OMG I AM SOOOOO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING SOONER. I'll update quicker, I PROMISE.
Honestly, I have to thank Akita Daichu. The whole ballerina thing was just a figure of speech until she made that comment! XD Rin seriously didn't have a reason for her going anorexic except the desire to fit into society (that's my trigger, for cutting also.)
Thank you Daichu-san, for giving me a real reason and not making me seem stupid!
HAPPY 10 CHAPTER ANNIVERSARY.
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I feel horrible for Japan
Disclaimer: If I owned Vocaloid, Mikuo would be real.
x.X.x
They are all so happy.
"Rin's eating, she's actually eating!"
Mikuo still doesn't talk about it. Instead he holds me, and kisses me, and wipes away my tears, and pats my head until my hair gets messed up. Len is a little nicer to me; he's always been a worry-wart though. Miku is more cheerful and spazy than she usually is around me. Lin just stays who she is – a good friend. Ren watches me while I eat, and avoids me when I'm over his house. But he's warming up. I don't talk to Piko much anymore.
No one questions why I go straight to the bathroom after a meal.
I've always hated that word: Bulimic. But now it's my sanctuary. A temporary sanctuary until I'm 'healthy' enough that people won't question me slowly not eating.
x.X.x
My therapist has noticed my loss of two pounds. Doesn't she understand?
x.X.x
I have been 100 pounds exactly for two weeks now. Time to stop eating lunch.
I guess bulimia is only good for maintaining weight, not losing it.
x.X.x
It's one of those days again. The sky is cloudy and gray, and I get this….nostalgic? I can't eplaon the feeling. I hate it, but I love it at the same time. It's sad. I want to hide it away, so it never has to face life again.
x.X.x
Lately I've been biting my lips until they bleed. Mikuo doesn't comment on them, and when I ask him if they a gross, he tells me the most amazing thing I've ever heard.
"Because they are a part of you. And I love every beautiful part of you."
x.X.x
"I hate March." Len pouts in study hall.
I hate march too. It's so slow.
x.X.x
My clothes are getting bigger. I like to wear Mikuo's sweatshirts, not only because they hide me, he says I look so adorable in them, then gives me a kiss on the cheek. He's so sweet.
x.X.x
March is slow. It feels like it's been a whole month, and it's only the 14th.
Stupid March.
x.X.x
I'm 96.7 lbs. Mikuo went with me to my therapy appointment, found out how I had been losing weight, and took me straight home, when he was supposed to take me to ballet practice today!
But I'm not too mad, because it's what I deserved. It was a punishment.
x.X.x
The rest of the month has gone by fast. I have vacation in a week.
I'm almost small enough to have to go to a ward. Mikuo says he'll support me, but I'm going to try to gain a little more weight so I don't have to go.
Right when I try to swallow my dinner bread, I gag it up.
I can't swallow my food.
It hurts.
x.X.x
I wake up the next morning feeling gross.
"Get up, sleepy head. It's noon already!" Mikuo shakes me, and I get ready to smash him against my desk, until I realize he's actually a living creature and not a beeping plastic demon mother of all sin and sinners on this planet.
I really hate mornings.
"Mikuo? What are you doing here? AND O MY GOSH IT'S 12:00 ON A MONDAY? Why didn't you wake me up earlier?" I ask in a somewhat whiney tone.
"Um, maybe because it's April vacation?"
"Oh…."
Mikuo laughs, and turns around, looking so cute in his big apron.
"And I'm staying with you while your parents are on that business trip. Gumiya and Len went with them, and they don't really…trust Gumi." He says, "Breakfast is ready, come down whenever you feel like it."
Mikuo kisses my forehead and jogs out of my room.
I collapse down on my bed.
Why am I such a monster?
I hate how much I've hurt Mikuo, how much I'm hurting him now.
I can just tell he notices.
Ah, don't worry Rin. I hate mornings too. You're not the only one who wants to bash living creature's' (?)heads while they are trying to wake you up.