Adaption
He wakes up with a scream rasping in his throat and the remnants of a nightmare still clinging to his mind.
Bound yourself to a mage again, little wolf?
The red band is wound around his hand and for a moment it looks like dripping blood. He scrunches up into a ball, hiding it inside his hand, his fingers curled so tight that he can't see it anymore. He stares at his fist and slowly the need to scream goes away.
Once he can breathe again he looks around in the soft morning light. A thin trail of smoke rises up from the dying fire. Merrill sleeps on her side, curled up and her face hidden inside the blankets. Hawke is lying on her back next to her, snoring and her arms stretched out to the side, her blanket not covering her anymore. The morning is still crisp and cold. Fenris crawls over to her and carefully pulls the blanket out from under her to cover her with it. She sighs and rolls to the side, curling up like Merrill.
Fenris looks at her, how the golden light plays on her soft skin, how calm she looks. The harshness of her usual expression is replaced by childlike peace. His fist unclenches and the red fabric spills out over his hand. It is not a leash, she had said. But if it was, if it is a leash, wouldn't he like to be leashed to her? If he were to leash himself to any mage, would it be wrong if he wishes it would be her?
Never will I be a mage's property again!
He stuffs the red band into his pocket, shoving it deep down so that it will never be seen and scrambles to get up, to get away. He is too close. His feet carry him towards the small stream on the edge of their camp where he finds Sebastian.
The exiled prince is kneeling on a patch of mossy grass, praying, his face towards the rising sun. His words are too quiet to understand but the soft rumble of a chant carries over to Fenris. He stands still, watching the world wake up around them, listening to the chant. Calm slowly settles back over him. He closes his eyes and let's the rising sun warm his face. It's almost like he's asleep and he startles when Sebastian speaks to him.
"Fenris?"
"What?"
"I asked if you wanted to join in with the chant," Sebastian said.
"I don't know the chant."
"I can teach you. Now or later. You can find me in the Chantry every morning and I would be happy if you joined me."
Fenris searches Sebastian's face wondering if he's making fun of him but he only finds sincerity. "Maybe I will."
Sebastian nods and tightens the scabbard around his waist. "Let's see what kind of breakfast Hawke's housekeeper has packed for us." He walks towards the camp, leaving Fenris alone with nature waking up around him. A small bird picks at a tiny flower in the moss and flies away with an angry yell when Fenris moves.
Heavy boots stomping through the grass behind him tell him that Hawke approaches. Her grace is not in her walk and he would recognize the way she stamps her footprint on the earth anywhere. She comes up to his side, a steaming cup in her hands and Fenris sends a silent thank to Bodahn for providing coffee for Hawke. He likes coffee but Hawke is unbearable without it. She smiles at him and holds out a piece of bread and stick of cheese.
He takes it with a bow from his head and alternates biting from the bread and the cheese. The remaining water from his canteen helps swallowing the dry pulp
"Is that still Kirkwall water?" Hawke asks.
"Yes?"
Hawke makes a face of disgust. "Oh no, throw that away, use the water from the stream, it's so much better."
Fenris has to smile, who knew that Hawke, who would eat tree bark and bugs if provisions ran out, was a snob when it came to water. He does as she said, dumping the water and kneels down to refill the canteen from the stream. There's tiny bugs and miniature fish swimming in the water and he can't imagine that it would be so much better. He has traveled through the wilderness for years and never cared what his water tasted like as long as it looked clean. But he dutifully takes a sip and smiles at her, indicating that he likes the taste.
He can't get enough of her happy smile in return.
"Come on, we should get going. Merrill thinks that there's Tal-Vasoth nearby."
Fenris eats the last piece of bread and follows Hawke back to the camp. "How does she know about the Tal-Vasoth?" he asks.
Hawke shrugs. "I have no idea. Sometimes I think the flowers talk to her or some shit like that. She just knows things."
They quickly pack up their things and cover the glimmering remains of the fire with sand. Merrill walks ahead but Hawke soon takes over because Merrill keeps stopping to look at pretty flowers.
"Merrill, I'll be grateful for any elfroot you can find," Hawke says, pulling Merrill away from a moss with blue flowerbells peeking out, "but we have to hurry, I want to find Serlia before the Tal-Vasoth sew her mouth shut."
