Chapter 10

So this is the second halve. I hope you like it.

Troy's p.o.v

Fuck Love. Hate. Troy. Ugly. Useless. The words are written in what is undeniably blood. They razor glistens in the light. I grab the picture that was taken at Ryan's birthday party and flip it over. More words, more blood. Never. Shadow. No one loves you. The blood fades out on the last letter. My heart won't slow down enough for me to think clearly. Is this my fault? Of course it is. Ryan's wrist flash before my eyes, blood pouring from his open slits.

I wake up on the floor, next to my bed. My body's covered in cold sweat. Oh no, this can't be happening. They can not be starting again, not the nightmares, not now. I can't handle them, not while I have Gabriella to worry about. I give my eyes time to adjust to the room. The darkness is fading and a dark purple covers the windows. I lift my self from the floor. I turn to look at my clock on the dresser and a sharp pain stings my neck. Great, first the Gabriella, then the nightmares, now a neck pain…I can already tell this day is gonna suck. I take awhile to rotate my neck before looking at the clock. 6:58 am. Great, I only got about two hours of sleep. I left Gabriella at around five-ish. As much as I try to tell myself that she appreciated it, I know that she didn't notice. She was passed out the entire time. Ms. Montez spends the entire time staring out of the window, only opening her mouth to take in a quiet gasp. Once 5:00 hit, a nurse arrived, followed by two men, who looked as if they only a year or so older than myself. They were armed with a large plastic tube and a small clear back filled with a light yellow mixture. I knew what time it was, time to feed the bulimic. There was no way I could watch, so I snuck out as quietly as possible.

Now, as I stand under the streaming hot water of my shower, my mind focuses on another problem. Ryan. Where is he? Where did he go? Oh god, I know he hates me now. I would have never imagined that I would care so much about him. I can still his smile as he blew out the candles on his birthday cake. It was the first party that was just for him. Up until then, Sharpay and Ryan "shared" their parties. The truth was, without Sharpay, no one would've even noticed Ryan, let alone come to HIS birthday party. But all it took was me telling everyone that we were friends and that it was gonna be an awesome party…and of course there would be alcohol. Poor Ryan, he actually thought all those people where there because they liked him. I still remember the way he danced against Jason while the music blared through the speakers. His small hips grinding against Jason's all too willing body. He'd had too much to drink at that point. I should have known that I was gonna fall for him that night. I should have known by the way my blood rushed to my face, the way I yanked Ryan away from Jason and dragged him up the stairs, into the nearest bathroom. The way I roughly pressed my lips to his, tasting beer. I knew it would happen, I just didn't know why? I didn't know why I felt the need to kiss him before Jason did; I had to mark my territory. I was being an ass, but for some reason, I wanted to be with him. I totally forgot about Gabriella. I wanted to be Ryan's "first", not Jason, not anyone! It had to be me! Ryan was mine! I remember how he begged me to be gentle as I threw him on his bed. He screamed, from the mixture of pleasure and pain, but our noises were not heard. The music and laughter filled the house. I never wanted to be the first one to open Ryan. I wanted him to want me. But the beer clouded my thoughts and I didn't care if he wanted it or not, he was gonna take it. I was going to have Ryan. I've never touched any form of alcohol since. It scares the shit out of me.

I'm freaking out as I race into the theater to find Sharpay. As usual, she's sitting at the edge of the stage, singing to the song being played over the radio, as she reads a script. Talk about multitasking. I jog down the aisle until I'm directly in front of Sharpay.

"Where is he?" I ask, trying to talk and breath at the same time

Sharpay looks down at me and rolls her eyes.

"Like you would care" she says as she brings the script back to her face.

I don't even have to ask why she's mad. I reach up and pull the script from her hands. I know I'm an inch away from death, but I'm really worried at the moment.

"Sharpay, where is he?" I ask

She stares at me for awhile before answering.

"He's at home, he said he was sick and that he'd been throwing up all night" She says

My heart drops. Oh God.

"I'm gonna go see him" I say

"He doesn't wanna see you" She says

"I think I'll let him tell me that" I snap as I turn around

"He already told you!" she calls out "through me"

I stop and turn back to her. Maybe I heard her wrong. There's no way, Ryan can expect me to not try and see him. I haven't seen him all day! Now lunch rolls around, I'm scared out of mind and he tells me he doesn't wanna see me?

"He told me to tell you, that he doesn't need you're assistants, and that maybe you'd be better appreciated at the hospital with Gabriella" She says "You really fucked up Troy Bolton. Don't think that you can just do what you want with my brother and then leave him for...her!"

She doesn't know what she's talking about. She has no fucking idea. I love Ryan and I don't have to prove that to anyone, but him. So I will. I'm going to see Ryan, weather he wants me to or not.

