*** A transistion chapter. Mary's getting better and Raph has some interesting news. Marshall is getting worn out. ***
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo
---Lose Yourself, Eminem
Marshall stayed with Mary through lunchtime, working on his laptop as she had fallen back asleep around 11:30. Of course, Mary didn't get any lunch, but Erin offered to bring him up a bite from the cafeteria as she was headed down to grab her own lunch. Marshall didn't want to eat if Mary couldn't, so declined Erin's offer. He did succumb to the siren song of the yellow jello, however, and surreptitiously enjoyed it while his partner snored slightly.
The OR called for Mary around 1:30, and Erin came in to wake her and assess her quickly as she readied her patient for transport. Mary grumbled about the whole thing, and Marshall could tell she was somewhat apprehensive about the trip back downstairs. They had called her mom and sister earlier, so the two women would be waiting for her when she returned from surgery. Marshall had a meeting through most of the afternoon, so he asked Erin to call him when Mary was back and told his partner he'd visit later in the evening.
Portable monitor at the foot of the bed and IV pumps clamped onto bed poles, Erin and the transport aide unlocked the bed and gave Mary instructions in a tone that mimicked amusement park warnings.
"Please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times as unexpected twists and turns may occur." Erin was smiling in an effort to ease Mary's tension, "They gave me a nursing license, but not a driver's license."
Mary gave her a tight smile and continued to brood. She was just tired of being poked and prodded, and didn't want to have to feel groggy and sore again. Also, the thought of missing more time aggravated her. Marshall tried to reassure her.
"It's a short surgery, Mare, and then you'll be zipped up and really ready to go. You'll be fine."
"Mmmhmm." she grunted, not looking at him.
He grinned evilly, "Do you want a kiss for luck?"
She shot him a sideways glare, "Do you want a fat lip?"
Marshall was just tickled pink that she was back to her normal, abrasive self, and almost risked a kiss on her cheek anyway. She must've sensed it because she shook her fist at him threateningly as they wheeled her out the door and through the unit. Chuckling, he gathered up his things, straightened her things out of anal retentive habit and left to head back to work.
Mary watched the sights of the hospital roll by with interest. Erin and the young transporter wove the bed through the hallways full of people and equipment with practiced ease, and Erin commandeered a staff elevator from some physical therapists to load Mary and her bed in.
"That's one of the perks of working in the ICU," Erin explained to Mary, "my patients take precedence over any others, or other people, on these elevators. Otherwise we could wait for hours."
"Do you like the ICU?" asked Mary as the elevator poked down to the ground floor.
"Love it! Wouldn't work anywhere else…except maybe the ER. I kinda thrive on that adrenaline rush and stress filled environment. I like having to think hard and fast and make quick decisions…and I love the autonomy. The docs know we know our stuff and trust us to call them if we need something."
Mary understood completely, "Yeah, I hear you. My job comes with a lot of split second decisions and adrenaline rushes too…I love it."
"I can tell. Just by the way you talk about it…and the great relationship you have with your partner." The doors opened, and Mary was maneuvered out of the elevator and pointed down another series of hallways. Erin continued her statement.
"My husband is a cop, so I understand that drive you guys have. We see a lot of that…nurses and cops ending up together…must be some common ground there."
Mary chuckled, "Maybe dealing with the slime of humanity is a bonding experience?"
Erin was laughing now, "I'll tell you what, I have seen not only the shallow end of the gene pool, but the dried up gooey mess around the edges. It's like being in an episode of Jerry Springer some days."
"Too bad they don't let you carry a weapon."
"They do." Erin leaned down conspiratorially, "It's called IV Haldol. Used wisely, it can put down a 350lb man in thirty seconds. No messy clean up either."
Mary was laughing too as they rolled into the OR and Erin handed her over to the anesthesiologist with report.
Marshall waited at the elevator, and when the doors opened he was faced with Brandi, Jinx and Raph. The women poured out to give him hugs that he tolerated, and he greeted them and let them know Mary had just gone downstairs. Raph stood to the side, and as the women headed to the waiting room, spoke as Marshall was forced to wait for the next ride.
"Marshall," he began as Mary's partner stared at him warily, "I want to apologize for my behavior earlier. I was out of line and I realize that."
"So far out of line." said Marshall quietly, "She could've injured herself."
