Used to be
"Fate." Hayate grinned wickedly. "Have a seat. We were just talking about you."
Russet eyes swept the occupants of the table suspiciously. Nanoha was doing her best to shrink down as small as possible, as if the very act would suck her through the floor and out of sight. Beside her, looking as though she didn't have a care in the world, the Lieutenant Colonel flashed her a perfect smile, but just by the look on Signum's face, she knew better than to trust it. Vita's scowl was pointed at the former members of the Stars squad, and while Subaru waved cheerily upon Fate's arrival, Teana could only hang her head, mouthing 'I'm so sorry.' up at her partner.
Fate arched a brow. "This, this is one of those times where I should just walk away, right?"
"For the best, really." Vita agreed solemnly.
"Now, now, don't be anti-social." Hayate replied, waving a hand dismissively. "It's been so long since we've all been together, why don't you pull up a chair?"
Fate's gaze flickered from Hayate to Nanoha, and back to Hayate.
"Don't be shy." the brunette continued. "Come on now."
The enforcer hovered a moment longer, torn between going with her gut feeling and having a nice lunch with the people she would consider family. At last, with a defeated sigh, she pulled an empty chair from the table behind the group and slid it across the linoleum floor. "I'm going to regret this."
"Yup."
"Not helping, Vita." Hayate replied sweetly, sliding her chair over. "Here, between me and the White Devil over there. She looks like she's about three seconds from blasting me up into the atmosphere."
Fate complied with the request, sneaking a sideways glance at the instructor at the 'nickname' as she slid into the seat. Far from terrifying, Nanoha still looked like she were trying to vanish.
"It's better not to ask, isn't it?" the blonde murmured, accepting the fresh coffee cup Signum slid across the table.
"Something like that." Nanoha agreed quietly, her face still burning.
Deciding it was best to change the subject, whatever the hell it had been, the blonde took a long sip of her coffee, shuddering at the taste. She made a mental note to get around to replacing her own coffee maker, and smirked at the grin Signum was giving her. "How's your face?" Fate asked, indicating the bruise on her jaw with a nod of her head.
"Still better looking than yours."
"Maybe we should hold a vote?" Hayate offered.
"She has no off button." Vita groaned.
"No. No she does not." Signum agreed solemnly, though she gave Hayate an affectionate smile.
"Who said I was voting for you?" the commander replied with mock indifference.
The Vice-Captain snickered under her breath. "Someone is on the couch tonight."
Fate blushed at the mention of the word couch, realizing her mistake a moment too late as the action was immediately pounced upon. She felt the table shift under her elbows as Hayate leaned forward, her normally mischievous blue eyes taking a darker hue. If teasing the enforcer was a challenge, the commander had just wholly accepted it.
"Fate, since when was couch such a naughty word?"
She froze. "It wasn't." Ungodly silence followed. "I mean, it's not."
"Oh?"
The enforcer fidgeted under the equally intense gaze now coming from her left as curiosity finally got the better of the instructor beside her.
"Can't even make it to the bedroom, huh?"
Fate felt all the color drain from her face. Hayate had hit a nerve, and odds were, she knew exactly how much anguish she was about to cause. "C-can we just eat? Please?"
"Oh." Subaru blinked, dots connecting much to Teana's horror. "Is that where my sister was the other night after the bar?"
Signum's foot rushed out unseen under the table, connecting sharply with the center pedestal and sending the legs on Fate's side of the table wobbling. Her coffee cup that had been sitting near the edge tipped forward, sending the scalding contents across the enforcer's lap. With a startled yelp, Fate leapt to her feet, sending both Nanoha and Hayate backwards.
"My fault. Sorry." the knight muttered quietly, passing a handful of napkins to Hayate to hand to Fate. "Forgive my clumsiness."
If her legs weren't on fire, Fate could have jumped over the table and kissed the warrior. She settled instead for a grateful nod. "N-no problem. I think that cuts my visit short for today though."
