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Chapter Ten

"A half-truth is a whole lie."

Yiddish proverb

Anna regarded the young man sitting quietly on the exam table. He hadn't said a word since they arrived in the infirmary; he hadn't said a word on the walk down from the docking bay, either. When she'd asked him to hop up onto the table, he did so without hesitation but…but everything about him seemed hesitant. I would give anything to be able to read your mind… she glanced at An. She was standing with her arms crossed over her chest looking more and more unhappy as the seconds ticked by.

Anna returned her attention to the young man. "When was your last physical?"

"Six months ago, Ma'am," his tone was soft. He wasn't making eye contact. "I'm completely clean," he assured her, however.

"I'm sure you are," she told him in what she hoped was a reassuring tone. The Red Houses were meticulous about things like that and from what little Jack had told her, the kid had been in the Service of only one man since his contract had been purchased. Anna found herself grimacing and did her best to turn it into a smile. "Let's get some blood work anyway," she kept her tone as conversational as she could.

"Yes, Ma'am."

When she slid the needle into the his arm, the young man didn't even flinch; she knew she was good, she hadn't hurt him, but everybody winced, at least a little, when it came to needles… everyone, she realized, except Kam. His demeanour, the first couple of times she'd had him in the infirmary, was nearly identical to what Kase was giving her. She decided she was better off not speculating on what the meant about the way Service Providers were treated by Red House medical personnel. She filled two small cylinders with his blood as quickly as she could, and offered up a tentative smile that wasn't returned. "That should do."

"Do you require any other fluids, Ma'am?" he offered quietly.

Anna blinked as understanding took hold. "No. No this is fine. Thank you. Henry… could I have a word with you in private?" she asked hesitantly; subterfuge wasn't really her strong suit, but hopefully…

He nodded, seeming to understand exactly what she was trying to do. "I'll just be a moment with the doctor," he said to Kase. "Everything will be all right, I promise."

Rather than reassure, his words seemed to further unsettle the other man—or maybe he just didn't want to be left alone with An, Anna mused.

"We can talk later," Fitzroy said to Kase before leaving him.

Kase merely nodded—Anna reckoned there wasn't much more he thought he could do. Kam hadn't been in much better shape when she first met him. But he escaped, she thought. He found a way and he got out of that life, he'd lived on his own for six months before ever finding his way onto the Welshman. Judging by the way he was acting—reacting—running away had never occurred to Kase…

An waited until Dr Raynor and Henry Fitzroy were out the door and the door sealed shut behind them, before taking a tentative step towards her son. "I know you hate me," she started with what she was sure was the truth.

"I don't hate you. I don't even know you."

She nodded her acceptance of the statement; she'd been walking on broken glass for the two weeks. Her mind had created every possible scenario for what might happen when he saw her… scenes like this far out weighted the ones in which he threw his arms around her and told her he loved her. "I didn't think I had a choice, Kase. I didn't… I didn't have anything," she tried to explain. She just wanted him to understand.

He nodded. "I read your letter. You said that." His tone was hollow; he was looking at a spot on the floor midway between the exam table and the door.

"I just wanted you to have a better life. I had no idea… I didn't know what would happen to you. Please believe that."

He shrugged. "How could anyone know what the Empire doesn't want them to know?" he asked. "Even the clients don't see the 'real' Red House—they only see what the House wants them to see. They believe what they want to believe because it's easier than believing the truth."

An swallowed back the lump in her throat. His statement sounded like tacit forgiveness… she hoped. "I was going to come back for you," she told him. "I tried so hard. I took every job I could get but, I did the best I knew how… but it was never enough."

He only nodded.

"I… I'd like to get the chance to know you again. If… if that's all right…?"

"There's nothing to know. Whoever…whatever… I might have been…" you can't let it define you… Jack's words. But how could he trust anything Captain Harkness had told him? He knew what Kam was. It didn't matter what Harkness called him, there were only two ways out of the Red House: You either had your contract sold to someone else or took your own way out with a shard of glass or a noose around your neck.

