"This sucks Mom." Luca poured as he and Cam sat in the office on Skype with Joe.
"I agree but this is the cards we're dealt for now. It means the company is trusting Joe. "She tickles the nap of his neck and his shoulder rise as he shrugs her off with a giggle.
"Big Man I agree it sucks and I miss you too but in a bit I'll have a four day stretch off we'll do something fun. How's the science fair project going? "Joe asked trying to distract Luca.
"I'm going to make a battery out of a lemon. It's not rocket science." Luca rolled his eyes.
"It's better than I could do." Joe points out.
"I wish you were here to help me."
"Mama'd be better help. She knows how to pretty anything up."
"Thanks I think." She said warily.
Joe sends her a wink. "I miss you Babe."
"Miss you too. Where are you?"
"I'm living on Tulsa time if you get my drift." He smirked.
"What's that mean? " Luca asked eyebrows curiously raised.
"I'm in Oklahoma Bub." He chuckled.
"Oh. Well I have a checkup Monday." He adds in.
"That reminds me I need to shuffle some stuff I hate to call Maclaren she's on a styling gig." Cam says mostly to herself while looking through her phone only half listening Joe and Luca.
"Ask John, he wanted some responsibility give him some." Joe says easily and her eyes snap to his promptly.
"I don't know… he won't know what anything means." Her brow furrows in concern.
"Look Babe, I honestly think he wants to try. He's not going to throw more shade on you or Luke that's a promise. A promise from me. Let the guy try." He reassured leaning forward to look at her closely.
Joe sensed the reluctance in Cam. She sighed deeply. "Alright. I'll call him." She caved.
"Thought you might." He said fighting a smile.
"I really hate when you do that knowing me better than I know myself thing." She retorts sourly.
"Part of my charm." He shrugs.
"I gotta get back to work scouting locations and Luca has home work. "She said.
"Love you both. Call me before bed. Bye Luca Bye Cammie."
"Bye babe."
"Bye Joey!"
"Bye bud!" they end the Skype call and Luca climbs out her lap to sit in the floor at her feet to do his homework.
"Mom, you really can't take me to my follow up?" He whines face upturned to her.
"I can try if you aren't comfortable." She hedges with a sigh. She so damned busy she can barely breathe. She flips through location shots so quickly to anyone else nothing else would register.
"But I bet John would bring one of his cars if you wanted to say ride in it." She tries.
"That's bribery."
:"Yes, it is but I'm not above it." She answers looking down at him. She picks up her phone to text John.
"But it'd be worth it." She laughed.
"Eh what if I'm fatally ill and because he's been hit in the head so many times he forgets to tell you." He said laying out his last card doodling on his paper purposefully avoiding her eyes.
"You have his kidney he won't forget. Drama Kings both of you." She sighs and types.
"Whatever."
"Whatever nothing. Get back to spelling." She orders.
"Your demands are oppressive o-p-p-"
"Luca John, don't push." She warns in the tone that tells him he's walking the line.
She texts John. "He is so your child at times...it literally took every fiber of my being not to laugh when he sassed me."
"LOL!"
"He told me I was oppressive and proceeded to spell it."
John smiles to himself before answering with. "That's sounds like me. Although I don't think I could have spelled oppressive at ten."
"Maybe you can be his oppressor for the day Monday he has an appointment and I have wall to wall production meetings."
"Consider it done." He replied easily.
"You sure it's a full work up day." She double checks.
: "Yep. Positive."
"Okay. Thank You. Wait I just thought of something in order to take him you need to be listed as family, his medical power of attorney, or his legal guardian. You could do it easy just sign his birth certificate have it notarized and give them the updated copy as proof you're his father."
"Wait, you never added me anyway?" he texted back confused.
"You were married...it'd have shown up somewhere"
John felt a tinge of pain settle within. It truly hurt and he knew every reason why. "Well, whatever I need to do. Can you email a secure copy to my attorney?"
"I can overnight it. You need the original for legality purposes."
That makes me nervous it's his actual birth certificate I'll drive down tonight and get it."
"Okay. John are you sure you're alright I didn't exclude you out of malice you know. We had different lives and priorities you told me on the first date no kids. I believed you."
I'm fine. It'll be fine. We're doing this now and that's what matter."
"See you tonight then."
