A/N: Here we go. Sorry it took me a horrendously long time to update. I just got my first apartment, so I've been hella busy. Bear with me, please!

Thanks again to the Dreaditor, AKA, my sister/roomie/cosplay buddy/awesomesauce.

Oh. Also, I just got back from a convention, so I've been really really busy. XP

Anywho. PLEASE REVIEW, FOLKS! I know, I know. It can be a hassle, but I love to hear from you, and I lose the motivation to continue if I'm only getting one or two responses per chapter, and those from people who previewed the chapters before I finished and posted them!

Much love! ONWARD!

-10-

'Don't Tell Me It's Over'

I don't know what I expected to happen. I guess, given the way things had begun between us, I thought that it was just that easy to restart. But where could we begin? Would he even want to see me again after that? I couldn't be sure. But I knew I'd been fucking up for a long time now. There was no getting around that. What if I told him? Would it make a difference?

The first night after Demyx and I had settled into our apartment, we'd made a quick trip to the liquor store and loaded up with everything we could carry, then traipsed back to the apartment. We had lounged in the living room for hours, drinking, laughing, talking. After three hours or so, I was way past buzzed, and Dem had been smashed long before I'd begun to feel the effects. We'd somehow wound up tangled up on the floor exchanging sloppy kisses and running our hands all over one another like we used to.

I'd known at the time that it was the last thing I should have done. I wasn't over Roxas. And Demyx wasn't over me. He'd tried to pursue a relationship with Zexion, but he'd dumped him shortly thereafter. We both knew it was a stupid thing to do, but at the time, nothing seems easier than fucking your best friend on the living room floor, drunk out of your mind with the whole world at your feet. The next morning isn't as easy. But it happened anyways, and more than once.

A few times, I'd bedded down with some of Dem's partying pals, and he'd been none too pleased about it. He'd never say anything, but I could tell from the look on his face as I practically chased them out of the apartment in the morning. Ever since we'd arrived in the little college town, there had been a string of one-night stands for me, and drinking binges for Demyx. Obviously not the healthiest pattern of behavior. But it allowed us to avoid the issue long enough. Until now; because my issue was sitting in front of me, eyes wide and furious.

When he tore his eyes away from me, I realized the actuality of the situation. I had made a mistake, and I had fucked up yet again. I couldn't fix everything with kissing and fucking; convenient though it may be. I had let my hands rest on his knees as I leaned back to look at him, but I slipped them away now, feeling more stupid than ever.

"Hey...That- Fuck. Roxas, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

He shook his head, incredulous for a moment. He regained his composure and stared me dead in the eye.

"No, you shouldn't have," he said, voice trembling quietly. "Because now I'm more confused than ever."

I frowned and knit my brow in confusion, turning my eyes to the floor as he looked at me again. It was a little ironic that I was hosting the confused expression now while he sat in front of me, totally dead-pan, admitting he was confused. I leaned back in my crouch, afraid of crowding him. I nearly toppled over as he stood and brushed past me, heading straight for the door. I rushed to me feet, wanting so badly to stop him but uncertain if it was the right thing to do.

I felt my heart leap unpleasantly to my throat as he walked out the door and slammed it shut. I broke my daze and hurried to the door, looking out at his quickly retreating figure; already halfway across the parking lot. I stared out long after he had gone, feeling more than lost. It took me fifteen minutes to shake myself out of my stunned confusion.

"...Fuck. Fuck."

I growled at myself as I leaned back on the door and slid down to sit on the pavement. I tipped my head back and cursed myself a few more times, then slipped a cigarette from the pack in my pocket, lighting it with a slow, distracted motion. I took in a long drag; long enough to make my throat burn desperately, then exhaled heavily. I shut my eyes and leaned my head back again, losing myself completely for the moment."

I should have known better. I should have known he would run from me like that. I shouldn't have entertained the idea of some wonderful reunion. I should have let things slip away again with a few diverting remarks and smooth comments. I could've done it differently, that was for sure. But I hadn't, and I had probably fucked over my chances for good.

But what had he meant? More confused than ever? What was left to be confused about? I had given him the answers he'd always wanted. I'd let him in on the big fucking secret that was my life. I'd told him why things had gone the way they did. I had done as he asked. And yet I was sitting alone outside my apartment, banging the back of my head against the door and smoking one cigarette after another.

