Friday, June 2, 2017:
Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, NY
9:00 a.m.
Danny looked in the mirror as he tied his tie. Linda's funeral mass began in two hours. He took extra special care as he wanted to look good for Linda, though rationally, he knew she wouldn't know what he looked like one way or the other.
He had originally planned on having the service the coming Monday but decided that nobody could go through another weekend moping around and dreading what they all knew awaited them. It was time for the entire family to move on with their lives and the sooner this formality was over, the better.
Danny had never liked funerals. They reminded him of all the death he had scene both as a United States Marine and as a sworn police officer. The first funeral he could recall was that of his maternal grandfather, Dolan Riley. Danny was 8 years old and Jamie hadn't even been conceived. Less than a year later his maternal grandmother, Margaret Riley went to her eternal rest. Then in 2001, it was his paternal grandmother, Betty Reagan, followed in 2005 by his mother, Mary and finally in 2009, his brother Joe, or so he had been led to believe.
When Dolan had died, he was too young to understand what death really meant, other than when someone died, they no longer came over for Sunday dinner, or gave you birthday or Christmas presents, or talked to you on the phone and instead of visiting them in their house, you had to go to something called a cemetery to talk to them, yet they never spoke back to you, which Danny thought was kind of rude because if he ever failed to answer someone, his mother would swat his butt. However, as he grew older his parents and grandparents had taught him to have faith, that God had a plan and that you spoke to the departed, that's what they called dead people, the departed, though Christ because the departed resided with Jesus in heaven. A young Danny often wondered how many bedrooms the house had to hold all of these departed people, and did they get their own bedroom or did they have to share it, and more importantly, how many bathrooms were there, because Erin hogged the one she shared with Danny and Joe so Danny could only imagine that if there were a lot of girls there banging on the bathroom door, he'd never be able to take a crap in peace.
By the time Joe had died, Danny had seen more death than anyone ought to have witnessed in a lifetime and he had abandoned any preconception of faith, be it religious or in his fellow man, that he at one time held.
Even with Linda, Danny couldn't bring himself to believe that she was in heaven with Christ. To his way of thinking, you were born, you lived, you died, and these were each important. He tended to deal too much with how people died and this tarnished his views on humanity as well as religion. As September 11, 2001 and his time in Iraq proved to Danny, too much death came from religion, so what the hell good was it? How could a benevolent God, call him by any name you want, allow humanity to feed on itself in the ways that he had seen. Where was God to stop it, and how could this be his great and unknown plan? As such, he adamantly believed that this was no dress rehearsal and when your number came up, you cashed in your chips and that was it.
What Danny did believe was that you were judged by your actions and the company that you kept but not by God, but by those who really knew you and if you were worth remembering, family, friends, and those who respected you would keep your memory alive by speaking good of you, and this is the discussion he had with his sons the previous night after Sean had asked if his mother was in heaven with Christ and if not, what would people think of her?
"In his last interview before he died, John Wayne was asked what he thought his legacy would be, you know, how he'd be remembered after he was gone and he said that he had lived his life so that his family would love him, and his friends respect him, and everyone else could think whatever the hell they wanted." Danny explained.
"Those of us who knew Mom and loved her and respected her know who she is and what she meant to us, to her family, her colleagues, her patients, her community, and beyond that, I don't think she'd care what someone else thought of her because I know that I sure don't and neither should you." He concluded.
Jack was pragmatic and accepted that it was what it was and that it was their job to cherish their mother's memory and the time they had with her, but they had to go on living. Their obligation was to do so in a way that would have made her proud, whether in life or death, however, Sean needed something more visceral to hold on to but Danny just couldn't give it to him and he wasn't going to lie or to say something that he didn't believe, just to provide paternal comfort.
Finally, Danny asked Erin and Jamie, who still held some semblance of faith, to speak with Sean. Hopefully they had provided their nephew with the comfort he had been seeking.
Having knotted his tie, Danny walked over to the closet and removed his new suit jacket from its hanger. He stared into his childhood closet remembering the first time he performed the same act in order to attend his grandfather's funeral. He recalled the time he dressed in this very room to attend his mother's funeral 12 years ago, and finally, he recollected putting on his NYPD dress blues before the same mirror in this same room in order to stand beside his grandfather and father while saluting Joe's flag draped casket.
Danny shook himself out of his reverie. Here he was, about to bury the woman he loved, the mother of his children, his soul mate, and he wasn't even thinking of her because he was so consumed by his anger and fear for Joe.
