Beyond These Walls

by sincethelastday

When Light's cousin becomes entangled in the Kira case, she desperately tries to convince L of Light's innocence. But she soon discovers that people aren't always who they claim to be. Lies run deep and the walls that people build run high.

10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.

A/N: Phew! Well, this took me a long time and felt like a real effort to write. I just had so much I wanted to cover in this chapter. Hope you enjoy and that it was worth the wait!

Chapter 10

"Opportunity? Often it comes in the form of misfortune, or temporary defeat." – Napoleon Hill

...

Uncle led me to a bench right outside the hotel's revolving doors. It had stopped raining and the sun peaked out through the puffy clouds. Cabs and fancy cars came and went around the roundabout near the entrance of the hotel. Hotel employees dashed from the cars to the hotel, rolling away large suitcases on trolleys and graciously welcoming the high-paying guests. I had lost track of how many hotels we had moved to and from. Apparently, switching hotels periodically kept the investigation information confidential and protected. I couldn't help but think Inspector Ryuga just wanted to have a little taste of each high-end hotel in Tokyo for his own selfish reasons.

"You're going to your cousin's university entrance ceremony."

Uncle's words made any distractions disappear. I turned to him, wide-eyed and mouth slightly agape.

"Wh-what?"

"You're going to Light's To-Oh entrance ceremony a week from now. I've received...permission from Inspector Ryuga," Uncle patiently and calmly repeated.

I still didn't understand, my confusion smothering the joy that was struggling to be released.

"B-but, I had asked Inspector Ryuga weeks ago if I would be able to attend the ceremony. I-I had practically pleaded. He out rightly refused my request. Remember? He said that my actions had not been trustworthy enough the night of Light's birthday dinner to allow me to attend the ceremony."

Uncle bowed his head slightly, acknowledging that he remembered. When we had returned to the hotel that night, Inspector Ryuga had demanded to know if I had said anything to Light right before we had departed. If I had whispered anything to him in the middle of our farewell embrace. It had been my finest performance – my lie had been the most convincing one I had ever pulled from within me. Inspector Ryuga clearly had been skeptical of my sweet, reassuring response, and had demanded again. Uncle had stepped in and had assured Inspector Ryuga that I had said nothing, that he had been standing right beside me when I had hugged Light goodbye and could confirm that I had not whispered a thing. Inspector Ryuga had still appeared suspicious (didn't he always?), but had tolerated uncle's word and had ceased from asking me anymore. I remember feeling reassured that he trusted Uncle Soichiro's word even a little bit, but any relief had been crushed when he had swiftly announced that I was still not allowed to see Light. That I couldn't be trusted. He had plainly told me weeks later that I wasn't to attend Light's university entrance ceremony. He made it seem that his decision was based off of my untrustworthiness, but I knew, I knew, that it was because he was mad that he hadn't received the answer he had wanted the night of Light's birthday. That uncle and I had both stated that nothing was said to Light. He was mad and fuming, like a little child who didn't get what they wanted.

Inspector Ryuga's firm denial of my request weeks ago explained why I was confused by his change of mind. It wasn't like him. I made this clear to Uncle Soichiro.

"It's not like him to change his mind all of a sudden. He never goes back on his word. It's not like him at all."

Uncle Soichiro smiled bitterly. His eyes downcast, staring at the concrete, he replied, "Inspector Ryuga welcomes suspiciousness, but only when he's the one who's able to be suspicious."

My brow furrowed with deeper confusion, but I was interrupted before I could even verbalize my confusion over uncle's vague comment.

"I told him that your parents and sister would be coming to the ceremony. I told him that it would be odd if you weren't there with your aunt, Sayu, and I, but that it would be downright suspicious if your parents and sister made it to the ceremony, but not you. That they all would be suspicious...and Light would be as well. Very suspicious." Uncle paused and sighed as he pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. "He accepted my request for you to attend the ceremony, but only if certain restrictions were put in place, of course."

"But, uncle, my parents and sister aren't coming to the ceremony. They weren't able to—oh."

My brain finally caught up with my mouth as I realized the risk Uncle Soichiro had taken. Inspector Ryuga trusted him to an extent, and the fact that he had risked that trust by lying to Inspector Ryuga couldn't have been easy. I could only wonder at how long and hard it must have taken uncle to have worked up even a little bit of trust from Inspector Ryuga. If his lie, for my sake, became known to Inspector Ryuga, that little bit of trust would be gone. And probably would never return.

Such a risky move just to make me happy. Does uncle care that much about me to lie like that to Inspector Ryuga, the very man who holds so much power over everyone? Over my uncle, the Chief of the NPA?

"Uncle, you didn't have to, I mean..." I trailed off, realizing that I didn't sound very appreciative.

I shifted closer to uncle and quietly murmured, "Thank you. I'm sure I don't have to tell you how much I appreciate this."

Uncle nodded and stood up. I stood up with him and looked into his eyes, seeing that he still had something on his mind that he wanted to say.

"Etsuko, you should know that one of the restrictions is that you will not be able to speak with Light alone. That you will only be able to briefly say 'hello' with your aunt, Sayu, and I after the ceremony."

I had expected as much, but I didn't understand how this occasion would allow me to inform Light about...things. Hadn't uncle been working on having me speak to Light, in a similar way to his birthday dinner? Isn't that why he had asked me to be patient? I couldn't see how attending Light's university ceremony would allow me to have that opportunity.

Uncle continued, answering my unspoken questions like he was reading my mind. "You told me about a month ago, Etsuko, that you were tired of being kept in the dark. Unfortunately, I cannot tell you much. But know this...Light is not going to be kept in the dark for much longer. Inspector Ryuga will very soon see to that."

I blinked, even more confused now than I was before. And worried. What did uncle mean when he said Inspector Ryuga would see to Light not being in the dark for much longer? Was Inspector Ryuga finally, finally, going to speak with Light and rule him innocent of any Kira-related harassment that he may think Light is involved in?

"Uncle, what exactly does this have to do with the To-Oh entrance ceremony? And me being there?"

Uncle sighed, frustrated and worn out. Perhaps frustrated that he couldn't just answer me directly?

"I can't say, Etsuko. Don't worry though. You'll see. I'm hoping that you'll see."

Uncle left it at that and we headed back into the hotel. Understandably, I still felt confused and slightly worried, even with uncle's assurances that things would be alright. I resolved that I would just have to be patient. I could wait one more week before getting some answers. That is...if I was going to be getting any answers. Uncle had said that Light would not be kept in the dark any longer (whatever that exactly meant), but he didn't mention if I was going to see things any clearer. Would I still be stumbling around blind in the darkness?

...

Matsuda had been known to poke his head in my room on occasions, just to say 'hello' or ask how I was doing. Nothing very substantial, but it was meaningful nonetheless. It was a kind gesture that brought some warmth to the impersonal, lonely hotel rooms that I resided in. We hardly exchanged a few words before he would have to rush back to the other officers, but his presence provided a sense that things were somewhat ordinary, that my situation wasn't as screwed up as I felt it was.

A few days after my conversation with uncle, that normalcy came knocking.

I opened my bedroom door to Matsuda. He stood very much the same as he always did, straight, enthusiastic posture, but his feet always shuffling slightly back and forth on the carpet. He was dressed in his regular business suit (tie never perfectly straight) and his face was set in the same expression that he always seemed to wear when he knocked on my door: Cheerful and anticipative, but also slightly nervous and hesitant. The only different aspect in his appearance this time was that he was holding a deck of playing cards in one hand.

"Hi, Etsuko. I hope I'm not disturbing you, but I was wondering, well. You had mentioned over a month ago that you were wondering if, uh, we could hang out sometime. Uh, remember?"

The memory came back when I had awkwardly asked Matsuda if he wanted to talk or something. We had been interrupted by that other police officer dragging Matsuda away.

I nodded, "Yes, I remember."

Matsuda nodded his head enthusiastically and smiled, happy that I had remembered. "And, well, I was just wondering if you had the time now to, well, I don't know, play a round of cards or something. I mean, if you have the time."

"Oh, well, um..." I looked away at the carpet and fumbled with the ends of my sleeves. I felt awkward and stupid all of a sudden, being put on the spot suddenly. Which was absolutely stupid in the first place, since all Matsuda was asking me was if I wanted to play cards, to hang out?

To be sociable once in my life...

I had turned down numerous potential friends before without a blink of an eye. Even when they had looked as expectant as Matsuda did at that moment. But I couldn't turn him down. No, it wasn't that I couldn't turn Matsuda away, but that I didn't want to turn him down.