I only came out of my stupor again when Demyx prodded me with the toe of his shoe. He asked me what happened; what was wrong. But I didn't answer him, and he didn't press his luck this time. I stood and moved aside so he could get into the apartment. By then it was dark. But I didn't care. I entered the apartment, only for a moment, to grab my keys and another pack of smokes. Then I walked out again with every intention of going to a club, getting completely and totally plastered, and getting fucked 'til I couldn't walk.

I didn't want anything good. I just wanted something to knock me down for the night. And this would do it. Just as I hit the top of the stairs, someone grabbed my wrist and stopped me. I whirled around to find Demyx staring me down, fingers curled around my wrist. He shook his head at me and I set a grimace on my face. He shook his head again and with a frustrated sigh, I allowed him to pull me back into the apartment. He dragged me to the living room where I threw myself back on the couch, arms crossed, frown set determinedly. He disappeared for a moment and came back with two bottles of beer. He handed one to me and I begrudgingly took it as he sat down at surveyed me carefully.

This day was nothing that I'd hoped it would be. I told myself for the hundredth time that I should have known better. But I still didn't want to know better. I still wanted it to turn out the way I had hoped. I hated everything about it.

"I really don't get it..."

I looked up at his mumbled statement and narrowed my eyes.

"I told you. You don't have to understand a fucking second of it. It's none of your business."

He looked me over warily.

"Oh really? It's none of my business when my best friend is miserable? I haven't seen that look on your face in a long time. And the only problem this time is that there isn't a damn thing I can do for you."

I kept my mouth shut now, afraid I would say something cruel but also refusing to acknowledge him. It was definitely true that he'd been there for me. And he'd pulled me out of a bad spot, for sure. But we were fourteen. I could've fallen for anyone at any time then. I hated that it had been him. I'd never meant to hurt him. But that's the way it happened. Sure, we had a good run, and he put me on the right track again, but this was different from then. This wasn't something he could fix, he was right about that. And I didn't want anyone to fix it. I wanted to fix it myself. I tipped the bottle to my lips and drank heavily for a few moments, ignoring his sigh. He took a sip of his beer and shook his head at me again.

"Listen, Ax...I don't know what you need. I don't think it's anything from me. But I'm not gonna let you go out and get fucked up. I've seen you there. I'm not letting it happen again."

I pretended I wasn't listening again.

"Just...Stay here tonight, please. I'll give you whatever the fuck you ask for, do whatever you need me to do, call whoever you need me to call. But don't go out there and completely fuck yourself over again. Just don't."

I wanted to roll my eyes. I wanted to retort viciously. All he'd done since we started school was party and spend the night with strangers. And he'd be the first to admit that it was because I wouldn't be with him again. Yet here he was. Telling me to stay in. To be good. To take care of myself. Still...I owed him something. I tossed the rest of the beer back.

"Fine. Whatever."

He nodded in approval and drained his beer as well before taking both empty bottles back to the kitchen. He returned with each of our favorite liquors and two shot glasses in hand.

"I know this is what you were gonna do if you went out. But may as well do it here."

I shrugged but accepted the shot he poured for me after he settled on the armchair nearby. It carried on this way for the next hour or more. One of us turned music on at some point, although the details aren't really clear to me now. I found myself sprawled on the armchair, and Demyx was stretched out on the living room floor, one arm thrown across his brow, the other tossed over his hips. I poured another round and handed him a glass. He nearly dropped the glass and chuckled as he gained his grip and sat up to drink.

"So, seriously, Axel...What'd you do to the kid this time?"

I had a hard time mustering up the energy for anger at this point. I shrugged my shoulders at him and tossed back the shot while I searched for an answer.

"I told him the truth. Then I fucked up."

"...Wait. What?"

I rolled my eyes and laughed as he set the shot glass on the table and flopped back on to the floor.

"It was stupid...I'll figure it out. But not now."

I slipped off the chair on to the floor next to him and poured two more shots. We threw them back in tandem and set the glasses aside.

"...Fuck. I'm really drunk."

I laughed at his remark. He'd always been more of a lightweight than me. I knew he'd been smashed for a little while now. If I was feeling this light, then he was definitely gone. I readjusted so I was laying beside him on the soft rug. He turned on his side to look at me and shook his head again.

"Jesus, stop with that, would ya?" I grumbled, shoving his shoulder. He thudded on to his back again and chortled. I rolled my eyes but smiled nonetheless as he struggled to face me. We lay on the floor for some time, sharing a few more drinks and chatting idly. It was past midnight and we were still sprawled on the floor, growing tired, but feeling good.