Merrill stares at her in shock and grips her staff tighter. "Why would anybody do that?"
"I'll be old and grey before I understand the qunari, so I can't tell you," Hawke says. "They call mages Saarebas, which apparently means 'explodes when watched' and to prevent them from saying spells, they cut out their tongues and sew their mouth shut."
"Saarebas means 'dangerous thing'," Fenris says, recalling what he has learned from stories in Tevinter and from what his travel companion Honour told him. "The qun demands that every qunari has a purpose and lives to the best of his or her own self. But mages are tempted by demons and could lose their self to them. That's why qunari admire mages for their strength but keep them chained to watch them in case they lose control."
Hawke looks at him, a harsh line on her forehead. After a few moments she turns to Merrill with a bitter smile, "There you have it, they only want the best for their mages. Keeping them chained and mutilated for their own protection." She throws a glance at Sebastian. "Makes you wonder why the chantry and the qunari don't get along like nugs in the mud; Grand Cleric Elthina and Knight Commander Meredith should have tea with the Arishok sometimes." She snorts, a bitter laugh over her own joke. "Would spare me having to talk to him all the time at least."
Nobody says anything. Hawke's bad mood is tangible in the air and even Merrill seems to be affected by it. Her usual smile is gone and she holds her staff like club in front of her, ready to strike. Hawke walks beside her, her hand on her sword and they make their way towards Sundermount in dark silence.
It wouldn't be a Hawke quest if they would not come across packs of bandits that think this small group of travellers is easy prey. Fenris is even grateful for them because it gives Hawke and Merrill ample opportunity to work out their anger and frustration in brutal bloodshed. A few terrified screams and the rumble of primal forces surging through the ground later, and the group's mood has improved considerably.
Apart from a short break to hunt a wild pig for later, they keep a steady pace up to the mountain. Fenris can see that Hawke is getting more worried the closer the sun moves towards the horizon. They came across a few bandits and a group of refugees on their way from Kirkwall, but the closer they get to Sundermount, the fewer people they meet. There is still no trace of the little girl.
The shadows are getting long and it's getting colder. Hawke orders Fenris and Sebastian to find a place to camp while Merrill and her scout further ahead to look for Serlia. Fenris knows this area pretty well by now, from earlier trips to Merrill's clan and from his own travels. There's many places here that provide good cover for a camp over night.
They find an area off the path, an overhang that would keep them protected on three sides. Sebastian builds a fire, fiddling with a firestriker to kindle a flame in a bundle of straw. Fenris wants to tell him that he should just wait for Hawke to throw in her magical fire. The revelation stops him dead in his way. That she is a mage has become so normal for him, that he almost spilled the secret to Sebastian.
"Did you hear something?" Sebastian asks.
Fenris startles. "Hear what?"
"You looked like you heard something," Sebastian said. He finally manages to create a spark and softly blows into the straw to feed the flames. Thin whiffs of smoke rise up until the fire takes hold and he places the bundle under a few sticks to set them alight.
Fenris shakes his head. "No I haven't heard..." He stops because in this moment he hears the distinct stomp of Hawke's boots and she is running fast. He pulls his sword and Sebastian looks up at the sound. "Hawke is coming," he says.
Sebastian jumps up and readies his bow.
Fenris runs back towards the path just in time to run into Hawke, followed by Merrill.
"We found her," Hawke huffs out, bending over to catch her breath. "There's a group of Tal-Vasoth on the other side of that formation. About 20."
Fenris is almost afraid to ask. "They have Serlia? Is she well?" Sebastian appears at his side and puts a hand on his shoulder.
Hawke coughs once and straightens her back. "Her hands and feet are shackled but she looks unharmed so far. Maybe they haven't decided what to do with her yet. I would very much prefer not to fight all of them. We're good but they're many."
"What is your plan?" Fenris asks.
Hawke grins. "When have I ever been known to be good at planning? I was actually thinking of letting you lead this mission. You started this all and you have the language skills."
"Do you expect me to talk them out of binding her to an Arvaarad?"
"See? You even know what that guy is called, all I know is that the one time I tried to save a Saarebas from his Arvawhatsit, he set himself on fire. I'm clearly not the right person for this."