Get a grip over yourself, Etsuko. It's a game of cards! Why is it so hard to say 'yes' to a simple card game? And with someone who you like – or who you find is a nice person. Why the hesitation over something so simple?

The reply to my own question fired right back in my mind: Because I don't know where this could lead and if I want it to lead somewhere further. I'm fine being by myself.

"Etsuko? Uh, if you're busy with something else, then that's okay as well. I, um, can come back another time."

And just like that, Matsuda's words made me realize how my answer was such a lie, was such a deception that I continuously fed myself out of habit. I didn't want to be alone.

Of course you aren't busy with something else. You're bored out of your brain and want some company to fill that lonely hotel room of yours. Haven't these past few months made you realize how lonely you've been since you walked into all of this? How lonely you've been even before all this?

I finally got a grip over myself and answered confidently, even excitedly, "No, no, I'm not too busy. Come on in, Matsuda!"

Matsuda grinned from ear to ear and entered my hotel room, a slight bounce to his step. I quickly overlooked my room to see how much of a mess it was, and breathed a sigh of relief that everything looked to be in neat order. We pulled up some chairs to the small table in front of the window and Matsuda began to deal the cards.

Instantly I was trying to figure out what to say, how to start conversation, how friendly I should be, even how comfortable I should be sitting, or –

"Do you mind if we play Tsū-ten-jakku? I haven't played it in a while, but it's one of my favorite games! None of the guys in the task force really enjoy it, but this one time when I got them to play it with me..."

As Matsuda continued with his anecdote, I relaxed with the realization that I didn't need to worry about starting off conversation. Matsuda could probably talk enough for both of us, and as we began to play our game of cards, I realized that he didn't even seem to mind if I didn't talk too much. He seemed content with my short remarks and easily filled in some of the more quiet gaps with his endless supply of good natured comments and funny stories. In between the moments of laughing over his stories and talking, I realized that I wasn't fussing over what to say or how to say things. I was simply enjoying myself.

It was a new experience for me. One that I could only contribute to Matsuda and how at ease he made me feel.

As I dealt out the cards for our third round, Matsuda leaned back in his chair and looked around my room. "Not too shabby of a room, huh?"

I momentarily stopped dealing out the cards, but then resumed as I cheerfully replied, "Yes, it's a very lovely room. All of the rooms have been very nice and comfortable."

Matsuda smiled and continued on, having bought into my fake cheerfulness. "And a really nice view of downtown!"

"Yep, very nice indeed," I squeaked out, my voice still sweetly high-pitched.

Matsuda looked at his cards and, without thinking, enthusiastically spurted, "Yeah, pretty nice space! The perfect home away from home!"

I cringed at his comment and brought my cards up to my face to hide my expression, which had quickly turned from fake cheeriness to genuine gloom.

I couldn't see Matsuda's face from behind my fan of cards, but the sudden, tense silence made me wonder if he had realized what exactly he had just said. I frantically searched for something to say to make the uncomfortable silence disappear.

"That novel you were talking about earlier, Matsuda, sounded very good. I wouldn't mind borrowing it from you if you don't mind-"

"Etsuko, I'm-"

"And you're just down the hallway, so it's not like it would be hard to give back to-"

"Etsuko, I'm sorry about what I said."

I paused and shook my head slightly in response, even though he probably couldn't see my head behind my cards. "Th-that's alright. No problem, no problem at all."

With my indirect recognition of what comment he was speaking of, Matsuda suddenly started to stutter as well, as if he was having a hard time getting words out, too. "I-I wasn't thinking. Of course, ah, of course this isn't a perfect home away from home, because, uh, well because you would much rather be home and not stuck here and, and-"

"It's okay though, you didn't know, uh, I mean, I know that you know, or, um knew, or...the point is, it's okay really. I'm over it. Uh! I mean, I was never really upset by it so-"

"Wh-what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry!"

"Yes, I'm sorry, too!"

Matsuda opened his mouth to probably ramble out another heartfelt apology, but instead stopped and looked at me a bit confused. "Uh, wh-what are you saying sorry for?"

I opened my mouth to instantly reply, but then realized that I had no clue what I was going to say. I sheepishly looked at my cards, embarrassed. "Uh, I...I don't know what I'm sorry for. Nothing, I guess. Uh, I guess I was just repeating you and..."

My sentence meandered away into silence. I felt stupid and self-conscious. We had been having such a nice time playing cards and talking, and now it had been ruined by one, awkward moment.

Why can't anything just ever work out? Why do I always find myself in awkward situations?

Suddenly, Matsuda burst out laughing. I jumped a little in my seat and lowered my cards to look at him, bewildered at his sudden eruption of laughter. He had leaned back further in his chair and had his hands covering his stomach, his eyes closed as he continued to laugh. His cards lay discarded face-up on the table. I just sat in the chair and stared at him, my cards still tightly grasped within my hands. I just listened to his laughter and couldn't help but linger on the thought that crossed my mind.

He sounds so, so...so happy. I mean, most people do when they laugh, but they usually have some restraint to their laughter, some boundaries to how far they'll let their laugher go. But Matsuda...he just laughs. He's not holding anything back.

Matsuda's laughter slowly died down a bit and he wiped his eyes before breathing out, "Sorry, Etsuko, it's just...we make quite the pair stuttering over everything we say and apologizing left and right...even when there's really nothing to apologize for!"

Matsuda started to laugh again, although not as hard. Now that I had been let in on the "joke," I started to chuckle to myself. Matsuda's laughter was contagious and soon I was laughing along with him, even though any of the humour that had been a part of the situation had long since past.

As our laughter ceased, I looked at Matsuda and smiled at him, a realization dawning on me.

I don't find myself in awkward situations. I make awkward situations. Why can't I do like Matsuda and just laugh things off?

I continued to smile at Matsuda as he wiped at his eyes, tears of mirth dotting the corners of his eyes. His cheeks were flushed and his chest was still heaving a bit from the exertion of laughing so hard.

Matsuda caught me smiling at him and returned the smile full force. I bashfully looked away, embarrassed for looking at him for so long. He saved me from even that little bit of embarrassment though as he said, "Well, another game?"

I really want to, but is he just asking that to be polite when he really wants to leave? Or is he being genuine?

One look from Matsuda gave me the clearest answer I would ever want. His mirthful eyes and lopsided grin gave me all of the reassurance I needed that he wanted to stay.

I nodded eagerly and answered, "Yes, very much another game."

Matsuda dealt out the cards and I leaned back in my chair, relaxed and content. I unfolded my hands from my lap and draped them lazily over the chair arms. A weird feeling came over me. It felt like a heaviness was being dropped from me, was being removed from my body and mind. I felt lighter. At peace.

It was my defenses being brought down. Maybe not all of them, but a good chunk of them were gone as I sat playing cards with Matsuda.

It wasn't until we had departed for the night, two hours later, that I realized how much I had missed that feeling of letting my defenses, of letting my mental walls, down.

It wasn't until the next morning when I realized how long it had been since I could be completely open with the one person who I had always felt I could be open with: Light.

Lately, I felt like I wasn't able to really connect with him, but was being kept at an increasing distance from him by the secretiveness that he wielded. I tried to dismiss the thought, but I had to admit that it wasn't just Inspector Ryuga who was trying to keep us at a distance, but Light himself who seemed to be pushing us further away from one another.

Frighteningly, I wondered if it would ever get to the point where I would be erecting defenses and walls up against my own cousin. It was a thought almost unbearable to ponder.

...

The date of the To-Oh entrance ceremony arrived quickly and I was more than prepared to attend. Uncle and I drove to the house and picked up Aunt Sachiko and Sayu before heading to the university. I had butterflies the whole ride there, queasy with the anticipation of...well, of what I did not know. Perhaps nothing would happen. But the words of Uncle Soichiro had stayed with me all week and had replayed themselves constantly in my head all morning as I got ready.

"Light is not going to be kept in the dark for much longer. Inspector Ryuga will very soon see to that...You'll see. I'm hoping that you'll see."

We arrived at the university and made our way into the large auditorium where the ceremony would be held. We found seats in one of the upper sections of the auditorium. Sayu and I peered down below where all of the first year students were seated. As Sayu and I tried to pick out where Light was seated in the sea of students, I reflected on when I had been a new student to To-Oh and had attended my entrance ceremony. I remembered feeling like such a grown-up, like the ceremony commenced my transition from adolescence to adulthood. Little did I know that I still had much growing up to do.

