Life is so degrading, and I'm pretty sure I hate it.

I gotta get myself out of this town.

Before I'm broken down, lying shattered on the ground,

For all the world to see who I am.

~Broken Hearts and Fairytales (Jake Coco)

~ ⁂ ~

I kept my gaze on the ground as I made my way through town towards Victor's Village. I still wasn't used to coming home from the Capitol and I felt as though everyone who looked at me knew what I was doing and I could imagine the look of disgust in their eyes. A simple hello from a passerby on the street was interpreted as a snide comment. Contrary to Finnick's belief my third visit was no better than my first, not even in the slightest. Back at home the guilt of the secret I was keeping from Gale and my family weighed down on my shoulders and, although I tried to keep eating, I was losing weight and my sleep habits were getting worse. My mother worried that I was getting sick or having a relapse to how I was feeling before the tour. I let her give me the medicine she thought would help but nothing was changing.

The temperature was rising and some of the snow was turning into slush, splashing its muddy colored water up onto my pant legs. Spring was only a few months away and with it would come the Quarter Quell announcement. Haymitch raised his flask to me from his porch and I gave him a grim smile. Although we had never actually talked about what was happening I knew that Haymitch was doing all he could to keep my mother from asking too many questions about my constant visits to the Capitol. I was grateful for his help because without it I would have cracked under the pressure of the secret after the first month.

My gut clenched as I remembered that I would be required to mentor any of the Tributes for this year and have to face their families when they returned home in a box.

When I opened the door to my house I paused in the entryway before shutting the door. I could hear my mother moving around in the kitchen, pots and pans clanging together, trying to help my sister with her math. I saw Prim sitting at the counter, her legs swinging on either side of the stool, possibly chewing on her pencil. "But why does the x have to go there?"

I saw a quick flash of my mother's skirt as she turned around the counter and I imagined her leaning over the math book in front of Prim. "Because x would stand for the amount of ash produced in a year and if it was there," a pause followed, "then the answer would be negative and you can't produce negative ash."

I unwrapped the scarf from around my neck and took off my jacket, hanging it on the hook near the door, as Prim continued to ask my mother questions about the answer to her problem. I worked on unlacing my boots, leaving one foot propping the door open. When my boots are off and placed exactly where my mother liked them, behind the coat rack where no one could see them, I closed the door as quietly as I could manage.

It must not have been as quiet as I had thought because I heard the squeak of the stool moving across the floor and then Prim was flying around the corner yelling "Katniss!". She pulled me into a hug and I was startled for a second by the fact that she had grown taller in the week that I had been gone. My mother used to like to tease me that Prim would be taller than me one day and that I would regret the jokes I had made, but this was the first time that I had even considered the idea that my mother was right. A large part of me wanted to push this revelation aside; to forget that my little sister was growing up.

Prim pulled away and walked me further into the house, clutching my hand and chattering about how much she had missed me and how her classes were going. When we were in the kitchen Prim let go of my hand and allowed my mother to hug me, all the while keeping her one-sided conversation going. When my mother stepped back she took my cheeks in her hand and said, "I missed you Katniss."

Prim got a sly grin on her face and looked at me. "You know who else missed you Katniss?" She didn't give me a chance to even answer instead telling me right away, "Gale."

I blushed and my mother laughed, turning back to her dinner preparations. Prim danced around the kitchen stating in a sing-song voice, "Katniss loves Gale."

When she came near me I grabbed her arm and hugged her again, "I love you, little duck."

She giggled and I kissed her on the top of her head then pushed her back towards the counter. "Now finish your homework."

She pouted but sat down in the stool again and picked up her pencil. I grabbed a pot of peas that my mother had been shelling and picked up where she had left off, losing myself in the sound of boiling water and Prim's pencil scratching on her paper.

"What's it like in the Capitol?" I glanced up and saw Prim looking at me and playing with her pencil.

"What?"

"You've been there four times now. I'm sure you've seen enough of it by now to tell me what it's like." She had gone back to her math and, as she was writing another equation, pressed down on her pencil too hard and broke the tip. She got up and started digging through her bag for a new pencil as I tried to think of how I would answer her.

