Iris

Chapter Ten

Sam had become convinced that I was depressed again, which I wasn't, but nobody listens to you when they think you have a reason to lie. I was still shipped off to school like usual, but my grounding was lifted - Emily thought it was important that I was able to go outside - and I was sure it was only my adamant refusal to return to my therapist that kept any appointments from being booked. I guessed Sam and Emily were too scared to set me off.

"Knock, knock!" Quil's voice interrupted the peaceful quietness of my room, the tanned boy thumping on the door frame. I glanced up from the book in my hands to the group of boys who had crowded into the space in the hall just outside of my door. I felt like rolling my eyes.

"Iris, did you want to come hang out?" Seth's voice was sympathetic from the doorway, gentle, as if he were coaxing some stressed animal out of hiding. "We were going to go to the beach."

I wondered who had put them up to it: Sam or Emily. Still, it was only the knowledge that being outside would ease some of Sam and Emily's worries - and, hopefully, their beliefs that I needed to go back to my therapist - that convinced me to offer a tiny smile.

"Sure," I said as pleasantly as I could, "Just let me get changed."

I trudged along in the sand down to First Beach with Seth next to me. He kept offering me tiny sunny grins, and I had a feeling the rest of the boys had told him to walk with me. His smiles were contagious, and I guess they thought I needed some.

"Weather's nice," he commented.

I hummed in agreement, looking up at the sky. The weather was nice for the beach, or at least as nice as it ever got here. Sunny, still a little cold, but not a cloud in sight.

"You going to swim with us?" he asked.

"Maybe," I said, then caught the look Jacob shot back at us. "If Black promises not to drown me."

"He wouldn't," Seth said, "Never."

I laughed, "Wouldn't count on it."

"I'm serious, he wouldn't."

I stopped walking to give him a look, but was distracted by Embry's girly squeal from nearby. Turning, I saw him running in the shallow water, drenched, as he chased after a hysterical Paul. He caught up to him and dunked his head in the water, before rushing off in the other direction.

"Play nice kids!" Jacob called out. Paul gave him the finger before taking off after his attacker.

"Told you it would be fun," Seth teased, catching the grin I was trying to hide.

"Cliff diving?"

"Why not?" Embry asked me, "Unless you're too scared."

I scoffed, making my way up the cliff with the other boys. "It's just water. I'm not scared."

"You don't have to jump," Seth said.

"I'm not scared."

"Uh-huh, sure," Paul laughed.

"I'm not!"

Embry's lips stretched slowly into a smile. "If you say so."

"Seriously, I'm not!"

"Prove it."

"How?"

"Simple," Quil said. "You jump first."

"Fine," I agreed. There was no way I was losing to Quil Ateara and Embry Call. Besides, it was just a little water, a little hill. Nothing to be scared of.

We made our way up to the cliff edge that was frequently in use by Sam's group, stopping short of the edge.

"Are you sure we should let her go?" Seth sounded nervous as he peered over the edge, "Maybe one of us should go first."

"Don't let her off the hook so easily," Quil pouted.

"A deal's a deal," Embry nodded.

I peered over the edge of the cliff, down at the water below. It was dark blue, not quite peaceful but not vicious, water crashing against the rocks at the bottom with the tide. The drop would be long, I realised. It was the tallest cliff on the beach.

"You gonna stare all day or are you gonna jump?"

I stepped back from the edge and glanced back at the boys behind me.

"Look at her. She's gone so pale. No way she's gonna jump." Paul's words were harsh, but he delivered them with a voice filled with sympathy.

"Hey, sweetheart, you don't have to if you don't want to," Jacob said.

It was funny - he almost sounded concerned. Even Black was having second thoughts, it seemed.

I slipped my shirt over my head quickly, and shimmied out of my shorts. My clothes hit the dirt almost soundlessly, landing next to the pair of sandals I'd taken off, and leaving me standing in my two-piece. A wolf-whistle sounded behind me, followed by the quiet thud of whoever it was getting hit over the head, and a chorus of howling laughter.

"Go on then," Embry egged me on. "Jump."

"Embry," Seth chided, "don't force her."

Hesitantly, I stepped closer to the edge. I'd never jumped before, but adrenaline pumped through my veins at the sight of the drop and the crashing waves beneath me. I took a few steps back before running towards the edge and leaping.

"Holy shit!" I heard Paul shout, "She actually jumped!"

"Dude, five bucks! You owe me five bucks!"

The blue sheet of water rushed at me quickly, the wind whooshing past me as I fell. I barely remembered to take a deep breath before I hit the water.

It was colder than I had expected, and I plummeted deep into the icy depths after hitting the surface, the faint stinging in my skin still biting. Embry had been right though - the rush of adrenaline was unlike any thrill I had ever had. Still, I was going to kill him for this. It was freezing.

I struggled to swim upwards, towards the surface, but found that my limbs were weak. The flow of chemicals might have made me feel good for a while, but the adrenaline rush had made me flighty and my brain panicked. I clawed desperately with my arms and tried my best to kick in the water, but my struggle was marked with little progress and instead a multitude of bubbles drifting from my nose and up towards the surface. The more I struggled, the more disoriented I became, until I was no longer sure which way was up.

I screamed in panic beneath the water, bubbles of oxygen leaving my mouth before some degree of sense flooded over me and I clamped it shut abruptly. It had been a stupid idea - I needed to save oxygen.

Fatigue plagued my legs, and I sank deeper still. I wanted to fight against it. It was just water.

But there was so much - so much water, surrounding me, pulling me further under. Soon it would claim me completely; its tendrils of icy cold had already filled my ears and were creeping up my nostrils.

I'd held my breath before, competing with Sam and Paul when we were younger to see who could hold their breath longer (they both cheated), but this wasn't like that. Back then, it had been a competition, fun. Now it was a part of my survival, and suddenly infinitely more difficult. It was like trying to ignore something innate, some basic instinct that could not be ignored. My body needed air. My lungs needed air.

I needed air.

And just like that, I inhaled.

The burning was familiar, although I'd never been in this situation before. Icy water rushed into my lungs. Of course, one unsatisfying breath only caused another to be drawn, until more and more water had flowed into my lungs. I thrashed in the water. I could see the glimmer of light bouncing off of the ripples of the surface - a warm light, golden, shining through the water. I needed to be there, I knew it. I had to be up there, but I couldn't fight it anymore.

One last desperate kick of my legs, one last attempt to pull myself towards the water's surface, and then I was still. It wouldn't help, just tire me out faster.

I let myself drift…

Everything was so quiet under the ocean surface, I realised. So peaceful, calm. There weren't fish out here, no coral beds I could see beneath me. Just water; cool, calm water. It had swallowed me up, wrapped me up in a blanket of cold. Soon it would own me entirely.

More water rushed down my nostrils, into my mouth. It hurt, but not enough to make a difference. Calm washed over me, surrounded me. I moved my arm through it. My body was burning. My legs were burning. My throat was burning. Everything was burning.

A loud splash to my left. A thousand bubbles floating up towards the sun.

I closed my eyes - they were burning too.

I let myself fall…

My wrist was burning.

Another breath, more water…

And then it was dark.