Demyx sat up and reached across me to grab another drink. I let my eyes wander over him for a brief moment and I remembered one of the things I'd adored about him... As he started to settled back again, shot in hand, I leaned up and kissed him. I heard the glass tumble to the floor, but he didn't resist. I smirked into the kiss as he rushed to meet me, pressing close, eyes shut. I easily shifted my weight to trap him beneath me.

He had always let me take charge. He liked it that way; it was what he wanted. It had been different with Roxas. He would fight me sometimes. He wanted it; I wouldn't have forced him into anything. But he liked to do things on his terms. I'd loved and hated that more than anything about him. I loved it when he challenged me, but loved it more when he gave in to the moment...

Demyx tried to bring my attention back to him; his hand cradling my face. I grabbed his wrists and pinned them over his head without breaking the kiss. I could feel him straining towards me as I started to back off a little. When the kiss ended, he opened his eyes. I could tell he didn't have his wits about him. But neither did I. I didn't give a fuck. Nothing was important in that moment, except for doing what felt good; not what felt right.

We somehow managed to stumble to his room, still tangled together. We crashed down on the bed, as familiar to me as my own after so long. Our clothing was a struggle, but it came off in a hurry. The whole thing was sloppy and rushed, but exactly what I wanted at that moment. I loved hearing someone call my name; knowing someone wanted me. I was thriving on the control I had. I could take it however fast or slow I wanted. I could torture him. I could take him sky-high in an instant. It was all in my control.

By the time we collapsed, still entangled and panting, neither of us was any more sober for it. I let myself catch my breath for a moment before I clumsily kissed Demyx again and climbed out of bed. I tugged on my boxers and my jeans and rifled through the discarded clothing for my cigarettes and a lighter. Demyx reached out and grabbed a belt loop on my jeans to stop me as I stepped away.

"Where're you going?" he mumbled. I knew he would pass out soon enough. I leaned over and kissed him chastely before straightening up and placing a cigarette between my lips.

"Just going for a smoke."

"Well come back to bed when you're done..."

I didn't reply as I went out the door. He would fall asleep while I was outside and then I would shower and go back to my own bed. I couldn't turn this into what he wanted. He wanted me to sleep next to him, maybe hold him all night, and wake up together in the morning, surprised, but pleased. It wasn't going to be like that. It couldn't happen that way. I didn't want it that way, and what we had done was bad enough already.

I leaned against the door once I got outside and lit up a cigarette, taking a long, hard drag. I released the breath slowly, watching the smoke curl in hues of blue out and away from me. I ran a hand over my hair and closed my eyes as I took another drag. I still felt dizzy and drunk, but now I felt like shit. I knew better. I always knew better. So why didn't I pay attention to what I knew...?

When I went back inside, I had smoked three cigarettes and my throat burned. I didn't usually smoke so much. But I wanted something to stop my hands from shaking. I moved soundlessly down the hall and peered into Dem's room. He was fast asleep, curled to one side, obviously still expecting that I would be back. I turned away and went to my room, stripped off my clothing and fell into bed, but didn't fall asleep right away.

The light on my cell phone was flashing feebly from the bedside table. I rolled over and snatched it, opening the new message I'd received. I growled, irritated with myself as I saw Roxas' name. I sighed heavily as I read the message.

'Hey. I didn't mean to freak out. I needed to think. When can we talk again?'

I picked my brain for a moment before tapping out a message in reply.

'I'm all clear for the day. As soon as you want, Rox.'

I sent the message and turned over, guilt engulfing me rapidly. I tried to stave it off to no avail. I knew I hadn't really done anything wrong. But it still felt wrong to me. I'd gotten what I wanted, sure, but it didn't change the fact that the entire time I was with Demyx that night, I was thinking about and picturing Roxas. It wasn't fair to either of them. But I'd done it anyways.

I could feel myself slowly sobering up as I laid there, thinking. I forced my eyes shut and eventually fell asleep so I wouldn't have to face myself completely. I only slept so well thanks to the exhaustion lent to me from drinking and fucking.

When I woke again, it was late morning. The sun tried to peer into my room around the edges of the blinds. I shifted on my bed with a groan, sweat causing the sheets to cling to my body as I sat up. I heaved a sigh and glanced at my door as if expecting it to give me some answers. It didn't have any. It never did. Useless fucking door.