I wonder if Light is feeling the same way I did. Or maybe he already knows that one simple ceremony does not commence the end of growing up, but is just another beginning of maturing even further.

The ceremony began. The national anthem was played on loud speakers throughout the auditorium before the introductory speeches were held. The dean and other university administrators gave their long, rambling speeches that were intended to inspire and invoke a sense of pride in the new student body. However, the only real effect they had was boring everyone. I, along with the rest of my family, just wanted to hear the freshman speech.

Eventually, one of the university administrators announced that the freshman speech would be given. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Aunt Sachiko reach over and squeeze uncle's hand. She was absolutely glowing with motherly pride. Uncle Soichiro also beamed with delight, but his eyes also shined with hesitation almost, as if he was waiting for something else to occur.

I turned back to the stage and smiled as Sayu excitedly exclaimed, "Look! There's Light!"

Light stood up from his seat in the front row of students and proceeded towards the stage. He looked very sharp in his dress clothes and walked with a purposeful, yet casual grace. I beamed as my cousin headed towards the stage. I was so proud of him!

The university administrator cleared his throat and announced, "And freshman representative...Hideki Ryuga."

I almost choked on my saliva as I heard the name blast forth from the loud speakers. Sayu leaned almost completely out of her seat and squealed, "Oh my gosh! Hideki Ryuga?! He got into To-Oh?! No way! Where is he?!"

The rest of the auditorium buzzed with whispers as people wondered the same thing as Sayu. Was it really the pop idol or just some nobody who had the same name? Or...could it possibly be...?

No. No, it couldn't be. He wouldn't come out in public. He doesn't even step out of the hotel to get his own sweets, so there's no way he would come to a huge ceremony like this. It has to be someone else.

My heart sank into the very pit of my stomach as I realized with my own two eyes how wrong I was as the addressed student approached the stage.

It was Inspector Ryuga. There was no way it could be anyone else. From the recognizable messy black hair, to the sloppy attire that he always wore, it was definitely the crazy inspector who I had the displeasure of knowing. He slowly trudged his way to the front of the stage, only a couple of footsteps away from Light.

I barely heard any of Light's speech as I sat perplexed in my seat. What was Inspector Ryuga doing there, on that stage, beside Light? Why was he masquerading as a freshman university student? What on earth was his purpose of being there, of coming out into the open?

It was only until Light had finished his portion of the speech and Inspector Ryuga began to speak (in that droning monotone voice of his), that I began to speculate why he was present at the ceremony.

Is this what uncle had been talking about? Is Inspector Ryuga here in order to tell Light something? In order to finally speak with him face-to-face?

I flashed uncle an inquiring look. He caught my eye and confirmed my questions by a slight nod and a knowing look. Indeed, this was what uncle had intended, had hoped, for me to witness by coming to the ceremony.

Inspector Ryuga was here to bring Light "out of the dark."

But what the hell did that mean? And what exactly was Inspector Ryuga going to speak with him about? I felt more confused than ever before.

The sound of applause startled me out of my thoughts and I slowly began to clap as Light and Inspector Ryuga descended from the stage back to their seats. The rest of the ceremony was uneventful and, half an hour later, it ended.

We briefly met with Light inside the auditorium before he was to head off to socialize with some of the other students. He greeted us pleasantly and warmly accepted our congratulations, but I could tell that he was distracted with something else. Behind his calm, confident gaze, I could see that he was busy organizing a whole jumble of thoughts and questions. His mind was furiously scrambling with something heavy and substantial.

Has Inspector Ryuga already spoken to him...?

However, behind all that distracting, overwhelming supply of thinking that Light was doing within his mind, he also looked genuinely satisfied and content. As if he finally had gained a new piece to a massive puzzle he was putting together. And as we said our goodbyes, he flashed me a quick smile that was wide with confidence and pride. I took his grin as a sign that whatever had been exchanged, or happened, between him and Inspector Ryuga, was beneficial to my cousin.

And, hopefully, would be beneficial for me.

I didn't speak to uncle as soon as Aunt Sachiko and Sayu were dropped off at home. We drove in silence for a few minutes before I asked, "I believe I saw what you wanted me to see, right uncle?"

"Yes, Etsuko."

The silence stretched on for about a minute before I asked, "I...I guess you still can't tell me exactly what went on between Light and Inspector Ryuga?"

Uncle sighed and continued to focus intently on the road. "To tell you the truth, Etsuko, I don't know exactly what happened between Light and Inspector Ryuga. All I know is that he's taken a big move to reach out to Light. I hope to find out more very soon."

It surprised me that not even uncle knew what Inspector Ryuga's plan was with Light. After all, uncle was the chief of the NPA and was Light's father. Was Inspector Ryuga really that secretive and wary of telling anyone his plans?

Before I had the chance to ask, uncle answered the question that I was sure he knew I wanted answering. "All I can tell you is that I'm very hopeful and confident that the exchange, and future exchanges between Light and Inspector Ryuga, will be fruitful." Uncle looked at me and in a reassuring tone concluded, "That things will change for the better. I'm very hopeful for that, Etsuko."

I nodded, satisfied with uncle's response, but still mystified and puzzled.

What exactly are these positive changes that uncle is hoping for? How much does he actually know and how much is he wondering about? When will I find out, when will I potentially benefit from all of this?

I hoped and wished the rest of the drive back to the hotel that I would receive my answers very soon.

...

I didn't last one day without my curiosity and eagerness getting the better of me.

I spent the whole day wondering if Inspector Ryuga would call for me, telling me that everything was all cleared up: that Light was innocent of any anti-Kira harassment and that I could go home. I paced up and down the length of my room, waiting for news that things had been resolved, that Inspector Ryuga had talked to Light, that I should start packing my bags.

By the early evening I hadn't heard anything and began to doubt that the day would end with happy news. With any news at all, for that matter.

I couldn't think of anything besides the verdict which I was waiting anxiously for. Which explained why I pounced on the door when I heard someone knocking.

"Any news?" I asked the knocker at the door before I could fully see who it was.

My heart sank as Matsuda startled back a bit, clearly taken aback by my sudden appearance. It usually took him a few knocks before I opened the door.

He shyly smiled, still a bit perplexed, and said, "Uh, well the only news I have is more of a question, actually." His smile broadened as he fished a deck of cards out of his suit pocket and held it up for me to see.

Although I was disappointed by the lack of news, I couldn't help but smile by Matsuda's presence. I nodded and welcomed him in. "Sure, Matsuda. Come on in."

Matsuda plunked himself down at the table and instantly began dealing out the cards. He rolled his shoulders back a couple of times, loosening them up. His breathing was slow and relaxed. He was winding down from a long day of work.

If only I could have been so relaxed.

I sat down across from him, tense and internally struggling to keep all of my thoughts and questions at bay. Matsuda could clearly see that I had something on my mind.

"Is everything alright, Etsuko?"

I briefly looked at him and then back at my cards. "Mm-hm. Everything's okay."

Matsuda prodded a bit further, this time not buying into my lies. "A-are you sure?"

I nodded enthusiastically, trying to get my point across. "Yes. Yes, everything is just fine, Matsuda."

Matsuda bit his lower lip, opened his mouth to speak, hesitated, and then said, "Etsuko, are you-"

My patience had been tried all day, had been stretched so thin for over the past few months, that it finally snapped. Unfortunately, it was poor Matsuda who witnessed it.

"Yes, yes, everything's fi – no! No, it's not fine! It's not fine at all!"

I tossed my cards down on the table and gripped the arms of the chair tightly. I stared unwaveringly down at my lap, running hot on the fuel of my frustration.

"Why won't he just resolve it all?! What's keeping him so long? Why does he have to be, be – so stubborn, so crazy!? Why all of this, why?"

I panted and cringed, forcing myself not to cry. I forced myself to not stamp my feet or bang the table. I just continued to sit and clench the chair's arms. I didn't even raise my voice, but just fiercely spat each word, imagining it was aimed towards him.

"What does he think this will accomplish? It's all so stupid, so crazy and, and..."

I began to teeter out, to lose steam. My words ended up being incomprehensible stutters as it slowly began to dawn on me that I had just exploded in a quick fit of frustration. Right in front of someone else.