-/-/-/-
John sits in the dark cavern of his car staring at the tiny ink printed feet on the paper by the green glow of dash lights. Cam had handed it to him said Luke was sleeping and she needed to get back inside. Sitting alone in his car with the heavy stock papered document. He wonders just where in the fuck he'd gone wrong and it wasn't the first time he'd thought it.
Maybe he should of tried harder with Cam, stuck by Luca, ditched Liz sooner but all 0f his shoulda coulda woulda' s can't change shit even if they could fill up an ocean.
He calls Nikki. "He was a tiny baby. Five pounds nine ounces."
"Wow. That's small. Precious." She said going with conversation clearly John was lost in thought.
"He has a hammer toe. Yes I'm staring at the feet prints in Cam's driveway."
"Awe baby, you ok?" Nikki asked in genuine concern. John was softer hearted than people realized.
"Yeah. Just a physical remnant of my bad choices." He said mostly to himself.
"Oh John. It's going to get better. You're where you are now. He really has hammer toe? Eww."
"His middle toe leans over the big one it looks like a double dotted I" John said smiling.
"We need to fix that!" Nikki said simply being herself.
"No. It makes him unique." John defends.
"Aren't they painful?" She said in confusion.
He laughs. "Not always... How'd we get into this conversation! God you make me laugh Nicole."
"Please drive safe going home. Goodnight baby. I love you."
"Will do Love ya too! Night Babe."
-/-/-/-
"He has a full work up. Labs, Urinalysis, Ultrasound and x-rays." She starts listing off things to him the minute he walks in.
"Okay." He tries to sound confidant.
"He'll balk at the blood draw do whatever you have to get it done quick ask for the best phlebotomist ahead of time, when he has to pee in the cup? He has a shy bladder so pretend you're leaving if you have too. Make them use the heated conduction gel and if they do a CT scan to be through? Don't leave him he gets claustrophobic." She rattles off more and she can see he's boggled by it.
John felt overwhelmed and under prepared with Campbell's instructions. "Okay."
"Repeat it back for me?" She asked softly smirking slightly.
"Best sticker, Shy bladder, Warm Gel, Claustrophobia." He answers.
"Got it." She said proudly.
Luca comes down stairs in jeans and Nike tank top. His noodle like arms make John smile. He was built like that once all stringy limbs and big feet.
"Hey Bud."
"Hi John I'm not in a good mood." He grouses trooping down the stairs.
"Oh okay... sorry...Dare I ask why?" he said stuffing his hands in his pockets looking down at Luca.
Tired of being the sick kid that's all. I have a science project to finish." He said sounding tired and heading for the door.
"Well, we'll get through the day and get back so you can work. Unless you maybe wanted to get some lunch after. Maybe go the pier in Santa Monica for some games?" he tries and catches Cam' chagrined eye roll from behind Luca.
"Sure that sounds alright. Ferris Wheel's my favorite." Luca agreed.
"Tell me about your science thing." John said as they walk out abandoning Cam without so much as a "See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya."
"Hey I need a hug." Cam shouts as Luca leaves.
"Hang on forgot the Mama." Luca turned back and hugged her. "Bye Mom."
"Bye love, Thank you again for taking him."
"Not a problem." John said.
-/-/-
They get registered and settled then Luca has to give a urine sample. It takes long enough that John starts to worry for the boy's kidney function. "Luke are you okay? Do you need to go?" He clarifies nervously shifting his weight on his feet outside the bathroom.
"I don't like people hearing me pee." He confesses.
"Just turn on the water." John offers a solution.
A few minutes later Luca walks out and hands John the specimen cup. "Mom usually takes it to the lab and she usually doesn't look so disgusted."
"First time, bud." He said trying to unwrinkle his face.
"It's just pee. Big men sweat all over you and put their junk in your face and you are afraid of pee?" Luca points out the way he smiles lets John know Cam had given him that one.
"Well when you put it like that." He said manning up.
"I'm just sayin." Luca shrugged.
"Now we wait right?" he said standing in the line for labs.
Luca looked up at John and sighed. "Rookie." Before walking down the hall like he owned the place towards his next test. Nurses poke their heads from their stations to say hi and wave.
He waves back. "Give that to Becky and come find me. If they miss their stick you'll hear me." He said over his shoulder.
"Right. Okay." He delivers Luca's deposit.