Fenris remembers that moment. Hawke, anger radiating off her at the treatment of the qunari mage. Back then he had not known how personal the mage's destiny was for her. She was so sure that she did the right thing, that she was saving the mage but he could not handle his sudden independence. Fenris knew this mindset, the feeling of loss when the rules that had held your whole life in place, crumble around you and leave you in fear. When everything you ever knew of your life is wrong and the isolation begins to choke you. Fenris remembers this well.
He swallows down the bile that wants to rise in his throat and says, "I can try but I cannot promise that I'm able to convince them."
Hawke comes a bit closer to him. "Nobody can promise anything. We all just do what we can and hope for the best," she says warmly. She steps to the side and indicates that he should lead the way. "Let's see how far we get and if we have to fight them, then that's what we'll do. Wouldn't be the first time, right?"
He nods and takes a breath to hide his fears. He sheathes his sword and walks back up the way that Hawke and Merrill came. Hawke falls in step beside him and after a while points out the path to the side that leads them to a clearing with thorny bushes. Their red flowers spread a sticky, sweet smell around them makes Hawke look ill and Merrill giggle in joy.
"I remember these," Merrill says, poking one the red flowers, "we called them 'Stinky Ticklers', their seeds make you itch and they are very sticky. We used to shove them down someone's back."
"And here I thought elves would never be so silly," Fenris said.
"I can be very silly," Merrill says and her smile is infectious.
"I don't doubt that for a second," Fenris says, foregoing a more biting remark he might have made a year ago.
The sight of the camp ahead of them makes them stop. Fenris counts 16 qunari around a fire, one to the side, and two guards sitting on boulders. He looks at Hawke, who nods and they walk towards the fire with secure steps. Hawke is right by his side and he knows that Merrill and Sebastian are following them at a small distance.
The guards stand up when they see them approach and shout something towards the camp. All qunari stand up, a wall of giant men that are intimidating even before they have drawn their weapons. Fenris swallows down the instinctual fear reaction and greets the qunari in qunlat.
One qunari steps forward and acknowledges him with a nod. "What do you have to say, bas?"
Fenris wonders if he knows any more respectful greetings but decides to get straight to the point. "We are looking for a young, elf girl that has escaped our care. Have you seen her?"
There is a mumbled discussion among the giant men in short words. Fenris doesn't understand everything but he recognizes words like not-trustworthy and weak. The leader turns back to him and points to the qunari sitting a bit to the side. "Karasaad has found a elf bas, who made ice with her hand. He has bound her to protect her from herself."
Fenris feels Hawke next to him practically vibrate in anger but she doesn't say anything and her hand is not yet hovering over the pommel of her sword. "May we speak to her?" he asks.
The leader nods and at the same time the other qunari settle back around the fire, considering them not to be dangerous. Fenris and Hawke walk over to the guarding qunari and see Serlia kneeling on the ground behind him. Her hands are bound behind her back, her face is dirty and tears have drawn white streaks over her cheeks that have long dried. She doesn't cry anymore, she doesn't even look up when he and Hawke approach.
The qunari that guards her looks at Fenris and a strange expression runs over his face. It takes him a moment but then he recognizes him. It is the qunari he had met during his travels in the summer.
Fenris bows his head towards the qunari. "You know me, Honour, I travelled with you."
The qunari nods. "I remember Fenris. I remember that you gave me name. Here I am Karasaad but you called me Honour." He looks over to Hawke. "Who is this bas with you?"
"This is Hawke."
"You spoke of Hawke, spoke of her as a great and honorable warrior."
Hawke's cheeks get a rosy tint and she bows her head towards Honour. "Greetings, Karasaad Honour."
A typical qunari silence stretches out between them, unspoken thoughts lingering in the air.
Hawke just ignores the tension and kneels down in front of Serlia. "Hey, Serlia, are you hurt?" The girl slowly raises her head, it seems like she wakes up from a dream.
"Serah Hawke? What are you doing here?" she whispers.
"I helped Fenris search for you."
She looks up but when her eyes meet his, the happiness in her looks disappears. She lowers her head and doesn't react anymore.