"Kase?"

He wiped the trickle of moisture away from his cheeks and forced himself to meet her gaze again. His expression was blank, his tone empty. "I'm a Cyprian, a Service Provider. I am what the client or whoever holds my contract wants me to be—nothing more. I ceased to exist as a real person the day you signed me over to the Red House. It's my pleasure to Serve."

"No. No, Kase, that's not true. You're more than that. You're my son and I love you. I always loved you. You're a person, not… you're not what they told you you were. You matter. You have hopes and dreams… everybody has dreams. Mine was to see you again."

She sounded so hopeful… so sad. He ignored it; he ignored the churning in his gut and the fluttering in his stomach. He kept his face carefully schooled in a blank expression. His private self, his hopes—as shattered as they were—and his growing fears, were his and his alone and he wasn't going to share them with anyone, least of all the woman who had signed him over to the Red Houses in the first place.

"If I could go back and do it all over again, I would do everything differently, Kase, I swear I would. There is nothing I wouldn't do to keep you, to protect you the way a mother should."

He gave over a noncommittal shrug, continuing to hold her gaze, continued to maintain the façade of detachment. The less you gave the other person of your real self, the less they had to hurt you with. "I'm sure you did what you felt you had to do, Mother. Going back wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't change your situation."

"There's always a choice. I made the wrong one. I know I can't change that. I just… I wanted to see you. To know that you're all right."

He forced a pleasant looking smile—after all, he'd had nineteen years to practice smiling, even when he was sure he was dying inside. Even when all he wanted to do was die. "I'm all right," he lied. "I never went hungry. I had a bed. I had clean clothes. The last six years…" he nearly faltered as the hand around his heart squeezed tight. He cleared his throat. "I spent the last six years Serving a man who was good to me."

An wiped her tears and nodded, apparently content to believe the lies… well, they weren't lies, he was forced to concede to himself, only lies of omission. He told her what she wanted to hear and she accepted it. Just like everybody else…

…

Henry turned to An as the door slid shut behind them. "Are you all right?"

"I… sometimes I think I've seen every awful thing there is to see and then the universe gives me one more thing…" she shook her head. "I'm sorry. You barely know me and here I am moaning."

He smiled. "I just spent five months with your Captain. I should think I'm used to moaning by now."

She laughed… then hesitated… but no, she was sure he didn't mean that in any sexual sort of way, no matter how sexually charged it sounded. He was just having a bit of teasing at the Captain's expense, and just like the Captain, there was something incredibly sexual about Henry Fitzroy. Maybe that was why Jimmy didn't like him. "Jack is a bit of a baby at times," she agreed. She glanced at the closed infirmary door and then gave him a questioning look; he had to know what the story really was.

"It's not my secret to divulge—but I suspect you've figured out the crux of it."

Anna nodded. "Would you like to get a cup of coffee with me?" she suggested then. Hovering outside the door probably wouldn't help An or Kase and definitely wouldn't help her any, either.

"It would be my pleasure." He offered her his hand; when she took it, he corrected her grip so that her hand was on top of his. "Only lovers walk palm to palm. I should hate it if your Mr Smeed were to challenge me." Just the same, he slid her arm through his crooked elbow so they weren't hand in hand at all. "Perhaps that's better."

Anna laughed and allowed herself to be led down the corridor. "May I ask you a question?" she inquired, as they reached the lift.

"I might even supply the answer."

She couldn't help but smile at how much he reminded her of the Captain. "You and Jack…?"

His smile warmed, filling his deep brown eyes. "We've known each other for a long time, doctor, and he's very dear to me. But I can assure you that I couldn't be happier that he's found Mr Anders," he told her.

He hit the button to open the lift doors and gestured for her to step inside while he held the doors open (not that they were likely to shut on her as she stepped through. Half the doors on the Welshman, routinely got stuck in the open position and could only be cajoled into closing again through the use of sheer brute force. She shuddered to think how bad it must have been before Roberta came on board.)

