Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi

Beta Reader: ZephyrHearts

Eli, Lily, and I woke up to the sound of the alarm clock going off. Church had went well yesterday and like promised Eli was there to pick us up.

Lily rolled out of bed first and gathered her things then Eli shut off the alarm clock and rolled out of bed. I rolled out of bed, walked to the dresser and tried to get clothes before Eli stopped me.

"Clare you know you're not supposed to be walking a lot. I want you to relax."

"You barely let me walk I'm not walking much Eli." I stated.

"Clare I want you to get better I know you can walk, but you can't walk too much."

I nodded and let Eli walk me to the bed after I picked out my clothes.

"Are you ok?" he asked as I sat down

I nodded slowly.

"Clare honestly?" Eli asked as he knelt down in front of me resting his head on his hands which lay on my knees

I looked down at his big green eyes and shook my head. "I hate not being able to do anything on my own." I said

"Clare it's just for two months and you can dress yourself." Eli comforted. I nodded.

I didn't say anything after that, but I wanted to. I watched Eli get up and place a divider between us so we could both get dressed.

"I'm done." I said dryly

Eli moved the divider and a single tear fell down my eyes.

"Clare what aren't you telling me."

I shook my head.

"Clare please tell me." Eli pleaded

"I-I feel like I'm a burden on you." I admitted

"Clare you're not a burden trust me remember I like you a lot."

I smiled faintly and nodded. "I've only been your girlfriend for a few days."

"Yes but we've known each other for a week now and we've spent a lot of time together remember?"

I nodded knowing we're taking things slowly. Eli handed me my shoes to put on and after I did he helped me to my wheel chair. After the three of us got ready and ate breakfast, it was off to school.

The ride there didn't take too long, it was quiet, I sat in the middle of Eli and Lily. When we got to school, Eli parked Morty, shut off the ignition, got out, and Lily opened the door and got out. I scooted to the passenger side and Eli was there with my chair that I hated.

I got into my chair, Eli wheeled me into the school. When we got inside we seen Adam waiting at our lockers.

"Good morning" He said looking down at me

"Hi Adam good morning." I replied as I opened my locker.

"Lily!" Josh called from down the hall.

I looked and sure enough Josh was jogging to Lily. She looked at him, turned, and stood next to me.

"Lily I've missed you." Josh said pleadingly

"Good." Lily stated venomously

After Eli and I were done at our lockers we heard the clacking of high heels.

"Lily you might want to step aside." I commented

Lily did as asked.

"Oh my God Clare are you ok?" Alli exclaimed once she seen me.

"I'm fine Alli." I told her as she hugged me

I seen tears in her eyes after she pulled away.

"Alli I'm ok I promise plus I've had Eli and Lily take care of me." I said forgetting she didn't know Lily.

I introduced Lily and Alli and the six of us made our way to the office to get Lily's schedule we talked a little on the way while Josh and Lily argued. I have lunch and Chem with Lily, but Alli and I told her who to avoid.

We all went to our classes and it was boring. Adam and Eli basically talked all during English and Eli wheeled me to art.

In art we were given instructions to just have fun. I grabbed an few small bottles of paint and squirted them onto my canvas, then got a few more, it was really fun.

"Will Clare Edwards please come to the office."

I wheeled myself to the office only to find my dad standing there. I froze.

"Clare you're coming home for the day." my dad said

"W-what about Lily?" I stammered

"We'll get her later."

I seen Adam as my dad wheeled me out of the school.

"Are you ok?"

"Yea Adam my dad's taking me home tell Eli and Lily as soon as you see them." I said trying not to let my voice break.

Adam nodded.

My dad pushed my chair to the passenger side of the car, opened the door then pushed me as close to the seat as he could; I hopped in and my dad folded my chair. I was buckled by the time my dad threw my chair in the back seat and hopped in on his side. I pulled my iPod out from my pocket and put it on not caring if he wanted to talk or not. I tugged on my sleeves hard trying to get the thought of cutting out of my head. I can't really remember the last time I cut.

My dad must've known I was having urges because he reached over and handed me a lighter then a knife. I light the blade making it sterile and started to cut deeply, my dad handed me a napkin to hold over my cut. I started to cut my whole arm up and soon I was bleeding profusely. My dad must've noticed because he pulled over, opened my door, and wrapped up my arm in some sort of cloth he got from the glove compartment. He took the knife back after that.

After we pulled up to the house my dad helped me into my chair then inside. I knew something was wrong because he was never this kind to me.

"Pack." He said after ripping one of my earbuds out of my ear.

"Why?" I questioned

"That bitch of a mother that you have left me and she wants to take you."