Hawke tries to talk to her more but soon gives up. She stands up and faces Honour. "This is no place for a little girl, you have to let us take her home."
"She is Saarebas, she is dangerous."
"And we will take care of her and make sure that she will not hurt anyone," Hawke says, "but she is also just a little girl and not qunari, this is no place for her."
"Would you fight all of us to take her?"
Fenris answers before Hawke can, "Yes we would. We don't want to but we would."
The qunari looks between them. "I am just Karasaad, I follow Karasten."
"But you are also Honour," Fenris says, almost wanting to shake him, "you have your own thoughts."
The qunari stares at him and Fenris stares back. Finally the red painted giant looks away and stands up. "I know I am Honour. I will speak to Karasten on your behalf." He walks over to the leader and after exchanging what looks like five words at maximum, he returns to them with him.
"Karasaad spoke in your favour. We trust you to take the Saarebas and secure her."
He looks at Hawke for an answer but she just stares and seems to have forgotten how to speak. Fenris raises his head and looks the Sten in the eyes. "We will ensure her safety and the safety of all others."
Both qunari nod and turn away to walk to the fire. They sit down and seem to have forgotten that Hawke and Fenris are still in their camp and Sebastian and Merrill are watching them from further away.
Hawke cuts the bindings on Serlia's feet and wrists and lifts the child up to carry her. The girl lets her handle her like lifeless doll, her head lolling to the side as Hawke walks away with quick steps. She keeps looking behind her, as if she expects the qunari to change their minds but they leave without disturbance.
They hurry to get away and Hawke only slows her steps when they are out of sight of the Tal-Vasoth camp. "Andraste's tits," Hawke says to Merrill and Sebastian, "that was really weird."
Sebastian flinches at the use of his holy lady's name in this way. "They let you just take her?" he asks.
"We had to promise to secure her," Hawke says, "but Fenris had a friend there, he spoke for us."
Sebastian raises his eyebrows in surprise. "What a versatile companion you are, Fenris," he says. "When I'm going back to Starkhaven, you're welcome to come with me."
Fenris stops still. "To do what exactly?"
Hawke and Merrill keep walking but Sebastian pauses at his side. "To command an army, to train warriors. You are a fine warrior."
"I am no leader," Fenris spits out. "I'm just an escaped slave, living in hiding."
Sebastian shakes his head. "You are a fine man, a great warrior, living free and as you want. You give yourself too little credit. Just think about it." He bows his head once and sprints forward to catch up with Hawke and Merrill.
Fenris stares after him. It takes him a while to gather his thoughts and follow the others.
They march back towards their camp. The girl in Hawke's arm doesn't make a sound and her eyes are closed. Fenris would think that she is asleep but he catches her looking at him. It hurts to see how she looks away in fear when his eyes meet hers.
At the camp, Sebastian fights with the firestriker again to start the fire until Merrill ignites it with a small fireball. Sebastian shakes his head but just piles the thicker branches on top of the burning straw bundle.
Merrill sits down next to Serlia and shows her the flowers and herbs she picked today. Her constant chatter distracts the girl and she even sits up to look at the little bundles that Merrill spread out on a cloth.
When Fenris approaches them, she startles and curls up again. He doesn't know what to do. He just stands there, the fire warming his ankles.
Hawke comes up to him. "She's scared, you have to talk to her," she says.
"I don't know what to say."
"Tell her that you won't give her to the templars."
Fenris looks up to her, angry that she would think him that cruel. "Of course not!"
"She doesn't know that," Hawke says quietly, "and frankly, I'm not sure either. You spoke of locking up mages often enough."
"You know I would never... ," he starts but stops, afraid to give away her secret if he continues.
"Maybe I know but... words have meaning, Fenris. Spoken words, written words, they mean something. She needs to hear it," she says and holds his gaze. There is a longing in her eyes. Something that tells him that she needs to hear it too.
He sits down next to Serlia. His lyrium marks are burning, itching. He knows it is because he is nervous but it feels so close to the nightmares that wake him up sometimes, that he has to close his eyes and concentrate on his breathing for a moment before he can speak. When he opens his eyes again, Serlia is watching him.
"I'm sorry I scared you," he says, watching her. "I would never give you to the templars."