Raph looked very uncomfortable and ran his fingers through his hair in his trademark gesture of frustration, "This has been…really eye opening for me." his voice was hesitant as he tried to explain his motivations, "I'm struggling with a lot of things, and realizing there are…how do you say…blocks, between me and Mary."
He looked at Marshall, and the other man just raised an eyebrow in expectation. Marshall wasn't going to make it easy, and just waited for Raph to continue.
"You are one of those blocks, Marshall, and one I now know cannot be moved." Raph shoved his hands into his pockets, feeling a bit like a kid in the principal's office, "My mother called me yesterday. My youngest sister has decided to move to Belize with her husband and my mama is going to be living alone. As the man of the family, I should move back home."
"Raphael, is this story going somewhere?" Marshall was trying to tie the 'blocks' to the 'mama' statement.
Raph sighed, "If Mary and I really had a chance at this marriage working, I would stay here and bring my mother over. But I think that is not going to be the case. You care for her better than I can, and you love her more than I do." He took a deep breath because uttering the truth still angered him, "I am leaving for home in two days and I won't be coming back."
Marshall was stunned. Both by Raph's statement about his care and love for Mary, and by the fact that the man was going to up and leave so quickly.
"I hope you plan on telling Mary this, because you owe her that. You're going to hurt her."
"Really, Marshall, don't you think Mary knows this isn't going to work? She basically told me that this morning."
Marshall considered the statement and understood Raph's position. He couldn't help but hurt for Mary, though. Even if she knew it was coming, she would still view it as a failure on her part and beat herself up over it. Curtly nodding agreement to Raph, Marshall left him with a piece of parting advice as his elevator opened.
"Good luck, Raph. And if you cause any problems in there before you leave, you'll find me on your mother's doorstep to visit you." The doors slid shut on his stony expression.
Raph had no doubt as to the truth of Marshall's threat, and was lost in thought again as he headed to the waiting room to join Mary's family.
Mary was back in her room within an hour and a half, and Jinx and Brandi came in to sit with her and wait for her to wake up. Surgery went well and Mary should be able to get up and move around as soon as she recovered her strength. Now that all her wounds were closed, she would be transferred to the regular medical floor and be able to shower and eat. Her ICU doctors wanted to keep her for one more night to assure themselves she had completely recovered from any ill effects of the pneumonia, so Erin let her family and Marshall know they would transfer her in the morning if there was a room available.
Jinx was flipping through some channels on Mary's TV while Brandi read a magazine.
"Why didn't Raphael come in here with us?" Jinx wondered out loud.
Brandi looked up and snapped her gum, "I don't know. He's been out of sorts since yesterday…even Peter noticed. Maybe he and Mary are fighting again."
Jinx sighed, "I wish Mary would treat him better. He's just so kind and she's always picking at him and snapping at him."
"She picks and snaps at everyone, Mom, not just Chico. She even picks on Marshall…shit, they're like an old, married couple if you ever listen to them."
"But can't she see how hard Raph tries to make her happy? Can't she just try to treat him more nicely?" Jinx put down the remote with a sigh as there was nothing she wanted to watch. She turned to talk directly to her youngest daughter, "It's just like how she treated us after the kidnapping…she pushes him away and always has to have the upper hand. She sees everything as a competition and Mary always has to win."
Brandi looked at her sister's sleeping face, and was struck by their resemblance when Mary's features were relaxed. She understood Mary's need to win.
Mary had once told her, long ago, that when you lose a fight you have to fight twice as hard the next time to regain your position and your dignity, and the longer you remained the top dog, the more dangerous your next opponent would be. They were playing king of the hill on snow mounds in the supermarket parking lot, and Mary was eyeing the next boy heading up the hill. The neighborhood kids were sending the teenage boys up against the twelve year old girl now. Three opponents later, Mary was at the bottom of the hill nursing a black eye and a split lip and grinned all the way home. She and Brandi were back on that hill the next day, and Mary stayed on top until it was dark and all the other kids got called home.
"She has to win, Mom. She has to keep everyone safe. Who else is going to keep away the bullies?" Brandi's voice was soft and her eyes focused far away.
Jinxed huffed and picked up the remote again, "You girls. I just never know when you're going to gang up on me. Fine, just take her side."
Brandi just smiled and smoothed Mary's hair down a bit on one side.
Mary woke a few hours later, and within an hour of being in the same room with Jinx and Brandi, her mood fell into the cellar. Stiltedly thanking her sister and mother for staying after surgery, she urged them to go home and get some rest. "Please, God, make them go home!" she begged internally.
