I'm... What?
(Buffy's POV)
I finally close my mouth then think for a minute. I really want to go over there right now and check on Faith. I just know that she's freaking out right now.
But then I think back to what I told Faith in my message, and I know I have my answer.
"Yes. I want that. But it's probably better if I don't. I... I told Faith I'd give her some time to think, and that she could call me whenever she was feeling up to it. So... I'll just wait until she decides to tell me what's going on."
Mom nods. "That's a good idea. So long as it's a healthy length of time waiting. If it goes on too long, though-"
"I know. I won't push, but I'm going to let her know I don't want her pushing me away, either."
...
The next day, at school, I look everywhere for Faith, but I never see her. Finally, I asked Jason about her, but he just shrugged.
"Heard she's sick or somethin'." He says, then gets a look on her face.
"What?" I ask.
He sighs. It's just him and me right now, the rest of Faith's friends are in the principal's office for something or other. The only reason Jason isn't with them is because he was serving detention when whatever they're in trouble for happened, so he's got a witness saying it wasn't him. Unfortunately, since Willow and Xander have been hanging out with them a lot, they also got in trouble for it.
"What?" I ask again.
"Buffy, can I ask ya somethin'?"
"Of course."
"Will ya answer the question?"
"I need to know what the question is before I can answer it."
He nods. "What really happened to Faith? I mean, I know it wasn't just a mugging or anythin' like that. Anyone who knows her, which is pretty much the whole damn town, knows she doesn't have nothin' worth stealin'. Especially money. And I know Faith told you what happened. And even if she didn't, then you still know what happened. So come on... She's my friend, Buffy."
I want to tell him. He's right, he is Faith's friend, and Faith really needs her friends right now. But it's not my place to tell him. So, I tell him that.
"Look, it's not my place to tell you anything... Don't take it the wrong way, I do think you deserve to know, because you're a pretty cool guy and one of Faith's best friends, but really... if Faith told me to tell you, I'd gladly tell you everything I know, which still isn't much, but... It's just not my place to say anything. I'm sorry. I really am."
Jason nods angrily, but he understands.
"It's just... Faith and me, we've been friends since before middle school, you know? Told each other everything. And I mean everything. I know things about her, and she knows things about me that we really wish we didn't know about each other. Been there for each other through thickest and thinnest, through Hell and high water, and all that. But she's tight-lipped about whatever's goin' on right now, and it just sucks! I wanna know who the hell I need to beat up!"
"You and me both, Jason." I mutter under my breath.
He hears that, and smirks. "You know... I didn't get it at first."
"What?"
"Why Faith's so into you. I mean, she's never really been into anyone before. Slept around a lot, I'm sure you know."
"Yeah. I know."
"But you're different to her. She really likes you. I mean, used to be, whenever it was just me, Faith and the guys, we'd talk about bikes and action movies and who could win in a fight: Chuck Norris or Steven Segal. Then, Faith would make a comment about how she could take both of 'em or somethin'. But now, whenever it's just me, Faith and the guys, yeah, we talk about stuff like that still, but now any time we talk about... well, anything, really, she just goes on and on about you and how she wonders what you'd think of that. I never really got why. I never understood why she's so into you before. But I think I do now. You're tough. I never saw that before 'cause of the whole "sun dress and sandals" thing you had goin' on. I thought you were just another of those prissy girly-girls that Faith likes to work up and get under the sheets, then leave, but I never said anything because she swore up and down that she actually liked you, and that she wasn't gonna be that girl with you. And frankly, we joke around a lot about it, but she scares the shit outta me. But now I think I finally see it. You really are tough, and I don't think I've ever seen a girl more suited for Faith than you are, Buffy, despite the sun dress and sandals." I smile in appreciation, and I swear, I think we're having a moment. Then, in true Jason fashion, he ruins it. "I mean, other than Angelina Jolie, of course."
"Please... I could totally take Angelina Jolie."
