a foot into the foyer. There was no doubt about who was doing the cooking; only he, Matt and Jeff had a key and Jeff couldn't cook to save his skinny hide. Curiously he peeked into the kitchen, almost swallowing his tongue when he seen Matt at the stove dressed in an outfit that looked straight off the screen of one of those bondage sites that sent spam to his inbox.
As silently as he could Chris crept up behind him, afraid that if he blinked, Matt and the picture he painted would disappear and he would be left with only an aching chest and leaking eyes. His brain was telling him that it wasn't real, that their last fight had been to much and it was all a mirage brought on by too much alcohol but as he reached a shaking hand out it came in contact with warm skin shielded only by fine mesh. The light butterfly touch had Matt turning around Chris' breath caught in his throat; caught somewhere between a sob and a sigh. Even as Matt drew him close Chris couldn't make his body respond and he stood woodenly as he was gathered up and light kisses were pressed to his forehead.
"Matt, I..."
Chris' words were cut off by Matt pressing his lips softly against his; his hands trailing up and down Chris' back and molding them together. Any words that had been floating around Chris' head vacated as Matt lapped at his bottom lip and he opened eagerly, thrusting his tongue into Matt's mouth and slowly twining them as his hands crept up and anchored themselves in the dark mane that had been absent from their bed for too long. Shivers danced along his spine and he whimpered, allowing Matt to turn them around and push him against the counter; his fingers clenched in the curls and he pulled, making Matt moan into his mouth.
The feeling of Chris against him again kicked Matt's libido into hypersensitive overdrive he broke the kiss; panting heavily in Chris' ear as he nuzzeled the soft skin under it. It felt so right holding him again but Matt knew that if he didn't untagle their bodies that the carefully planned meal was going to go to waste. Slowly he extracted his arms and turned back to the stove, turning the heat down and simmering the sparkling wine to make the sauce. Chris' arms wound themselves around his middle and he leaned back, sighing as Chris' lips ghosted across his neck. After a couple more minutes of the blissful peace Matt sent Chris to the table with a whack on his ass; smirking when Chris' eyes widened in surprise. He assembled the plate and poured a flute of champagne then headed over to the table, setting it down in front of his husband and stole a quick kiss before backing away.
"You're not going to eat too?" Chris questioned when he realized that the table was set for one.
"I already ate." Matt smiled and placed a hand on Chris' shoulders' kneading gently with his fingers as Chris eyed the food in sudden trepidation.
"You're trying to off me aren't ya." Chris said at last; turning his eyes away from the steaming plate to stare up at Matt, quirking one brow when Matt laughed. "It's poisoned."
"No, I promise I'm not trying to kill you. Eat up, I'll be upstairs."
One more kiss and Matt left the room; leaving Chris to glare at the meal that taunted him. Sure it smelled good, but who knew what scheme Matt had cooked up in his mind. After a couple minutes of staring Chris hesitantly speared one of the scallops and brought it to his nose; sniffing suspiciously before putting in his mouth. The rich flavoring washed over his taste buds and he practically inhaled the rest, forgetting the possiblity of it being tainted; his mind already up the stairs and in the bedroom where he had no doubt Matt was waiting. He dabbed at his lips with the cloth napkin and looked at the flute of the bubbly liquid, the light alcohol calling to him and wanting to reel him in and he reached for it, but a thud from upstairs made him jerk his hand away and he all but sprinted up the stairs.
The door to their bedroom was open and the flickering light that danced on the wood flooring called out invitingly. With a smile that felt more like a leer Chris started down; peeling out of his shirt and fumbling with the button on his jeans as he pictured Matt lying on the bed in nothing but what he came into the world with. He stopped however when he seen the rose petaled floor and shimmering satin sheets on the bed. At the foot Matt stood; fully dressed with a fluffy white bathroom thrown over his arm.
"I drew you a bath."
"Can we skip the bath? I've missed you." Chris whispered, his eyes drifting over his husband slowly.
"If you want to."
Chris nodded and moved over to him, tossing the bathrobe over his shoulder and pulling Matt close; burying his nose into the fragrant curls and nuzzling the strong column of Matt's throat. Matt curled his arms around him and held on tight, moving them back towards the bed and easing down onto the soft pillow top mattress.
"I'm really sorry Chris." Matt said softly as he cupped the back of Chris' head and gently massaged.
"Shhh Matt. I just want to hold you for now. I don't want to fight or talk. Please?" Chris pleaded quietly; his eyes welling with tears as he reached up and palmed Matt's face. "I just want to feel you near me, feel your arms around me and forget about everything for a few hours."
The wavering sound of Chris' voice and the crystal like tears that streaked down his soft cheeks broke the dam that Matt had erected to keep his own watery weakness contained and the spilled hot and fast over his skin, plopping wetly onto his chest with a few landing on the top of Chris' head.
"So you promise that you're not trying to kill me?" Chris joked weakly as he raised his head to stare into Matt's watery orbs.
"I promise."
Chris settled back down onto Matt's chest, his warm breath ghosting over the scantily clad skin and his hands gently and hesitantly kneading the warm flesh, working a soft needy sigh from his human pillow. He raised his head up again, bringing one of his fingers up and tracing Matt's lips, smiling when he flicked his tongue out against the wandering digit and pulled it into his mouth. It should have been an instant turn on, and on some level it was but the look on Matt's face; the soft, almost broken gaze kept Chris from giving into that carnal desire for his husbands' flesh. Instead he pulled his finger free and captured Matt's lips with his own; caressing and prodding the hot, moist petals until Matt opened for him and twined their tongues. There was no heat, no urgency, they just explored the familiar recesses; trading slight moans and loving soft touches.
After a while they even stopped kissing, Chris yawning widely and settling back down into his spot; his fingers twitching every once and a while against Matt's skin as he slipped further and further into a deep untroubled sleep. When Matt was sure that Chris was so far under that not even an explosion would wake him, he slipped from the bed; pulling the covers up over him and placing a light kiss to his forehead before tiptoeing from the room and down the hall. The door swung shut behind him and Matt leaned back against the cool wooden pannel; his tears once more washing over his face to fall silently on the wood flooring.