AN: Sorry for not updating! I don't really have a good excuse. Basketball is finally over, but golf is starting soon..anyways, I have some extra time. This story might not go on for much longer. I might move things along pretty fast, which will make this story worse, and finish it in about five chapters. I only have a couple more chapters written.
Last Time:
I watched as Lilly pulled Miley towards the closet door.
From where I was standing, it looked like they stepped into some cramped space for fun.
Moving closer to the door, I nearly gasped as I saw two more opened doors revealed behind the first small closet.
Walking even closer, I could see tons of clothes, shoes, and accessories filling the small room.
Io could see a turning floor that had racks of bright clothes on it. Random chairs filled some of the space, some kind of awards lined the walls, and two initials were printed nearly everywhere.
I only had time to read, 'Hannah Montana' before the scene I was watching just seemed to dissolve before my eyes.
I opened my eyes again to find myself inside a dark room.
I stared at the digital alarm clock next to the bed and watched as nearly an hour went by.
5:30 A.M. was when I could finally fall back asleep.
February 10, 2004
It's been nearly two months since I last wrote. Not a lot has happened. I sang in two talent shows in January. The next one is next week. I got 2nd in the first show and 1st place in the last one. I was so excited. I sang, 'You've Got a Friend', in the last one, and 'Why Couldn't It Be Christmas' in the one before.
Remember my best friend, Kelly? Well, she moved to Chicago last week.I couldn't just let her leave without telling her.So, I went over to her house, and I just told her everything. When I say everything, I mean, everything. From my crush to my cutting. She told me that she had the same kind of feelings for me. I was happy and sad at the same time. Who knows if I'll ever see her again? She'll always be in my memories. She had beautiful brown eyes. Sort of a root beer color. Her hair was a light brown. Not super light, but not super dark either. She has the most beautiful smile. It made me happy just knowing she was happy. I don't think I'll ever fell like that againI miss her.
Miley Ray
'At least I know what happened to her' I thought to myself after reading another entry.
I couldn't take the suspense of wondering what happened to this girl. She sounded…cute. I must have liked her a lot. But I don't remember her.
I sighed as I rolled onto my back.
I laid in my bed and continued to stare at the ceiling. The only light came from the full moon outside the open window. The crickets chirped and the leaves rustled from the slight breeze.
My dad and Jackson had felt I was safe enough to be left home alone while they went to a Tennessee Vols basketball game.
They had left a little after one o'clock, I made myself lunch before watching television and taking a nap. When I woke up, I saw that the sun was just now setting, and it was already six. They probably wouldn't be back for nearly four more hours.
I stood up and stretched before turning the channel to some music and going into the kitchen. I listened as Toby Keith's song 'Beer For My Horses' with Willie Nelson came on.
I started to sing the first verse and chorus before I suddenly stopped.
'How the heck do I know this song?' I thought to myself. 'I've never listened to any songs besides the one CD I have of Johnny Cash.'
I continued to think about it for a minute before finally moving to the refrigerator and getting out the carton of orange juice.
I set it onto the kitchen counter and grabbed one of the chairs near the table.
I heard another song come onto the radio from the TV.
'Young by Kenny Chesney.'Was my first thought when I heard the guitar playing.
Slightly distracted at my new found talent, I pulled the chair over to the edge of the counter. I still wasn't tall enough to get the glasses off the top shelf.
Standing on the chair, I hoisted myself up and stood atop the counter. I reached for a plastic cup instead of the glass ones, just in case I dropped it.
Stepping down from the counter, I felt my foot slip from beneath me. I heard a loud thump, and felt pain shoot through my head.
I couldn't see anything, or hear anything.
Suddenly, I opened my eyes, and felt my head pounding. I groaned when I sat up and reached up to feel the back of my head. I lightly touched it and quickly drew my hand back.
'That hurt.' I thought to myself.
"Good job, Captain Obvious." I said out loud to the empty room. Instead of hearing Kenny Chesney singing like he was before I fell and hit my head, I heard Tim McGraw's voice begin to flow through the speakers.
'When The Stars Go Blue.' I thought, before starting to wonder what was going on.
I slowly stood up and walked over to pick up the plastic cup I had dropped.
I grabbed it and poured the orange juice into it.
'Wasn't this just cold?' I felt the warm carton in my hand as I put it back into the fridge.
I walked into the living room and glanced at the clock.
"How can it be 7:05!" I exclaimed. "It was just six when I went into the kitchen."
I shook my head and set my juice on the coffee table before plopping down onto the couch.
Sighing, I flipped through the channels for nearly five minutes until I settled on a re-run of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
Have you ever gotten that feeling where you have no idea what to do but you know yuou need to do something?
Well, that's kind of how I feel right now.
Maybe I should just go to bed..
Turning off the TV, I just left my orange juice and walked up to my room.
And, that's where we were or are now.
I couldn't fall asleep, so I remembered that little black book that was sitting underneath my pillow.
I read that entry and now, I'm just laying here.
After nearly a half hour, I finally heard the sound of the old truck pulling into our long driveway.
Sighing, I rolled over and closed my eyes. I listened as Jackson and my dad walked into the house. I heard the muffled sounds of them talking to each other and the muffled steps of them walking around on the floor below.
Finally, I heard Jackson walk up the stairs, and my dad followed him soon.
The house was so silent and the moon shone bright through my window.
I laid and listened to my dad's TV in his room. I could hear the low rumblings of his deep snoring coming down the hallway.
How could I hear people and know that people are awake somewhere in the world, and still feel like I'm completely alone and empty?
When am I supposed to figure out where my life is going and what's going to happen?
Am I even supposed to figure it out?
Do I want to know what might happen?
Life shouldn't be this hard. Life shouldn't be hard for anyone.
And, yet, we still have those people out there dealing with personal problems of their own. They don't even care if anyone wants to help.
Right now, I'd give anything for someone to jump in my life and help me.
This is too much. These weird feelings. These weird predictions.
Mainly, these weird feelings.
Why do I get the feeling to sing every time I hear someone coming up the stairs?
Why do I get the feeling of looking out the window to see if someone's coming?
Why won't these feelings go away?
Why am I getting the feeling that nobody wants to tell me the truth?
Why am I getting the feeling that I might not be able to handle the truth?
Why am I getting this weird feeling to reach under my bed and grab that little black box I found the day before?
That little black box that was filled with letters of suicide and death, poems of depression, and a small, cool, thin razor…