I quickly looked up at Matsuda and then directly right back down again. His perplexed face at my sudden combustion of complaints and rants had left him speechless. He must have been completely shocked by my sudden outburst, since he had never seen such an outspoken side of me. Hell, my own family had never seen me in such a state. I could only imagine what he must of thought of me, what he was thinking of me at that moment.

I hurriedly started gathering up my tossed aside cards in a pile. In a panic, I started babbling forth apologies like I never had in my entire life, all the while avoiding Matsuda's shocked face.

"I-I'm so, so sorry, Matsuda! I don't know what came over me. I was just so, so...oh, it doesn't matter! I'm just so sorry that you had to witness that. That you had to endure my utter rudeness!"

"Etsuko, it's-"

I didn't let Matsuda finish; I felt like I had to continue to apologize in order to function. "It was VERY rude of me and disrespectful of your presence and invitation and, and-"

"Etsuko, stop."

Matsuda's words were gentle and kind, but they carried a firm, solid weight to them that was comforting instead of oppressive. His demand was more of a soothing reassurance that I could stop speaking and just relax. His words brought me down and I felt like I could suddenly breathe again.

That feeling quickly disappeared as Matsuda brought his hand over my trembling one that was still trying to scoop up the discarded playing cards. My breath hitched in my throat and I felt my face grow embarrassingly hot. The sudden silence seemed almost deafening after my sudden outburst. I waited with bated breath for Matsuda to say something, because I was absolutely rendered speechless, my voice having fled far away after my tirade. I also had the sneaking suspicion that the presence of Matsuda's hand over my own had something to do with my useless tongue.

"It's okay. You don't have to explain. I...I understand." Matsuda's steady voice trembled a bit as he became a bit flustered as he continued on. "We-well, I mean, I don't really understand, but...you just don't have to apologize. At all."

There was the feeling of hesitation hanging in the air between us as Matsuda twitched and fidgeted a bit in his chair. Then the feeling was gone as he gently squeezed my hand before somewhat abruptly letting it go. His hand disappeared, but my hand lingered on the table, suddenly feeling cold after being held by his.

I still couldn't bear to look him in the eye, as I still felt embarrassed and disappointed with myself. Matsuda's reassurances weren't wasted, as I did feel a bit better, but the feeling of upset over what I had done wasn't that easily persuaded to pack up shop and leave my scrambled brain behind. My insecurities delved down very deep.

Matsuda, sensing that it probably wasn't the most opportune time for a lighthearted game of cards, gathered up the deck and politely said, "Maybe we can play cards another time?"

He still wants to play cards with me even after my embarrassing, childish display? Is he really that forgiving?

I finally looked up at Matsuda and saw that his actions and words had nothing to do with forgiveness. Because to Matsuda, there was nothing to forgive. He looked at me with worry and almost a bashful uncertainty. As if he wanted to do or say something...?

Does he want to take my hand again? Wait, why am I –

"Thank you, Matsuda. For your, um, tolerance and patience. I didn't mean to explode and now I'm...well, I'm not doing a very good job of thanking you now, am I? Sorry, Matsuda, I'm-"

Matsuda chuckled softly and interrupted me. "Etsuko, you're doing it again. There's nothing to apologize for."

I froze, mouth slightly open and then I began to chuckle softly with him as well. I put my hand to my head and shook it slightly. I felt like such a mess. But...that was okay...I guess.

Do as Matsuda does and just laugh it off. It's no big deal.

I gave in to my laughter a bit more, until I felt like I was forcing it and then it ceased. I continued to sit in silence before Matsuda. We sat in silence for several seconds, not really knowing what to say to each other. Or really needing to say something. It had been an unexpected encounter for both of us and the quiet was somewhat soothing after our weird, little exchange.

Finally, Matsuda stood up and we departed at the door. Before he left, he turned to me and said, "You know, maybe your uncle has some more answers. And even if he can't tell you much, I'm sure he'll do a better job than me with listening and helping you out."

I felt a sudden urge to say something and, strangely enough, I didn't try to stop myself from just speaking. It felt strange, but somewhat liberating at the same time. So much was the desire for me to say it.

"Matsuda, you don't give yourself enough credit. You help me out more than you think."

I'm sure Matsuda's face felt hot at that moment, since it turned a deep, scarlet red. It seemed to me that he was dealing with some of his internal insecurities as he fidgeted on the spot and sputtered out, "R-really, Etsuko?"

He's so cute when he's all bashful and flushed and –

"Yes, really, Matsuda." I beamed, suddenly feeling a bit lightheaded and giddy. All of this speaking freely without hesitation was getting the better of me.

Matsuda was positively beaming and awkwardly said goodnight before stumbling down the hallway. I closed my bedroom door and just stared at the door, not really knowing what to do or think at that moment. I had experienced a whirlwind of emotions in less than fifteen minutes: disappointment, frustration, rage, embarrassment, happiness, fascination.

Are you sure you don't mean infatuation?

I needed a good night's sleep in order to clear my head and emotions. Who knew that such a brief encounter would have such an effect on me? I chalked it up to my continuous pacing all day and that it had left me lightheaded. It seemed like a pretty farfetched explanation to me, but I fell asleep too quickly in order to dwell on a more realistic explanation for my feelings of...whatever I was feeling.

...

I took Matsuda's advice and met with uncle the next day. He promised me that he would give me a few minutes before he had to get back to work. It wasn't much time, but I hoped that I would be able to get something out of him, even if it was a little bit of information to tide my curiosity over for a day.

I met with him in one of the rooms in the suite. He was there before me, sitting down on one of the plush couches in the room. He rested the side of his head in the palm of his hand, his elbow perched on the arm of the couch. His eyes were closed and his breathing was low and heavy. He looked absolutely exhausted, more so than usual.

He startled when he heard me approach him and instantly stood up, not wanting me to see him leaning tiredly against the couch. He straightened his rumpled shirt and fixed his glasses, which had been sitting crookedly on the bridge of his nose. I wondered if he had been actually dozing a bit before I had walked in.

"Etsuko, sit down please." He sounded a bit out of breath. It worried me.

"Uncle? Are you alright? We could, um, meet some other time if right now doesn't work for-"

"No, no. Please, just sit." Uncle waved his hand, dismissing that anything was wrong. We sat down and uncle leaned heavily back into the couch. I sat forward on the opposite couch, not being able to relax; the tension that I felt physically and mentally was heavy.

"Well, I know we don't have a lot of time to talk so – basically I was just wondering if you would be able to tell me anything. Any news about the interactions between Light and Inspector Ryuga. I mean, I'm assuming that they've met and..." I paused and tried to sum up what I really wanted to know, what I thought I would actually get answers to. The only sound in the room was uncle's heavy breathing as I thought.

I scraped down all of my questions and worries down to the barest of desires that I had.

"I just...I just want to know if, based off of their interactions, I'll be able to go home soon."

Uncle sighed, but it wasn't the type of sigh I had grown accustomed to hearing from him. It wasn't long and low, but was more of a quick pant that lasted for only a second. As I waited for his answer, I realized that it wasn't a sigh at all, but that he was trying to breathe. Was...was struggling to breathe?

"Uncle, are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes, yes, I'm fine, Etsuko." Uncle Soichiro leaned forward and folded his hands together, his face set in a thoughtful frown. As he leaned forward slightly more, I could see that there were beads of sweat dotting his forehead. One shiny drop of perspiration slid slowly down his cheek. My stomach clenched with increased worry.

"Etsuko, I wish I could tell you. But at this point in time, I still don't have an answer and..."

Uncle took a breath and wiped his forehead. When his hand came away slick with sweat, his eyes hardened with confusion and then widened with worry.

"Etsuko, I-"

"Uncle, let me get you something to drink. You don't look well." I was up before I finished speaking, heading towards the door to fetch him a glass of water or something.

"No, no it's alright." Uncle stood up and took a few steps towards me. "I just need to catch my breath a-and...and then I'll be...I'll be..."

Uncle Soichiro swayed back and forth, finding it hard to keep balance while standing still. I was rooted to the spot, not knowing if I should leave him alone to go get help or stay with him in case he passed out or something.

I didn't have to wait long to make a decision.

Uncle Soichiro took two more steps towards me before his legs gave out and he crashed to the floor! I squeaked out a shaky cry as I rushed towards him and knelt down at his side.

"Uncle! Uncle Soichiro!"

I struggled to roll him over onto his back, my hands shaking and my heart pounding. Uncle opened his eyes a little, but they only remained open for a few seconds before they closed again.

"No, uncle! Stay awake! Stay with me!"

