x. and a promise never to be made

"Hey, Kris? You know how my brother's great at everything, right? Ahaha, I really respect him, but he doesn't pay me any attention at all," the boy kicks a pebble on the side of a deserted road, silence reigning over the long stretch of pavement that their eyes can see. It is evening, and there is not a single soul for miles; the two of them ran away from a party hosted by the company his father ran. After all, they weren't the main attraction of the party at all. Well, actually, Kamon was. The party was to find suitable matches for the Rocket Corporation's two sons, but no one wanted to be stuck with the boy who was bad at everything compared to his brother.

"I probably respect Brother the most, out of everyone. It's a bit weird, that even though I'm the older twin, he's the one who's being prepared to inherit everything we have, but it just makes you wonder how talented Brother is. Father doesn't like me at all. He always yells at me for being alive, and hits me and curses at me. Hah, Brother must be truly amazing if he can live up to Father's expectations. You're the only one who thinks that I'm better, and you don't care much for Brother. Father says that I'm not allowed to call either of them by any other name, so I must be formal towards them."

The boy stops walking, to realize that she's started crying. She feels miserable. Why does he, and not the other one, get punished? It's not his fault that he's good at the arts, while his brother is good at studies! His brother and father are the ones at fault, and she feels this innate desire to punish them for all the harm that the boy in front of her has ever encountered. The boy's eyes widen, and then he frantically shakes her and she's staring into those eyes, those deep, empty eyes that she's never seen in anyone else.

"Eh? Kris? Why are you crying? Oh, it's not their fault I'm so useless. P-please don't cry for me, I'm not deserving of your tears. I would never wish for anyone to cry because of me. So please don't feel sad for me, I don't wish for you to be burdened, especially when you've run away from home just to be with me! Oh, I still cannot see why you would ever leave your home and betray your friends like that for silly little me, and leave all of the Pokedex holders behind!"

She suddenly starts walking again, and she hopes that the boy next to her will follow her, so that they can escape and he'll never be hurt again; but while he was walking after her before, he has now realized her intentions and she stops hearing the crunch of shoes on gravel and pavement. She turns around, tears still shining in her eyes, and she's sniffling still, and she just wants to scream at the boy, because all she wants to do is make sure that he'll never get hurt! However, he doesn't follow, and she realizes with a falling sense of hope that he'll never run away with her ever again.

"Huh? Run away again with you? Kris...I don't feel as if I need to run away. If I did so, I would never be able to see Brother smile again. And while I cherish you...please forgive me for this, I cherish him more. But please don't feel bad! I still would do anything for you, and I really appreciate you, I do! But...are you sure you wish to be stuck with a boy like me? I adore my younger brother, moreso than I'll ever admire you. I'll always have him in the front of my mind, and you in the back. Are you sure you still want to be with me, an arrogant prat who will never, never, save you if it meant leaving his brother behind?"

So he still doesn't understand. He still doesn't understand. Sure, she's supposed to be happy that he'll never love her and she'll never be able to hurt him because of that, but he still doesn't understand her at all! She wants him to understand her, and she thinks that maybe she really is the stupidest person alive because who else would expect something from other people, so her knees tremble and she falls to the ground. She hears those soft footsteps gradually getting louder, until she feels his hand running through her hair, and she's wrapped in his embrace. He doesn't cuddle her, and she's happy because of that, but it still hurts, that he'll never understand it, even if he says he does!

"...Ah, I get it now. This is what you were trying to tell me before, weren't you? I never realized what the term meant until now, and I must apologize. If it...really makes you happy to be like this, then I guess I can't try to separate you from your happiness... I'm sorry. I'll pretend to be in love with you, and you'll know that I will never love you like that, so that you will be happy. Gee, how does someone even have a romantic orientation like that? Pfft, you sure are weird. I guess knowing that I'll date you only because you have feelings for me is something that makes you happy, huh? You sure are weird, huh, Kris? I never would've thought that something like lithromanticism existed?"

The boy smiles, and Kris can only fake a smile back, because he doesn't really understand, and he's just repeating what she's said to him before on the rooftop. He'll never understand. That's how Kris starts lying, and that's the start of her contempt for love. She doesn't care, anymore, she'll just want him to be happy.

She wipes away the tears on her face, one of her last, and she smiles at him. Kris nods, and with an outreached hand, waits for the boy to grab her hand, to return to his home.

"...Hey, Kamon, let's go."

She realizes that he'll never fall for one of her tricks again, and for some reason, she feels as if her whole world is crashing down before her very eyes. When they were younger, she used to force Kamon to promise that he'll never leave her behind, but already, it seems that he's growing up without her. She wants to make him promise it again, but she knows that he won't fall for it again.

