I wasn't the only one to arrive at the Watchtower panting and shaking with fear. The tension could be sliced with a knife – we were all repressing whimpers of anguish, knowing fully well the first one to give in to panic would cause everybody else to flee. The half-broken tower's roof was ablaze, and as I sped up inside along two other guards, ready to start showering it with arrows, I smelled Helgen all over again.
I had to be strong. Someone would panic and allow everyone else to do the same, but it would not be me. Below the tower, Irileth and the other guards stood ready to slice the evil thing to pieces. It felt like an eternity before the dragon landed right in front of my window and stared at me. The guards beside me ducked for cover, but I remained frozen, scarcely 3 feet away from its jaws. I lost my aim and simply let the arrow loose, which landed inside its mouth.
The dragon shrieked so loudly that it sent me tumbling backwards. As far as I'm concerned, I fainted right there, and everything afterwards was a collective hallucination I had no part in.
The dragon's shriek had been a dare, I knew it¸ so I ran down the stairs and went to meet it. Fire rained briefly over the tower again, just as I stood behind the dragon ready to meet its challenge.
Alivar had taught me to focus on my internal fire and shoot it from my hand. I could not answer fire with fire, but I could think of Ice. Cold blades, like the one I'd stuck on his back. Cold like Skyrim's crypts and Emilia's hands when they found her mauled body.
"Oy! Dragon! Come kill me! " The dragon turned around and met a blast of ice from my hands. It must've only lasted half a minute, but it was enough to make it pause. Bloodlust took over, so I unsheathed my swords and began to cut all over its throat and neck – where the scales are softer, it seems. I HAD to kill it, to keep cutting, to make sure it died, to prove to Hadvar I didn't need him, to meet the dare. I was so out of my head, I didn't notice the dragon had stopped moving, and thought it was still attacking me when it really was setting itself ablaze.
The feeling I had when I stared at its empty skeleton was… like the strongest, most violent orgasm of my life. Then the lights emerged from it and surrounded me, and I stopped caring about all the witnesses thinking I was craven – I cried. I didn't weep quietly, the way nice girls do when they miss someone: I shrieked and threw a tantrum, rocking myself on the ground and trying to tear my own hair out. Something inside my chest was trying to kill me, or everyone else, and I had to kill something that was inside me.
Next thing I noticed, Irileth's holding me down while a guard was throwing water or potions or ale on my armour. They helped me up and began staring at me, with a mix of awe and fear.
"I can't believe it! You are Dragonborn!" said one of the guards.
"What's that?"
"In the oldest tales, back when there were still dragons in Skyrim, the Dragonborn would slay dragons and steal their power… like you just did"
Was he mocking me? Or was this a real nord superstition?
"What are you talking about? I'd never heard of that tale" pitched in another guard.
"How come you've never heard of it? Talos, I mean, Tiber Septim, he was Dragonborn too" Ok, now they're arguing about their legend? I felt too angry to deal with this.
"But how can she be Dragonborn? She's not even from here." Wait, someone else saying I can't do something?
"What is it to you what I am? FUS !" I didn't even realize I had roared – just like the dragon had, really – but at least they fell quiet. I also seemed to have confirmed their suspicion, so they went back to staring at me. My anger was suddenly replaced by a strong desire to fly away. Irileth was just breaking the silence when the skies went dark and a thunderous chant was heard. ( DOVAAKIN ? Was that what it said?).
The sky talking to me, that was the last straw. I quickly put away my swords, and began running east. I think at first I truly meant to go report to the Jarl, or at least to Farengar. I vaguely remembered Farkas, waiting for me at Dragonsreach gates. I thought of Aela's smirk of disbelief if I came back to Jorrvaskr saying I had been held up by a dragon. My feet decided not to turn north at the stables and by the time I was crossing Pellagia Farm, I knew I was headed for Riverwood.
I'd lost track of the date, time, and my appearance when I banged on Alvor's window.
"Sira! What are you doing here at this hour?" Was it late, then? I could see it was dark. "Are you allright? You look… a lot like the first time we saw you."
"Is Hadvar still here? I need to see him."
"Yes, he's downstairs, but he's sleeping already. He has to leave rather early tomorrow. Maybe you want to wash up and sleep too?"
"No. I must speak to Hadvar. I'm sorry. It's urgent." I knew I was being rude and making no sense, but I was past caring. Clearly I was also being loud, because right then Hadvar appeared, looking startled. I ran to hug him.
"What's wrong, my girl? What happened to you?"
My girl didn't sound like rejection. The gamble was on.
"Come with me." I took his hand and led him outside, up the river, until I was sure there were no humans around. He followed me quietly, with only the occasional wince of pain. As soon as I found an appropriately secluded spot, I pushed him against a tree, jumped at his lips and wrapped my arms around his neck.