Danny recalled the numerous times that he had put Linda on the back burner so that he could work a case and he was doing it again, this time for his brother as Joe was becoming Danny's ultimate case to solve.
Now that he believed that his wayward brother was alive and what he was likely up to, Danny was consumed by the constant fear that Joe would be killed before they could bring him home. He had believed for the past 8 years that Joe died because he had failed to protect his younger brother, which was the reason he had been so determined to toughen up Jamie, because he could not, would not, lose another brother. He was being given a second chance and he would not fail Joe this time.
There was a gentle knock on his bedroom door. "Time to go Dan." His father said.
"Be right there Dad." Danny replied before he took one last look in the mirror.
Five minutes later, Danny walked outside to find the limousines that would convey them to the church, the cemetery, and back home. There were two stretched black Lincoln MKTs along with Frank's detail in an undercover Crown Vic. At either end of the lineup there was a marked NYPD RMP.
"Dad, I thought we agreed. No marked cars." Danny stated.
"Not my call Dan, talk to your ex-squad boss and Baker" Frank commented as he followed Henry, Erin, and Nicky towards the second limo.
Danny, Jack, Sean, and Jamie got into the lead limo.
"Let it go Danny, you kept the Department out of everything else to do with today" Jamie cautioned.
Danny grunted in acknowledgement. He had been adamant. No dress uniforms for the Reagan men. No NYPD motorcade or bagpipe band. He knew many would want to use this opportunity to make a big show in order to curry favor with the P.C. but Linda was only Frank's daughter-in-law, not his daughter and where he may have had a stronger say over matters to do with Erin, Frank knew that when it came to Linda, he was wise to adhere to Danny's wishes and Danny remained emphatic that this was not going to be a cop style funeral nor did he want the NYPD controlling events or involving itself.
Danny wasn't even carrying his gun or shield though Jamie was, if only to protect his family if the need arose.
If Danny was honest, this was the first time in his life that he hated being a cop, that he detested the NYPD, because it was a greedy mistress, always wanting something and constantly taking from him, and though it had nothing to do with the crash that killed Linda, it did cause him to switch shifts with her. It had constantly demanded his time and attention which he took from her to feed its insatiable maw. This is why he was so blunt with Jamie and Erin, because they could still get their shit together and have a good fulfilling life with the person they loved because those people were right there in front of their stubborn faces, but Danny's love had been cruelly taken from him and there was nothing he could do to make up for the lost chances and the time he had spent chasing his career as opposed to being with his wife.
The procession quickly and quietly made its 1.7-mile trip from Bay Ridge to The Roman Catholic Church of St. Patrick on 4th Avenue in Brooklyn, not to be confused with its more prominent relative on 5th Avenue in Manhattan, St. Patrick's Cathedral.
In fact, the Archbishop of New York had personally called Frank to offer both himself along with the famous cathedral to host Linda's funeral mass, but knowing his family, Frank had respectfully declined explaining that Linda's expressed wishes were that the service be hosted by her priest at the family's church.
Upon exiting the Lincoln, Danny saw the limo that had brought Linda's family parked behind the hearse bearing Linda's coffin. He put his arms around his sons and they walked over to it.
The driver respectfully opened the rear door, exposing the casket which Danny and the boys each laid a hand on.
"This will be the last time that we'll have any private time with Mom so say to her what you want her to know and then offer her a prayer" Danny instructed before they each bowed their heads.
Once this had been accomplished, they stepped back as the six pallbearers approached, ready to bring Linda into church.
Linda had requested Jamie as the lead pallbearer. She also wanted her brother, Jimmy O'Shea, and her former brother-in-law Jack Boyle along with two of her friends, Dr. Stuart Friedman from her days at Kings County General, and John Porter, a burly male nurse at St. Victor's. Danny was to pick the final pallbearer.
Danny suspected the sixth spot had been intentionally left open in case Joe returned from the dead but looking around, he highly doubted that was going to happen which is why last night he had asked his former partner DeMarcus King who accepted.
Danny looked at his watch, dreading what was to come. His grandfather gently slipped beside him. "Suck it up Marine" he ordered to which Danny instinctively straightened. "We'll all get through this together." Henry advised.
"Aye Aye Staff Sergeant" Danny replied.
"Smart ass" Henry quipped and for the first time that day, Danny cracked a smile.
"Time to get the show on the road" he announced as he and the remaining Reagan and O'Shea family members fell in behind the pallbearers as they gently carried Linda inside to her funeral mass.