Chapter 10

Kaname watched Yuki's form disappear down the path and exit through the gate to the Sun Dorm. When he was sure she was gone he turned to Zero, who was breathing heavily and obviously struggling to control an attack of thirst. Idiot. If he had just taken some of the blood tablets that Cross had given him then none of this would be happening. As it was he was a danger to anyone who got too close, his unfettered hunger too powerful for him to control. "Kiryu, get up." He ordered evenly.

"Leave me alone!" Zero retorted, shaking his head as if to rid himself of the pureblood's presence.

"I warned you that you would not be permitted to hurt anyone here."

Zero's anger was sparked, as it typically was anytime Kaname was around. He jumped to his feet and withdrew his hands from his face, revealing eyes that glowed red and the elongated fangs peeking out past his lips. "I didn't hurt anyone!"

"You would have bitten Yuki if I had not intervened. I knew as soon as her blood had been spilled that you would not be able to resist it, but I'd hoped that you were smart enough to use the blood tablets that Cross gave you. Clearly you haven't taken them or we wouldn't be here now. I came back because you failed to maintain control over yourself. I will not allow any harm to come to her."

Zero burned with embarrassment and fury. "I didn't touch her and I wasn't going to."

Kaname arched an eyebrow. "Oh, really? Then calm yourself, Kiryu. Prove to me that you are in control of your bloodlust. Go ahead, I'll wait." The taller vampire crossed his arms, tapping a finger as he waited for Zero to demonstrate.

Zero was reeling with hunger, but his hatred of the vampire before him was also powerful. He sucked in a breath and exhaled slowly, focusing on making his fangs retract. It took an absurd effort to gain even the slightest purchase, but he felt his eyes clearing a little, the red glow dying down marginally. His fangs withdrew a tiny bit. He could still hear Kaname's heartbeat loud and clear, but he attempted not to listen to it. The pureblood seemed surprised that he was able to make the small progress that he did.

"Better than I expected, but still not passable as human. It's a start, however. I know Cross gave you some blood tablets, why haven't you taken them? They will help a great deal."

The small praise was not anticipated and it made the hunter quite uncomfortable. He felt vulnerable here – he had none of the cards in this game. He hated the thing before him, but Kuran knew a lot more about this than he did, and if he was going to be of some help Zero could not refuse it. He didn't want to go around barely in control of himself, on the verge of attacking everyone around him at the slightest smell of blood. For his own sake he forced himself not to lash out angrily.

"I did try the tablets," he muttered.

"Yet you are still unsatisfied? Perhaps you have less time than I thought before you become a Level E. They should satiate you for at least the day, usually longer."

Zero didn't want to talk about this. So much about his life made him hate himself, and this detail was no less unpleasant. He didn't want this all-powerful vampire to know that he was so weak he couldn't handle taking some pills without trouble. "They just made me puke. A lot." The hunter could not bring himself to look at the pureblood. He stared at the ground, feeling ashamed. He could sense Kaname's eyes on him.

"That's not supposed to happen, but some vampires do reject the tablets. It means that you cannot use them. You can only subsist on real blood." As he watched the hunter absorb that information Kaname was starting to see something in Zero that he hadn't noticed before. Through all the anger and defensive walls that Kiryu put up, he seemed very fragile. Like he had been fighting himself for so long and was growing weary of it. Even as he noted this the lavender eyes hardened once more.

"I will not, I can't do that. I can't drink from a human. I'm not a monster." Zero's face twisted in disgust at the thought.

"You must drink blood, or you will lose yourself completely, Kiryu. Those of us who are born as vampires have a high tolerance for thirst and even starvation, and can maintain normalcy for a long time without blood. Unfortunately, due to your ex-human status, you are not afforded the same luxury. You must drink regularly now that your vampire nature has been fully awakened, or you will go mad."