"You said that mages are dangerous and hurt people and have to go to the Circle. I know what the Circle is, I know what they do, I don't want to go there." Her voice gets stronger as she speaks. She is scared but there is an angry defiance in her voice that shows glimpses of the strong woman she might become one day. A strong mage who learned that the world hates and fears her and that her friends betray her, is that who he wants her to become one day?
He looks at his hands, the white lines carved into his flesh, patterns that Hawke called beautiful and that remind him every waking moment of what magic can do. "What I said came from my own fears, from what has been done to me," he says, searching for words. "What I fear is the power of mages, their disregard of life, their hunger for power. A mage has made me into a weapon, into a thing he can own and order to do his will."
Serlia stares at the lines on his hands.
"I am learning," he says, becoming aware of it as he formulates his thoughts. "I have met mages, more than I ever cared to know and they have treated me with kindness. I have never -" he looks over to Merrill and catches Hawke's eyes, "I have never thanked them for their trust and friendship but I know that I can trust them. I know that people can be good and mages at the same time."
Serlia seems to relax. Hawke comes over to them and sits down on her other side. The girl watches her and somehow, the way Hawke looks at her with that friendly smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, makes the girl talk. Slowly, her voice barely more than a whisper, she begins to tell how the qunari caught her.
They found her where she slept up on a tree where she had tied herself to a branch. It was high enough to protect her from animals but still easy to reach for a giant qunari. She woke up when the Tal-Vasoth untied her and looking at the horned giant scared her so much that she froze his hands with ice. It was just an instinctual reaction and not even enough to keep his hands from moving but it was enough to scare the Tal-Vasoth.
"They tied my hands and put something like a mask over my mouth. And then they sang."
"Sang?" Hawke asks.
Serlia nods, and clenches her hands together so tight her knuckles turn white. "Like a chant. I couldn't understand it at first but then they changed it. It was Elvhen words and Trade too and they kept repeating them over and over."
"What kind of words?" Hawke covers Serlia's hands with hers to try and comfort her.
"It was about danger, about corruption, demons. Magic is a sickness, a curse. A mage has to be bound and silenced because a mage will fall to demons. They kept saying it over and over..." Tears run down her face and Hawke pulls her into a hug.
Words have meaning.
Hawke lets Serlia sob against her shoulder, petting her back until she calms down. After a while, the girls sits back up and cleans her face with a cloth that Hawke hands her.
"I promise you that neither Fenris nor anyone else here is going to take you to the Circle," Hawke says, "but we have to find a place for you where you'll have a teacher to learn to control your magic." She looks over to Merrill. "Do you think... ?"
Merrill sighs. "I'm sure my clan can handle another little mage. At least she's an elf, they won't complain about more shemlen among them."
It occurs to Fenris that this isn't the first time that Hawke and Merrill have saved a mage and transferred them to Merrill's clan. But before he was apparently never part of such missions. It pains him to think that she thought of him not trustworthy, that she thought he could not handle freeing a mage.
And in a way she had been right.
Hawke turns back to Serlia. "Merrill's clan lives not far from here. They will take care of you and teach you but you have to do your part too. They will find something that you have to do for the clan to earn your keep. But you'll be safe there."
"The templars won't find me? The qunari?"
"No, the Dalish will protect you."
"Dalish? Real Dalish?" Serlia asks with wide eyes.
"Yes, real Dalish. They live up Sundermount and no templar has ever found them," Hawke says.
Serlia still looks scared and Hawke takes her hands. "I will visit you and Fenris too." She looks over to Fenris.
He hovers his hand over their hands for a moment before he dares to touch them. They both feel warm and his lyrium tingles with a reaction to their magic. "I will visit you if you want me to."
"And he won't give you to the templars, I promise," Hawke says. "Do you want to know why I know that?"
Serlia nods and Hawke grins. She raises one hand palm up and ignites her yellow flame. It flickers in the soft evening breeze and for a moment it looks like a tiny dragon dancing in her hand. Hawke smiles widely. "Because he hasn't betrayed me to the templars either."
Serlia's surprised squeal gets lost under the shocked shout coming from Sebastian. "Andraste's grace, Hawke! You're a mage?"