"No way! Angelina's a total triple threat! She's badass and she's hot!"
"That's two."
"Nah, that's three. Hot counts twice."
"Oh yeah? Then I'm a quadruple threat." I fire back. "I'm badass, I'm hot, and I'm a lesbian."
Jason inhales sharply. "Shit. Damn it, you're right. You win."
I pump my fist in victory. "Damn right I win!"
He rolls his eyes. "Look, when you see Faith, just tell her that I'm here for her, okay?"
I nod. "You got it."
...
"Faith, come on, pick up..." I mutter as I try to call her yet again.
"Hey, this is Faith. You know the drill." Her voicemail greeting sounds yet again.
"Hey, Faith... I know I said I'd give you some time to calm down or something, whatever you learned was probably pretty tough, right? But... please call me back. Please?" I hung up, leaving the same message I'd left a hundred times before now. Yet again.
I tossed my phone on the couch cushion beside me and slumped back down on the couch to wait. Yet again.
Thirty minutes later, I pick up the phone and dial the number that I've now called so many times just today that it's permanently embedded in my mind.
"Come on, please, for the love of god, pick up."
"Hey, this is Faith. You know the drill."
I curse under my breath and don't even bother leaving the message this time. It's been three days since I talked to Faith before she headed up to the hospital. Three days, and not a peep from her. Three days!
I know I'm probably just being clingy or whatever, but still... you'd think that, in three days, she'd have at least called to tell me that she's alright. Unless... Unless she's not alright...
And now my imagination's running wild, imagining all the horrible things that could have happened to Faith. What if she got raped again?! What if she got some really bad news, then blacked out and broke her neck in the fall?! What if it was something random, like she was crossing the street and accidentally got hit by a bus?!
No. Faith's fine. She just needs some time to process whatever the doctor told her. That's all. I tell myself.
Finally, I dial her number again, desperate to just hear her voice.
"Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up." I pretty much chant until the ringing stops.
"Hey-" I sigh as I hang up, not eager to hear the voicemail greeting, yet again. But then, my phone rings. It's Faith.
I hurriedly pick up. "Faith!" I exclaim.
"Hey... did you just hang up on me, B?"
I pale. "Oh... that was you? I thought it was your voicemail... I just... I didn't want to hear that again."
"Yeah... I get it. Listen... Sorry I haven't called back or anything... I just woke up, like, ten minutes ago, and saw that I had, like, a hundred missed calls."
"You just woke up? Like, as in, you slept all day?"
"Yeah... pretty much. Had a late night last night, talkin' with the fosters about... about what's goin' on."
"What did you find out?" And there it is. The question I've been dying to ask for three days.
"I... I can't talk about it now, B... Can I... Can I come over?" I can hear Faith choking up, so I know it's bad. Really bad.
"Of course you can. You don't even have to ask." I reply. And it's the truth, because she doesn't have to ask.
"Alright, I'll... I'll be over in about an hour, okay? Gonna get a shower, and... Can I stay the night? I just... I need to get outta here for a while..."
"Of course." I say simply.
"'Kay... I'm gonna get a shower, then pack a bag for the night... Then I gotta tell the fosters and... Then I'll be right over. Promise, I'll explain everything, B. Just not over the phone. I can't say it over the phone..."
"I understand, Faith. Um... Are you going to eat over there, or do you want me to fix something?"
"Pizza'd be great... if you don't mind?"
"No, that's fine. I can order a mean pizza." I joke, hoping it would get at least a chuckle from her, but there's nothing. "I'll see you when you get here, Faith. I love you."
"See you then, B..." Faith says hesitantly, and there's a long pause before she hangs up finally, like she wanted to say something else, but couldn't.
"Faith coming over?" I whip around to see Mom standing in the doorway, sporting a nervous look on her face.
"Um... yeah, I hope that's okay?"
"Of course. Faith is always welcome here."
