God of Bustin' It Open
Disclaimer: The humor in this fanfic will certainly offend some people, proceed with CAUTION , these jokes do not represent my personal opinions or thoughts on certain matters, plus I love fucking stuff up for the sake of comedy.
PS:Don't own GoH
Italic text are thoughts just in case you haven't picked up on it
Both bold and italic text represents thoughts or letters,signs, etcs
Lee Soojin, after conquering one, was met with another. He stood in her path, their height was about the same. His flowing blonde hair glowed like something out of a fairy tale. His chin was cleft, his face had a five'o-clock shadow. His body; muscular. Some reason, just like the previous pervert, sparkles shined around his figure.
Soojin kept her caution. "A...another pervert…?"
His eyes instantly met hers "Why yes, yes I am!" Blunt as hell too.
Soojin leap back, gripping her shoulders. "DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE IT YOU FREAK!"
His brow raised. "Hm? So you want me to lie?"
"Didn't ask, don't tell!"
"You did ask." A smirk grew on his weird face.
"I was talking to myself!" Soojin averted her gaze, her stomach felt sick just looking at the pervert.
"I'm not gay though." The man put his hands on his hips. "Unless you are implying gay has a look?"
Soojin gave the man a hopeless stare. "If you were gay, I wouldn't have to worry about it!" She said rather bleakly.
He looked at Soojin with slight surprise, turning away, he thought about it. "Valid point." He cleared his throat before turning to the North Korean again. "Anyways, I saw you with that handsome gentleman bef-"
"You mean the weeaboo?" She said with a blank stare, calling a duck a...duck.
He cleared his throat again. "...Yes...him…anyways, you did a request for him in order to take his place in line."
Soojin brought back up her guard. "So I'm guessing..."
"Clearly as daylight sun; I have a request myself." He had a proud look on his face, that only furthered her disgust.
"Cut to the chase." Soojin braced herself for not only his most likely some kinky (light) perverted task but another mental reboot of what a lady actually is.
"Oh, a straightforward woman, me like~." Hearing him say that only made the hair on the back of her neck stand like fucking icicles, both in size and shape.
"To keep the details simple, I want you to model for me."
Hm? Soojin didn't get it, was he asking her to model like those women on TV? She'd assume that would take a bit of time. Cause that's technically a career. Wait, was he giving her a job offer, she did needed some money, but was this really her thing? Is he from sorta modeling talent agency and he's scouting some new recruits? What if he's an amateur, then she'd be signing up with a plan that could lead her into debt if he's modeling agency doesn't take off...
The strapping young(in his own mind) man noticed her confusion. "Eh? To simplified the (already) simple; I want you to struck a SEXY pose for me~." He plucked out a very expensive camera
.
.
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Hey. I'm down with it-
"OH HELL NAW!" Soojin clearly wasn't.
Man, this girl ain't that open minded. Need I remind y'all she gave some weirdo a strand of her hair? shit, I write this story.
It wasn't rock surgery or brain science. It was posing RATHER…VERY suggestively, she wasn't going full nude. Right? Right...?
Soojin backed up, she wondered why all men she met today are perverts...
.
.
.
Most South Korean men seem to be vile shameless perverts!
Wow, what a generalization. Her mind was in whack now.
"Oh c'mon, you posed for that previous lad..." He seemed rather entertained by her sudden refusal.
"THAT'S DIFFERENT." She's sorta right, Cute =/= Sexy.
He stared at her with a serous look before stating something; "They say the only reason a boy does something stupid more than once is for a girl, if he does it once, it's because he's stupid. But if for a girl, he'll leap mountains." Wow, generalization of the century...again. Though. I've traveled quite the distance for … *cough* a female who was bustin' it open for me, so he isn't exactly wrong on the last part.
"Why the hell are you telling me that crap?" Soojin felt nervous, she didn't like where this was going.
The man giggled a bit before moving his hand to stroke his butt shaped cleft chin. "Because, I can only assume it is the same for a girl also."
Putting two and two together, Soojin got the message, her cheeks lit bright red like a sunset.
"W-w-what-what are you tryna' s-s-say you f-fairy fuck!?"
'Fairy fuck'...? How colorful. He was entertained beyond belief, it was like watching a baby learning how to walk correctly, he couldn't help but feel butterflies in his gut. "Seems you already know, it only hurts more to deny it~." He pointed at her with both hands, as if gesturing to poke her. Cause he basically was pushing her buttons right about now
He right doe'.
Soojin just stood there, flaring in both rage and embarrassment.
The blonde man put his hand back on his booty shaped cleft chin."You should be thanking me..." Soojin looked at him with slight surprise. "...Since this is for a boy."
She was ticked now."I-IT'A NOT A DATE?!"