"Woah, Sira, wait. What's gotten into you?" He said, gently holding my face.
"You said you wanted a tomorrow. I'll give you tomorrow and the day after that, and anything else you want, but you ought to give me a now first. Do you understand?"
"Does that mean you're coming to Solitude with me? Truly?"
Ugh, why couldn't he understand ?
"I'll go anywhere with you, alright? As long as it's far away from here."
I was done talking, so I resumed the kissing. The height difference seemed much smaller, all of a sudden, giving me easy reach to nibble his ears. He responded this time, nervously at first, but after just a few seconds, his hands found a comfortable spot around my hips. He began fumbling with my armour's back straps, seeking to loosen them. Fortunately for me, he was wearing rather plain clothes. His shirt was not even in the way, and his trousers fell almost of their own accord while I moved my lips down his jawline, brushing my teeth against his collarbone.
It was all too clear he was enjoying it. He could not dare reject me now. The dragon would blast him to pieces if he tried.
Meanwhile, my leather cuirass was lying on the grass, and his hands were eagerly exploring under my tunic. I was ready to throw him on the ground, but I remembered there was something wrong with his leg, so instead I began pulling him down by the hips. He got the message, and got slowly on his knees while trying to push me down by the elbows.
Something was wrong with my right arm, clearly, because I winced loudly when his fingers pressed on it. He tried apologizing, but I stifled his sweet sorries with deeper kisses and tried to push him against the grass.
"No, girl, wait. You're hurt! Why are you hurt?"
"It's fine, it's nothing."
Moonlight wasn't enough for him to notice my cuts from the Cairn and the blood all over my tunic. I pushed him back, sat on top of him, and began working his chest. I felt his erection throbbing, moist tip and all, against the lower edges of my stomach. He caressed my thighs and shuddered in pleasure while I nibbled on his nipples.
"You have the most beautiful arms I've ever seen in a man." I whispered, just as his hands began to migrate from my outer thighs to my crotch.
He gave me a tense grin, just as he shifted himself up just enough to enter me easily. I could tell from the way his chest thumped under me that we had little time left. Rejection or not, he'd been wishing for this as much as I had.
And I had no intention of delaying any longer. It was useless, despite our misplaced elbows, my brusque teeth, or his grunts. I kept thrusting, and he seemed happy enough to let me control the situation.
As he came, his eyes went round, making him look borderline scared. Or maybe he could hear the enormous wing flapping inside me? I barely acknowledged his climax, and kept rocking him until my sweet spot was finally rubbed. After my own pleasure was over, I collapsed on top of him.
At last, it was over. I was no longer rejected. I'd won.
And he cradled me. He turned towards me and held me and gave me a delicate, tender peck on the tip of my nose.
"My sweet lady. You are amazing"
You gotta be fucking kidding me. He still thinks me sweet? Was this romantic for him?
I didn't have enough breath to reply, so we just lied on the grass, legs still entangled, his breath tickling my neck, for what seemed like an eternity. His scent and his warmth seemed to numb the roaring monster within me, who seemed ready for a nap at last. Or was I the one falling asleep?
Was I the monster?
"I'm so glad you're coming with me, Sira. I couldn't sleep just thinking about everything that could happen to you, fending for yourself in Whiterun."
What?
"You don't think I could?"
"No, that's not what I meant… I'd rather keep you by my side, that's all."
"Greedy, aren't we?" I smirked.
"I can't help it. You're just so wild ..." He took a deep breath, inhaling my hair. Something jerked inside him, and he slid away from me.
"Sira, why do you smell like Helgen?" If he had sounded sappy three seconds ago, his voice now trembled.
"Oh, there was a dragon attack at the Western Watchtower."
He jumped back to his feet.
"What?! And you're telling me now?" He quickly grabbed his clothes and splashed some water to his face. "But what happened to the city? Get up! We must raise the alarm! We'll have to evacuate Riverwood, Sira!" He threw my tunic and armour at me. "How could you not tell my uncle immediately?"
I threw my arms in the air and groaned, before slowly getting up and covering myself.
"Sira! We must…"
"We must do nothing, Hadvar. It's fine. Calm down."
"But these dragons…"
"The dragon is gone. Come here, baby."
I held him and pushed his head towards my chest, trying to come up with an orderly story. An arrow flew by from the other side of the river and stuck itself on a nearby tree, at a visible (but safe) distance from us.
Hadvar immediately pushed himself in front of me and raised his fists. I recognised the arrow's black fletching as one of Aela's practice arrows and grabbed his arm, slightly annoyed at his protective gesture. I had just killed a dragon, after all – and if Aela had wanted him dead, his fist would be useless.
