Chapter 10

A/N: eek! I'm sorry that I got behind on updating! I must confess that I started watching Outlander and got distracted! My apologies and thank you immensely much for the reviews! Xoxo

That night, Jace had insisted on walking Clary home despite her protestations. He quickly reminded her that she had just confessed to being scared all the time, and that even though she now knew some self defense, it was extremely basic. Clary knew he had a point, so she let him. Besides, she was definitely not opposed to spending more time with him. She had hoped Jace would kiss her again that night, but except for a tiny peck on her doorstep, he didn't. She guessed he was trying to respect her pace.

Simon was waiting when she walked in the door somewhere between 11:00 and midnight. He jumped to his feet immediately, as if he had been poised on the edge of his seat, waiting, for the whole time she had been gone.

"Where the hell have you been?" He started in. "You can't just leave here in the middle of the night without letting me know, especially after what just happened with your dad! Do you have any idea how worried I was about you?"

"You could have tried to call," Clary dead panned with a shrug, not in the mood to deal with this after the unusually wonderful night she had just had.

"I did." He said harshly and convictingly. "You left your phone here."

"My bad. It won't happen again, I'm fine." She brushed off the issue and made her way towards the stairs to her bedroom.

"That's all I get? Just 'my bad'?" Simon accused, grabbing hold of her shoulder.

"Could you just cut it out, Simon?" Clary snapped, yanking her shoulder out of his grip. "You're not my parent, you're just my roommate okay? I'm an adult, I can do things on my own."

Simon flinched. Just a roommate? After everything they had been through together, after 18 years all he was was just a roommate? Clary sensed what he was thinking and quickly backtracked.

"Oh, Simon, no I didn't mean it like that..." She began, reaching out a hand to console him. He stepped away from her touch and nodded solemnly, pressing his lips into a thin line.

"No, it's cool. I get it. Just a roommate." He pushed past her and quickly rushed up the stairs to his room. Clary heard the door slam moments later and winced. She didn't know whether she should go after him or not, so she decided to let him cool off for a few minutes before she tried to reconcile. She trudged her way up the stairs and into her room. She kicked off her sneakers and started to change into her pajamas, peeling off her damp and sandy garments and tossing them onto the floor in the corner. She noticed that her knuckles were slightly sore and her back ached, but she could not stop smiling and absently touching her lips, as if she could still feel his warmth there.

Clary pulled on a pair of baby blue cotton shorts and a white tank top for bed, then padded over to the door and pressed her ear against it, listening for Simon. She didn't hear much, just the muffled sound of computer generated gunfire as he played Call of Duty. She sighed and gently eased the door open. He was wearing headphones to communicate with other players on Xbox Live, and didn't appear to hear her come in, so she walked over and sat on the edge of his bed. She didn't know what to say, so she didn't say anything.

After a few minutes Simon shot her a glance, indicating that he knew she was there. Clary raised her eyebrows at him, as if to ask him why he wasn't speaking to her. He paused the game and turned to her, sliding the headphones down around his neck.

"What, are you here to tell me I'm late on my share of the rent? After all, I'm just a roommate." He said bitterly, cutting her a look with his narrowed blue eyes.

"C'mon, Simon, you know I didn't mean -"

He cut her off. "Were you with him?"

"What? Who? What are you talking about?"

"Oh, don't give me that bullshit Clary. Him. Jace. Were you with him tonight?"

"Why does it matter, Simon? Why do you care what - ?"

"Because I love you!" He roared. "I do! Me, the one who has been here for you for eighteen goddamn years, Clary! I love you and I've always loved you and you just pretend like you don't see it, as if you could ignore it so much it would just go away. I wish it would go away, Clary! Because it hurts to see you love everyone but me." For all his anger, his voice broke on the last word, exposing his true emotions.

Clary was speechless. She opened and closed her mouth as if to say something but couldn't find any words. "Simon, I..."

"Just, don't. Do me a favor, and just don't, Clary. Don't baby me, like you always do. You always treat me like a puppy, like you can love on me but never love me. Not the way I love you."

Clary slid off the bed and scooted over to where Simon sat on the floor, resting her head on his bare, skinny shoulder. "I do love you, Simon. You're mine, okay? You and I, it's just us. It's us against the world. Forever. No one can ever love you like I love you. It may not be the way you want it, but Simon you'll never know how many ways I love you, and how much." She murmured into his collarbone, wrapping her arms around him. She felt a hot tear land on top of her head. Simon's arms wrapped around her and he pulled her into his lap, hugging her tightly to his chest, as if he would never ever let her go.

"Love you, C." He whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Love you, S. I'm sorry, too." She replied, nestling her head into his chest.

Then, from the headphones around his neck came several voices at once - "bro, should we go? Like...I mean..." "Duuuude that's rough, man..." "Aw hell, we heard the whole thing man, and I gotta tell you, that's some tough shit...sorry man.." and a chorus of male "ooooh"s in the background, as if the person on the other end of the connection was playing the game with several friends in the room.

Simon rolled his eyes, "Shut the fuck up, guys. Seriously." He reached over and turned off the console angrily but when Clary giggled, a smirk formed on his lips. His expression softened as he looked at her, pale legs tucked underneath her, bright, slightly damp hair framing her face. He admired her for several moments and it was silent, neither of them wanting to be the first to speak.

Eventually Simon cleared his throat. "So, uh...can I just ask why you were, you know, soaking wet when you came home in the middle of the night?"

Clary sighed. "I asked Jace to teach me self defense. So I would feel safer, because of my dad and everything." She mumbled.

His expression softened and Clary could tell he felt even worse about his previous outburst and accusations. "But wait, I still don't understand why you were all wet."

"Because I met him down by the river, and I fell in the water when I was practicing."

"Our place? You took him to our place by the river?" A muscle twitched in his jaw as he struggled not to feel hurt or angry. He could feel it rising up inside of him as he continually tried to squash it. He felt as if Clary was being taken from him.

"I can't even talk to you, Simon. Just forget it." Clary threw her hands up and shoved up from the floor, starting for the door. She whirled around at the last minute. "Can you stop thinking about yourself for one damn minute, Simon?" Simon flinched, and Clary just stood there glaring, her chest heaving slightly. "Why can't you just be happy for me?" Her voice trembled.

"What do you mean, Clary? Happy for what?" Simon got to his feet and faced her square on.

"Oh I dunno, happy that I finally have someone else in my life who might care about me? Happy that now I have something that can make me feel secure and safe against my father? Happy that I'm happy? You always say that my pain is your pain, Simon." She paused and spoke the next words in a strained voice, tears threatening to gather in her eyes. "He kissed me tonight, and it was wonderful. Wonderful to feel loved for even just a fleeting moment. And I was truly happy, just for right then. So why isn't my happiness your happiness? Why do you have to take this from me?" A tear fell from her eyes and she swiped angrily at it with the back of her hand.

"I didn't know you felt that way." Simon said in a tight voice, hands hanging loosely at his sides, back rigid. "I'm sorry." He whispered. Clary nodded, spun on her heel, and disappeared through the door, leaving Simon standing alone in the middle of the room