"Never said it was."
Shit.
Fuck. You really do get caught up in short term goals when distracted.
"Having a cute bra, knowing what he likes to eat, and being tom boyishly cute are only half-no, a little less than half the battle of being a lady."Anyone else find it strange that a guy is telling her this? No, just me? "But no just a lady. A lady who wants a man."
Soojin knew she was gonna 'die' again. But could she recover from such a blow. We'll have to see.
.
.
.
I like the fact that, being yourself, isn't considered.
"Now, lets try from the top, strike a pose!"
Soojin had struck the most whack ass, Fuck Girl-ish pose ever known- ya know what…
Think of the most sexiest thing you've ever seen, now turn that thing hairy and age it 50 years.
What feeling do you get?
.
.
.
Great, now take that and smooth it down to mid peak of cringe. Repeat that level of laughable and cringe for and hour.
That's how whack the pose was.
"NO NO" The blond man face palmed. "Are you trying to keep his genitals dry?!" He yelled in annoyance at her constant failure.
"I...I don't even k-know what that means! B-b-but I have an idea!" Soojin just wanted to fall to her knees, they've been at this for 5 minutes.
"Your problem...is that you aren't focus."
Soojin had fell to her knees, her mind exhausted from continuous failure. "I...just can't get it right"
"You are too focus on trying to see pass the task at hand, you needed to limit your goals in order to give the fullest extent." He sighed, running his hands through his gold locks. "Only think long term when you are completely sure the wall in front of you is BREAKABLE."
Damn, was this pervert still trying to find something fapible or was he trying to be a life coach?
She clenched her fist, slamming them into the pavement sidewalk."Dammit, this is worthless!"
"Is it though?" He walks up to her, too close for comfort though. "I can only imagine how much of his all he's giving for such 'worthless'ness."
Dammit, she was conflicted. She didn't want to lose- for fucks sake, this isn't a competition!
Soojin honestly having thoughts of giving up. Like maybe Mori wouldn't mind, or maybe she could call in sick, or maybe reschedule…
Her eyes dotted left to right almost as if they were going in a complete loop, like film on a reel. These thoughts poured into her head, soon she wouldn't be be able to stop it from overfilling. "It's...it's all just a clusterfuck of buttfuckery! Dammit!" Did I mention her colorful language?
Blonde gentleman pervert looked at Soojin seriously. "If it does not challenge you, it does not change you."
"W-what?" Soojin was caught off guard with that.
"You don't fix a problem by pretending it doesn't exist." He turned around, back facing Soojin. "You fix it by accepting there is a problem, then attempting to find out why it's happening and thinking about how to counter the causes."
Soojin shifted her gaze in disappointment at herself. "B-but-"
"Your legs."
"Huh?!"
Pervert say what?
"The most defining part of your body..." He then turned to face her again. "...those are the legs of someone who does taekwondo, I also noticed it because you don't wear a skirt nor long pants, but shorts."
"What are you g-getting a-"
"I'm saying your legs are sexy deary."
Soojin's face flared red, she tried to gain some distance between her and the pervert, almost tripping on her own feet. Me? I'm saying the pervert ain't wrong, she thicc. "You can't be serous!"
"BUT I AM!"
"I hope not!"
She was ticking him off with her foolishness. "Any girl can have boobs like yours, but how many can have have such luxurious looking drumsticks!" He was getting bothered by her constant denial of such. "Take advantage of you well toned legs!"
Suddenly, golden pervert felt the presence of death. IMMEDIATE death!
"Yeah, to kick your pervert ass!"
Shit, she mad now boi! Run!
"GAW!" The man coward behind a light pole. "W-wait you, don't be a fool!" When he looked at her, she wasn't even chasing him, she just...stood there, with her head down.
Which was strange cause he was sure she was chasing his ass.
"M-Miss?"
She didn't respond.
"I...I wasn't trying to be a pervert, I was just stating a what men would find most...sexy about you."
He stared at her, in fear that she might just charge at him, but she didn't...didn't move at all.
"M-Mi-"
"So... I just need to do some pose that shows off my legs...s-...s-sexily?"
It took him a while to calculate the fact she was on the idea. With a smirk, he answered; "Y-yes." "That should suffice."
"Good, bring out your camera, pervert." "I'mma' show you some kicks."
Soojin though of her most flashy and power kicks, what of course came to mind were her; Northern ITF Taekwondo Right Flamingo and Left Flamingo. She suddenly remembered something she saw on TV once, how flamingos would strut their stuff when they were looking for a mate. The thought made her cheeks hint red a little bit.
But that wasn't her concern, her concern was kicking and NOT destroying the fuck outta this city and or kill this pervert.
"Stand back." Honestly, she didn't even need to tell him twice, he was again behind the light pole.