But as hard as I shook him, he wouldn't regain consciousness. My trembling breaths soon transformed into watery cries and then morphed into full out shouts of alarm and panic.

"Help! Someone help me! Please, help!"

It didn't take long before I heard pounding footsteps running towards us. The door flew open and the task force rushed into the room. All four of them froze when they saw uncle, but it only lasted a second before they jumped into action.

"Chief!" I heard Matsuda yell, his voice right in my ear. I looked over and he was right by my side, frantically trying to figure out what to do. One of the officers quickly got down on his knees and pressed his ear to uncle's chest, while the largest one of the officers checked for uncle's pulse. The last officer, the one named Aizawa as far as I could remember, instantly had his phone out and dialed 911.

"Yes, we need an ambulance right away! And when I say right away, I mean there better be paramedics here in the next couple of minutes, understand?"

"Aizawa, I'm finding it hard to get a heart beat! And Mogi can hardly feel his pulse!" The officer who had had his ear pressed to uncle's chest looked up nervously, his eyes wide with panic.

The officer named Mogi turned to the other officer. "Start CPR, Ukita. I'm going to try to find-"

"Mrs. Yagami? I-I have to tell you...your husband appears to have suffered a heart attack-"

I had remained relatively quiet as the task force had gone about trying to help my uncle, whimpering here and there while trying to still my trembling hands. But as Aizawa supplied the diagnosis of what was happening to uncle, my panic skyrocketed and I began to cry loudly.

"Oh my gosh! He's having a heart attack! What if – what if it's Kira?! What if it's Kira, Matsuda?!"

Matsuda looked to be in no state of mind to provide comfort or reassurance, his own hands shaking terribly and his face drained of any colour. It appeared as if he hadn't heard me, his eyes fixed on uncle's still, pale face.

"No, not uncle! Kira can't – he just can't-"

"What's going on here?"

Watari had suddenly entered the room, dressed in a heavy trench coat and bags of numerous sweets in his arms. He had been out and now he had come back to the drama that was unfolding.

"The chief has had a heart attack and-"

"I will inform him right away-"

"He's not waking up! He's not waking up, Matsuda!"

"We'll see you at the hospital, Mrs. Yagami." Aizawa ended his call with my aunt and glowered down at Matsuda. "Matsuda, will you please wake up!"

Matsuda broke out of his frozen state of fear and looked over at me, wide eyed and scared. It only took a few seconds for him to see what an utter mess I was in, face wet with tears and hands gripping fiercely at uncle's pant leg, before he took action.

He grabbed a hold of my shoulders and squeezed them hard. "No, it's going to be alright, Etsuko! He's going to be alright! R-right, Ukita?"

The officer named Ukita didn't answer Matsuda as he continued to perform CPR on uncle. Matsuda looked wildly around the room at the other officers, desperately trying to get reassurance that uncle was going to be okay. I continued to cry and wail, my whole body trembling.

Matsuda looked up at Aizawa and begged him, both with his words and eyes. "Aizawa, what do we do? What are we going to do if...if..."

Aizawa had no patience for Matsuda's increasing panic and snapped at him, "Matsuda, go down to the lobby and wait for the paramedics! They should be here very soon!" It was clear he wanted Matsuda out of the way, and as he looked down at me, a sobbing, wailing mess, he supposedly wanted me out of the way as well.

"Take the chief's niece as well!"

Matsuda nodded frantically and guided me up into a standing position. He gripped me firmly by the shoulders as he led me towards the door. I didn't go with him easily.

I stopped suddenly and struggled against Matsuda's grip. "Please, let me stay with him! I don't want to leave! What if...what if..."

Matsuda fumbled out a few incomprehensible words before being interrupted by Aizawa. His voice was sharp with command and firmness. "Miss Yagami, it's best if you leave for now." He paused and took in my distraught face. His voice softened a tad. "Please, Miss Yagami."

I didn't have time to answer before Matsuda guided me outside of the room and hurriedly steered me down to the lobby of the hotel. I stumbled along beside him, his hands never leaving my shaking shoulders. In very different circumstances, I would have been extremely bothered by the inquisitive stares and judging looks that many of the hotel guests and employees were shooting my way, but at that moment I couldn't care less. I stood sobbing quietly beside Matsuda near the hotel doors, not being able to stop. My hands continued to shake. My mind reeled out of control with possibilities.

What if it is Kira? What if the paramedics don't get here in time? What if...what if uncle...?

My vision blurred in and out of focus and I swayed back and forth on the spot. I gripped the fabric of my shirt over my chest, my heart pounding so fiercely that it actually hurt.

Please don't let it happen. Not now! They don't need another person to deal with! Just go away, just go away!

I focused on Matsuda's continuous string of words that he was whispering to try to comfort both him and me. "It's okay, it'll be okay. It'll all be okay. It's okay..." I tried to concentrate on only his words, desperately trying to receive the comfort that he was trying to provide.

The paramedics arrived very soon and, with Matsuda's frantic directions, they raced up to the suite. It seemed to take them an excruciating long time to finally bring uncle down on a stretcher, the rest of the task force trailing behind, but I'm sure it only took a few minutes for them to come back down and load uncle in the ambulance.

Aizawa began giving directions as soon as the paramedics had loaded uncle into the ambulance.

"Ukita, you ride in the ambulance with the Chief. Mogi and I will follow behind in my car and Matsuda will..."

With Aizawa's spoken directions, the time of uncontrollable crying and blind panic swiftly ceased. I stepped forward, determined to be heard.

"I'm going with my uncle."

Aizawa glanced at me over his shoulder, his eyes stern with annoyance. "Listen, Miss Yagami. It would probably be best if there weren't a lot of people travelling in the ambulance. You can come with me and we'll get there very-"

I swallowed and looked into Aizawa's dark eyes, determined to not be thrown into submission by his commandeering tone of voice and resolute gaze. "No. I'm going with my uncle."

Aizawa sighed and opened his mouth to argue, when Matsuda stepped in and offered aid.

"Aizawa, is it really going to do much damage if Etsuko rides in the ambulan-"

"Fine, fine. Just get in and don't keep them waiting!" Aizawa grumbled, but his eyes weren't angry or annoyed; they appeared to be hard with worry rather than irritation. Matsuda left me with Ukita (with a somewhat regrettable expression on his face) and ran off to the hotel parkade to get his car.

The shrill siren screeched the whole way to the hospital. I averted my eyes from uncle's still form as the paramedics worked on him. Ukita remained silent along with me, both of us numb with the shock and uncertainty of the situation.

Uncle Soichiro was wheeled away into the emergency room as soon as we arrived. Aunt Sachiko and Sayu arrived soon after. Sayu and I sat on either ends of my aunt and each held one of her hands. I admired my aunt's strength as she silently waited for news, her head lifted high and her eyes shining with desperate optimism, any signs of shed tears long gone as soon as she had entered the hospital to face the task force and me. Sayu stared at the floor the whole time; besides sniffling here and there, she was morosely quiet. The task force stood around the waiting area, their demeanour stoic and firm, but their eyes flashed with impatience to hear news about their leader.

Light had not shown up yet. He had been hanging out with a new friend at school, according to Aunt Sachiko. It would take awhile in the rush hour traffic to get from To-Oh to the hospital, which was at the other end of downtown.

The doctor finally emerged to give us the good news that uncle would be okay. He had indeed suffered a heart attack, but it hadn't been Kira. Excessive amounts of stress had been the culprit. He would be alright, but would be in the hospital for a few weeks to be monitored and to recover. Sighs of relief were exhaled by everyone and uncle was even feeling well enough to receive visitors for a short amount of time. Aunt Sachiko, Sayu, and I saw him first.

Uncle still looked pale and tired, but he was awake and slightly smiling when we entered his hospital room. Aunt Sachiko couldn't keep her emotions in check any longer and she wept into her husband's shoulder as she bent over his bed to embrace him. Uncle softly shushed auntie, his hand gently resting on her back. Sayu stood tense and rigid a little ways off from her dad and mom, her facial expression a mixture of hesitation and fear. As soon as auntie lifted her tear streaked face from uncle's shoulder, he beckoned Sayu over. She hesitantly approached his bed, her eyes worryingly staring at the IV connected to her dad's arm.

"Sayu, it's okay. I'm alright now," uncle hoarsely whispered, his arms stiffly stretched out.

Sayu tentatively hugged her dad, afraid that she would injure him by hugging too hard. Uncle's other shoulder was soaked with Sayu's tears as she sobbed and clutched tightly onto uncle's hospital gown.

