A/N: Blah, so I only have ideas for the first half of this chapter. Hm… this is becoming difficult to do. It's not like I can quickly heal Near. No, that's just not how it works! It never does! And besides, I'm not one for short, quick romance stories anyway so… somehow I have to find the right way to do this. Since when were these stories so difficult?!

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note! Or any of the characters, or any of the places; I think you get the point.

Chapter 10: Snow

The next morning I awoke to find that everything around me felt different. I kept my eyes closed so I wouldn't have to fully face life and the reality brought with it yet; instead I tried to understand what I was feeling around me.

I could tell I was still in the safe confines of my own room simply by the familiar smell of detergent on my pillow and the softness of the mattress beneath me. Everything around me was silent as well.

The memories from the previous night began to come back to me and I began to wonder if Mello was still in the same place he had been last night. I'd fallen asleep while continuing to twirl the strands of his hair; but now I could no longer feel the silk against my fingers.

Slowly, out of curiosity, my grey eyes slid open to meet the cold white of my room. I was still in the same position I had been in last night, but Mello was no longer against the side of the bed as he had once been.

'I wonder when he left,' I thought to myself without moving. I wondered when he'd figured out last night that what he was doing was pointless and had finally left. It seemed like the only possible reason.

With a slight exhale of breath I began to sit up. I didn't have any intention of going out to face the rest of the orphanage yet, but at least I could take a shower before returning to bed for a little while.

But just then my door opened and my eyes flicked over to it; my hands unconsciously clenched the sheets.

Mello appeared in the doorway, redressed in one of his other black outfits and a bowl in his hand. "You're up early." He stated, eyes meeting mine as he re-closed the door.

"I'm always up early. You are too." I said quietly.

"Not exactly the easiest place to sleep." He stated.

"You didn't have to do that."

"Whatever." He shrugged it off and moved to sit beside me.

"What is that?" I asked, looking at the bowl in his hands that had a metal utensil leaning against the side while I resisted the urge to slide further away from him.

"Breakfast."

"They don't make breakfast this early." I stated, now more wary than I had been a moment ago. There was something going on with him; I could just tell. But I couldn't quite figure out what exactly it was.

"No," he said, "but I do."

I stayed silent but looked from him back to the plain bowl. Was he suggesting… "you made it?" I asked before I could think it all through.

"It's just cereal, not exactly rocket science." Again I was quiet and let him continue. "It's for you." His eyes moved from the milky contents of the bowl up to me; I couldn't tell what emotion was being portrayed in his blue eyes. But it was nothing he normally showed; that was definite.

"No, thank you."

"Look, Near, we can either do this the easy way or the hard way." His eyes hardened on me, "just eat the damn cereal." He placed the bowl in my hand; somehow managing to not spill anything in the process.

"I'm not hungry." The nausea with myself along with the memories that always played whenever I closed my eyes was all enough to fill me and leave no room for anything else.

"Too bad. I made it so that now you'll have to at least eat something. Besides, if I force you now then it won't be as suspicious as it would be anywhere else."

"I don't want it, Mello." I handed it back to him carefully.

He watched me for a moment with his eyes locked; it made me uncomfortable. "Why not?"

"I've already told you tha-." Before I could finish a spoonful of the milk and cereal was deposited in my mouth. I pulled away from him and instantly moved closer to the headboard with just enough emotion passing my stoic expression to show my question.

"I told you, either the easy way or the hard way." He said with a victorious smirk on his face.

'How clever,' I thought to myself but still remained silent.

"Now, you can either eat it yourself or I'll make you eat it. Take your pick." I couldn't help but wonder how he thought giving those kinds of forceful options to me would help anything. But then again I suppose Mello always has that way of doing everything.

So long as he gets his way what does it matter about the other people?

After another moment of reluctance I took the bowl and moved the spoon around in it. I didn't want any, I never had any sense of hunger anymore and this moment was no exception to that. But with Mello's solid blue eyes on me I knew I didn't have any other choice.

I slowly picked the spoon up, filled with milk and the cereal bits, and brought it to my lips. The cold smell from it alone was enough to make me want to debate with the blonde again.

But in order to save myself from fighting when I knew I would ultimately lose, I placed the spoon in my mouth just long enough to dispose of the food and ate it while trying my best to ignore the instant reaction I had to vomit.

"There, not that big of a deal." Mello stated surely laying back, but I could feel his eyes continuing to watch me; probably to make sure I continued eating.

"If you say so." I said quietly while beginning the process needed to eat the cereal again. However, this time it all looked even less appealing than it had the first time.