I hefted myself out of bed and out the door, cigarette dangling between my lips as I searched the hall table for a lighter. Once I had one in hand I walked as quickly as I could out the door and lit it with a grateful inhale. I knew my peace wouldn't last long but I needed a minute to collect my thoughts and think of some way to fix this. Or at least put a band-aid on it until I could deal with it better. I burned through the cigarette a lot more quickly than I hoped for, then I stepped cautiously back inside. I heard music from Dem's room. Loud. The kind he usually played when he was feeling pissed off and reclusive.

I returned to my room for a moment to pull on a pair of jeans then I went to face him. I knocked abruptly on the door and tried to think of what I could say. He opened the door slowly and eyed me before turning away, though he left the door open. I stepped in and leaned against the wall as he sat on his bed.

"What?"

His tone was not it's usual inviting chime. I gritted my teeth and reminded myself to watch my temper.

"I wanna make sure you're okay. With what happened..."

I trailed off, at a loss. What could I say to make him feel better? The only answer to that was tell him I wanted to be with him. But that wasn't the truth.

"I knew what you wanted last night, Axel. I'm not an idiot. I knew."

Did you know what you wanted?

"I...Dem, I know that you have a clear idea of what I was looking for. But..."

He looked dead at me. It wasn't something I could always stand with him. He never looked down or away from me when he was angry. He let me see it, unashamed. He was upset and he wasn't about to hide it.

"But what? We were fucking drunk, Axel. It happens."

He shrugged. I heaved a sigh and raised a hand to my neck, rubbing it in irritation.

"I know that. But I don't think it was right. Not for you."

"What the fuck?"

His tone had taken a sharper turn. I averted my eyes while he continued to stare me down from across the room.

"You know what I'm talking about, Dem. I can't give you what you want. You know that."

"Yeah. Well, fuck that. You sure as hell make me think you can."

I felt myself getting more and more aggravated.

"I never made you any fucking promises, not one. We both knew what we were doing. You know I can't, I just fucking can't."

He finally looked away from me. I knew he was done talking. I turned away and left the room. There was more I wanted to say. To ask. I was terrified that he would use this against me. That he would tell Roxas. That would put the final nail in the coffin. There wouldn't be any coming back from that.

I went back to my room and grabbed my phone to check my messages, trying to put Demyx from my mind. He was angry now. But I had known him too long to believe that he would really fuck me over like that.

I had a new message from Roxas. He wanted to meet me again. He said to let him know when I was awake and good for it. I replied, telling him to head over whenever he was ready. I allowed myself time for a quick shower and a change of clothes, as well as a short break for chain smoking before I rummaged through the apartment for anything to eat. But Demyx and I had pretty well finished everything off with our drunk-munchies the evening before. I heard a knock at the door and rushed to open it.

It wasn't much easier, but I managed to give him a once over that didn't last long enough to be that awkward this time. I grinned lopsidedly and he smiled in an obligatory way. We got the hellos out of the way. I heard Demyx's door snap shut down the hall and held back the urge to growl.

"So, I'm half starved and we're wiped out here. Wanna go grab something to eat?"

"Sure. You wanna drive, or...?"

I had to think on that one. At first I didn't know what he meant, but then I remembered that he did in fact have a car and a license. I had driven most of the time when we were together. It was strange to think of him being 'in charge', but on a whim, I wanted to know what it would be like after so long. I shrugged.

"You drive."

He nodded. I slipped my shoes on then followed him out the door and down the steps to his car. I slid into the passenger seat and leaned back comfortably as he took off.

"I know a good place, just down the road here. I'll tell ya how to get there."

"Okay."

We fell into a silence that wasn't quite uneasy but it wasn't exactly comfortable.

A/N: Ta-da. Hope you enjoyed.

Just for reference. This whole Demyx debacle was not in the original draft. But I wanted to add it. So there. :]

I just used the word 'debacle'. Wtf. I'm such a loser. Ha. Awesommmmme.

Well. I had a kick-ass birthday (Cake, my cosplay buddies, reminiscing, Hooters, Houlihan's, my sister, a sombrero, a tiara, my Roxy plush, and a camera...Only good can come from these things). Hope you're all still lovin' it. Have a good one, folks.

Read, Review, and continue to loathe/love me for the supreme drama that is this silly little story.

3

[Simple-And-Clean-Passion]