Nanoha rose to her feet, faltering for a half second before grazing the tips of her fingers over Fate's forearm. "I'm pretty sure I have a training uniform that would fit you."
"A-ah, I wouldn't want to be a bother." The enforcer tried lightly, a little concerned at the strange flitter of emotions across Nanoha's features.
"No bother." The brunette replied, turning back towards her comrades but directing her comment at Hayate. "I trust you can behave?"
"Yeah yeah. Get her out of here before she blisters."
"Really," Fate sighed, "I'm alright, it's no big…"
Nanoha said nothing more on the subject, instead taking ahold of Fate's wrist and tugging her out of the cafeteria, completely blowing off the half-hearted protests of the enforcer. Hayate watched them go, brows raised in appreciation of the sight. "How about that."
"I can be subtle." Signum grumbled, picking up her mug once more.
"I hardly call a near table flip subtle." Vita muttered.
"Either way, mission accomplished." Hayate replied with a grin, poking Signum in the shoulder. "But you are certainly on the couch, after that little stunt."
Subaru let out a tired sigh and glanced over at Teana. "I feel like I'm missing something important here."
The gunner buried her face in her hands.
Fate was expecting to wind up back in the locker room, or in the supply room, at the very least, but she certainly didn't expect for Nanoha to lead the way to the instructor's private office. She gave the brunette a quizzical look as they stopped in front of the door, and felt her heartbeat quicken when the hold on her wrist tightened briefly before letting her go to enter the passcode.
Once inside, Fate maintained a respectful distance, hovering near the entry as Nanoha began to rummage through a cabinet along the wall. Dark eyes traveled over items and paperwork too sensitive to be left at Nanoha's cubicle, and found herself grinning when she spotted a familiar photograph.
"You don't have to hide over there, Fate-chan." Nanoha called over her shoulder. "Make yourself at home."
"Thank you." the blonde replied quietly, making her way to Nanoha's desk and stooping a bit until she was eyelevel with the image, from the day Nanoha had been released from the hospital and Fate had finally passed her enforcer's exam.
Of course there had been a party, their friends wouldn't have it any other way. Fate had spent most of the evening fretting over every little thing Nanoha did, convinced that she was going to collapse from sheer exhaustion at any moment. She had stood guard like a sentinel, straight-faced and ever alert, waiting for the smallest sign of trouble, and finally, after asking Nanoha if she was feeling alright for what must have been the thousandth time, it had finally gotten to the ace.
"Fate-chan." Nanoha huffed sternly, scooching over on the couch until there was barely any space between them and reached for one of Fate's hands, entwining their fingers together. "I know you care, but I'm not made of glass. I'm not going to break."
Fate had to bite her tongue, half tempted to argue that she was fragile, especially now, more than ever, but looking into Nanoha's bright blue eyes silenced the thought. "Sorry." She murmured at last with a sheepish grin. "I can't help it sometimes."
"I know." Nanoha sighed, giving her hand a tiny squeeze before leaning over and resting her head on Fate's shoulder. "Dork."
Fate heard the click of Lindy's digital camera before she heard the teasing comment Hayate made, and her gaze snapped up, red-faced and flustered.
"Mom!"
"Ah." Nanoha murmured near her shoulder. "We were so young back then."
Fate grinned, pushing herself back up to her full height. "Yeah. Hard to believe it sometimes."
"That day was kinda fuzzy for me. It must have been the painkillers." the instructor admitted. "So I'm glad Lindy took pictures, although sometimes looking at it makes me feel so old."
Fate's gaze wandered back to the photo, still feeling the warm tug of nostalgia. Years had passed by so quickly, and although there were so many problems here and now, somewhere, inside of them both, were two silly teenagers. She met Nanoha's eyes and offered her a smile. "I don't think you're old."
The brunette laughed. "Do I have to remind you that Vivio will be old enough to drink in just four years? Just thinking about it gives me grey hairs."
Fate's smile softened, and before she could stop herself and think things over, her mouth was already moving. "I just see the same cute girl."
