A/N Thanks so much to everyone's continued support and patience. Thanks so much to Closettwilighter1, the best beta in the whole, wide world. Please see the E/N for important info.

BPOV

I could no longer deny that my feelings for Jasper were more than purely platonic. The realization that I was falling in love with the man who had become my best friend and closest ally over the course of the last few weeks hit me like a ton of bricks.

How did this happen? my internal dialogue began. When did my feelings change? How could I have let this happen? He is married for god's sake. You have got to get a grip. You cannot let him know. It will ruin your friendship. He is committed to Alice.

The build of the emotions may have been so slow that I didn't notice, but the intensity of emotion that accompanied the epiphany of their existence was not something I could ignore despite my valiant attempts at tucking those feelings back where they came from—buried deep inside my soul.

I needed a plan. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to devise one. I had to get myself together and speak with Edward before he left. I didn't want the silence between us to go on any longer, especially with him leaving for South America. I knew that what I had to say would be hard for him to hear, but I couldn't put it off any longer.

"Are you sure you want to do this, sweet Bella?" Jasper asked me again, looking at me with eyes filled with concern. "Your emotions are all over the place."

If you only knew . . . .

I looked away to hide the tears threatening to spill. Taking a deep, soothing breath, I turned back to look at the face of the man for whom my feelings were undeniable and gently placed my hand on his cheek.

"I am sure that I can handle this. I would tell you if I couldn't. I need you to take me to him now, please."

My voice sounded more confident than I felt. I was glad that I was still in his arms. They provided me with immeasurable strength. I didn't know how I would have made it through the last two months without his devotion and support.

If only . . . . Stop it, Bella!

Jasper carried me to the back yard where Edward and Alice were huddled under a tree.

"Alice is telling him that you want to speak with him," Jasper said through gritted teeth.

"It will be fine . . . really."

Edward and Alice turned and saw us walking towards them. Edward jumped up and was standing in front of us before my eyes could focus on his moving form.

"Bella . . ." Edward said, gulping in excitement.

"Edward," I said, more curtly than I had intended. Then, I felt a wave of calm wash over me and looked at Jasper and mouthed my thanks. "I would like to speak with Edward in private. By that, I mean that I would like for him to carry me out of earshot from the house . . ."

Jasper's grip on me tightened. "I don't know if that is such a good idea," he said, his eyes locked in a stare with Edward's.

"Jasper, stay the hell out of this!" Edward bellowed, taking a step forward.

Jasper held up his hand to stop Edward, then looked at me and said, "Bella, if you go far enough away from the house for me or anyone else not to hear, then you will . . . be vulnerable . . . to attack." His voice was dripping with concern.

I turned to Alice. "Do you see any harm coming to me or Edward if we go a few miles away?"

Alice looked from Jasper to Edward. Turning to me, she said, "No, you will both be fine . . . physically."

"Thank you. Jasper, please hand me to Edward, then give us some privacy. I don't want what I have to say to be fodder for any family discussions."

Jasper simply nodded, gently placed me in Edward's arms and walked away, shoulders slumped and head down.

"Alice," I began, "I would appreciate it if you could keep anything you see concerning the conversation that Edward and I are about to have to yourself."

"You have my word, Bella."

I bit back a retort detailing just how little her word was worth to me. "Thank you," I said instead.

Alice gave Edward's arm a squeeze and walked towards the house.

"Where would you like to go?" Edward asked sounding more unsure of himself than I had ever heard.

"I don't care, just far enough away that we can talk privately," I said, staring at a tree in the distance.

Several seconds passed before he finally started walking at human pace into the forest. Over the next several minutes, he slowly increased his speed, causing the wind to whip in my hair. It was exhilarating after my weeks of being cooped up in the house.

"Here," he said, placing me gently on a flat rock which served nicely as a bench.

He said nothing more, but waited patiently for me to begin.

"I don't know how to do this, Edward. I guess that is why I put it off for so long. I don't know how to talk to you—after all that we have been and all that I hoped that we would be."

"I am so sorry, Bella," he said before I could continue, looking at me intently. "I decided that you would be safer without us in your life. You were in constant danger with us around, but I see now that I should never have left you. I should have realized that you wouldn't be safe there alone. I don't know how I could have been so stupid."

I had fully intended to be firm, but kind to Edward during the conversation. Any hope of that happening flew right out the window as soon as he opened his mouth. His words, though I had no doubt they were meant kindly, angered me. I snorted in revulsion.

"Let me get this straight, Edward. . . .You leave me after professing your undying love to me, effectively taking my heart out and stomping on it," I continued, waving my arms around like a mad woman. "You force your family—all of whom I loved as my own—to leave, as well, without a word to me. And you are apologizing for leaving me unprotected?

"Do you realize what you put me through? What I put Charlie through?" I asked, the old panic over hurting Charlie returning. "I was damn near committed to a mental hospital, Edward. You left me. You said that you loved me, yet you just walked away. Vanished.

"You broke my heart."

I stopped to catch my breath and looked at Edward's face. He was dumbfounded. He looked crushed.

"I am sorry, Edward. I didn't mean to lose my temper. It's just that . . . I have been angry for a long time. Believe it or not it is better than it was." I looked at him with a raised eyebrow, indicating the sarcasm I intended. "Instead of yelling at you for leaving me, I really should thank you for it instead. You leaving me was actually the best thing for me."