It appeared words did not need to be expressed to show how much we had been worried and afraid. And of how much we cared about uncle.

I simply clenched Uncle Soichiro's hand tightly when it came time for me to approach him. He weakly squeezed my hand back and whispered, "Thank you for getting help, Etsuko. I'm sorry I scared you by collapsing like that."

"No, no, uncle. Don't apologize. I'm just happy you're alright." I gave him a sideways hug and wiped a few tears from my eyes before they had a chance to fall.

Auntie and uncle exchanged a few words before Aunt Sachiko mentioned that the task force was here and wanted to see him. Uncle nodded and Aunt Sachiko said she would be back and would wait with him until Light showed up. We exited the room and let the task force have their turn to visit with uncle. Aunt Sachiko was content with waiting outside uncle's room until the task force was done, but Sayu was anxious to walk around. I offered to go with her to the hospital cafeteria to get a drink. We headed off to find the cafeteria, my hand gently resting on my younger cousin's elbow as she slowly trudged down the hallway. She looked a tad pale and complained of feeling queasy.

"I hate hospitals," Sayu bitterly muttered as she rubbed her hand over her stomach.

I nodded and murmured back, "I know. Me, too."

Bad memories with hospitals.

We eventually found the cafeteria and silently sat at one of the tables, sipping a shared can of soda. We promptly left after finishing our drink and found our way back to the hallway where uncle's room was located. We got back precisely at the time when Light arrived.

And it wasn't just Light who had arrived. I felt a wave of nausea wash over me as I saw that Inspector Ryuga was with him.

As Sayu and I approached them, I was overwhelmed by the looks that both Light and Inspector Ryuga were shooting my way. Light was smiling broadly and confidently at me, any shock or concern for his father momentarily gone as he watched me approach him. His eyes shone with something akin to triumph. It was a weird sort of way of looking after hearing the news that your father had had a heart attack only a couple of hours ago.

Inspector Ryuga, on the other hand, looked anything but triumphant. He stared pointedly at me, his dark eyes piercing me with a look of unwavering disapproval. I honestly believe that I wouldn't have been able to discern the dissatisfaction behind his eyes if it wasn't for me seeing that emotion so often directed towards me from him on various occasions.

I was nervous on how I should behave and what to say. How much had Inspector Ryuga told Light? Had he told Light that I in fact knew who he was and had known for quite some time now? I doubted that he would have told my cousin about all of the restrictions placed upon me and the way he had used me as a pawn to get information from (and about) Light. I was still trying to figure out how I should approach our greeting when we came face to face.

Sayu was the first to lend her voice. "Hey, Light. You just got here?"

Light finally looked towards his sister and answered softly, "Yes, just arrived. Mom's having a few words with dad before we go in. You've already seen him, I presume."

Sayu nodded and looked down at the floor, trying to hide her tear-filled eyes. "Mh-hmm." It was evident that she was finding it hard to talk about her dad.

I expected Light to say something comforting to his sister, but he readily went on to introduce us to Inspector Ryuga. I tried to ignore the niggling feeling of worry that I felt towards his actions.

"Where are my manners? This here is Ryuga Hideki. A friend I made at To-Oh. Ryuga, this is my sister, Yagami Sayu, and my cousin, Yagami Etsuko."

Sayu and I bowed. Inspector Ryuga tilted his head slightly, all the while his eyes never leaving mine. I purposely ignored his stare.

"Pleased to meet you both," Inspector Ryuga apathetically murmured.

"Oh! You were that other freshman student at the entrance ceremony, right? I had thought that it was going to be Hideki Ryuga the pop idol! Who would have thought that you could share his name, an ordinary student like you?"

Sayu smiled, but her grin faltered when she looked over Inspector Ryuga a little more closely and, undoubtedly, realized that he was anything but ordinary.

Inspector Ryuga made no move to respond to Sayu. I took the momentary silence as my opportunity.

"That was very nice of you to escort my cousin to the hospital. I...I'm happy that he didn't have to make his way here alone after hearing of his father's heart attack."

I really didn't know what I was trying to accomplish with what I had just said. A part of me was perhaps trying to suck up to Inspector Ryuga in order to quell the disapproval and annoyance he was surely feeling towards me. If I acted polite and unassuming, maybe he wouldn't completely tow my ass with restrictions and punishments when I returned to the hotel.

However, I also wondered if I was trying to gage what exactly his reason was for escorting Light to the hospital. By visiting Uncle Soichiro with Light, was he going to address some issue or deliver some type of verdict? I felt like I knew enough about Inspector Ryuga to know that he wasn't the type to accompany someone somewhere if it didn't benefit him. Frankly, Inspector Ryuga didn't do anything if it didn't benefit him. What exactly was he up to?

And then there was the part of me that was, well, actually grateful that he had accompanied Light to the hospital. Heaven knows that he wouldn't have provided any semblance of reassurance or support during their trip to the hospital, but I was thankful that Light hadn't been alone after finding out the news about his dad. Even an emotionless oddball like Inspector Ryuga was better than nothing. Still, I tried to ignore my thankfulness that I felt towards him. I mean, I was supposed to hate him and all.

Inspector Ryuga replied emotionlessly, "It was my pleasure, Miss Yagami."

Pfttt...yeah, right.

Matsuda suddenly strolled up to us, a styrofoam cup of coffee clenched in one hand. Light and Inspector Ryuga didn't pay him much attention.

"Etsuko, the rest of the task force just left, but I thought I would hang around to give you a lift home if you'd like. Save your aunt from making the extra trip. I'm ready whenever you are."

Both Light and Inspector Ryuga shifted their gaze from me to Matsuda and then swiftly back at me, as if they weighing their odds before making a play.

"Oh, thanks, Matsuda. Sounds like a good plan to me."

Light was the first one to make his play. He instantly spoke as soon as I had taken Matsuda up on his offer. "Would it be alright, Matsuda, if I had a few words with my cousin after I speak with my father? I won't be long. My father needs his rest and visiting hours are probably almost over. As soon as I see Ryuga off." Light changed his tone from being politely direct to a somewhat cheesy humbleness. "It's just, we haven't been able to spend time together for quite a long time now, and I would really appreciate it if I could catch up with my cousin a bit."

Matsuda looked a little unsure, probably because Inspector Ryuga was discreetly staring at him with something akin to intimidation. He gazed gently back at me, his eyes trying to read what my decision was going to be.

Light noticed Matsuda's concern towards me and used it to his advantage. His eyes flashed quickly from me to Matsuda as he added, "Etsuko would really appreciate it, too."

Matsuda seemed convinced and nodded. "Well, I'm okay with sticking around a bit longer."

Light prevented his smile from broadening too much, and turned to me. He asked his next question somewhat lazily, confident that he already knew my answer. "Sound good, Etsuko?"

"Y-Yes. That sounds good."

I had the urge to see Inspector Ryuga's expression, but resisted since it could give away my connection with him. Wait...why would that be a bad thing?

How stupid of me! I've been waiting for this opportunity for months now and I almost overlooked it. This is...this is perfect!

Inspector Ryuga's moody silence was all the confirmation I needed to establish that he didn't want Light to know of his connection with me. For whatever reason, Inspector Ryuga did not want my cousin to know this bit of information. I wondered if he was waiting for a more opportune moment, away from a public place and certain individuals, like Sayu. Or it could be that it boiled down to Inspector Ryuga wanting to hog me all to his greedy, scheming self; he hated to share and he especially hated sharing any pawns of his. Even a discarded pawn like me.

Of course, he still tried to sabotage Light's plan. It was his turn to make a play.

"I would be happy to give you and your cousin a ride home, Light. There would be plenty of time to catch up during the drive and we have an early day of school tomorrow. Best to turn in early," Inspector Ryuga languidly addressed Light, his effort at sounding supportive a complete failure. He turned his full attention on me, his wide eyes unblinking and unsettling. "I'm sure your cousin has a busy day of school tomorrow as well."

In other words, do as I say and decline Light's offer.

But I had missed this opportunity too many times, had waited in aguish for too long. There was no way in hell I was going to decline Light's offer to talk.

Oh, how we would talk.

I smiled kindly at Inspector Ryuga and, in an overly polite voice, replied, "I actually have had a lot of time to do school work, Ryuga. I have quite the relaxing day tomorrow. I would be perfectly happy to stay for a bit, if Light thinks he can manage staying out a bit late."