Nanoha stiffened slightly, a light blush dusting her cheeks as she struggled to find a reply, and the enforcer felt a surge of panic. She was starting to have a lot of those lately, and it was terribly disconcerting.
"Uh." the blonde muttered, with a nod of her head in the direction of the clothing in Nanoha's arms. "Those for me?"
"Oh." Nanoha frowned a bit, thrusting the bundle forward and into Fate's hands. "Yeah."
That bitter taste was back in the enforcer's mouth, and it took just about everything she had not to wince outwardly. The words were there, stuck all up in her head but trapped on her tongue, and it was so much easier to keep up the inane chatter. Fate suddenly had a flashback to Vivio's no-so-subtle observation when she had first returned home, something about acting like they were divorced? "Thank you."
"A-ah. No problem. They'll fit you for sure." Nanoha was back to fidgeting now that her hands were free, twisting and tugging at her own fingertips. Every conversation they had seemed to end like this, awkward and odd, like they were suddenly total strangers, despite having spent almost two-thirds of their lives together.
Fate unfolded the shirt first with a flick of her wrist, brows creasing at the awfully familiar field training gear. Her gaze dropped to the pants still draped over her arm, and she instantly recognized the haphazard patch job just above the left knee. Erio had gotten in a lucky shot and nearly took a good portion of her leg with it. From that day on, she had only trained them in her full barrier jacket, but had kept the uniform for the days she decided to mess around. Now that she thought about it, when she had come back to clear out her personal effects from the locker she shared with Nanoha, it had been missing and…
"These are mine." Fate said. "I was looking for them when…" she trailed off. It was already awkward. Best to leave some things to rest.
Nanoha's face darkened further, and she shifted away guiltily. "I didn't want them to get lost."
Lost? Hardly. She would have had to deliberately raid the locker the day after Fate had moved all of her things out of the apartment, but why? It's not like she was angry that they had been missing, just confused more than anything else, and Nanoha's current behavior was certainly not helping. Fate must have gone into what Hayate dubbed 'kickass-mode', straight-faced and serious, because Nanoha was starting to crack under the pressure.
"Okay." the instructor murmured, still fidgeting under dark eyes. "I may have kept them on purpose. Maybe, I just, just figured that you'd come looking for them eventually. And you weren't answering any calls. So. I thought maybe you would, I don't know. Come find me? Talk to me? Maybe?"
"Well, I'm talking now." Fate replied cautiously, though her heart had started to race and it nearly made her dizzy. Maybe they were both cracking.
Nanoha shook her head vehemently. "We shouldn't do this here. Number one, I'm still working. Number two," she gestured to Fate's legs, "you're still wearing Signum's feeble rescue attempt."
Rescue?
The panic was back.
"Keep your word." Nanoha nearly whispered. "Please."
Fate nodded dully.
"Tonight then?"
"Yeah."
Nanoha took a calming breath, pushing her hair out of her eyes. "I have an errand to run in the city after work, but I'll call you afterwards. We can meet wherever you want."
Fate felt her jaw tense as Nanoha slipped past her, heading for the door.
"Change in here if you like."
Fate heard her hand on the doorknob, the quiet click of the electronic lock, and she swallowed hard, keeping her back to the brunette and her eyes on the photograph. Walking away. These important people were always walking away, and she let them go, every single time.
"Nanoha."
Footsteps halted.
"For what it's worth, Nanoha." Her eyes stung, painfully hot. "I'm sorry." Sorry. Sorry. She was always sorry.
She heard a shaky breath in return, so soft she might have missed it had had she not been listening so intently. "Me too, Fate-chan."
Hands shoved deep into the pockets of her jacket, Fate cast one last look over her shoulder at her car, tucked away safely in the parking structure of the city's shopping district as the sun set behind her. Figuring she had some time to kill before she was pinned down under the one thing she had been dreading since she returned, it was a good excuse as any to finally replace her damn coffee maker. She was going to need something to drink, and all things considered, it would probably be best to avoid any alcohol for a while, as it seemed to do nothing but cloud her already poor judgment as of late.
