Here we go... the oh-so-fabulous Maureen Johnson and Joanne Jefferson in... TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME.
I was sitting on Mark's lap in the reception hall. It was Valentine's Day, or, as Maureen put it, 'More importantly, our engagement party.' It wasn't a very formal event, so I was wearing Roger's flannel pants and an old and beat up white dress of Mimi's.
"Hey, Marky." I whispered in his ear while Joanne's parents were making their speech, "Happy Valentine's Day." Mark laughed quietly and replied,
"Yes. Yes it is." I pecked him on the cheek, and Joanne's mother said,
"So let's raise our glass for Joanne, and her wonderful choice of a life partner, Maureen Johnson!" We all stood up, and I hugged Joanne.
"You got engaged-ded-ded-ded!" I exclaimed. So Tom and I had a few puffs on a joint before we came. We were confused. My next hug went to Maureen, and that resulted in a peck of red lipstick on my cheek. "Oh, Mo baby, I'm so happy for you!"
"Thanks, Kiley!" she laughed, and went off. I walked back over to Mark, who was saying to Joanne,
"You know, I really didn't have a chance to congratulate her..." I clung onto his arm as I tripped over Tom's large Birkenstocks. He smiled at me, and Joanne stalked off after seeing Maureen flirting with the girl behind the champagne cart.
"Hey, Marky!" I repeated, and he looked at me. I smiled when I saw his big blue eyes, and I spiked up his hair a bit.
"Is that what you wanted?" he said, pushing my hair behind my ear. Angel had attempted to help, but... it failed. We were just about to have our own cute little moment when all of a sudden,
"WOMEN IN RUBBER WILL ALWAYS BE FLIRTING WITH ME!" rang through the reception hall.
"Oh shit." I muttered into Marky's shoulder, and Maureen grinned at Joanne and started singing,
"Every single day, I walk down the street.
I hear people say, 'Baby, so sweet.'
Every since puberty, everybody stares at me! Boys, girls, I can't help it baby...
So be kind, and don't lose your mind,
Just remember that I'm your baby!
Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be...
And if you give a damn, take me baby, or leave me...
Take me baby or leave me!"
She hopped up on the little table that held the ice sculpture, and I really wondered who was high. Mark was watching in shock, Angel and Tom were giggling, Mimi was cracking up, and Roger was smiling at her.
"A tiger in a cage, can never see the sun!
And this diva needs her stage, baby, let's have fun! You are the one I choose,
Folks would KILL to fill your shoes, you love the limelight too, now, baby...
So be mine,
And don't waste my time...
Cryin', oh honeybear, are you still my, my baby?!"
Joanne interrupted before Maureen could peel off her tank top, "Don't you dare!" She chased her around the table as she continued,
"Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be...
And if you give a damn, take me baby, or leave me...
Take me baby or leave me!
No way! Can I be what I'm not,
But hey! Don't you want your girl HOT?!
Don't fight, don't lose your head, 'cause every night, who's in your bed, who?"
Maureen had cornered Joanne on the steps, and we had all clustered around at the bottom.
"Who's in your bed? Kiss Pookie!"
Joanne scowled and replied, "It won't work!
I look before I leap, I love margins and discipline, I make lists in my sleep, baby, what's my sin?
Never quit, I follow through,
I hate mess but I love you!
What to do with my impromptu, baby?
So be wise, 'cause this girl satisfies!
You got a prize who don't compromise, you're one lucky baby!"
Joanne peeled off her coat and stood on the stairs with her arms raised, and we all whooped and cheered as she sang,
"Take me for what I am!"
"A control freak." Maureen interjected, picking up Joanne's jacket and following her down the stairs.
"Who I was meant to be!"
"A snob, yet overattentive."
"And if you give a damn..."
"A lovable, droll, GEEK."
"Take me baby, or leave me!"
"And ANAL RETENTIVE!"
"THAT'S IT!" they chorused, walked into the billiards room. "The straw that breaks my back. I QUIT! Unless you take it back! Women, what is it about them? Can't live, with them or without them!
Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be...
And if you give a damn, take me baby, or leave me...
Take me baby or leave me!
Oh, take me baby, take me or leave me!
Take me baby... or leave me. Guess I'm leaving, I'm gone!" They both stormed out of the room in opposite directions, leaving the rest of us to giggle under our breaths. In the shock, Maureen's mother turned to Mark.
"Maybe now you two can get back together!" she suggested, and Mark looked taken aback as a grin creeped up my face.
"Hi, Mrs. Johnson, Kiley Davis. Mark's girlfriend." I said, trying to keep a straight face as I shook her hand. She gave me a look, and Mimi said,
"Oh wow." The six of us left the party, laughing and smoking. And that was when we walked into the apartment.
"Hey, guys, all our shit's back!" I exclaimed, plopping down on one of the boxes and being steadied by Mark.
"You're welcome." said a sleazy voice, and I felt chills go up and down my spine.
"Benjamin Coffin III." I said in my best Maureen voice, and Tom laughed and slapped me on the back. "What the hell brings you to our humble abode? We were quite pleased with squatting. And we were just about to buy new furniture." I knew Benny was glaring at me, but I refused to look up at him.
"I've come to make a deal-" he started, pulling a check out of his pocket, "- you two might wanna get this down."
"Oh, I see. It's a photo opportunity." Tom and I said together, and I looked up at Benny. He looked worn down, and I felt bad for him, for a split second.
"The benevolent god ushers the poor artists back into their loft, courtesy of a friendly neighborhood CyberArts." Tom continued bitterly, and Angel grabbed his hand. He shot a resigned glance up at her, and she smiled sweetly back.
Awwh, man... I thought, smiling as brightly as Angel, They're adorable... And then I glanced up at Mark, who was yelling at Benny and looking strained. I pulled myself up and stood next to him, wrapping one arm around his waist and the other around his shoulder.
"Go to hell, you fuck." I said calmly, and Benny only sighed.
"Alright, alright, you got me. I'll go..." I looked around, Mimi had a pleading look on her face, but Roger was having none of it. Benny was leaving. Mark looked sad. And Angel and Tom? As cute and happy as they always are. Nothing was out of place in our happy little family, only a few pieces of the puzzle missing. But we'd find them. We always do.
Well... Yay or nay? R&R!