Curiosity got the better of her soon after they left, and she picked at the corner of the dressing on her abdomen until she could peel it back and look underneath. Mary kept glancing at the curtain to make sure Erin wasn't going to catch her, and grunted in satisfaction as the incision was revealed.
Reddened slightly, it was fairly straight except for the little curve around her belly button. There were about a dozen staples running its length and she touched one to see if it would hurt. Slightly tender, but not as bad as she thought it would be. Experimentally, Mary stuck her stomach out slightly, then pulled it back in, making sure none of the staples were going to pop out with movement.
"How's it look?" asked Erin from the doorway, grinning.
Mary jumped and pressed the dressing back down guiltily, "Jesus, you need a bell or something."
"Nah…it's more fun to sneak up on people and watch them pop a stitch." She moved over to Mary's bed, "I was coming in here to look at it anyway."
Mary let her examine the incision, still feeling a little bit like a kid getting caught with her hand in the cookie jar.
"Looks great!" Erin stood up and put her hands on her hips, "So, want to get up and sit in the chair for a while? If you do well, and feel okay, I'll tell Kelly to get that catheter out for you tonight and you can use the real bathroom."
Mary needed no more motivation. Erin got another nurse to help, and they got Mary standing with relative ease. The hardest part was having zero abdominal strength to lever herself into a sitting or standing position. It was painful, but not prohibitively so, and once she balanced for a few minutes, rote muscle use kicked back in and she took the half dozen, small steps to the chair with moderate support. She swore with effort, but finally was sitting up with her legs on the foot rest and feeling fairly proud of herself. Mary smiled, and Erin smiled with her.
"And you doubted me this morning." said her nurse, "Do you want some dinner? I can only offer soup tonight, surgeon's orders, but it's better than ice chips."
"Bring it on!" Mary replied, emboldened by her chair-sitting achievement.
*******
Marshall returned to the ICU by nine p.m., tired from meetings and long days and still thinking about the earlier conversation with Raphael. Mary had texted him about sitting in the chair, so that was a positive note, but he knew he had to get some rest soon or become uncharacteristically cranky.
As he approached Mary's room, Kelly looked up at him from the table she was sitting at with expression of relief on her face.
"Marshall," she drawled, overly sweetly, "So glad you're here. Maybe you can do something with her?"
He grimaced, "Why…what's the problem?"
"Let's just say I'm planning on charting 'pain in the ass' as a valid neuro assessment."
He sighed and rubbed his forehead, not really wanting to into his partner's room now. Kelly continued.
"I had to take away some of her pain medicine…not all of it, she still has the button to push, but she's a little grumpy about that. She wants to transfer to the floor now, instead of tomorrow morning, and she wants real food. I'm working on getting that order for her, but it's low on the doc's priority list. Oh…and we apparently have no DVDs that she cares for, and she wants her catheter out but won't let me take it out." Kelly shrugged and added sarcastically, "Otherwise she's the perfect patient."
Another patient howled and shouted and Kelly rolled her eyes as she got to her feet, "I gotta go take care of that. Please find out what I can do for her that will help, will you?"
Marshall nodded in sympathy and put on his game face as he entered Mary's room.
"It's about time, nitwit. I'm going crazy in here." was his greeting.
He narrowed his eyes at his partner, "You know, I can turn around and leave right now."
"But you won't." She stared at him as he stared back. Something in his stance and eyes made her think he was not in a good mood and she wondered if he really would leave. Recanting before she chased him away, Mary changed her tune.
"Sorry, sorry. I'm glad you're here. Rough evening."
"Rough day…rough week, on my end." Marshall added as he pulled up a chair.
Mary rarely heard Marshall complain, so his statement rang her warning bells and she looked at him closely. He had circles under his eyes and his 5 o'clock shadow made him appear a little more worn than he usually looked at this time of day. She was reminded of pictures of cowboys returning from a hard day of wrangling; dirty, tired and somehow sexy in their weariness. Marshall was out there wrangling her witnesses and her case, taking care of her in here, and Mary realized she owed him some serious gratitude. She hadn't had to ask for anything as he had it for her when she needed it, defended her when she was defenseless and made sure he was supportive and encouraging the whole time. He was being her Cowboy and it made her feel strange…cared for on a deeper level.
"Tell me about it." she offered quietly
He met her eyes with his own and she saw a hint of sadness there.