"Hey, Kris, why are you even with Silver? You know he doesn't like you, right?"

In the eyes of a normal spectator, Ethan appears to be harsh and cold. Obviously, he is not gentle with his words, and the stance he's taken on makes him appear anything but gentle; his arms folded crossly, lips in a sneer, and a rolling of the eyes isn't really the epitome of kindness. In fact, Ethan wonders why exactly he's even telling Kris this, because maybe she doesn't know, and maybe she was deluding herself this whole time; and maybe, Ethan doesn't have any right to tell her this. Ethan knows he's being greedy, and that maybe, maybe, there's a part of him that hopes she'll leave Silver for him, but he doesn't want to admit that he has such a side, and he doesn't want her to know either.

He sees Kris pause for a moment and she smiles at him, before taking some steps towards him. He stiffens up, because really, Kris doesn't smile and if she does, something's wrong. He knows that she never smiles, because she's always been cold and stern, and he has to admit, he doesn't really want to see a warm and smiling Kris, the twisted bastard he is. So he's watching closely at the girl who never smiles, and she even chuckles a bit before she extends her hand, and he finds himself flinching because she's probably going to slap him-

Instead, she kisses him on the cheek, leaving him flustered, stands up on the tips of her toes, and whispers in his ear.

"It's my romantic orientation," she says. Ethan's considerably confused, because, wait, what does that term mean? Does she have a thing for arrogant bastards? Is she masochistic?

She elaborates, and the explanation leaves him wondering why nothing, yet everything, made sense.

"I'm lithromantic. To put it simply, in my case, I can only accept a one-sided love," she whispers, and she then flashes a grin at him before skipping away, leaving Ethan confused, and the realization that she'll probably never love him because of that comes crashing down. However, deep inside, he still thinks that she's wrong. She's wrong. There's no way anyone could ever love someone and fall out of love with them when they return their feelings. So, he thinks stupidly, he'll just get her to fall in love with him, so she'll renounce her title as a lithromantic.

However, he sees Silver go up and kiss Kris, rolling his eyes as if he dislikes it; but Ethan notices something different about him today, and how how he's oddly eager to spend time with her.

"Hey, Kris. What exactly caused you to hate my brother? I can't wrap my head around anything you do; you're strange. You really are. You leave your position as Pokemon Champion, erase yourself from society and make everyone forget you with the help of Pokemon just to be with me, yet you dislike my brother. What exactly runs through your mind? I swear, you are the most confusing person I know. It's amazing how headstrong and brave you are. I wish I was as brave as you."

They're standing on the rooftop of Rocket Corporation. The three of them, Silver, Kamon, and Kris, used to spend all day up there. They used to be the best of friends; rather, Silver and Kamon used to be together all of the time, and then Kris jutted in. She still feels as if the two of them have a better relationship than she'll ever have, but Silver hasn't talked to them in a while. She knows that the two of them are closer than she'll ever be. The wind blows fiercely on the top of the large building than Silver and Kamon spend their whole time at, and Kris thinks that it would be easy to fall off here and the wind would be blamed.

She takes a deep breath, and hopes that maybe, finally, she'll meet someone who understands. She hopes that Kamon will finally understand. Maybe, he'll finally understand, and she won't be shunned by him. She's been shunned for so long, because everyone she used to know told her that she was just going through a fad or trying to seek attention, and she was told by her friends that she was a monster. So she quietly states the reason why, and she can see him strain to hear her quiet voice, but she can see the sudden widening of his eyes, the shock apparent on his face. She diverts her eyes away from him, and she holds her breath, hoping that he'll understand.

"...So, you used to have a crush on him? What went wrong there? Did he reject you horribly, or something? Why do you hate him so much? Or is it Father? But wait, if it was Father, then why would you like me? And you haven't asked me out or anything, that's also weird. Please tell me, Kris. Please tell me why you hate Brother!" He's visibly confused, and now here's the real hard part, and she tries to take a deep breath before screaming, but she doesn't want to see him feel disgusted by her!

It's in vain.

"...He...returned your feelings? That's why!? Are you stupid!? Why would anyone ever hate someone just because they like them back!? Kris, explain this to me? What is wrong with you? Why would you ever reject my brother's love? God, if the two of you love each other, then just get married, goddamit! Brother would surely have the guts to run away with you, even though we're so young, and when the two of you grow up, you could definitely fall in love! Why are you like this!?" He screams at her, and it's the first time she's ever heard him scream, and she's covering her ears and she's hurt! She's horribly hurt, because the one person that she thought would be her friend no matter what probably hates her now, and she can't stand it anymore, so she lowers her hands from her head and then swings one and-

Smack.