"You and Jack seem… different," Anna observed.

"My mother raised me to be courteous, if that's what you mean. I believe Jack's mother did the same." He hit the button for the next deck.

"Did you… I mean…? I'm sorry, it's just that I don't think the Captain's ever mentioned his mother to me." To anyone that she knew of.

His smile quirked lopsided smile and he appeared lost in memory for just a moment. "I only met Dr Harkness once. She was a remarkable woman. She raised a remarkable son."

"You really do love him, don't you?"

"As I said, your Captain is very dear to me," the lift doors opened and once again he stood aside, allowing her to take the lead. "But I could not be more happy for both he and Kam. What they have is special, and for that, for how happy he makes Jack, Mr Anders will always hold a place in my heart, as well."

"I'm not sure I've ever heard anyone speak so…generously… of their ex-boyfriend's new partner."

"What they have is more than Jack and I had—more than we could have had. He and Kam… sometimes you can look at two people and just know that they belong together, Dr Raynor. They complete each other. How could I not love Kam for that?"

"I'm not sure I ever believed in soul mates," she admitted. "I guess I'm just cynical."

"Please forgive me if I'm out of line," they'd reached the mess and he poured two cups of coffee (though his was only for show.) "But it seems to me as if you and James Smeed are quite well matched."

She felt silly as heat overtook her cheeks; she was grateful that the mess was mostly empty and hoped the few people there didn't notice her blushing. She chose a table away from the only other occupied table so they could talk without being overheard. Not that her crewmates were nosey, exactly, but Henry Fitzroy was a curiosity.

"Forgive me if I've spoken out of turn," said Henry; he held her chair.

"No… and yes, James and I… he's the reason I stayed on board," she found herself admitting. "I wasn't looking for a permanent home on a ship—especially not this ship."

He chuckled as he took his own seat. "Jack does have a certain reputation. He deserves it," he added. However, "Human nature compels you… us… to form lasting partnerships, to partner up with other humans. Human beings don't like being alone."

"What about you?" she sipped at her coffee, only barely noticing that he wasn't drinking his—noticing fully that he didn't seem to count himself as human.

His smile warmed again, like it had when she'd asked him about he and Jack. "I've got a lovely lady waiting for me back at Omega Station."

"I... I think I remember hearing your name when I lived there."

"I suppose my infamy preceded me, as well," he teased.

Anna shook her head. "I… there was a rumour about a wealthy man living on the station who quietly funded several clinics and soup kitchens 'down below' the decks." The underbelly of the station was where the gypsies camped, where the people who had no money and no jobs went to find whatever kind of shelter they could. Most people on Omega pretended that the underbelly didn't exist, because the people who lived there were the kinds of people that nobody cared about. But there were places they could go for medical treatment, a meal… even a bed for the night.

She'd found work in one such clinic when she first arrived at Omega Station's herself. It wasn't much compared to the job she'd once held—she wasn't paid in money, but rather food and lodging. When she asked where the supplies came from, her inquiry was met with apprehension bordering on fear.

"You can't believe every rumour you hear, doctor," Henry reminded her in a cool tone.

"No. You can't. But I've found that there is a grain of truth hidden in the heart of almost ever rumour."

"I suppose that's true."

….

Kam lay curled up next to Jack's sleeping form. He could tell by his partner's breathing that the older man was out cold and would remain so for some while. Guilt plagued at him, now that he was able to think clearly again. The last three hours had been a haze of pheromones and exchanged pleasure… Jack had methodically reacquainted himself with every inch of his lover's body… Kam had done the same, relishing every nibble, every caress… every kiss. Every whispered 'I love you'. Sex was so much more than just sex with Jack.

He slid quietly out of the bed and got dressed. He needed to find Kase, needed to ask him why he hadn't wanted him to acknowledge him, to recognize him. Then he had to tell Jack because he didn't like lying to him, even if that lie was just a lie of omission.