"What is it?" she leaned forward a bit as she watched him, "There's something wrong. What are you not telling me?"
Taking a deep breath, Marshall tried to reorganize thoughts in his head. He couldn't say anything about Raph so had to tuck that away.
"I had to opt Sandy Nelson out today and it turned into a witch hunt…with me as the witch. She signed all the papers and then turned around to say I mislead her and bribed her to leave the program."
"What the hell would she do that for?"
He rolled his eyes and gave her a suffering look, "Because she's a crazy ass bitch? Who knows. I knew she was a problem after the first week. I think she found a supplier and is back on the crank."
Mary wished she could've been there for him. Been able to back up any evidence he had that discredited his witness.
"What happened?"
He actually smiled then, "She saw it wasn't going her way and jumped onto the table to dive onto the lawyer and try to rip his eyes out."
"No way! Oh God, I can't believe I missed that!" Mary would've paid good money to see that.
"Her claims were pretty much shot to hell after that." He chuckled, then sobered again, "But I still had to slog through all the paperwork and talk to all the people."
Mary cajoled him, "Aw, c'mon, you love paperwork."
Her partner gave a little half smile, but was still brooding so she decided to distract him with a new tactic, "Want to see something cool?"
Instantly wary, Marshall answered slowly, "Oooookay…does it involve bodily fluids in any way?"
"No…but it does involve a good expanse of my skin." wiggling her eyebrows at him suggestively.
Marshall blinked at her a minute while he tried to wrestle hormones and curiosity. Most thoughts that involved expanses of Mary's skin were better to have when he was in private, and he shifted uncomfortably before answering.
"Is the image going to be burned into my retinas to forever haunt me?" he asked.
"You are such an idiot." She huffed, then untucked her gown carefully from the blankets in order to keep herself decent, and pulled down the corner of the dressing to show him her staples.
Marshall couldn't not look, and was fascinated by the handiwork, "Eleanor would be proud of that stapling job."
"Touch it…it feels weird." Mary remained fascinated with her injury.
Marshall wasn't sure it this was a trick and he was going to lose a limb, but figured she was probably slower than usual and he'd be able to escape in time. He reached out a finger and gently felt one or two of the staples, agreeing with her that it felt weird.
"Um…do you two need a moment?" came the voice from the door, and both Marshals jumped in surprise, looking up to see Kelly standing there with a smile on her face.
Marshall sat back quickly and Mary flipped her gown down.
"Dammit, do they give all you people lessons on stealth or something?" Mary snapped. Yet again embarrassed by her nurse.
Marshall blushed, then noticed something, "What happened to you?" he asked Kelly.
The nurse touched her newly split lip gingerly as she replied, "Tweaker who ran from the cops and thought he could fly. Now he's detoxing…always a good time. I zigged when I should've zagged." She turned to get Mary's meds from the drawer as she continued, "At least I didn't get bit."
"Bit?" asked Mary, rather appalled by the nurse's story.
"Yeah. He bit Sarah. Poor thing, now she's worried she's going to get a disease and she's five months pregnant." Heading over to Mary's bed with her pills and some water, Kelly shrugged, "He bought himself four point leathers and a security detail with this stunt, so my job's a lot easier now."
"You still have to take of him?" Mary asked.
"Gotta take care of the crazy ass ones just as well as the not crazy ones."
Mary and Marshall looked at each other in silent communication, suddenly having more empathy with the nurses. They knew about having to take care of crazy ass ones. They chatted with Kelly for a few more minutes and then she left them alone again.
"You're going home tonight, Cowboy." Mary suddenly told Marshall as she studied him again.
He looked at her a minute, then sighed, "Yeah. I knew you were going to banish me and I knew I needed some real sleep."
She smiled at him and offered reassurance, "I'll be fine. Plan on sleeping all night with no interruptions."
"You have your phone. You call me if you need me and I'll come over…okay?" He didn't want to spend the night without her. Was going to miss her.
"I promise I'll call if I need you."
Before she could protest or anticipate his movement, Marshall leaned over and kissed her on the cheek before standing to gather his things and go to the door. Looking back at her, she sat there with a stunned look on her face and her hand on her cheek.
"'Night, Cowgirl…sweet dreams." and he was out the door.
*** He got her! Hope it wasn't too boring...and I tried to redeem Raph a bit. Hey...Raph's leaving...who's excited!!?? Please review as generously as always :) ***