John hears Luca shout. "Damn it they missed." He comes quickly into the room and sees his son crying
"Sorry Luke." I'll try the other arm." He nurse consoles him softly.
John thought back to Joe holding Luca during his dialysis and decides to try it. "Luca can I hold you?"
He looks at him oddly. "Just humor me please?"
"Not like you can make it hurt anymore." He climbs into John's lap. The lab tech prepares to stick him again.
"Got a good one this time 1…2..."She sticks him. "And I've got flash…" She draws the blood.
"See...better." John hugged him close.
"Yeah…" John kissed the boys temple and he shied away.
"Right sorry, no kissing." He corrects himself.
"I barely kiss my own mother." He said sounding superior. "I want ninja turtle band aids." He said and then sounding like a child again. The juxtaposition makes John laugh. The nurse fixes him up and they're on to the next.
"How long does it take for results?" John asked the nurse as they left.
"Few hours."
John nodded. "Alright, bud, what's next?"
"I still have X-rays, and ultrasound. CT if something bad shows on the ultrasound." Luca explains
They sit in yet another cramped waiting area breathing stale air. "Okay. Need anything? A magazine or want to play Angry Birds?" John held up his phone.
"Angry birds are so last year. Have you tried flappy bird? It makes Mom curse. Joey says she has rage quit." Luca grinned wide grabbing for his phone.
"What's flappy bird?" John said obliviously behind the times.
He downloads it to John's phone. "Just tap."
"Ok I got this easy." He said confidently.
"Damn it." John swore at his phone as Luca read his magazine. Since the download, he hadn't been able to quit and Luca was amused It made the time pass in between X-Ray and his ultrasound.
"See... not so easy."
"Yes, my all-knowing child. I see."
"Alright Luca, let's get you down the hall for your ultrasound." A technician said coming into the room.
"Can I pee after this holding it crap sucks."
"You can go first." She smiled at him.
"Thank God!" He said hurrying off.
"Dialysis… he's not used to having a functioning bladder yet." John said.
"Thanks for that John!" He called back.
"Don't worry, it's a Dad's job to be embarrassing and the whole name thing is just a phase." The nurse tells him as Luca goes down the hall to the bathroom.
John shrugs. "Yup."
The tests all done they go into the dr.'s office to wait for results.
Luca stared at his feet. "Hey Luke?" the boy looked up.
"No worries my boy, it's all gonna be fine. You're okay."
"You can't know that." He said softly.
"It's called faith Bud." John assured him.
"Mom's not here, she always holds my hand for results….its stu-"John took the boy's hand before he could talk himself out of the question. He thinks back to the last time he'd held his hand. His nails were still clean but there were a few paper cuts and paint spots from the model cars.
The doctor comes in "You're clean. All good buddy. Let's do this again next month."
.-/-/-
With John's career and celebrity he very rarely if ever got to do mundane things like stand in the glittering and loud midway running down the pier. With smell of buttered popcorn, sugary cotton candy and hot dogs wafting in the air. The second of normality magnifies as Luca pulls him impatiently down the pier.
"First stop, whack-a-mole." Luca orders pulling him into the arcade.
"You like hitting things don't you son?" John teased.
"These are more difficult."
"I bet a root beer I'll hit more than you." John egged him on.
"It's on! You think you outmatch me but you'd be wrong nothing out works will power and guts."
"You've got that in spades Bud."
Forty dollars later Luca had still schooled John. "I give!"
"Can we do the tub toss or ring toss now? I'm hungry."
"Sure. That thing's rigged though. "John said letting Luca pull him along again.
He spends twenty bucks to win the ring toss and still thinks it's rigged. Luca lugs a stuffed Thor figure that's as big as he is. He takes a picture of Luca walking to the concession stand with it. He sends it to his own mother.
"His mother is going to be thrilled by that." Carol quickly replies.
"I'm twenty in the hole Ma... it's a good day though. He's healthy." John returns.
-/-/-/-
"The stuff in these hot dogs can kill you. You don't tell Robb? I won't tell your Mom." John said as they both stuff their faces.
"What are nitrates anyway?" Luca asked.
"Not completely sure…" Luca shrugs at his response taking a big bite.
His mom texts him back. "No rides Son. He hasn't had the kidney long enough to safely be jerked around on bumpy rides."
