Trigger warning : slight reference to suicide and self-injury.

Shaw's POV

I decided to let that bit Root had slipped out about things i could never know go for now. Seemed like she needed to calm down and that probably would have set her off. Whatever she was afraid, the being honest,if I would freak out, it was all making her anxious on top of being unerved hacker stood facing away from me,as she tried to steady her breathing before wincing as she tried to walk over to the bathroom.

The second she winced,I was next to her, attempting to guide her back refused and so i let her lean on me as i walked her over to the remained quiet and faced away from me when we arrived so i put the cover on the toilet hoping she'll sit down before leaving to give her some i walked back over to the cot, i realised I had leapt up involuntarily,subconciously without even thinking twice.I groaned mentally at myself,afraid as well.I didn't wanna think about it,i didnt wanna think of the rules i broke the exceptions i made and wanted to make when it came to while we're being honest,i asked Root to talk about the number geniunely in all purposeness for her well being, but a part of me clenched up inside when i brought him up.A sense of protectiveness, a sense of..jeaslousness? Fuck sake, i do not want to be thinking about this right now.I look over to the open toilet door and I see Root seated on the seat, her face burried in her hands.

She was muttering something to herself and to myself, I got up and grabbed a blanket with i approached i heard the bits and pieces including " Shaw" "end up really hating me" "if she knew" "i dont even know" "fun and games" "important" "if i lost her" "disgusting" "what loser fails at taking their own life"
At the last one i felt my heart turn cold. Wait a minute what? Did she try to kill herself and when on earth did that happen? Realising how little i knew about Root's past and how much she was hurting ,in which i somehow had put up a brave front and was pretty confident,but i guess we all have our demons.

Walking forward,i called out, announcing my presence.

"Root"

She stopped muttering upon realising i was there and with a weak voice she stammered "S-sorry"

"Stop saying sorry Root,you have nothing to apologise for." I responded as i wrapped the blanket around the shivering woman.

"Thanks" she said with a sniff.

I made a mental note to bring up the bit i had overheard about suicide another time when she was perhaps less distressed.

"Here" I helped her up "Root why don't we go back to bed first,it's only a few hours to sunrise,we can talk then?"

"Okay" a single work in a meek voice was all the response i got. I helped Root back into bed before crawling in at the other next to her,i turned my body to face her .She tilted her head in my direction but her tear stained eyes refused to meet my glance. I stretched out my hand so that it held on to her arm ,i stroked her gently and muttered "Close your eyes Root,you're safe"
I didnt remove my hand but i soon resumed into slumber.

I woke up to check on Root about an hour later,but to my surprise when i patted the spot next to me ,it was empty. I rubbed my eyes and got up,I smelt something,a scent that wasn't usually in the out,i saw Root in the corner of the subway,holding a cigarette in her hand.

"Smoking in the subway? Didn't know you smoked Root,you know it kills right?" I called out.

Root turned looking sheepish that she had been caught. " Not if Life is already trying to kill you." She joked weakly but solemnly. "Um i dont usually anyway i was just well not feeling..and um i couldnt go out so..hey you dont have to come closer i dont wanna get smoke on you" She stated uneasy.

"It's fine Roo-" I stopped in my tracks,my eyes darting to the rolled up sleeves and her arm,freshly made red angry streaks marked across them. Her eyes followed in suit of mine and realising that i had seen them,she quickly hid her arm behind her back and looked down.

"Oh Root" I said,my heart aching as it dawned upon me.