A/N; Special thanks to self confessed WW2 geek Aldryne21 for the encouragement! The experiene of writing a historical AU has been remarkably informative for me as I have attempted to research the topics in an effort to stick to the real events going in in Europe and particularily Holland in late 1944/early1945.
I apologize for any inacuracies!
Over the next few days Merlin stayed with Arthur as much as he could without his absence going noticed at home. Gwen visited daily as she had promised to do, changing Arthur's dressings and checking on his progress.
Throughout the first 48 hours, pain and fever induced nightmares prevented Arthur from getting the solid, restful sleep his body so badly needed. Time and time again he woke up screaming or crying as terrors plagued his dreams. Merlin wasn't sure how much of the nightmares'content was based on memories and how much was an invention of Arthur's deranged mind. Among the most distinguishable of the things he heard Arthur speak, were the names Percy, Lance and Morgana.
During the evening of the second day, Merlin noticed some improvement; the signs of fever finally began to dissipate and Arthur seemed to be more aware of his immediate surroundings. A few hours later he began asking for food and water.
There were further indications that Arthur was recovering well and thinking of things beyond mere survival, shortly after Guinevere left after her third visitation.
"So Merlin. How long have you known Gwen?
"Oh. I met her maybe four years ago. When she used to work with my Great Uncle." Merlin answered, no idea where the conversation was heading.
"Right. So is she your... you know?
"What?" Merlin noted the slight smirk on Arthur's face and suddenly the penny dropped.
"Oh no. No we're just friends." Merlin stammered, feeling the skin of his face turn hot and red.
"I'm not...I mean...well girls just aren't..." Merlin blathered. How could he explain to Arthur that no girl in their right mind would want to be lumbered with a freak-loser like him? That he was the village basket case and doomed forever to be the object of people's derision?
He kept his head down as he felt the great weight of his self loathing descending again.
Arthur studied Merlin, not really understanding what was going on. He squinted at the young man, who appeared to be trying to shrivel into himself in an attempt to escape.
"Ok. Just asking." Arthur backed off, not sure how to read Merlin's obvious discomfort. Self esteem issues were certainly not something that he was familiar enough with to recognize in another. "She is pretty though isn't she?
"Yeah, she is." Some of Merlin's embarrassment faded slightly as he felt Arthur's attentions shift. Merlin's shoulders relaxed a little and his face lit up as he put two and two together, making five.
"Do you like Gwen?
"What? No. I mean she's lovely, but that's not what I meant." Arthur shook his head slightly, an awkward half smile on his face.
"Oh."
Arthur stared off into the middle distance. "I'm sort of engaged actually. It's unofficial but our fathers have a sort of... expectation."
"That sounds...weird." Merlin's face contorted in confusion.
"Mmmm, I suppose it does doesn't it?" Arthur replied, brows furrowed in thought. "She's quite nice really. Her name's Elena. My father has certain requirements of me; one of which is to marry someone of the right class."
Merlin looked equal parts puzzled and horrified. "Right. So you don't love her then?"
"I don't really know. I don't think so." Arthur had not been a man for self introspection, up till now anyway.
"But you'd commit the rest of your life to her, for the sake of your father's approval?"
When was alone again with nothing much to do but think, Merlin's observations set off a train of thinking that Arthur had not experienced very often before.
So far in his life he had always done what was expected of him. But had it brought him personal happiness and satisfaction or did he do things merely because his father wanted him too? When he was a child, his life had evolved around gaining parental approval. If his father was pleased with his achievements, so was he. As he got a little older he continued to move along the life path Uther had mapped out for him, pushing aside any personal misgivings or wishes. Actually, it was only recently that he dared stray at all from the edict of Uther Pendragon and it had taken every ounce of his resolve to do so.
Arthur's experience of war had changed him in many ways. His priorities and values had shifted, shaped inexorably by the tragedies and horror he had lived through. Just how much would he be willing to sacrifice of his own dreams and beliefs in the future to keep his father happy?
In an effort to raise Arthur's spirits, Merlin brought his little crystal set radio along to the hide-out in the very early hours of the fourth day Arthur was there. The Englishman had been pestering him for war updates and the building agitation at his continued ignorance was palpable.
He'd confessed to Merlin his guilt at the deaths of Lancelot and Percival, the other two pilots in his squadron, and would not listen to any attempt Merlin made to comfort him. Arthur couldn't bear the thought that they'd died for nothing and desperately needed to hear news of Allied progress that could be attributed, at least partially, to all their efforts at subterfuge.
Cycling around with the forbidden object was risky, but Merlin's resolve to help Arthur out weighed the danger.
Physical occupation was not the only way the German's displayed their domination and control over the countries they conquered. Preventing communication, keeping the populace ignorant and halting the dissemination of knowledge by closing local newspapers and banning radio stations from broadcasting was instituted very early on during the occupation process.
At first radio signals were jammed and the Dutch people were banned from listening to foreign broadcasts but as time went by and stronger methods were needed. By May in 1943, they resorted to confiscation of all the radios in Merlin's village (and all across the country).
Gaius had always espoused freedom of information and the value of knowledge, but it never really impacted on Merlin's consciousness until the Nazi's began their control.