She sat back down in her stool and looked at me expectantly. My mother kept stirring her pot but I could tell that she was listening closely as well. I put down the pea pod in my hands and leaned over the counter towards her. "Do you remember those stories Daddy used to tell us? About the princesses and nobles and the great big houses that they lived in?" Prim nodded her head. "The Capitol is like that. Everyone lives in a big, fancy house."

Prim looked around our house. "Bigger than this?"

I nodded and smiled, "Much bigger. There's a ball every night and every princess finds her prince there."

Prim giggled. "You don't need a ball to find your prince." She paused and glanced down at her book. "What do you even do when you go there? The parties seem like they'd get boring." She wrinkled her nose and wrote down some more of the numbers from her book.

I picked up the pea pods again, ready to be done talking about the Capitol. "They do. But I've made some friends there and we find things to do to make the time go faster. Besides, the time doesn't seem so long since I know that I get to come home to you." I reached across the counter and poked Prim's nose with an empty pod making her laugh again.

I handed the bowl of peas to my mother and started to walk out of the kitchen, calling back "I'm going to shower."

~ ⁂ ~

I washed off twice, once to get rid of the feel and smell of the Capitol and another time to feel like I was home. When I stepped out of the shower the mirror was fogged up. I was wiping it off when there was a rapid knock on the front door. I didn't hear anything else until I heard Prim calling my name from the stairs.

I opened the door and stepped into the coolness of the hallway. Prim was coming around the same corner and she ran into me, grabbing my waist tightly while trying to catch her breath through her tears. "Prim. Prim calm down. What is it?"

She mumbled her answer into my towel, "There was an accident at the mines."

I bent down to look Prim in the eyes, managing to say, "Mom's going to need help with supplies." before turning back into the bathroom to pull on my clothes. When I came out Prim was gone and I heard her and my mother talking about what supplies they might need to take. I ran down the stairs and jammed my feet into my boots without socks before running out the door and through Victor's Village towards the mines.

Going through the Merchant's quarters was an odd experience. Everyone there was going about their business as usual and I felt like yelling at them that there were people who could be dying not that far from them. People from their own District. But I knew that wouldn't change anything. The Merchants didn't care about the Miners.

There was a large group of people around the entrance to the mines, kept back from being right on top of the miners by a line of Peacekeepers in their white suits. I spotted Hazelle standing on the side of the mines closer to their house, holding tightly onto Posy's hand. Rory was standing beside her, offering a sort of support. Vick was breathing heavily next to Rory and I assumed that he had been the one knocking on our door.

I made my way over to them and Hazelle turned from Rory to cling to me. "They said it was smaller than the last one. There's a better chance for survivors but…" She trailed off and grabbed Rory's hand, squeezing it tightly.

Posy bit her lip and I sat down on the ground next to her. "Mamma said Gale was in there." She turned to me. "Is the same thing that happened to my daddy gonna happen to Gale?"

I firmly shook my head. "No. This is different. He'll get out of there Posy. And when he does he'll be so happy to see you."

Rory glanced down from where he stood with Hazelle and frowned at me. Vick moved over to sit on the other side of me. "Ignore Rory. Gale would want you here." I nodded and gave a small smile as Vick took my hand in his. "Thank you by the way."

I glanced at him, "For what?"

"The cheese buns. You gave them to us a while ago but you've been gone so much I couldn't say anything."

I gave him another small smile. "Vick you don't have to say anything."

He shrugged. "I know. But Gale says to always say thanks. Even if they don't expect it."

I glanced back at Rory to see him staring ahead with a straight face. He was already taller than Hazelle and everyone expected him to catch up to Gale soon. I imagined that Gale had looked similar to Rory five years ago when the last collapse had happened.

When my mother and Prim arrived I was still sitting cross-legged on the ground holding onto Vick's hand. Posy had curled up on the ground and my hand was stroking her hair. Prim went over to Rory and gave him a hug, putting a thermos of warm tea into his hands. I suddenly shivered, the cold finally hitting me, and I felt my mother drape my coat over my shoulders. No one spoke but my mother took Rory's place next to Hazelle while Rory and Prim made their way closer to the front of the crowd.