"Um... apparently, she got some big news when she went to the hospital a few days ago, and she said she's going to tell me what it was, so..."
"I'll make myself scarce." She promises. "Should I go ahead and order the pizza? You might want to get a shower really quick."
"No, I'm... I'll get one later. I just wanna wait for Faith to show up."
"Okay. You want me to order the pizza?"
"Um... No, I can get it. I told Faith I'd order it, and... I don't know... I just feel like I should do something for her... even if it's just ordering a pizza. And it just... it feels like... I should just order the pizza myself... You know?"
Mom nods. "No. I don't really understand, but I've never been in your position before." She grabs the phone and tosses it to me. "Here's the phone... Go ahead and order whatever you want. Here's fifty dollars for the pizza." She says, setting a fifty dollar bill on the counter. "I'm going to go out tonight, give you girls some time to talk."
I nod absently as I start to dial the number for the pizza place.
...
Faith shows up just after I'm done ordering the pizza.
"Whoa. Hey. That was quick." I say with a smile as I let her in.
"Yeah... Decided to skip the shower, after all. I just... I couldn't spend another second in that house... with everyone lookin' at me, judgin' me... Like what happened to me is my fault... You're the only one who doesn't seem to judge me at all. Everyone else... they look at me either like it's my fault, that I brought it on myself, or they look at me in pity, "Poor Faith, went and got herself attacked", and they don't even know what really happened... But you... You don't seem to judge me at all."
I smile. "Of course not. Um... I just got done ordering the pizza, so it'll probably be a while before it's here, if you want to sit down and talk."
"Um... not right now... Let's wait until after we eat... I don't wanna ruin your appetite."
I flinch. "Is it... Is it really that bad?" I whisper, and she looks away, which tells me all I need to know. "Then, Faith... I don't want to wait until after we eat. I wanna know now. Please, I don't like being kept in the dark about stuff like this. What's going on?"
Tears start flowing from her eyes like Niagra Falls, but she doesn't say anything.
"Just wait, B... Please... Just wait. I'll tell you by the end of the night, okay? Please... don't make me say it right now." She begs, voice no louder than mine is right now.
I just nod. "Okay. I won't push."
She clears her throat and wipes away the tears. "Thanks." She says simply. "Um...Where... Where should I sleep?"
"You can set your bag down in my room. I'll sleep down here, on the couch. You can have my bed tonight."
She nods, then walks upstairs. I follow right behind her, showing her to my room.
"Here it is. I know it's probably not really your style, or anything, but... It's cozy." She sets her bag down by my bed.
"Nah, it's... It's great. Bigger than I'm used to."
I nod, remembering the size of her small room back at her house.
"Um... I'm going to grab some clothes and get a shower while we're waiting for the pizza." I say, not wanting to sit in an uncomfortable silence quite yet.
She nods. "Alright. I'll just... I'll be downstairs."
"Faith..." I say as she starts to walk out the bedroom door. She turns around. "Whatever is going on... Whatever it is... We'll get through it. I'll be right here, by you, the whole way through it."
"We'll see if you still feel that way once you know what it is..." She says so softly, I can barely hear her. She starts down the hall and looks back at me with confusion in her eyes. "Um... why are you giving up your room when you've got a guest bedroom?" She asks.
I facepalm. "Because I totally forgot about that bedroom. I never go in there, so I sometimes just forget it exists. Um... If you'd prefer that, then you can sleep in there. Either way, whichever one you want."
"Um... I'll take the guest bedroom... Let you have your room." I nod in agreement as I grab some clothes from my dresser and carry them to the bathroom, grabbing a towel from the linen closet in the process.
"I'll be out in a little bit." I promise, then close the door.
I start the water in the shower, then drop my clothes to the floor. I wait for the water to heat up before stepping under the spray.
I sigh as the hot water beats down on my shoulders. It feels so good. I'm so tense with everything that's going on lately that I definitely needed this shower. I'm so content right now that I don't even hear the bathroom door open.