"I know Ma." He types then returns his gaze to Luca.
His phone chimes again. "Just reminding you he's not an average kid John."
He comments. "He's both average and unique. It's odd."
He looks to Luca as the sun starts to set "Ferris Wheel?"
"Aren't you afraid of heights?" Luca said as they get up and discard their trash.
"How'd you know?" John asked more surprised than anything.
"I googled you when I was seven." Luca answers as they get in line.
As they loaded into the Ferris wheel bucket, John felt his insides lurch. 'Fuck, fuck, fuck, and fuck' he thought. "So you googled me huh?" He had to take his mind off of the fear and focus on the inside of the bucket and Luca.
"I was curious." Luca admits side eying John.
"Sorry you had to be curious."
"Don't sweat it." He shrugged as the ride starts.
John squeaks fearfully when it lurches to a temporary stop at the very top. Luca died laughing. "You sound like Mom anytime she finds a mouse." The boy leans against him rolling in hysterical laughter.
"I was merely startled." John justifies.
Yeah okay." Luca rolled his eyes. "Look dolphins!" he tries the trick John used on his Mom once.
"Great. I believe you." John sat white knuckled still.
Luca said gently "I won't let you fall out... try looking around. I love this because it reminds you how small you are and that this must be what God sees when he watches over you. Tiny vibrant lives. Spots of bright light." Luca said softly and the seriousness and honestly pure way Luca sees the world pulls John up short.
He looks over at Luca. His own tiny vibrant piece of light there high in the air he can't believe he'd almost let that fade. This beautifully innocent profound being that makes him feel both confused and found. "I love you Luca." He said plainly.
"You're only saying that because you think you're hurtling toward death." Luca retorts snarky as ever it warms John's heart.
"No I'm not. I mean it I love you and its okay you don't believe me you will one day when you least expect it." He said with more certainty than he'd felt in what feels like years.
"I'll try..." Luca allows.
"That's all I can ask let's take a picture for Nicole and get the fuck off here."
Luca grinned. "That's a fiver..."
"I'll drop a hundred in the pot of we can just get off. Say cheese." He holds out his phone.
"Cheese. "The picture snaps and Luca rattles on. "You can say fornication and Mom won't get mad! It's in the bible and means the same thing."
"How very Campbell." John murmured.
"Try this one. "Sanctified, fornicating, feces. Holy fucking shit."
"You're too smart for your own good Luca." He laughs.
He sends Nikki the picture "This was the oddest place to realize the best thing I ever created was him. I don't think I ever loved anything or anyone this much. He's so profoundly smart and funny.
"This warms my heart, what brought this on. They step off the ride.
"He thinks the view of heaven is from atop the Ferris wheel after everything. He still believes in God.
"John, before we go, can we get Mom something?" he said as they pass a gift shop.
"Sure. What do you wanna get her?" He asks as they go in.
"One of those rice grain necklace's with your name on it. Should I do Anoa'i because Joey's going to propose or just Mom?"
"Wait, what did you say?" This stops him cold for a second for reasons he can't name.
"Crap, I slipped."
"No, bud, that's great. Go with Mom." He hurriedly comforts the boy.
"You can't say anything only me, Jon, and Trin know." Luca said distressed.
"Your secret slip is safe with me. Don't worry buddy. " It's odd feeling to know that Campbell will be making such a big change, sometimes he's not sure he loved her at all others he gets a case of the what if's.
-/-/-/-
John looks in the rearview of his GTO. Luca's asleep in the backseat cuddled into this carnival prize. He has a tiny mustard stain on the corner of his mouth and a henna tattoo rings his tiny bicep. He looks peaceful, small, and oh so young. It had been the best day John had in ages. He's trying find his balance today, felt successful.
He turns into Cam's driveway and she's sitting on the front steps in a white tank top and cutoff jeans. Her wet reddish blonde hair pulled on top of her head. For the first time since he'd left behind their affair he sees her as he once did. A breathtakingly beautiful woman whom he had no business messing with. She cuts her eyes at him and hurries across the concrete barefoot as he cuts the engine. He sees she's angry. Ah, he'd forgotten to call her with the results.
He gets out of the car. "He's fine…" the smack lands hard on his face. Ok he guessed he deserved that.
"You son of a bitch." She growls out. "I waited all day for your call." She stands hands on her hips.