-

Mello left later that morning, when it was a more logical time for him to be awake and to make it seem as though he had just awoken. He said something about wanting to be seen by others alone for a while and possibly hang around Matt for a bit.

It was all part of the unconscious charade needed to make everyone else think that there was nothing going on, I understood.

I, however, stayed in my room till the afternoon. After Mello left I took a shower and returned to my bed as I had planned on doing earlier. Under my own sheets and away from the rest of the world was where I felt the smallest amount of safety.

But I knew that I couldn't stay there all day. So finally, I reluctantly got up again and left from the safer confines of my bedroom to go down to the common room where I planned to remain for the rest of the day.

However, once I got to the bottom floor I observed something odd.

There was no one there.

It looked as though Wammy's had suddenly been deserted of all people in only a couple hours. Normally there was at least one person to be heard around, or seen traveling from one place to another.

But now it was empty; it sent a chilling feeling through me. My heart began to race; as I walked around my eyes searched frantically for someone, anyone, else. I didn't want to be left completely alone here.

Then all of a sudden my eyes caught sight of movement and I instantly turned to it. I found one of the female officials in the kitchen. Well, it was better than no one.

Her light colored eyes turned to me, "Near," I didn't know her by name but her voice was soft and kind. "What are you still doing in here?" She asked.

"Excuse me?" I asked letting only a small amount of question show in my tone so she didn't misinterpret my words as not having heard her.

"There's a snow day today; everyone's playing outside." She stated.

"I see." I turned enough to look out one the windows in the far side of the kitchen. How I had missed the sight of children running around outside was beyond my understanding. "I think I'll stay indoors."

"No, no." I stopped from where I had begun to walk away when she spoke. "Everyone is playing outside today so we can clean up the inside a little bit."

"I'll stay out of your way."

"I'm sure you will, by playing outside for a while."

I watched her in silence for a minute, debating on my next action. I didn't like the outside much, but it'd been so long since I'd really gone out for any prolonged amount of time. So long as I'm left by myself I'm sure it wouldn't be that much different than the indoors.

So without another word to her I went back into the entry way and regrettably slipped on my deserted shoes that I'd neatly left by the door, and then put on the thin white jacket overtop before heading out.

The large area around the orphanage was littered with the orphans that lived within the building, all of them contrasting in some way with the white of the falling snow from the sky.

Each of them was doing their own thing, some having snowball fights while others were making angels in the snow, and building forts and other buildings out of the malleable snow that lay thick on the ground.

My eyes scanned the area, and finally landed on the one I was looking for.

Mello and Matt were the only ones in their small group, of course, and were building a snowman that only the two of them could create. It was complete with rosary, fuzzed vest, a cigarette (courtesy of Matt, I'm sure), and a look constructed on his face that said he'd melt any other snow man that messed with him.

Looking away and dismissing their predictable actions I made my way over to a lone bench that sat against the wall of the building. There was no one there, or around the area; I would have it to myself for a while.

After clearing away the snow that had piled on it I sat down, pulling my left leg up and close to me; then let my eyes drift out over the area again.

Everyone looked so joyous and oblivious in the happy world that had been constructed for them, as always. I hadn't felt this disconnected from the other orphans for a long time. It felt as though, if I didn't move at all, when the time came they would all go back into the building without even acknowledging my presence.

I knew that wasn't so much of a good thing anymore. Being left back to be forgotten… I could find no positive outcome in that.

-

After roughly ten or fifteen minutes of the numbing thought, my body began to shiver from the cold air around me. I looked away from the grounds and up into the sky at the snow that was gently falling to the Earth from the grey clouds above.

It all looked so perfect and I swore if I sat here for a while I'd be lost to it. My body temperature was dropping and I could feel it but at the same time I couldn't help wanting to stay in this spot. It was peaceful; something the inside didn't offer me anymore.

I felt numb again, but this time I didn't mind it quite so much, I didn't feel as disgusted with myself or confused about anything that would be happening in the future. And when I closed my eyes to blink I saw nothing more than the repetitiveness of the snow falling to Earth.

The sound of crunching snow coming closer brought me back down to the pains of reality and my head fell back to its normal position; eyes pointed out to see who it was.

Surprisingly enough, it was Mello coming my way. He brushed the snow off of the second half of the bench and sat next to me. "Didn't expect to see you out here." He stated.

"Didn't expect you to come over." I retorted easily; my gaze was locked on him and I couldn't figure out why.

"Matt decided to sneak his way back inside to play one of his games and I told him I'm being forced to hang out around you more."