"It's fine. Nobody's attacking." I told him. Aela's silhouette appeared from the other side of the river, and jumped over to us with three well placed strides.
"Hate to interrupt a passionate couple, but I need to escort my Shield-Sister towards a big platter of boiled cream tarts" Hearing her call me that stung, and she knew it.
"How did you find me?"
"They call me The Huntress for a reason. And let's face it, the rumour trail you've left behind was very easy to track." Suddenly, her usual smile turned serious. "What's this about Solitude I hear?"
Nice way to let me know how long you've been eavesdropping, eh?
"I… The guards wouldn't leave me alone! They kept going about ancient legends, asking me to shout… I just had to fly away. So I'm leaving."
"So you're running, then? You're taking off to Solitude with some farmboy and leaving your new Shield-Siblings behind, then?"
"Farmboy? I'm a member of the Imperial Legion!" I didn't really care for Hadvar's defense of his own strength.
"Aela, you don't understand! The smell of charred flesh, the smoke, the corpses… Maybe I lost myself in them? And everyone kept talking about some Dragonborn, but the dragon was inside me, but it was dead – only it was also trying to kill me. I can't describe..." I began.
"You're right. I don't understand how bad it was, because I wasn't there to fight that dragon. But you did, Sira. And you killed it!" She took a deep breath, trying to make herself sound more reassuring.
"I do know bloodlust, and I remember my first major battle – so I know what it's like to come back from it feeling like there's not enough life to grasp around you. It's scary to find yourself so fearsome, but you're fearsome and can handle it. Just stay."
"And what should I do about that Dragonborn business?"
"Well, that, I don't know. Is it true, though? Did you really eat the dragon's soul and began shouting in their language?"
"Eating is very descriptive word, but… yes. Something off the dragon came inside me, and I… may have shouted. Who told you?"
"Oh, never underestimate the guards' fondness for gossip. By the time Farkas arrived with news that he'd seen you being led outside by Irileth and a group of soldiers, Skjor had already heard news of the dragon by one of the palace guards. We thought it was just a rumour or a Stormcloak trap, so we began getting ready for battle, but then we saw the fire and the Greybeards call. As I left, word was that you'll be made Thane and sent over to High Hrothgar." Greybeards? The chanting from the sky? Confusing enough that I didn't notice Hadvar's hand had slipped out from around my waist. He had taken a step away from me.
"Are you two mad? Is this a joke?" he asked.
"Do I look like I'm bloody joking?" I replied, with the angry dragon thumping once again.
"You said there was a dragon attack. You didn't say you killed it and then began shouting… Do you realise what this means? Shouting is how Ulfric killed the High King!"
"And I'll shout you to death as well if you don't quit looking at me like I'm some monster!"
"What!?" He took another stepped back, scared. For Oblivion's sake, I was surprised at the death threat I had just uttered. That wasn't me.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I am not a monster."
Gods, please make sure he doesn't think me one.
"Of course, my sweet Imperial. Not a monster, no. It's just a lot to process." He tried bringing himself closer, but this time I jerked him away. I rolled my eyes.
"Really? I had no idea!"
"Oh, my sweet, sweet girl. I'm really sorry. I'll make it up to you. We'll go to Solitude tomorrow, we'll start over, OK?" He was delicately holding my hand as if it were made from glass, his voice sweeter than honey. "Or if you'd rather be sure… we can go to Riften first, and then make for Castle Dour." Aela's smirk grew to epic proportions. She seemed to be about to burst with laughter.
"Stop that, Aela. He's no farmboy, he's a soldier. I don't want to be baby whelp anymore, ok?"
"So we're going home then, dragon whelp?"
"Sure, may as well, before fatigue really sinks in." I turned to Hadvar and gave him a quick kiss in the lips. "I'll see you up there in a month or two, maybe. Don't be bored on my account." Suddenly stone-faced, he barely reacted. I dusted myself off and headed down the road by Aela's side. Dawn seemed to be approaching, and I found I couldn't walk very quickly anymore. Furthermore, Aela kept giving me odd side glances.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"I'm trying to decide whether you're the most heartless woman in the Hold, or if you really are such a naïve Imperial."
"What are you talking about?"
"Have you ever been to Riften?"
"No. Never. Why? Is that near High Hrothor and the Grey men?"
" It's Hrothgar , and not really. So you have no idea what's in there?"
"The Thieves Guild, right?"
"Yes. The Thieves Guild. Among others. It's supposed to be quite the fascinating city."
"Aela?"
"Hmph?"
"I'm not monster, right? Because there's a monster in my chest, and it wants to kill us all. Am I monster?"
"No, you're the bloody hero of a lot of legends. Just put a helmet on once we approach the city."