"Um... Buffy?" Faith's voice startles me.
"Shit!" I curse under my breath as I slip slightly, but manage to regain my balance.
"You okay, B?"
"Yeah! Yeah, I'm fine!" I shout out to her above the roaring water. "What's up? What are you doing in here?"
"Sorry... I... I just... I need to get a shower, and... I just... I need a shower, like, now... Um... Could I...?"
"Oh... Yeah... Sure..." I say, blushing. She hesitates for a minute before I finally hear her starting to slowly undress, giving me, or possibly herself, time to change our minds. Finally, I don't hear her moving around anymore, so I know she's naked now, but she hesitates again. I pull the curtain back enough that she knows it's okay to get in, so she swallows before lifting one leg over the side of the tub and stepping in.
My breath catches when I see her. I can't stop staring, no matter how much I tell myself to turn around and look away. I think I'm making her nervous, because her legs cross and her arms go up to cover her chest. She looks down, blushing.
"Hey, it's okay." I say softly, cupping her cheeks and pulling her towards me for a gentle kiss. She returns it immediately, and I have to struggle to not let it turn heated. "You're beautiful..." I say when we finally separate.
Her blush deepens and she clears her throat.
"We should... we should get showered..." She mumbles.
"Yeah..." I agree. She turns around, and winces when she reaches to grab the soap. "You okay?" I ask.
"Yeah, I just... At the hospital... when I heard what they'd learned... It was a bit much, and I... I blacked out... Apparently, I dislocated my shoulder when I fell, and now the bone is bruised. Kinda... Kinda hurts to move my arm much..."
"Oh... You... You want me to help you?"
Faith is silent for a minute before she nods slowly. I take my washcloth and soap it up, placing it gently on her skin. She flinches slightly at my touch, but then relaxes as I slowly massage her shoulder with the cloth.
After a few minutes, she's much more relaxed, and even lets out a small moan before I switch to the other shoulder, apparently, the one that's bruised, because she flinches away again at first, and whimpers slightly in anticipation of pain, but once again, she relaxes when she feels how gentle I'm trying to be. She sighs in content then, and I can't help but smile.
Finally, I think I've got her shoulders done, so I start rubbing the cloth up and down her back, and I notice finally that her right shoulder does look a bit swollen compared to her left.
I must have hit a sensitive spot on her back because she whimpers again and arches away from the touch.
"I'm sorry." I apologize.
"Don't worry about it." She whispers. "That spot's always been a little tender, it all." I nod, though she can't see me, and I finish up with her back. I start to move around to her stomach, but I hesitate. I don't know if that would be a bit much for her. I don't want to move too fast, and though we're not actually really doing anything, I'm just helping her because her arm hurts, that might be going a bit too far.
But she doesn't stop me, she just waits, so I continue around her abdomen to start washing her stomach. She steps backward a bit to give me a better angle for it, but doing so ends up with my front pressing into her back, and I have to bite back a groan when I feel her against me. Faith, on the other hand, doesn't stifle her moan, and she rests her head on my shoulder, sighing in appreciation.
I eventually realise that I've been doing the same circle on her stomach for about five minutes, but Faith doesn't seem to notice. I start making bigger circles on her skin, making it slightly larger every so often, until finally, the cloth just barely grazes the underside of her breasts, and I freeze as she shifts slightly. She sighs yet again, but it's different from the contented sighs she's given so far. This sigh was almost begging for more.
I add a little more pressure to the cloth as I come back around to her breasts again, mainly just to test my theory, and sure enough, she lets out a moan, arching into the touch. The movement was so sudden that I didn't expect it, and the cloth slipped from where it rested just below her chest, and slipped up to her right breast, brushing over her nipple.
She gasps and her hands fly back to grab my hips.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-" I start, but she interrupts me with a quiet chuckle.
