Babysitting, Part 1

"You cannot be serious," Hunter said to Stephanie. He was in complete and total disbelief about what she wanted him to do. "There's no way I'm doing this."

Stephanie rolled her eyes. "You have to honey. I can't take him with me and all the others are out for the night. It will be just for a couple of hours."

"But those couple of hours will be the death of me!" he whined. "Why can't we make Matt come back and get him?"

"Matt lost his cell phone so we can't get a hold of him. Come on baby, someone will be back before we even know we're gone."

Hunter sighed and glared at the demon seed that was sitting on the couch. "You are an evil little fucker, do you know that?"

Jeff just grinned at him. "Am not. You're just mean and grouchy."

Well yeah, that went without saying. It was hard for Hunter to be anything but that when nobody ever fucking listened to him. He had told Stephanie over and over again that he didn't like being alone with Jeff, and what was she doing now? Leaving him alone with Jeff. He had told Matt to watch his own damn brother and the older Hardy hadn't even managed to do that. And now Hunter was stuck along with the king of not listening--Jeff himself. It just wasn't fair.

When Stephanie left, Hunter just sat down in his chair and tried to read his newspaper. He managed to do that in peace for about five minutes. Then Jeff got off the couch and climbed on to his lap. He tried to ignore the younger man but it got too hard, especially when Jeff started playing with his hair. "Stop that," he ordered.

"Don't want to," Jeff replied. He ran his fingers all through Hunter's hair, staring it like it was the most fascinating thing in the entire world. "You should make it all kinds of pretty colors," he said. "And then put it in piggy tails and braid those. It would look cool."

"I would look completely gay," Hunter replied. "And while I have experimented with guys before, I am not willing to make myself look like that."

Jeff cocked his head to the side. "You've slept with guys before?"

"That's what I just said. God, do you have a listening problem or something?"

"Have you slept with a guy lately?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I'm married."

"Oh." Jeff just kept sitting on Hunter's lap and acting like he wasn't irritating the older man. "Would you have sex with me?"

Hunter dropped the newspaper and nearly choked on his gum. "What?" he said when he finally managed to form words.

"I want to know what it's like to fuck a guy."

"Okay, first of all, you would be the one getting fucked because you are so a bottom. Second of all, no! I will not have sex with you! I don't even like you all that much, so why would I risk Stephanie cutting off my dick and balls for you?"

Jeff shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe because I'm sexy."

Groaning loudly, Hunter dumped Jeff off of him and got up to his feet. "Ask Phil or Matt to fuck you if you're so desperate to find out what gay sex is like. Or next time just bring a guy home to rape instead of a girl. That will answer all of your damn questions."

Jeff looked up at him for a minute before grinning and running upstairs to his room. Sighing and happy to be alone, Hunter went into the kitchen and began making himself a sandwich. Sometimes he wondered why he tolerated Jeff at all. The boy always found a way to irritate him, whether it was intentional or not. Maybe it was because Stephanie thought he was adorable and thought of him as her baby. Yeah, that had to be it. He put up with the rainbow haired nut job for Stephanie's sake.

"Hunter!" Jeff yelled just as the self proclaimed Cerebral Assassin was just about to start eating. "Come up here for a minute!"

Hunter groaned and took a bite of his sandwich anyway. "I'm busy, just wait a few minutes!" he yelled with a full mouth.

"NO! I WANT YOU UP HERE NOW!"

"WELL YOU'RE GOING TO WAIT A FEW FUCKING MINUTES UNTIL I'M DONE EATING!" Hunter screamed back. He began shoveling down his sandwich, knowing he had about thirty seconds before Jeff just came barreling down the stairs to get his attention.

As it turned out, he only had twenty seconds. Jeff came at him wearing only a towel, and he was holding up two outfits. "Which one should I wear?" he asked, glaring at Hunter for making him come all the way downstairs.

Hunter frowned. "What was wrong with what you were already wearing?"

"We're going to go to a gay club and I need to know what will make me look appealing to those guys."

"Uh, there is no we here Jeff. I'm not going to a club with you. I hate going to public places with you. You always get me in trouble." Hunter backed away a little, knowing Jeff was going to get mad at his refusal to go.

"Hunter, stop being an asshole!" Jeff whined. "Me want a boy to play with and you're going to help me get one. And if you say no again, I'm going to scream."

Hunter winced. He knew from personal experience that Jeff screaming was not a good thing. "Okay, okay, I'll go with you. But I am doing this against my will."

Jeff grinned. "Oh, so in a strange, nonsexual way, I'm still raping you. Yay, I still win!"

Hunter sighed and shook his head. "Damn it, I swear to God, I'm going to kill that boy one day. I really fucking am."