When Rory was gone Hazelle broke into sobs and clung to my mother as if she were a lifeline. "I don't know what I'm going to do if—"

My mother's shushes interrupted her. "Don't think like that. He'll be fine. I know he will."

Hazelle didn't say anything else but her sobs continued and Vick's hand tightened on mine. Posy sat up and crawled into my lap, saying nothing but, "I'm cold." I wrapped my free arm around her and tried to put as much of my coat around her as possible.

Wailing started up near us a few minutes later as the first of the men came to the top. Carried between them was the body of an obviously dead miner. A young woman pushed her way to the front, dropping to her knees when the Peacekeepers wouldn't let her past. The miners moved through the area the Peacekeepers had kept clear for them and one of them left to help the woman get through the crowd.

Hazelle watched the woman until she couldn't see her anymore and then turned her attention back towards the entrance. I knew what she was thinking because it was the same thought running through everyone's mind, Don't let him be dead too.

The miners came up in a drizzle. There would be a few of them and then ten or fifteen minutes could go past before there was any sign of another miner. Hazelle kept her eyes on the entrance her hand tightly clasping my mother's. Vick was playing with the dirt, drawing the same squiggles over and over again and Posy was trying to stay awake, her head jerking up every so often.

Rory and Prim came back after a while, Prim's hand held tightly in Rory's. It hit me suddenly that my sister had grown up. She wasn't the naive little girl I had left behind so many months before. I would have to try to remember to talk to her later. Rory put his hand on Hazelle's shoulder. "He's down there. They'll get him. He's gonna be fine."

Hazelle nodded and put her hand on Rory's shoulder. There was a commotion up near the front of the crowd, the Peacekeepers saying that the last of the miners were coming up now. Posy jerked her head up again and I rubbed her shoulder.

Hazelle craned her neck, trying to see past the crowd and Vick stood up. I patted Posy's shoulder then stood her up on the ground next to me, pushing myself up after. The people in the crowd who were still missing a family member pushed forward when the rickety elevator started its ascent.

Posy rubbed her eyes and grabbed my hand, trying not to get lost in the push forward. As the miners came out of the elevator cries of joy rang out among the crowd. Hazelle put her hand over her mouth and broke out into sobs when the lanky form of Gale came out of the elevator. Rory's face broke out into a large smile and he started to push through the tightly packed people in front of him.

Gale started to move towards the gap in the Peacekeepers, his head snapping up when he heard Rory shouting his name. Vick ran ahead of Rory, zig-zagging through the legs of the adults. Posy grabbed onto my hand and I held it tightly as I pushed through behind my mother and Hazelle.

It took a while to make it through the crowd, everyone wanting to get to the same place, but we all eventually made it. Rory was the first to reach Gale and he threw his arms around Gale, squeezing him tightly. Vick wrapped his arms around Gale's waist from the back and somehow Posy had managed to wiggle her way into Gale's arms between Rory.

Hazelle hung back, trying to control her sobs, until Gale put Posy down and turned to her. She collapsed into his arms, sobbing "I thought it would happen again. I thought..."

Gale shushed her and rubbed her hair, "No. I wouldn't let you go through that."

I bit my lip to hold back tears as it hit me for the first time how close the Hawthorne family had been to standing on the stage to receive a medal again. After Hazelle had calmed down and pulled away, placing a kiss on Gale's cheek, he glanced at me. That was all it took before I ran forward and pressed my lips to his. I could feel his surprise. I hadn't initiated contact since I came back from the Capitol the first time. I pulled away after a few seconds and whispered, "I thought I'd never see you again."

He smiled back at me holding me closer so that his mouth was right by my ear, "You can't get rid of me that easily."

~ ⁂ ~

A/N: So sorry it took me two months to get this up... Let's just say that life was a bit busy. It should be slowing down now and I'm hoping to get the next chapter up even sooner. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, favorited and alerted! Don't forget to tell me what you thought about this chapter.

Beta: maremarethebear. Go check out her story, A Fresh Start. Gadge!