Inspector Ryuga narrowed his eyes and glared at me under his unruly fringe of black hair. He was thoroughly not amused. I couldn't help but flash him another smile, this one more condescending than friendly, as Light thanked Inspector Ryuga for his offer, but that he would remain at the hospital to catch up with me.

Aunt Sachiko peeked her head out of uncle's room. "Light, you coming?"

"Yes, mom." Light turned to me and said, "I'll meet you at the cafeteria, alright? I shouldn't be long."

"Sure."

Light said goodbye to his sister and opened the door to uncle's room. Inspector Ryuga trailed behind him, his eyes briefly glancing at me once more before he entered the room. His eyes were hard and unforgiving. They promised consequences. Even though I felt I had won a victory over him, I shrunk back from his disturbing stare and looked away.

Aunt Sachiko exited uncle's room shortly afterwards and her and Sayu promptly left the hospital, both of them physically and emotionally drained. They had no sooner disappeared from sight around the hallway corner, when Matsuda approached me, a sympathetic look on his face.

Oh, no. What now? I'm just on my way to the cafeteria.

"Etsuko, I wanted to wait until your aunt and cousin left. Um, Inspector Ryuga texted me right after he entered your uncle's room and, uh. He said that he wants me to take you straight back to the hotel and that, once we get to the car, you should text Light saying that you had to leave with me right away because I couldn't stick around any longer. Uh, yeah. I guess...I guess he's all cautious about supervision and all."

No. No, no. No, no, no, no.

I tried to contain my anger by digging my nails into my palms. I gritted my teeth together, trying to restrain myself from screaming and making a scene.

"Y-you're sure?" I stuttered out, my voice quivering with emotion.

"Uh, yeah. He practically ordered it. Sorry," Matsuda softly responded.

I flashed a look of utter contempt towards the door to uncle's room, wishing my stare could seize Inspector Ryuga's neck and, and –

How dare he! How dare he ruin this for me! How dare he win again and again and again!

I closed my eyes tightly shut, trying to get the burning sensation of tears to disappear. I felt like I could shake with disappointment.

"Uh, Etsuko? I-I'm sorry. I know how much you wanted to see Light, but. Inspector Ryuga sounded quite adamant and-"

"I understand," I curtly interrupted Matsuda, my tersely clipped answer conveying anything but understanding. At the moment though, I couldn't utter anything else and stiffly walked behind Matsuda down the hall. I felt numb with defeat.

That stupid, stupid – ugh! I hate, I hate him! I hate how he always wins and how he has that stupid empty stare of his and —

I stopped abruptly mid-step and slowly released the tension from my shoulders. I unclenched my hands and let out a slow, shuddering breath.

No. I'm not going down this easy. Not this time. I won't let him stop me yet again. Etsuko Yagami isn't going down that easy, Inspector Ryuga. Not this time. No.

I unfroze and trailed behind Matsuda. I chewed on my bottom lip, plotting and planning and thinking.

How...how am I going to speak to Light? It's not going to take long before we reach the main doors to the hospital and then the car. If I reach the car – no, if I reach the doors, the opportunity will be lost. I need to think fast! How will I reach him when I have no cell phone and -

My eyes darted towards Matsuda. Well, more precisely Matsuda's jacket pocket. Sitting snugly in his left hand pocket was his cell phone. Matsuda's hands weren't even in his pockets, leaving his phone wide open for the taking. All I had to do was –

Wait. What do I need to do? How exactly am I going to get his phone without him noticing?

It didn't take long before a nasty, little voice in my head whispered the answer in my ear.

The same way you've gotten things in the past. The same way you've defended and protected yourself before. The same way you've gone about things for so long. It's easy: You suck up.

Instantly, another voice that I harboured in my soul fiercely whispered back. It was timid, yet persistent.

No, not to Matsuda. Maybe with other people it's fine, but I don't want to deceive Matsuda. He's been such a good friend and (he's a friend?) and I just couldn't do that to him.

But the animalistic drive within me to seize the opportunity, to finally speak with Light, was so great and rabid with desire, that I drowned out both voices and pounced into action. I ran up to Matsuda and stood in front of him, abruptly stopping his step.

"Matsuda!"

Matsuda jolted to a halt and curiously looked at me. "Yes, Etsuko?"

"Matsuda, I...um, I just wanted to, um, wanted to...th-thank you."

"Thank me? F-for what?" Matsuda looked even more confused, but a tiny hint of a smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

"For, well, um, for doing so much for me these past few months. You know, like, poking your head in my room occasionally, and, and, visiting with me. I, well, I really like playing cards with you and just, just...just doing nothing really! But that's okay, because, well, I just like...like..."

As I continued to fumble on my words, I noticed that they were coming to me easier than I initially thought they would. As I looked into Matsuda's wide, hopeful eyes, I realized that that was because what I was saying was no deception, but was, in fact, the truth.

"...I like spending time with you."

Matsuda closed his slightly gapping mouth and swallowed with difficulty. His eyes were glued to mine. They were brimming with emotions that I couldn't completely figure out. I wanted to stand there in the middle of the hospital hallway and try to decipher what he was feeling at that moment, but I knew that I had a mission to fulfill.

"Just, just thank you, Matsuda," I sputtered out and abruptly threw my arms around Matsuda, drawing him into an unexpected hug. His breath came out as a startled whoosh and he carefully wrapped his arms around me to return the hug. I tried not to be distracted by the faint, but pleasant smell of his aftershave or the enjoyable feeling it was to have his arms wrapped around me. I wanted to close my eyes and just enjoy the moment, but my stubborn determination wouldn't allow me to as my hand slowly crept into Matsuda's jacket pocket and stealthily retrieved his cell phone. I curled my hand around it and broke the hug, fearing that if I remained in Matsuda's embrace for much longer, I would lose all resolve to go through with my plan.

I quickly hid my hands behind my back as I broke our hug. Matsuda looked back at me with a little bit of disappointment clouding his brow, but his eyes were satisfied and content. I broke the silence that hung around us. It was a silence that was strangely relaxed and pleasant, but it frightened me nonetheless.

"So, yes, thank you, Matsuda."

I made to continue to walk on, but Matsuda stopped me with his earnest voice.

"Etsuko, I...I just wanted to thank you as well."

I paused, confused. "Thank me?"

Matsuda continued confidently on. "Yes. For being okay with, well, with my dumb jokes and stupid stories. For laughing along with me. And, and wanting to hang out with me and...well, and with seeing past all my stupid mistakes and clumsiness-"

"Matsuda, it's alright."

"And just being kind and, and-"

"Matsuda, we...we really should get going. You know, Inspector Ryuga wants us to be gone and all," I interrupted, all flustered and uncomfortable.

Matsuda laughed quietly and nodded. "You're right, Etsuko. You're the sensible one here. We should get going."

As we began to proceed down the hallway once more, I was consumed with the nauseating feeling in the pit of my stomach and the tightening sensation in my chest and throat. Needless to say, I felt sick.

Oh, Matsuda. If you only knew how I've betrayed your trust, how I'm still betraying you as we walk down this hallway. You wouldn't think me a kind person then. Because I'm not kind. I don't think about other people's feelings. I just think about my own. I'm selfish, Matsuda, and, and I don't deserve any of your kindnesses or, or...

My brain suddenly snapped into gear, drowning out my heart's inner voice. I suddenly remembered the cell phone clenched in my hand and approached Matsuda.

Matsuda, I'm lying to you. I'm deceiving you and lying to –

"Matsuda, would it be alright if I quickly d-dashed to...to the washroom before we leave?" I tried to sound polite and normal, but my voice hitched in my throat causing me to flub my words. I couldn't look at Matsuda, my shame weighing heavy on me.

And yet still I'm deceiving and lying and –

"Sure, Etsuko."

Matsuda's words were barely out of his mouth before I dashed into the women's washroom, flung open a stall door, and locked it behind me. I flipped open the phone and frantically began to compose my message to Light:

Light, this is Etsuko. Change of plans. Ryuga is on to us. When you're done visiting, mention to him how I had to leave and you aren't meeting with me anymore. Then see him off and meet me a few hallways down from your dad's room. There's a hallway under construction and no one will be there. We can talk in private. Text me when you've seen Ryuga off. I'll explain everything.

I pushed the SEND button and the message disappeared from my screen. I shakily breathed out and placed the phone in my jeans pocket. The adrenaline surrounding the situation finally kicked in and I quickly dabbed a bit of cold water on the back of my neck to settle me down a bit. I quickly joined Matsuda and we continued on down the hallway.

