Chapter 10: Road To Recovery

It had been a quiet few weeks regarding Gabriel as Smithy had refused to help until he was feeling better; today was his first day back at work. He hadn't spoken to either Neil or Andrea anymore while he had been recovering and he appreciated that they had let him get the rest he needed. He would be lying if he denied he wasn't worried about helping them bring the sly Gabriel Kent to justice, but he knew he had to do it for Kerry.

Nothing had changed really, nothing but the fact he had seen his life flash before his eyes and he'd learned of shocking truths; it made him more wary. Before the fire, Smithy had been fully supportive of Andrea and was determined to see justice done for Kerry. However, he now wasn't one hundred percent sure that risking his career, when he had already lost so much, was worth it for some low life like Gabriel. He was torn. Could he trust Andrea? Neil Manson seemed to though and although Smithy didn't know the man that well, Neil had always gave him the impression that his job and justice were more important to him than anything else in the world. Smithy doubted Andrea could even have changed Neil's mind on that.

Additionally, Smithy had dated Andrea for a while himself and deep down he knew that despite her deception that really she had a heart of gold. He just had to trust his colleagues when they said they could bring down Gabriel Kent without too much trouble. Although a huge part of him wished he had refused to help when Neil had come to visit him in hospital, another part of him knew that he wouldn't forgive himself if he didn't help get justice for Kerry. He would never stop missing her.

When he arrived for his first day back. Smithy could see that the station was still being rebuilt after the explosion. Just seeing the building flooded him with anger. Inspector Gina Gold, who he considered a friend, had been to visit him several times while he was recovering both at hospital and at home and she had broken the news that it was their old PCSO Colin Fairfax who had caused the devastation. He thought of Ken Drummond who had been handcuffed inside the petrol filled van that Colin Fairfax had driven into the entrance of the station. Smithy felt tears sting his eyes as he remembered the events of that afternoon; how he had tried but failed to save his colleague.

"Smithy, I'm covered in petrol. Get everyone out of here! Get out of here Smithy!" Ken yelled as he sat helplessly between the petrol cans, his wrist bleeding where it was handcuffed to a part of the van.

"No, look I'm gonna get you a fire extinguisher," Smithy replied trying to stay calm though he only had to look around him to know he was fighting a losing battle. Nevertheless, he couldn't just leave a colleague trapped to face his death. He handed the keys he had found in the van to Ken so he would be able to release himself from his handcuffs and Smithy could only hope that time was on their side as an explosion was imminent.

"Get out of here," Ken repeated, but this time more calmly as Smithy passed over the keys. He gave Smithy's hand a reassuring squeeze as if to say 'I'm okay, save yourself'.

Smithy gave his colleague a pitying look before departing the van and beginning to leave the front office.

"Smithy," Neil Manson said disturbing Sergeant Smith's wayward mind. Smithy looked up to see Neil standing in front of him, now blocking his view of the station.

"Sarge," mumbled Smithy in response before taking a deep breath to calm himself down. He didn't realise he would struggle so much mentally when returning to the building but it just brought it all back. Many of his worst memories took place at the front of the station that was now boarded up. It was just outside there that Kerry had been shot and died in his arms and in that foyer he had almost lost his life. However, it also held some of his happiest memories including the moment Kerry told him she loved him, even if that joy was short-lived.

"Are you okay?" Neil Manson probed . He knew his colleague must be struggling. It caused him pain looking at that site and he hadn't even been in the explosion.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine," muttered Smithy. "Just weird being back."

"Well whenever you want to meet to talk about... you-know-what," began Neil before pausing to check no one was watching them. "Just let me know. Whenever you're ready."

Smithy nodded and Neil began to walk over to the temporary CID offices but paused when he heard Smithy call his name. He turned back to see what his colleague wanted.

"Neil, how about tonight?"

"Tonight," said Neil in surprise. "Are you sure you're up to it yet?"

"Being back here brings back a lot of memories," explained Smithy taking another deep breath to calm himself. "I've had some of my best and worst experiences here. That moment when I lost Kerry was one of the worst of my life. Gabriel may have saved me from the fire but it doesn't change that he took her life. And she'd told Andrea he'd raped her..."

"Not forgetting he confessed killing her to Andrea the night of the explosion," added Neil. "But we better not discuss this further now. So, tonight? Let's say Andrea's at seven?"

"Yeah, that's fine. I just want to get this over with."

"Good," mumbled Neil. "Well I'll see you later."

Neil headed into CID while Smithy went through to the locker room to get ready for his shift. He couldn't deny that he was nervous. Everyone else had already had a few weeks with the station in repair to move on from the horrible events of the week before. They had been there to unravel the truth of that night's events and were probably busy on a million new cases. Though Smithy guessed the memory of the explosion still affected many of his colleagues, he couldn't help but think that he would probably feel out of the loop. To him it felt like it had only happened yesterday.

Luckily, Smithy found Inspector Gina Gold before going to the morning's briefing. He knew he'd feel better if he got up to date with what was going on first and her joy at having him back relaxed him a little.

"Why hello Sergeant," smiled Gina as Smithy entered her office.

"Mam," nodded Smithy as he sat on the spare chair in her office, the opposite side of the desk to where she sat.

"I can't tell you how glad I am to have my most talented and trustworthy member of my team back with us."

Gina and Smithy had always been close. They were both dedicated to their jobs and they were both very good at them too; they had grown close with mutual respect for one another. They made a good team and they knew it.

"I'm happy to finally be back, mam."

"Now now Smithy, there is no need to lie," laughed Gina before composing herself. "Seriously though, you do feel ready to be back?"

"You know, I wasn't sure," answered Smithy honestly. "Seeing the front of the building like that bought a lot of painful memories back. But then I realised that this is the place where I have good memories too. I have friends here and I have helped numerous people that have entered these premises."

He had to bite his tongue to stop himself from telling Gina that his main incentive to return was to get Gabriel for what he did to Kerry. He knew it would be hard to hide anything from his Inspector because she knew him so well, but he had to try. It had to be kept between himself, Andrea and Neil until they recovered the evidence they needed. He couldn't wait to get things moving along and the time to go to Andrea's couldn't come quick enough.