Sitting at home and just waiting was enough to make her climb the the fresh air would do her some good.
Making her way down the sidewalk to the nearest electronics store, she side-stepped a group of giggling teenaged girls, shifting her path until she was almost pressed up against the wall of the store just before her destination. Pausing long enough to let them pass, a flicker of movement in the large window caught her eye, and reality rushed in to give her a swift kick in the teeth.
A bridal shop.
Fresh air, she decided, as she stared at the sight before her, was a stupid thing indeed.
Just through the pane of glass, towards the back of the shop, in front of three floor length mirrors…
You are cordially invited.
Nanoha twirled on a raised pedestal, in an ivory sleeveless gown that hugged her hourglass figure. Her hands delicately lifted the hem as she turned for her audience, with an adorably embarrassed grin as she laughed and spoke to whoever was seated on the long white couch in front of her. Her long, dark hair had been swept up away from her neck, and here on the street, in the fading daylight, Nanoha had an almost ethereal glow.
"I keep doing this to you."
Fate felt her heart lodge into her throat. Nanoha had always been beautiful to her. But here, like this, it was enough to steal her breath away. The outside world faded away, and she realized that she had been here for far too long. There was nothing but pain down this path, and she knew it, but she still raised a shaky hand to the cool glass. Was this how things ought to have been? Was she wasting everything she was, clinging to memories too far gone?
As if sensing her presence, a familiar head of blonde hair poked up over the back of the couch, and bright, heterochromic eyes locked on hers. Fate took an unconscious step back, but it was far too late now. Nanoha's gaze followed her daughter's, and the smile faded.
She couldn't run, not under the heavy weight of cobalt blue, and before she knew it, Vivio was outside the store, tugging her hand and dragging her inside, talking way too fast. She looked everywhere but at Nanoha, afraid of what she would say, afraid of what she wouldn't, her pulse throbbing so loudly in her ears she barely registered Vivio's chatter.
"Fate-mama!"
"A-ah?" She glanced down at the energetic girl, still tugging on her hand.
Vivio pouted, and it was almost identical to the one she had seen Nanoha use thousands of times. "I said, I've been starving. I want to run across the street and get something to eat. Can you help Nanoha-mama until I get back?"
Help?
"Vivio…" Nanoha started, the apprehension apparent in her voice.
"Super-fast. I promise!" Vivio replied quickly, pushing herself up on her toes and giving Fate a kiss on the cheek. "You're awesome! Thanks!"
"A-ah?" Fate blinked slowly as the girl darted out the door she had just dragged the enforcer through, already halfway across the street as time resumed it's normal flow.
The hell just happened?
"Sorry." Nanoha said quietly. "My mother left just before you got here, and I guess Vivio couldn't wait for her to come back."
Fate's shoulders sagged bit. "I just wanted to buy a coffee maker…"
The brunette laughed quietly at that. "I won't keep you here. You can go, if you need to."
"Never hear the end of it if I did." Fate muttered, steeling her gut as she finally turned to meet Nanoha's eyes. "This must be your city errand?"
"Yeah." the instructor grinned nervously. "Didn't expect to run into you though."
"Well, after changing my clothes for the third time today, I decided that I couldn't possibly get into any more trouble."
"Speaking of changing…" Nanoha blushed prettily. "And seeing as how everyone else left, think you could give me a hand?"
Oh. This? Fate felt her jaw muscle twitch. This was bad.
Finding Nanoha in the middle of a bridal shop was really enough of a shock, but following her back to the dressing room was just about pushing her limits. Fate felt her heart stutter painfully as the door clicked shut, and she wondered what else could possibly happen. Today was just one of those days that was out to kick her ass up one side of the street and down the other, and she was once more alone in a small room with the only woman who could twist her up.
As if reading her mind, Nanoha gave her some space, slipping out of her heels and smoothing out the ends of the wedding dress. "Weird, isn't it?" she asked quietly, turning her head slightly and focusing on removing the pins holding up her hair.