"It's okay, B. Woulda stopped you if I didn't like it." She points out. "Though, if you're uncomfortable with it, then you should probably stop. It's... It's gettin' really hard to stop myself."
"Stop yourself from what?" I whisper.
"From jumpin' you." She admits. "It's gettin' really hard to not jump you."
I nod. We should probably wait for this.
"Um... Can you... can you handle the rest?" I ask. She nods, somewhat disappointed, but accepting that I'm just not ready for that yet.
She takes the washcloth, and I turn into the spray of water to rinse myself off before I step out of the shower and towel myself off before throwing on my pajamas. Just as I'm leaving the bathroom, I hear a low moan coming from the shower, dripping with need, and I know exactly what Faith is doing now. The thought pools between my legs, and I hurry out of the bathroom, making a beeline for my room, closing the door behind me and throwing myself on the bed. I lay there, panting for no reason, and suddenly, images of what Faith is doing in the shower pop into my mind, and I can't get rid of them.
I find my hand sliding down under my flannel pajama pants of its own free will, then under my panties. I shiver and decide to let my hand do what it wants to do as I stop fighting the images in my mind.
...
I walk downstairs to find Faith at the door with the pizza delivery guy.
"Um... yeah, lemme just..." Faith says as she notices me. "Hey, B... got any money to pay for the pizza?"
I nod as I walk over to the counter and grab the fifty dollar bill, handing it to the guy.
"Uh, your change is $30.65." The guy says, and he fishes out a twenty and a ten, handing it to me as he starts fishing for the coins.
"Keep the coinage." I say. Sixty-five cents isn't enough to really worry about, anyway.
He nods before turning to head back to his scooter, and I close the door behind him.
Neither Faith nor I can look each other in the eye for several minutes as I set the pizza down and grab a slice. I'm about to take a bite when my mouth opens for a different reason.
"I'm sorry, Faith." I say, and she looks at me in confusion.
"For what?"
"For... For... you know... Getting you all... you know, then... you know..."
"For gettin' me worked up, then runnin' away? Nah, it's alright. I understand. You're just not ready for it, I understand. 'Sides, I know it got you pretty worked up, too, so we're pretty much in the same boat."
"How... How do you know it got me worked up?"
"First of all, it's kinda hard not to get worked up in that sitch, even without the touchin' and stuff. I mean, just bein' naked in the shower with someone else like that, it's pretty much a given that you're gonna be turned on. Second... I kinda heard you... you know."
My face is either white as milk or blood red right now in embarrassment.
"Oh..." I say. Finally, I decide to fill the uncomfortable silence with eating, so I take a bite out of the pizza. I ordered the meat lover's, of course. Faith had told me a while back that it was her favorite.
...
We've cleared all but, like, three slices of pizza now, and Faith closes the box before either of us can grab anymore.
"I think it's time I should tell you..." She says, and I nod, setting my plate aside, along with the crusts.
"Um... should we go sit on the couch or something?" I ask. She nods in agreement, motioning for me to lead the way.
We're silent for about ten minutes while she psyches herself up for it.
"Um... look... I think I know what you've been thinking, and I just think you should know... it's not STDs or anythin' like that. I'm not really sick or anythin', and other than having nightmares every night about the... about the rape, I'm just fine... It's nothing physically wrong with me, it's just..." She falls silent, and the tears are back again. "Everythin's gonna change, B. Everythin'. Nothing's ever going to be the same for me. And... if you stay with me... and I'll totally understand if you don't wanna stick around after I tell you this-"
"Faith, stop right there. I'm not going anywhere, so you just push those thoughts out of your mind, okay? I'm not going anywhere. I told you I'd be here for you, so that's exactly what I'm going to do. Because I love you, Faith."
She nods, but still doesn't look sure. "But, anyway... if you decide to stick around... it's all gonna change for you, too, B."
"Why does anything have to change? Whatever it is, we'll make it through."
"Because... I'm pregnant, B..."