Hurry and text me, Light. There's not much time left.

Indeed, I could see the front doors to the hospital quickly approaching as we walked towards them. I tried to slow my footsteps, but Matsuda strode with a purposeful step with no distractions from his goal of pleasing Inspector Ryuga. I willed the cell phone to vibrate with Light's incoming message.

I thought my chance was ruined until I caught the sight of the hospital gift store near the front doors. It was my last remaining chance to stall.

"Matsuda, would it be alright if I quickly pop in to the gift store? You see, um..."

Think of something quick, idiot!

"...my father has been ill lately and I thought I could send him a 'get well' card."

Great. Now you're lying about dad. You're on a roll tonight.

Matsuda suddenly looked quite concerned and worried. "Oh. I didn't know, Etsuko. Uh, sure. It shouldn't take too long and I don't want to deny you the chance to get your father a card." Matsuda smiled encouragingly and entered the small gift shop with me. I miserably headed to the rack of cards with him.

No, Matsuda. You aren't denying me of anything. I'm denying you the truth.

I quickly shook myself out of my guilt trip; it wasn't the time or the place. I had to remain level headed and resolute in my plan. It couldn't be ruined, not when I had gotten so far already.

We had only been looking at cards for about a minute when the cell phone vibrated in my pocket. My heart beat picked up as I slightly turned away from Matsuda to read the text message. It was plain and simple, but it caused another surge of adrenaline to flood my body.

Just saw him off. I'll be waiting.

It was time. I sneaked a glance over my shoulder at Matsuda, who was absently looking at some cards. I slowly moved away from the rack of cards and headed to the entrance of the gift shop. I had barely crossed the threshold of the shop before I heard Matsuda call my name, confusion evident in his tone.

"Etsuko! Wh-where are you going?"

But I didn't respond. His voice was like the crack of a gun at a start of a race and I sprinted away down the hallway. I heard him call out my name again and heard his hurried footsteps follow after me. I didn't look behind me, but I knew he was running after me.

Matsuda, please! Don't follow me! I'll explain everything later (will I really?) when this is all over! Just please don't follow me!

But Matsuda was persistent. I could hear him huffing and panting along with me as he chased after me, occasionally calling out my name. I passed by uncle's room and zigzagged around nurses and doctors as I tried to lose Matsuda. I turned down numerous hallways hoping that he wouldn't be able to catch up. Eventually I just darted into a women's washroom and hid behind the door. I listened at the door, trying to figure out if I had given him the slip. I heard Matsuda pass by the washroom; he was panting heavily and was muttering something under his breath which I couldn't make out. I waited anxiously for him to leave. He stood around for a bit, obviously trying to figure out where I disappeared to, before I heard him leave, his footsteps slow and laboured. His breaths heavy and defeated.

I waited a couple of minutes before exiting the washroom. Matsuda was nowhere in sight. Suddenly the cell phone buzzed with an incoming message. Thinking it could be Light, I flipped open the phone and saw that it was from...

Ryuzaki? Who's that? Is it some friend of Matsuda's?

But as I read the message, I realized that it could only be one person.

Matsuda, have you delivered Yagami to the hotel?

Inspector Ryuga. But, but why was he listed as Ryuzaki in Matsuda's phone?

What...I don't understand...

I quickly dismissed my confusion, realizing that Inspector Ryuga would be waiting for Matsuda's response. I quickly texted: Yes. We're almost at the hotel now. I snapped the phone close and stuffed it into my pocket. I broke out into a slow jog back down the hallway I had come and made my way to the hallway under construction. I was worried that Matsuda would somehow get a hold of Inspector Ryuga, say by payphone, and Inspector Ryuga would turn around to come and deliver me back to the hotel himself.

Deliver me. Hmph, as if I'm a package or something.

I eventually made it to the hallway that was under construction. Caution tape was taped across the hallway, blocking anyone from entering. I ducked underneath the tape and walked slowly down the hallway. The lights were dimly lit for the first half of the hallway, construction supplies and tools laying about the hall. My soft pants echoing off the walls were the only sound as I approached the further half of the hall. There were no lights on. It was almost pitch black, except for the distant glow of the dim lights behind me that bounced off the walls.

I softly called out, "Light. Light, are you here?"

I tripped over a cord or something and almost fell. I flipped open Matsuda's cell phone and used the bluish glow of the screen to watch my step on the hazardous floor.

"Light? Light, if you're here, where are you?"

"I'm right here, Etsuko."

I gasped and jumped a bit as the glow of the phone's screen passed over Light's face, which was a few steps ahead of me. The eerie glow accentuated the lines in his face and cast creepy shadows over half of his features. His dark, piercing eyes shone brightly with anticipation. They almost seemed to glow in the darkness, smoldering with deep expectations.

I thought I would be relieved and overjoyed to meet with Light. It could have been the deafening silence or the darkness or the way Light's unsettling eyes stared at me. Either way, I felt...frightened.

It only lasted a second though. As Light stepped towards me and faintly smiled as he stood before me, my fear disappeared and I was overcome with uncontrollable energy and excitement.

It was time, finally.

Light simply whispered, "What did you want to explain to me, Etsuko?"

The words flooded out of my mouth, furious and unrelenting.

"Light, Ryuga Hideki isn't a freshman To-Oh student. He's an officer with the task force. He works with the Kira investigation, along with your father. He focuses on the Kira-related harassment cases and he, he...he suspects you, Light, of being a perpetrator of these attacks! He thinks you're guilty! He's been watching you through cameras for a long time now, for a very long time! Months! And he's, he's..."

I took a gulping breath of air and clenched my shaking hands to my sides. Light continued to stare emotionlessly at me, his fierce stare willing me to continue.

"And he's kept me in confinement for months now! Ever since January I've been his, his..." I couldn't find the proper word to describe my outrage, so I just settled with what came spurting out of my mouth instinctively. "...his, his fucking prisoner! I stumbled upon his investigation and he's had me in strict confinement ever since. To protect confidential information apparently, but I know that that's not the only reason. He's used me to get information from you and about you, Light! He's been trying to separate us from each other because he wants to use me as a pawn against you! I just know it! All the crap about me being in some witness protection program is all fake – it's not true! He's up to something, scheming and plotting. And I don't know what he's said to you, but know what I say is the truth! It's nothing but the truth!"

I brought my hands up to my face and moaned, "I want out of this! I want out of all of this! I want to be as far away from him as possible! Please help me, Light! Please help me!"

We stood in silence for a few seconds, my face still smothered in the palms of my hands. I thought I would feel liberated after telling Light everything, but I just felt exhausted and defeated. I heard Light approach me and he slowly took my hands away from my face. He looked at me with an endearing expression, almost a caring type of look. The glow from the cell phone fell upon his face and I sharply inhaled as I saw that caring look morph into a possessive stare that gazed back at me unwaveringly. Light grasped my hands before I could startle backwards and leaned in close to me.

His voice whispered softly in my ear, "Thank you, Etsuko." He brought me into a firm, rigid embrace, my hands pressed against my chest as he held onto me tightly. "I promise, I won't let him bother you anymore. I will hold good on that promise."

I swallowed and nodded numbly, feeling strangely unsure and uncomfortable with Light's words. There was something about the soft fierceness of his words and tone that didn't seem right.

Matsuda's cell phone suddenly began to ring. I looked at it, still clenched in my hand. Light released me from his hold and silently uncurled my fingers from around the phone. One of his hands still remained wrapped around my wrist, holding me close to him.

Light flipped the phone open and smoothly answered, "Hello?"

I could hear the responder's voice on the other end, muffled and faint, but recognizable. "Hello, Light. It appears you have Matsuda's cell phone."

Inspector Ryuga sounded just as smooth as Light, their voices effortlessly disguising any emotions they might have been feeling at that moment.

Light answered good naturedly, "Yes, I do."

"And I imagine you have Miss Yagami with you as well."

"Certainly," Light responded, his fingers curling tighter around my wrist.

"Perhaps you would be so good as to return them to me."

Light smirked in the eerie glow of the cell phone and stared at me with that same possessive look, this time not being able to fully disguise it. I stared back, feeling anything but protected or free. I felt scared.

"I would be happy to do so. I think we have much to discuss...Inspector Ryuga."

...

A/N: Let the showdown begin! :P The next chapter may be quite the wait again since there's a lot to cover (and school has started up again). Always appreciate feedback and hope you enjoyed!