AUTHOR'S NOTE: Uh oh. Long wait again. I have no reason for this delay...laziness? Too many good holidays? Busy? Can't guarantee a quick update after this one but some reviews will definitely be encouraging! Thanks for reading.

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.

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BELLA CULLEN- HUMAN

The tears still flowed and my heart still ached. The picture of Jacob's face contorted in pain still burned my eyes and mind. How I wished I didn't hurt him! He didn't deserve it. None of it. Neither did Edward. Edward, the most amazing person in my life, selfless and loving, was practically being punished with me as his wife. Jacob, my loving and always forgiving best friend, did nothing to deserve my reckless and selfish attitude.

Wasn't I the same one who wished that Jacob would get over me? Then why wasn't I over him?

I just stood and cried. To add to my misery, it rained. I sobbed, everything a blur. Their faces flipped through my mind. Edward. Jacob. Edward. Jacob.

Did I really want to be a vampire?

Edward's face flashed.

Or was I content with the way of the wolves?

Jacob's face came now.

I didn't know.

I didn't know anything again.

I fell down on my knees and the pain seared every inch of my body. I savoured it. I should feel more pain than that which I inflicted on Jacob and Edward. Much more.

The confusion swept through me and I fought to remain sane. I had to figure myself out. I had to. But neither Jacob nor Edward should know of the raging battle occurring in my heart. No one should know. I had to think things through on my own. I was naked and alone as far as I could tell. My tears fell along with the rain drops. So much had happened in such a short time.

Throughout the past few days, my affection for Jacob had grown tremendously. We were incredibly close now, given the fact that we both saw into each others' minds. Perhaps this connection had led to a much greater, unexpected fondness of Jacob. And him, likewise. That would explain my actions before the kiss. A subconscious effort to let him know how I truly felt about him.

But was that what I wanted?

Edward: The vampire with golden eyes filled with love, only for me. For me and his family. He didn't selfishly share his love with anyone else. He gave everything to me; every kiss, every hug, every touch…they were all mine. And there I was, throwing away his trust and love, acting foolishly in a wrongly intense moment. I thought of his name: Edward, his eyes, his touch, his lips on mine…and every thought melted away. I saw only him. My heart fluttered and the aching stopped. I was in love with him to the point of no return. Definitely, no doubt about it. I yearned for him to wrap his arms around me and hold me close. To hum me the lullaby he composed for me…only for me.

Then why, knowing how much I loved Edward, did I love Jacob? Why was this new challenge presenting itself to me now, after my choice? I chose Edward. I loved him. I loved him more today than I ever had. Then how was it possible to love two beings, though my love for one was perhaps much weaker than the love for the other? Or was it?

The questions bombarded me and I felt helpless. I did not want to betray anyone. And how greatly I was betraying Edward with my thoughts now! Considering Jacob Black as the second object of my affection? That was indeed betrayal. More tears streamed down my cheeks. I wouldn't stand seeing his eyes in pain. Edward's pain… I would die seeing that hurt and betrayal in his eyes. He would of course try to hide it from me. He wouldn't want me to know how much my incident would cost him. He was just too good! I felt worse, sick.

And Jacob! Jacob, who has always forgiven me even after I hurt him repeatedly with my stupid mistakes! The one who never gives up, never fails to make me smile again! The best friend ever…and I ruined that. Again. I loved him, now. Loved him more than I ever had. But not as much as I love Edward. It would never be like that. And so I had to make him understand.

The sobs slowed as I came to the end of my battle. Jacob had indeed won my love, but he would only ever be my friend. Edward had my heart firmly in his grip.

And so, I concluded that I was still, and always will be in love with a vampire. The one with the golden eyes filled with the love for me.

One tear escaped and I whispered Jacob's name. It was symbolic to me, as if with that tear, I had grieved for both our losses. As if by whispering his name, I was truly giving him up. I couldn't smile, not yet. My heart still needed time to recover. I decided to run to the Cullen's-my- house. Just like Jacob, I could run quite fast- not as fast as when I was a wolf, but fast enough.

I neared the trees which bounded the Quileute lands. The sickly sweet stench burned my nostrils and I turned to see two vampires standing in the shadows. The struggle to not attack was weaker now. I was in control. The darkness didn't affect me, my eyes adjusted quite well. Edward's face was beyond words…his golden eyes lit with relief and marvel. Next to him stood Alice, her hand outstretched. I saw the pair of jeans and tank top and dressed myself quickly.

Thank goodness for all the effort I had put into restraining myself from attacking, that way, Edward had no idea of what had happened.

Or so I thought.

I held my breath and walked to stand directly in front of him. Before I could say his name, however, he had rushed over to me his hands on my arms.

"Bella…" He whispered with such intensity that my effort to restrain myself faltered. I took a breath and the scent hit me so strongly that I had to gasp for breath.

"You're strong enough for this. Trust me. Just like me, you're strong enough. C'mon. C'mon!"

I stared into the pools of gold and breathed again.

"Good. Excellent. Now explain to me," he began and I faltered again, my insides tearing at the thought of him finding out and rejecting me. "If you wanted to be kissed so badly, then why the hell didn't you just say. My. Name." And then he kissed me.

The scent burned and I felt that one more second may bring him to harm…if I got out of control… I couldn't think of it. And I remembered that he said I was strong. I stood up straighter and wrapped my arms around his ice cold neck. I was strong. I absorbed the fact that he wasn't angry. Well, not for the reason that I thought he would be angry for. I kissed him more eagerly and he responded just as much, even more than when he did when I was human. Normal and weak. I didn't mind breathing in the scent if this would be his response…

Then I realized that the scent was easier to bear, and my breath came faster in short rasps. It didn't bother me or cloud my mind. He began to kiss my jaw and neck and I smelt his hair, which no longer repulsed me. I savoured his touch and knew I had indeed made the right choice- as if there really was a choice. Edward really was mine to take and keep.

The seconds went by and I founded myself gasping, not because I was really out of breath, but because I was in pain. I stopped kissing him and let go. He immediately loosened his grasp and held me close.

"Bella, Bella what's wrong? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have lost control like that, I am so very sorry, Bella…" his voice went quiet. "Bella! Bella are you all right?"

I was puzzled by his sudden tone and anxiety. I looked up at him and nodded, feeling around my body where the pain seared.

"Then…then why can't I hear you. Why do you look like you're in pain...and why have you returned to your normal temperature?"

I looked up at him with surprise. "What?"

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hmm. I kind of rushed this chap so that I could post it up today...did it show? Anywho, Bella has chosen Edward (Edward Bella fans I hope you're happy =) - and to Jacob Bella fans, hopefully I will get the free time to do a special fic dedicated to those two). Hope you enjoyed and will be back for the next chapter! Review and tell me what you think!