"No offense, but I want to live with her." I said

Before I could move I felt myself go backwards and I hit a wall hard my eyes closed automatically and I whimpered a little from the pain. When I opened my eyes I seen my dad come at me.

THUD! Was the sound that rang throughout the house when I was hit causing me and my chair to fall over. I sobbed a little. I felt my dad kicking my stomach causing me to curl up into a ball bringing my legs to block his kicks. I squirmed a little as I cry and whimper and soon he was kicking my back.

CRACK! Was the next sound I heard as my dad took turns kicking my legs and my back. I was in too much pain to tell which the sound came from.

My vision is starting to get blurry and I can barely see, I'm starting to wonder if Adam has seen Eli or Lily yet. Slowly my sobs and whimpers stop as I fall off to sleep.

I woke up in a field covered in pink flowers. I stood up and looked around there were Cherry Blossoms blowing in the wind and I could hear the faint sound of a river flowing. When I stood I realized I was no longer in pain. I looked over my body expecting to find bruises and instead I found nothing, no marks, no lacerations, not even the ones I have made, my skin was flawless of all scars and wounds, even my broken ribs were healed.

I began to walk around trying to find someone or something that could tell me where I'm at. I soon came up to a river with a little girl sitting at it.

"This place is beautiful I love the Korean Rhododendron and the Sakura you have create and the river give it a nice affect." A little girl said as she watched the river flow.

"Am I in heaven?" I asked

"No you're in the spirit world, it's in between. You're one of the lucky ones who gets to choose if you want to go to heaven or back to land of the living and live the rest of your life."

I noticed a slight glow around the girl. "Are you an angel?" I inquired

"Yes I am."

"Can you tell me about heaven?"

"I'm sorry I can't. I can't tell you anything that could influence your decision, but I can answer other questions if you have any."

"If I chose heaven would I be able to watch my loved one's on Earth?"

"Yes."

"Have you?"

"I used to."

"Used to?"

"Well since I used to check on my parents after I died and both were hurting so bad it was depressing I wish I had the choice to live or die, but my life was taken from me almost like yours."

"What gives me the option to choose?"

"Well you were originally supposed to live, but deep down you were losing the will to live. Your body just gave up, but your heart didn't so you're here."

I started to think and we laid in the flowers. I looked up at the sky and watched the clouds go by.

"You said I created this?"

"Yes, you created this. When you die or your spirit ends up here a whole land is created by you based off of you and what you are feeling. Your spirit wanted to be in a peaceful place and this was it."

I nodded. It felt peaceful being here and I didn't have to worry about anything; to me this is only a taste of heaven. I know I'm selfish for thinking this, but I'm thinking of going to heaven and just watching everyone move on.

"You don't have a lot of time to make your decision."

"Can you help me?"

"I cannot I'm sorry."

I nodded.

"I can show you some things you went through while your alive or help you remember stuff." She noted

"I'd like to see Eli."

I looked at the sky and seen past memories replay of Eli. He looked so happy I watched the two of us hangout and I watched when we first kissed, the first time we met, and even when he drove me to the hospital.

"Why can't I hear him?" I asked

I heard the whole story replay just like I remembered.

"Can you show me his future if I left him?" I asked sadly and all of a sudden I felt a ping in my heart at the thought of leaving Eli

"I'm not allowed." She said sadly.

"I think I want to go back to Earth." I said softly

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I can't leave Eli."

She nodded.

"Can I stay for a little?" I asked wanting to take everything in.

"Five minutes." She answered

I walked over to the "Sakura" as she called it and let some of the flowers fall on me from the wind. I know that all this could be mine if I wanted it to be, but I couldn't leave Eli.

"Eli loves you, you know. All though it you two just met he really does love you."

"I remember him saying that he's been attending Degrassi which means that he's attended last year with Adam why didn't I see them?"

"Adam didn't have your classes and your paths never crossed, however yours and Eli's crossed a lot. He's developed feelings for you last year when he first saw you, but his promise to Julia to never date stopped him from talking to you. You were always reading in the library or something and his fear of you having a boyfriend stopped him."

"That's right I dated KC." I stated as I started to remember

The angel nodded. "It's time to go back and you won't remember much of anything that I told you, but you'll remember this place it'll seem like a dream." She added.

I woke up to the sound of incessant beeping. There was a bright light when I opened my eyes. I looked around a little; I'm in a hospital and there's something warm on my hand so I gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Clare you're awake." Eli exclaimed

I looked over to see him laying next to me with our hands entwined.

"I only took a nap." I giggled.

"No Clare you've been asleep for about two weeks now." Eli said rubbing my face. "I thought I was going to lose you and I wouldn't know how to deal."

I looked in Eli's eyes, there were dark circles around them and they were puffy from crying. I put my hand on Eli's cheek and starting brushing it with my thumb.