Fate's brow wrinkled. "What, the fabric?"
Nanoha had to hold back her laughter, not surprised in the slightest that Fate would choose to do things the roundabout way. Removing the last bobby pin, she ran a hand through her hair, sending it down her shoulders in waves. "I meant, the getting married thing."
"Ah." Fate found something else to look at on the far wall, dark eyes glassy, and suddenly she was worlds away. It was painful for Nanoha to watch her physically withdraw herself like that, and it took everything she had in her not to reach out and grab her shoulders, force her to come back, and then?
"You'll see." Nanoha replied lightly, though her heart clenched in her chest, almost afraid of the enforcer's reaction. All of this, it had started in a darkened bedroom, with a mistake born out of confusion and loneliness, but the worst part, the very worst part, had been Fate's looming silence.
"I…don't know." Fate murmured, crossing her arms and leaning against the wall. "I don't have anyone like that."
"No?"
The blonde shook her head. "No." Her smile was so small, heartbreakingly sad, and gone as fast as it appeared. Nanoha almost missed it.
The brunette fidgeted in her dress, suddenly feeling very self-conscious, and fingertips worried at the seams of the white gown. Fate was talking. Sort of. Maybe this was a good a time as any? She looked away, and despite her best attempts to keep her tone neutral, her voice wavered. "What…what about Ginga?"
Fate's eyes narrowed sharply, but it seemed to be enough to bring her back from wherever she had gone. Her silence seemed to work as the answer Nanoha was waiting for. "I thought so."
The enforcer stiffened, and she felt her jaw clench. "Hold on. You keep bringing her up, and I keep asking, what does that even matter?"
Blue eyes flickered. "It just does. Everyone knows what's going on between the two of you."
"I fail to see how it matters." Fate replied calmly, though her voice was dangerously low. Her patience was finally starting to vanish after years of confusion and heartache, and this was going to end very, very badly. "Nanoha, you're getting married. Why do you have such a problem with me showing an interest in someone?"
Nanoha's cheeks tinged red. "You still won't admit it, even though you're covered in…" She froze momentarily, twisting the dress in her fists. "You want to talk about problems? You're the one that has a problem with Yuuno!"
Fate swallowed hard. "You know what? I'm not doing this." she muttered, pushing herself off the wall. "I'm going to go, before I say something stupid and we end up in another fight."
"Fine! Go!" Nanoha retorted, throwing her hands up in the air in exasperation. "Just leave! That's what you're good at anyway!"
The enforcer's jaw dropped, almost not believing what she was hearing as she fixed Nanoha with an incredulous look. "What?"
"You heard me!" the Nanoha cried, her voice cracking. She didn't care anymore. This whole thing was stupid, and confusing, and just looking at Fate could make her so sad and then so unbearably angry, and she didn't think she'd ever understand it. Standing there, clutching fistfuls of her wedding dress in this tiny corner of the world, the dam broke, and she just didn't care. Her voice shook, her words broken. "You just left. I didn't know what you were thinking, or where you went, or if you were even okay. "How could you do that to me, and to Vivio? You just…you just…" and Nanoha was sobbing. "I made mistakes, but you…you were…"
"What was I supposed to do?" Fate tried, as emotions pent up for far too long blurred her vision. "I came home, after…after so long. To that."
"I made a mistake, but you didn't even give me the chance to explain!" she pressed the palms of her hands to her eyes, desperate to stop the tears, stop the words, just stop everything. "And now, I've made so many more…"
Fate hadn't known what she had expected, because all the times she mentally prepared herself for this conversation and each time she practiced it in her head, it came nowhere near to what was happening now. All she knew was that she couldn't stand the sight of her tears, and took an unsteady step forward, reaching out and up into air that was suddenly way too heavy. She closed the distance between them and pulled Nanoha's hands away from her eyes, resolve breaking again and so very, very easily.
Mistakes? Fate had made plenty of her own.
Nanoha was trembling, almost crushed against her warmth and...