In a silent show of retaliation, Merlin had built his own crystal set after his mothers radio was taken, (as had many of the villagers) which he kept hidden in an old biscuit tin, hidden under a loose floorboard. Hunith and he often took turns listening via the headphones to the crackly tones of Radio Orange, broadcast from London by the exiled Dutch Government and Royals.
The joy they'd felt when they heard that Paris had been liberated last September, followed soon after by Belgium and the southern parts of Holland, had improved their morale immeasurably. Although much of Holland remained occupied and struggling for survival, the news broadcasts had shown them what was possible and given them the strength and determination they now called upon to get them through this harshest of winters. It was this hope and optimism that Merlin wanted to bring Arthur as he handed over his precious radio.
"The sound quality isn't too good, but it picks up the BBC signal." Merlin passed the head set over to Arthur, who was staring in amazement at the miserable looking contraption.
"Merlin. This is brilliant!" declared Arthur, a huge smile lighting up his face. "Did you build it yourself?"
Merlin nodded self consciously, bathing in Arthur's delight; his smile so sincere and joyful that he seemed almost to radiate a golden warmth.
The closest call of discovery yet, happened as Merlin inadvertently met up with Gwen after her stint at the hospital that day. It was just approaching darkness (only around 4pm at this time of year) as Merlin entered Degenaar Woods when he recognized the caped figure not far in front of him.
He shouted out her name to gain her attention, breath clouding in the frigid air in front of him.
"Merlin, you gave me a fright!" Gwen replied as Merlin caught up to her. She'd almost fallen from her bike when she'd realized somebody was behind her.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to." Merlin answered shyly, noticing Gwen's breathing was heavier than it should be and the hand she held to her chest.
They were both on their well used bicycles, the main form of transportation available to them and together they resumed their journey along the treacherously icy path. Just as Gwen's heart had settled again down to its normal rate, the presence of troopers ahead caused another burst of adrenaline to flood her body. Lights and voices carried their way through the still air, carrying the terror of discovery with them.
"Quick, over here." Guinevere whispered harshly, dragging her bike into a thick copse of trees.
Merlin wasted no time in following as the memory of him and Arthur hiding in the ditch just a number of days ago, returned unbidden. Pressing himself into the wet, cold surface of the fir trees next to Gwen in an effort to stay hidden, Merlin prayed for the same degree of success.
When one of the strong torch lights of the patrol swept across the ground in front of them and over the copse of trees, revealing everything in its harsh, relentless beam, both young people knew they were out of luck.
Merlin and Gwen fully understood the risk they were undertaking by harbouring a member of the enemy forces; an immediate death sentence.
"Merlin, come here," Gwen hissed urgently, before grasping him by both arms and pulling him toward her. "Kiss me. Now Merlin!"
Panic gripped Merlin momentarily as he struggled to work out what was going on. Gwen continued pulling him closer and he had little choice but to respond as he felt her breath upon his face and her hand at the nape of his neck. As their lips met Merlin couldn't help but think what an inopportune time it was for him to have his first real kiss.
A sniggering from behind and a light shone directly at their faces caused Gwen to push Merlin away. He turned to face the patrol but was too blinded to see what was going on.
"I saw you hanging around the hospital the other day. Now I know why!" A soldier named Eichmann replied, sneering suggestively. More sniggering ensued.
A shout from another soldier back on the main path, caused the torch to veer away slightly.
"It's the mental kid Sir- the one who has fits, with a nurse." Eichmann shouted back to the query.
For once, Merlin was grateful his affliction rendered him the village loser and thus not taken seriously. (By native and non native alike.)
"Come on Heinz, let's go. It's bloody freezing out here. Leave them to get whatever pleasure they can. Poor bastards." The voice from the road groaned impatiently.
"Honey, if you ever feel like a real man, you know where I'll be." Eichmann gave Gwen a mock salute before stalking off.
When the patrol marched off into the darkness, Merlin felt his knees give out. He was shaking all over and couldn't seem to catch his breath. Gwen wasn't faring much better.
"That was..." Merlin started.
"Yes. Too close." Gwen finished off for him.
"I think we better just sit here for a second." His voice sounded weak and uneven in his ears. That Eichmann was right; he was a bloody wimp. He knew now was not the time to indulge in self introspection but he couldn't help it. Perhaps it was the 'fake' kiss that reminded him of all his inadequacies, or maybe it was because he'd thought he was going to die. Either way, he felt sick to his stomach.
"Come on Merlin," Gwen spoke softly to him and helped him up. "Arthur needs us."
Supporting each other, they made it to the hide out but Merlin was still not feeling great by the time they arrived. His head had started to ache and his eyes kept twitching of their own accord.
Gwen whistled the three toned warning signal as they got within five metres then lifted the trap door to descend shortly after. As Merlin followed and shut the hatch down behind him a severe, blinding dizziness overtook him and after hitting the ground hard enough to bruise, he was aware of nothing more for a number of minutes.
A/N; I hope the mix of human drama and historical fact worked ok and was not too boring.
Also, I'm sorry Merlin keeps thinking badly about himself when we all know what an absolute gem he is!