"Eli I'm not leaving you." I cooed

I could see the love for me that Eli has in his eyes and even though we've been dating for three weeks now I was asleep through two of them. I looked around the room again and seen things from everyone.

"KC stopped by." Eli told me

"And?" I asked

"He left you flowers so did Jenna."

"A lot of people stopped by like some kid named Wesley he left a letter, David stopped by as well, and so did some kid named Conner."

"That's sweet of them." I said

"They left balloons and Wesley stuttered a lot." Eli chuckled.

"How's school?" I asked

"…"

I looked over to Eli and seen he was looking at our hands as he rubbed mine.

"Eli!"

"I um haven't been going."

"Why?"

"I didn't want to leave you. My parents understood and left my bag here."

I nodded and tried to face him, but something was stopping me. I let go of Eli's hand and patted my legs they were there, but I couldn't move them. I hit them harder and tears started to fall from my eyes.

"I can't feel my legs." I cried over and over as I started to freak out hitting them repeatedly

"Clare, Clare calm down." Eli soothed as he took my hands in his.

"Eli I can't feel my legs!"

"You have no feeling in your legs past your knees." He said

"So I can feel my thighs?" I asked

"Yes you can."

"What happened?"

"There was nerve damage in your spine that made you lose feeling in both of your shins and your feet."

"How did I get here?"

"Ambulance."

I starred at Eli and gave him a look asking for him to explain.

"I seen Adam when the bell rang, he was waiting outside of my class he told me that you had gone home and your dad took you. I went to my class after that and Adam went to his. Lily asked my teacher if she could speak with me and she asked about you. When I told her your dad got you she told me to get my things and that something wasn't right. When we got to your house you were unconscious on the floor, laying in a small pool of blood, and your dad was no where around. I checked your pulse and it was faint. Lily called the ambulance as I rocked your body and tried to wake you, when the paramedics hooked your heart up to a machine you flat lined." Eli started to cry. "It took them a few times to revive you. When we got here I gave them your dad's information fortunately he answered his cell phone and said you were dead, he's in jail for attempted murder."

I nodded. "So what now?"

"Your mom isn't in a stable home she's been drinking so she's letting you live with us."

"Am I permanently in a wheel chair?" I asked

"We don't know the doctors don't tell you much."

I looked at Eli and he looked at our hands again which are entwined. I managed to turn myself towards him using the bed rail and his hand.

"How come no one else is here?" I asked

"Because it's 1am visiting hours are over."

"But you're here."

"I told them we're engaged and basically told them I'd kill myself if they didn't let me stay." Eli chuckled

I hit him playfully. "Dummy" I muttered

"Excuse me?"

"Now they'll put you on suicide watch." I stated

"Clare, they kind of already did." Eli chuckled holding up a bracelet I frowned "It's ok because you are too."

"Huh?" I asked knowing I'm not suicidal

Eli grabbed my wrists and showed me the cuts I've made while I was with my dad.

"Good Ms. Edwards you're awake. Mr. Goldsworthy now that Ms. Edwards is awake will you kindly come with us?" The nurse said as she entered, Eli dropped my arm

"No I'm not leaving my fiancee." Eli growled

"She's fine."

"I'm not leaving if you make me I'll kill myself!"

Eli started to remind me of a suicidal four year old that was having his favorite toy taken away.

"Ms. Edwards do you mind if he stays?" The nurse asked

"Of course not he is my fiance after all." I answered holding back a giggle.

The nurse nodded. "Mr. Goldsworthy you're still on suicide watch and we'll have another therapist in here tomorrow for both of you to talk to."

I started to laugh really hard after she left. "A therapist?"

"They think we're suicidal." Eli said rolling his eyes

"You do remind me of a suicidal four year old." I giggled.

"Only for you my dear." Eli kissed my forehead "We're just two suicidal teens."

"Who aren't really suicidal." I added knowing I'm not suicidal anymore.

"Therapy tomorrow is going to be fun."

I rolled my eyes thinking about what's to come.

We spent the rest of the night talking Eli told me how he noticed me last year when I was with KC, but too afraid to talk to me. He didn't know my name until we had class together and he was happy we are partners now we also talked about what if Julia was still alive and he told me he'd have to break the promise to her because he wouldn't be able to just be friends with me.

"Eli?" I asked as I rolled onto my back.

"Hmm?"

"Can I have a kiss?" I blushed

"Of course."

Eli's kiss was sweet, gentle, passionate, and full of love. I never experienced a kiss with as much love as this one contained. When we broke apart Eli put his head on my chest and fell asleep. I looked at the time it's now eight am and I closed my eyes allowing my dreams to take over.

Please Review