Concentration her energy, Soojin preformed her Right Flamingo:Three-Pronged Strike. A kick more focus on keeping both flashiness and skill, it was often a hassle considering how difficult it was to pull it off just right, cause it required the user to always be on their right foot, unlike the 3rd Stance Hwechook. Which just required three consecutive kicks, keeping the spinning motion and not losing the momentum. But she didn't want to admit that 3rd Stance seemed easier, that monkey bastard would never let her hear the end of his constant teasing. Besides...her kick was harder, thus more of a gain, m-more accomplishing...mentally that is. You feel better pulling off harder stuff than more effective stuff...b-because...logic that's why.
"That kick, it's MARVELOUS!" He voice crack to the pitch that of a woman's. It was kind eerie. "What DO you call that kick of seduction?"
See, Soojin was rather flustered that SOMEBODY didn't mind the fact the ITF kick was complicated. Besides, models love doing and wearing complicated stuff. That's why they wore those weird dresses and fancy hairstyles. Because complicated quality is above standard quantity...just cus' L-LOGIC!
"That is my grandfather's Right Flamingo kick." She said rather boastfully.
"A flamingo..." He brought out his camera phone and instantly took pictures. "...one of the many Birds of Seduction often seen in the Birds of Paradise."
She felt a little bit nervous, but thought nothing of it, just her shyness.
"Do...you want me to show you the other kick, my Left Flamingo?"
He smiled eerily at the litlle lady.
"Since this kick focuses more on the front, I think more than appropriate to catch some snaps from the back~."
Dem sexual innuendoes though, bruh what are you doin'... Of course Soojin felt a chill down her spine, but she knew he wouldn't try anything.
Concentration again, Soojin did a Left Flamingo. A kick more close to Renewal's Rising Back Kick or Round House .Like it's right formation, it focus on keeping both flashiness and skill but is less of a hassle. Because it was basically a focused more on coming from behind.
"OH YYEESS~" He was ticklish to that. Snapping pictures from behind, left and right. "This one is not as out there as the previous, but with more focus on the backside, you can't go wrong~!" And that was real. You can't go wrong with the backside. "Definition of sexy~!~!"
"So you got what you need?" Soojin didn't show it, but her mental state was ice cold right now, not only did she just basically leaked her country's ITF but this pervert got pictures of her with the kicks. A lady doesn't betray her country y'all.
"Yes this is quite enough~." He returned his phone to his pocket. "Take advantage of your legs madam. You'll kick his heart out."
Something she might have legit wanted to do.
"I...I told you, it isn't like that." She averted eye contact because she knew that he'll read her like a book.
"Sure honey, of course not." He turned and walked across the street. "Then good luck with your 'hang out'."
Soojin felt another wound to her womanhood, whatever the fuck that was, but she also felt a reassurance to herself as a person. "If...if it doesn't challenge you...it does not change you."
She sighed relentlessly. "Damn fucking pervert can say some gutsy stuff for a South Korean..." She though about it. "Wait he had blonde hair...was he even Korean?"
La-de-fucking-da, moving on.
Soojin finally met the end of the line, the clinics entrance was right in front of her. She thought of all the pieces of herself she left with those perverts. Damn, will Jin Mori even still look her way, shit she did was technically punishable by death where she's from...more than likely not.
It only occurred to her now, like she had solved a puzzle. Soojin thinks back; bra strap, chicken, cat noises, sexy poses…
THAT'S IT!
THE VERY GODS WERE TESTING HER!
WHY DIDN'T SHE NOTICED IT SOONER!
ONE MUST DIE BEFORE THEY CAN BE REBORN
THESE WERE INDEED TRIALS OF FEMININITY!
ALL THAT SHAME WASN'T LOST(yes it was) THE GODS WERE JUST MAKING HER THE ULTIMATE WOMAN!
MAYBE JIN MORI IS INTO THE FLOWER TYPE OF UNDERWEAR SHE HAS, SEXY POSSES WITH CAT NOISES AND CHICKEN WINGS. *cough*I know I would be.*cough*
Tears of joy rained from her eyes, all was not lost, they say God would never give someone more than they can bare… this was… this was perfect!
A new found resolve!
She was gonna show that monkey bastard that she was a BAD~ BITCH. She burst through the clinic doors. Taking in a breathe of resolve "YES I HAVE CAME!" With roars that reached heaven's ceiling.
"Sorry~ we're closed~!" The receptionists said.
"FUCKING DAMMIT!" With roars that burned hell's basement.
(TBC)
Author note:Yes, I'm late and yes this chapter is short. You see, my reason is, I take a week to work on my original story, then I take a week to work on fanfiction. Anyways R&R.~ Feedback wakawelcome