"You could have called in my defense." He points out and she puts her hands in her pockets. He assumed to stop from slapping him again. He's grateful she packs more punch than she realizes.
"Not the point John." She fairly shouts.
"Campbell please relax. And stop shouting. You're to wake him up."
At his response her eyes light but her tone is lowly and threatening "I entrusted you with something only I do and don't you dare tell me what to do around him. You have no right."
"Mom..." a groggy voice came from the backseat. "It's okay. We were having fun."
"Well I spent my day worried for you but I'm oh so glad you had fun! I called your emergencies phone Luca!" She snarls toward her son.
"I left it in my backpack."
She tries to calm down instantly feeling guilty for having snapped at him. "Okay, you're fine. That's all that matters."
Luca gets out of the car. "Say bye to John, I left your homework upstairs for you."
"Bye." he hugged John who kissed him on the top of the head. Luca scowls. "I forgot, Okay, I kiss people I love get used to it." John tells him as Cam looks on impatiently.
"Today was fun." Luca admits.
"Yes it was go do your homework there's no need to antagonize your mom more."
"Wait, here." Luca pulls the necklace from his pocket. "Love you Mom."
She looks at the necklace, it's a cheesy touristy gift but he'd thought of her. "Thank you Luca. I'm sorry I lost my temper with you."
"Its fine I understand." He willingly stands on his tip toes to kiss her cheek before going inside.
Cam murmurs something lowly in French.
"My wild frontier huh?" John echoes in English. Cam looks at him surprise.
"I took the foreign language course the company offers." John answers.
Me too, I'm learning Swahili next. Please don't do that again. I ask of you one thing. You have to understand that's my life right there." Cam answers. Peering up at him face clean of makeup.
"I understand more than you might think I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you. I just thought you'd know no news was good news. We have got to stop this tug of war over where and when I belong in his life." He said plainly.
She leans on the hood of his car. "The thing is John I'm not sure how to do this. He's always been mine. He was yours too but only in my heart of hearts because I knew you, we weren't the marrying kind. We weren't going to have picket fences and picture perfect moments. My heart belonged to you until he was born and then, it all changed. He's my reason for living; I've never had to share him in some ways even with Joe? He's mine and mine alone. Do you know at best even with your kidney he'll live into his mid-twenties? We'll give him up before we're ready anyway please don't let me think that it came sooner than we thought ever again. Please, if you loved me ever just realize that I'm not a good sharer, just like you can't show people your heart, I don't share but I'm doing it for Luca." She makes the whole statement staring at her feet and it makes his guts twist in regret.
He stands next to her but doesn't touch her. "I know I messed up, I messed up because you were the first person other than Liz at that point I'd ever had feelings for. You're the only person I know who guarded themselves more than I did; it fascinated me and made me feel safe because you weren't expectant of anything. You took what I gave, walking away from you? It was hard and it hurt but walking away from him? It killed me. I just now realize how much I love him. He's not abstract any more, he's my son. Those moments? Waiting on those test results were horrifyingly scary, I was being selfish in my want to make the day lighter, happier, calling you was just a reminder that we have to do this again and again. I was avoiding you; you represent all of my mistakes Campbell." He looks up at the stars when the silence hangs because it's easier than looking at her.
She glances at him. "I'm sorry, I never wanted to cause you pain. It's why I let you go."
He catches her eye. "I know, and that's the worst part because I know deep down? You love me. I can never really know if I love you because you belong to someone else." He confesses quietly.
"I belong to myself and Luca but I choose to give myself to Joe because he makes me truly happy, I love him. Maybe more than I loved you. Guess we'll never know. We're done John, have been for a long time. I forgive you for breaking my heart. Forgive yourself too, especially for breaking Luca's." he turns and back walks to the house.
"I don't think I can."
"And that's what being a parent is sometimes John. Taking on their pain and anger so they don't carry it around. Forgive yourself anyway; Luca has to forgive for himself not you. Only you can forgive you." She said momentarily still in the yard.
"I'll work on it."
"Nice car…I need to go make sure Luca isn't building a bomb. He's being too quiet." She grins and walks up the steps.
"For sure… see you later Cam." He waits until she's safely inside before driving off.
AN: I own nothing but my characters and the idea. If you liked it or even if you didn't please feel free to review! Thanks again for your continued support of Secondhand!-MM