"...Y-you just slapped me. You-you slapped me! Why would you slap me!? Huh? Why!? Tell me why, Kris! Why are you so weird!? Why!? This is why I'll never be able to love you! You are the kind of person I hate! I hate anyone who hurts Brother! Brother's probably extremely hurt now! Why!?" Kamon is still screeching, his voice even able to be heard over the loud, noisy winds of the top of the building, and she hates that she's stupid for even telling him. She hates it. Ever since she was little, she's known she's headstrong and reckless. She doesn't think things through at all. Yet, everyone's told her that she has many talents; but it hurts even more, realizing that you're stupid for thinking that you're useless when you obviously have talents. Yes, Kris has an inferiority complex, she's been told; and she thinks that she must be one of the stupidest people in the world, because she knows that she's good at things, but she believes that she isn't!

Kamon has never realized that she's wanted to kill herself before. He's never realized that she has tried to kill herself before.

"...W-what are you doing? H-hey, Kris? What are y-?"

It would be easy, she thinks to blame it all on the wind up here. It's enough to blow a person to the side She's on the edge of the roof, and could stare down at the empty streets below if she wished to. Kamon's standing there, shocked at her proximity to the edge. The Pokemon in her Pokeballs are banging against them frantically, but even they couldn't withstand the high speed of the winds up here. It would be so easy to just take a step back, make it look as if she tripped by accident, and then she'd be gone.

It's not as if anyone would miss her.

Kamon obviously wouldn't, because she's known for a long time about how his over-protectiveness of his younger brother.

He's running towards her, and she thinks that she has one last chance-

But she decides not to take that step off, and in one second, Kamon's rushing over to her, pulling her by one arm off the edge of the roof and holding her tightly in his arms so that she doesn't escape. She feels this internal desire to just go and fight, to go and just rebel against everyone and anyone, but he holds her tightly, and even though he's inferior to his brother, he's still much more talented than Kris, and so she is unable to escape his arms.

She dares to look up at him, and horror and panic is written on his face, and she watches it turn into relief when she stares into his eyes. It's the first time she ever thinks that empty eyes are beautiful, and she feels this thump in her chest. He's trembling, a bit, which is weird because isn't she supposed to be the one trembling, if she was the one to almost die?

But he holds her close to him, not letting her go, and he holds her tight even long after the sun has set, and won't let her go. She can still feel his heart thumping wildly, and she's a bit concerned for him, because he has problems with his heart and he might be in trouble; she tells him this, but he shakes his head no when she tells him to go his special doctor, and holds her stubbornly.

She thinks she's in love.

A/N

*edit*

Everyone, I changed the chapter titles it's 10:16 eastern time right now so if you see this you should probably go and look at the titles again orz

A/N

SCREECHES THIS IS PROBABLY THE MOST I'VE EVER WRITTEN ABOUT LOVE AND STUFFS- /also I think this is the fastest I've ever updated this story orz

*To ConfettiCat: Ah, I actually meant for it to be psychological! /I'm so happy that you said that/

*Oh, and Pokemonredshipper, I know I never mention you, but I really do appreciate that you comment each time ;;v;; thank you so much

Ahaha, it's my birthday tomorrow! I'll be turning fifteen! /Finals just ended today so I'll be sleeping the whole day OTL

Ahaha, so "lithromanticism" is kind of weird. I suspect that I'm lithromantic, because of some situations, but I'm not really sure. I guess I have to wait to see...ahaha..I've already gotten some shit for it though... Ahaha, I'm content, like I have a fluttering feeling, when the first guy I liked didn't like me back, but when someone did, I got really repulsed and creeped out. Ahaha, please don't think I'm inhumane or something, but I understand if it's hard to comprehend. Ahaha. ..I've already gotten some crap about this, and what's worse is that it was from my acquaintance who was homosexual and depressed.

I have maladaptive daydreaming disorder, and I thought I have a chance of being lithromantic, and he completely spouted that I was just going along with the fad, that I just wanted attention.

And I'm thinking this: why would anyone want to claim that they daydream a lot, to the point of only having emotions in their daydreams, for attention? Also, lithromanticism is very rare, even amongst other romantic orientations such as panromanticism or aromanticism, so why would I choose the one that gets a lot of hate even from those? I don't understand his logic, but he's kind of a hypocrite, being homoromantic as well as homosexual, and saying that he's depressed.

He asked me why I can't feel emotions, and told me to "choose happiness". This is coming from the boy with depression. Really, how about I ask you to stop being depressed, and "choose happiness"? Why think that I'm lying?