I remained silent, finally forcing my eyes away from him and back out to the grounds to the others.

"What are you thinking about?" He suddenly asked; from his quiet, yet interested tone I could hear he was serious. I hated how I had to always determine whether or not the majority of his questions were serious or not.

Because I wasn't sure of exactly what I had been thinking about, or how to put any of it into words where it would make sense, I took a different approach. "Mello, I have an honest question."

His blue eyes moved over to me as his hand retrieved a chocolate bar from his pocket and he snapped off a piece.

"Have you ever thought that we are just tools?" I asked.

"Who's 'we'?"

"You, myself, or anyone at Wammy's, really."

He looked away and thought about it, but when he looked back at me I met the gaze and noticed the confusion in his features. I knew exactly what he was going to ask next. "Why?"

"I've been thinking about it over the past couple of weeks and I have found that I've been nothing more than a tool to the majority of the people I know."

He watched with eyes that waited for me to elaborate.

"Roger and the other officials use us so that they can have copies of L to replace him once he dies, and once one of us does people shall use us to do what they cannot. And as for L… he…" I couldn't finish the sentence, the words simply would not form.

"So?" He sounded like he was trying to draw the conclusion out of me, but at the same time he already knew what that was.

"So… I began to wonder, knowing that, if it was even worth it. Though perhaps I'm not thinking as logically about it as I normally would, but still…" Again my voice trailed off as I began to second guess even saying it.

"Still what, Near?" He pressed, "what the fuck are you trying to say?" Annoyance was evident in every word.

I hesitated for a moment, "I've begun to wonder what it would take to show that to people." It was the bluntest way I could put it. After the words were spoken I looked back at Mello, I needed to see how he reacted to my words even though I was positive he had already known what I was going to say before that.

His expression changed a number of times, first from confusion to pain, then from that to anger (his fist clenching for a second signaled it), and finally to show he had gone into thought again; his eyes turned away from me as he took another bite from the chocolate bar.

"Everybody does that, Near, that's just how humans are. We use the people around us in order to get the things we want. That kind of stuff isn't just focused on us."

"I see."

I looked away and let my thoughts drift off on what he had said. But beside me I could feel the blonde's tension, however I couldn't figure out why.

All of a sudden, in one movement, I was pulled closer to Mello and his arms wrapped around me securely.

The fire from his touch began to lick at my skin sending waves of pain and the need to get away throughout me. I tried to push against him to free myself but he held tight, "Mello, let me go!" I continued with my attempts but he barely seemed to notice at all.

"Just listen to me." His voice, softer and quieter, said.

I stopped my actions and attempted to ignore the fire from his touch in order to try a different way of getting him off of me, "there are others around."

"Fuck them for right now."

I was silent, waiting for him to continue. He sounded so different…

"Look, I still don't understand why the hell you would ask me, who hates you, to do this out of anyone else on the planet. I'm fluent in three languages and I still can't seem find the words needed to help you. But I swear, Near, if you do anything even close to leaving, in any sense of the word, I'll find a way to destroy you. Just bear with me for a while, I will help you… I'll fix you."

I was paralyzed by the time he finished speaking. Part of me didn't want to believe he had really just said any of that to me. Maybe it was my imagination forming his words.

I didn't move as Mello pulled back from me finally; his blue orbs looking me up and down once. He then began to take off the black jacket he had on with a halfhearted chuckle, "those officials are idiots. They should know you're not fitted for any kind of outdoors; especially not winter weather. You look frozen."

He carefully draped his jacket over my shoulders; I noticed the way he made sure not to touch me in the slightest and stood up after words. Before he began to walk away he turned once more to me, "don't tell anyone about that, or why, got it?"

"If I told them why, or what you were saying I'd have to admit everything of what I have already told you."

He scowled, "don't be a smartass." With that he turned and began towards the entrance of the building.

I watched him go before looking down at myself, in all white but now with a veil of warm and oddly comforting black over me. I hugged the material closer and let my eyes close, I could smell the sweet chocolate on the material as well as the strong natural scent that was on Mello's being.

I began to replay Mello's words in my head to try and figure out what exactly he was trying to say with them. It was interesting what my words had brought out of him.

Very interesting.

A/N: When I decided to put the second half of this in here I knew it was going to be long, because, let's be honest, if you're in Near's character there's not a lot of time where you can just have straight dialog without the description. But I didn't know it was going to be this long! However, I did like the last part, what Mello says and how he gives Near his jacket. So cute!

Let me know what you thought! All comments are appreciated, but no flames.

Please review!
-Forbiddensoul562