Ryan's p.o.v

My wrists are on fire. I cut too deep last night. My scars were just beginning to fade. Now my wrists are covered in dark red lines, some longer than others. I'm completely drained. My stomach's tense from all the crying and I can't even look at food with out gagging. This day blows. I've been in bed all day, literally. I can't bring myself to move, what's the point? What's the point of anything? I'm thinking beyond the point of my situation with Troy and Jason, right now. I mean, what is the point? We work our asses off everyday, and for what? A letter or number on a piece of paper? Please, it's not worth it. It's not worth the pain and struggle. We'll just continue to work and fight until we die. We stress in high school about getting into college, we stress in college about making it in the real world, we stress about getting a career, we stress about taking care of our children and even when we die, we leave behind more stuff for everyone else to stress about. It's just a cycle of stress and problems. I mean, sure there's some good in life, but does it outweigh the bad? Not by a long shot. I thought being in love with Troy, was reason enough to live, but he doesn't love me back. So what's the point of even being here? Why not just end it, and be done? But then I think, "Am I just being lazy?" or "am I over reacting?" Ugh, I can't deal with this constant fight. A fight against myself, a fight that I'm just not gonna win. Everyone is put on this planet for a reason. What if my reason was to show Troy how much he really loved Gabriella? I mean, be serious, not everyone was meant to do something extraordinary, or else there would be no poor people or druggies. Someone has to be the person who shows everyone else that their life isn't that bad…maybe that someone is me.

I hope Troy got my message. I can't see him, not now. I can't look him in the eyes and tell him I hate him. He reads me too well, he'll know I'm lying and he'll take advantage of me weak situation. He'll tell me he loves me and promise me the world…only to leave me alone whenever Gabriella is in need. My head pounds and I try not to focus on the subject any longer. Suddenly there's a knock at my window. I turn my head, but see nothing, just my empty balcony. I'm about to lay back down, when I see a small rock tap against my window. Who's throwing rocks at my window? Ugh, stupid neighbor kids. I throw my covers off of my bare legs and hop from the bed. Clad only in my underwear, I rush to the balcony. Oh great, it's raining, how did I not notice that? I slid the glass door to the side and just my luck, a small rock hits me square between the eyes.

"Ouch" I say aloud

"Ryan? Ryan is that you?" A voice screams.

I walk completely outside; the rain feels great against my bare chest. I walk over to the wooden rail and my heart sinks. There he is, standing in the pouring rain. Jason's completely soaked.

"What are you doing here?" I scream

"Ryan…Ryan, I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry" He yells back

The rain makes my words barley audible.

"I don't wanna loose you to something this stupid!" He yells "I love you, and I'm never gonna stop loving you. And if that means, that I have to share you with Troy…then that's what I'll do. I can't afford to lose you. I would die without you, Ryan Evans"

This isn't happening, not with Jason. Here I was, completely depressed, on the verge of suicide then Jason shows up and I feel happy again. It's the same feeling when you want ice cream but settle for frozen yogurt, you're not completely satisfied, but at least you have something. At least you're not empty handed.

"You don't have to share me Jason" I yell

I feel content, enough to let Jason in my heart once more. And then the bomb drops, Troy's car pulls into my driveway.

"You have got to be kidding me" I say to myself

Troy waste no time running next to Jason. He follows his gaze and sees me. Please leave Troy, please don't make a scene. Of course, he can't read my mind, and he opens his mouth.

"Ryan, don't listen to him! You love me, and I love you!" Troy yells, pretending as if Jason isn't standing a foot away from him.

"Ryan! Let me in." Jason yells

"Ryan, stop this! You know you're wasting time! You know that I'm the one you want" Troy yells

"How do I know that you're not gonna leave me again? How do I know that you're not acting on impulse?" I scream

The rain flattens my hair to my forehead and I let it cover the top of my eyes. I can't stand to look at them. I ruined their friendship, I ruined everything they had, and they still want me? Jason hasn't moved, he hasn't spoken. That's Jason, only talking when he needs to. Right now, he knows that I'm still by his side and that Troy is nothing but a confused boy. Then Troy says something that changes my mind about him.

"How do you know your house won't explode? How do you know, I won't get struck by lightning? How do we know anything, until it happens! You have to take changes! So take a chance on me Ryan! I LOVE YOU! He yells

I'm stuck. On one hand I have Jason, the one who loves me, no matter what. He'll always be there for me, he'll always trust me. I'm number one on his list. But wait…is that love? I mean, do I love him or do I love the attention he gives me? I mean I've always been in Sharpay's shadow; Jason's the only one who noticed me for who I am. Maybe I'm afraid of being put back into the background. Maybe that's why Jason means so much to me. But then there's Troy, he never puts me first…but I can't imagine life without him. He's in my every thought and if he somehow left…I don't know what I'd do. Troy's a complete ass, but I can't shake the feeling that he gives me. It's the same feeling he has now. The feeling that would make him want to stand out in the pouring rain, and declare his love to me. I love Troy, and that's all that matters….right? I can't leave Jason…I just can't.

"Okay" I yell, to no one in particular

I run back into my room, out into the hallway, down the stairs, through the kitchen and to the back door. I'm about to make let love into my heart, and break one of theirs. I slowly open the door and call out the name of the boy I'm going let in, the guy I'm going stay committed to, no matter what. I open my mouth and yell out his name.

"

So did you like it? Do you hate me for leaving you hanging? Sorry, but that's just how it is. Lol. So I really need reviews for this chapter. Alright. OH and Ryan's whole" depressing thoughts" thing were just that… RYAN'S thoughts. Not mine. Alright, bye

Luv ya