"I'm sorry." Fate whispered, her lips brushing against Nanoha's temple. "I'm so sorry."
Nanoha tried to pull back, confused, embarrassed, angry, she didn't even know, and Fate reached up and gently brushed away her tears with the pads of her thumbs, mirroring her actions from just a few days ago. But this time, it was different. This time, the gesture only seemed to make it worse, and Nanoha gripped Fate's wrists, inadvertently pulling her closer. There were so many things Nanoha didn't understand, about any of this, all of this. She wanted her friend back. She wanted the hugs, the conversations that lasted well into the late hours of the night, the random dinner dates, the smiles, the laughter, the quiet knocks on her window. She wanted to roll over in the morning and see Fate again, sleepy-eyed and hair mussed, and she wanted to hear the stories of where she had been, what she had done, she wanted Fate to cook breakfast for her and Vivio, she wanted…
And suddenly they were nine again, standing on a bridge and Fate was leaving and she had brushed away her tears, and what she wanted most was the girl she met so long ago, gentle, warm, and loving. But that was the problem, wasn't it? They had both grown up, grown apart, and so many things had changed.
Nanoha reached up, fingers curled into the edges of Fate's jacket now, fully intent on pushing her away like she knew she should, take a moment. Calm down. But she was always one to act first, think about it later, and as Fate stiffened, she pushed herself up on her toes. She wasn't, no, couldn't think, it was all happening so fast, but time finally stopped on the quiet intake of the enforcer's breath as their lips met.
It's completely different from anything she has ever known, she thinks, as Fate's arms immediately slid around her waist, holding her up, and the lips moving against her own were so soft and warm. Where she normally feels awkward, like a kiss is something she's supposed to do, an action required of those in relationships, now she's a shaking, trembling mess, her heart fluttering far too fast. A jolt travels down her spine and Nanoha's knees go weak, nearly dizzy when Fate changes pressure, a little firmer, the tip of a tongue against her lower lip.
Her fingers weave into Fate's hair, trying to pull her closer, and she wonders if every kiss is supposed to be like this, because she's pretty sure she's melting into strong arms and warm lips. There's no turning back now, and there's no way she is going to be able to pretend this hasn't happened. Her stomach ties itself into knots, worried and sure the ground is falling out from under her. When Fate pulls back, breathless and wide-eyed, the room is spinning.
Fate unconsciously licks her lips, and it's enough to give Nanoha a completely different set of things to worry about later. "I-I…"
"My fault." Nanoha tries, knowing how Fate is, knowing that she'll blame herself for this, but her voice is cracking and she wonders if Fate can feel the way she's shaking. She's pulled forward again, and her heart slams to a stop when a kiss is brushed over the tip of her ear.
"It's not." Fate murmurs, the arms around her tightening. "I left, because I loved you too much to stay."
Just outside the changing room door, Nanoha can faintly pick up her daughter's voice, followed by her mother's. They're out of time. Fate starts to pull away, and the brunette blindly grabs her, not ready to let go, not ready to face what any of this means, almost positive that if she could just catch her breath, everything would be fine.
"Tonight." Nanoha whispers, her face hot. "You promised."
"Tonight." Fate replied, squeezing one of her hands as she moved towards the door to intercept her family.
When she's gone, and Nanoha is alone once more, she sinks back, sagging against the wall and pressing a clammy hand to her forehead. She knows that nothing is ever going to be the same, ever again.
Well. It only took ten freaking chapters, but woo!
I feel like I need a beer. Or a cigarette. Maybe both.
I'm thankful for all the reviews, (some make me blush) and I'm glad everyone is enjoying it so much. It always gives me little giggles when the first line in my PM box is, "I HATE YOU. j/k omg update naow!" I feel like I'm just ruining everyone's day with each new chapter! :D
Y'all do realize that I'm going to have to drag Yuuno back into this, right?
I have another business trip coming up, so I'll try to get as much done as I can on the next bit before I go.
Feel free to comment, pester me, whatever!