"What . . . How could you think that after what happened?" he asked, the astonishment unmistakable in his voice.

"The incident with Victoria has nothing to do with my feelings about the situation as far as you are concerned," I responded, shifting slightly on the rock and searching for the right words to convey the impact that his leaving had on me after the initial pain wore off. "What your leaving did for me is open my eyes to see things more clearly. We did not love each other the way that two people who are meant to be together forever should.

"Your love was born out of concern and protectiveness, and my love for you was born out of gratitude that someone as intelligent, handsome, and special as you could want to love me. Neither is conducive to a healthy relationship. Your love for me lead you to be smothering and always trying to bend me to your will—so that you could do what was best for me. My love for you was idol worship, but I never thought that I was good enough for you." I paused to let weight of my revelation sink in. "I think that was in large part because you never took the time to accept me for who I am. You were always trying to tell me what I did and did not want. My feelings on the subject—any subject- were irrelevant.

"I never would have had the clarity that comes with distance to see these things if you hadn't left. So . . . thank you."

Edward looked like someone had killed his puppy, a look of immense anguish frozen on his face. He remained unblinkingly still for what seemed like hours, but was probably mere minutes.

Finally, he spoke, so softly that I could barely hear him, asking, "This is what you think of me . . . of us?"

It hurt me to hurt him, but I knew that I had to be honest. It was the only hope I had for us to ever move past this pain and awkwardness and on with our lives. I loved his family and wanted to remain a part of their lives.

I looked up and steeled my resolve. "Yes, it is," I replied firmly, but kindly.

He turned away from me and began to pace back and forth in front of me. Every so often he would open his mouth to say something, then close it again. Finally, he stopped pacing and said, "I knew you were angry and hurt, but I hoped that you would forgive me. When you asked Jasper to suck the venom out, I thought that you had come to see things my way and realized that being a vampire is not as glamorous as you thought. Whatever your reason, I am glad that you have chosen to remain human. That is how it should be."

"Whoa, there, back up the truck. I decided to remain human, because we were no longer going to be together for eternity. Being with you was always my only motivation for wanting you to change me. Once it became clear to me that we were not right for one another, I no longer wanted to be changed.

"And as for the forgiveness . . . there is nothing to forgive, Edward. You are you and I am me. You did what you did because of who you are. You left me to protect me. You didn't stop to think that it would hurt me more than anything else ever could. You would do it again if you thought it was best for me. Even so, I know that you didn't mean to hurt me."

"Is there nothing I can do or say to change your mind?" he pleaded, looking up at me with his eyes as his head hung down with his chin almost on his chest.

"No, I am more certain about this than I have ever been about anything, Edward. You cannot change the essence of who you are," I responded, willing him to see the truth of my words.

"Have you forgiven my family for leaving you? They only did so, because I insisted. They all fought with me over it, especially Alice."

"I have forgiven them," I answered honestly, "but I am still working on letting go of the hurt that their leaving caused. Alice leaving hurt almost as much as you leaving did. It will take me a while, but I will get there."

"What about you and Jasper? The two of you seem awfully cozy," he said snidely.

"That is really none of your business, Edward." I said coldly.

"He is dangerous, Bella. He tried to kill you . . . ."

"No, Edward, you almost killed me. Jasper came to my rescue. If he didn't kill me when he was sucking out Victoria's vampire spit, I don't think he's going to. You just need to accept the fact that we are friends."

"Friends? That may be how you see it, but believe me, Jasper has a different perspective," he said, returning to his frantic pacing.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I said, trying to sound nonchalant. The thought that Jasper had even had a stray thought about me in anything other than friendship made my stomach do flips.

"It means that he has had . . . inappropriate thoughts about you. If you want to know more, you need to ask him. Just promise me you will be careful."

"I'll be careful. Doesn't mean I won't end up breaking my other leg with my lack of coordination. Please be careful on your trip. Regardless of the fact that I don't feel for you what I once did, I still care about you and always will."

"I will always love you, Bella."

"I hope that's not true, Edward. I hope you find happiness with someone else."

"Alice said I would. She just won't tell me how or with whom."

"She knew about this?"

"Yes, I just kept hoping that she was wrong, that I could force the outcome to change. I can see now it is impossible."

"What else did she see?"

"There's more, but she's not telling."

"Not telling? Who the hell does she. . .? I mean don't you think we have a right to know?" He nodded in response. "How has she been keeping you out of her head?"

"She has been translating all of the lyrics to Justin Bieber songs into Cantonese and from Cantonese into Swahili. The worst, though, is when she sings along with him on her iPod. It's driving me frickin' nuts."

He and I both laughed at that. I could only imagine how Justin Bieber would offend the musical sensibilities of an aficionado like Edward.

E/N: I am submitting a fic for the Fics for Nashville. You can read it if you donate to one of several charities helping flood victims in Middle Tennessee. You can find more information here:

www (dot) community (dot) livejournal (dot) com (slash) ficsfornash

Mine is a One Shot called Conflict of Interest with a Jasper and Edward pairing. It is my first attempt at slash. It is very mild in the citrus department though. I hope you will check it out and help some folks out in my hometown. Thanks so much.