The conversation was beginning to scare Zero. He didn't like where it was going. He couldn't see any future for himself anymore. His goal of becoming a powerful vampire hunter was shrinking away into a tiny dot on the horizon and, like a mirage, its closeness had been an illusion all along. He had hoped that Cross would help him continue his hunter training. Now that idea was being firmly crushed beneath the weight of the truth; he wouldn't make it long enough to meet that goal. The only option he saw was to prevent himself from hurting anyone else.

"I-I can't. I despise you, and all vampires. You will have to kill me."

Kaname felt a little nip of sadness at the seemingly broken spirit that had been so fiery before now. He didn't want to kill Zero, though he recognized that it was the most logical choice. He had been so intrigued by the bloodied boy when he first discovered him. He wasn't ready to let that go just yet. He could not deny that there was something within him that was inexplicably drawn to Zero. Within him was a part that wanted to dominate and own him, and now, a new part that wanted to protect him from his self-loathing and descent to madness. He knew that the idea of vampires quickly sent the hunter from calm to raging. He was very tempted to just poke at him and incite a reaction, but that was not helpful in keeping Zero from losing it. When that had become his goal he wasn't sure, but there was something tragic about being turned and then abandoned to figure it out for himself. It gave him little chance of success, but he had made it all this time without any help at all. There was no evidence that he had been out feeding on people, Zero had quite obviously starved himself most of the time. Kaname was starting to see that if he didn't extend some sort of olive branch to Zero then he would remain closed to the possibility of a normal life. That seemed unnecessary. He gently put a hand on his shoulder, expecting him to squirm away from the touch, but he didn't move.

"Zero. I am not going to kill you as long as you are still yourself. And you still are. Experiencing vampire instincts and desires is now a part of you, just as your humanity governs other parts of you. You are not the same as you once were, whether you like that or not. You are a vampire now, and with the physical changes to your body and diet, there are also changes to your mind. It doesn't make you someone else, or erase your original self. It can make things more… intense. Enhance your moods, emotions and reactions just as it enhances your senses and strength. But it does not mean that you are a beast. You are wrong about vampires, we are not monsters, though we are predators. The reason that humans who become vampires turn to Level E is not only physical, there is also a psychological component. You must learn to accept and use what you have been given or it will consume you and you will quickly fall to Level E."

Zero was stunned to silence. He was definitely not expecting Kuran to give him such a speech, and he had no idea how to process it. He swallowed, shrugging out from the hand that was on his shoulder. He didn't want to be touched right now. He was using all his energy on thinking and touch was distracting in any form. He was still battling with himself, but it was a fraction more manageable without the temptation of blood right under his nose.

Kaname continued, "I don't know many details of how your situation arose, but I do know a few things about the night you were bitten. I know your parents were killed by Shizuka Hio, and that she bit you. By the scar, it is evident that she wasn't gentle about it. What transpired after that night is something only you know, but I can assume you were not taught anything about what was happening to you. Your training as a hunter would have at least given you an understanding of what was going on, but to experience that alone – without guidance from the vampire who made you this way – is very unpleasant. Typically, a human is only changed to be an obedient slave in which case they rarely get to drink the blood of their master, and quickly become Level E. However, there are some who are turned to be servants, companions, and occasionally a pureblood will turn a human whom they love, because it is unbearable to watch them grow old and die. In these cases the ex-human will drink from their creator and the transformation to Level E is no longer a possibility. Unfortunately, there is also an element of their mind that becomes unable to deny their master anything, so it is not very popular to change a human for this reason. My point is that what happened to you is unusual, cruel, and abhorrent. You have received no guidance or teaching from your creator, and do not know how to survive as a vampire. You have also not been given the blood that would keep you from eventually losing your humanity. Most of our kind would agree that the only course of action is to end your life and your suffering."

"So you are going to kill me then," Zero stated, crossing his arms and giving Kaname a skeptical look. This was by far the most he had ever heard the normally quiet man say. How frustrating that it was all useless to him.

"I will if I have to, but at the moment I would rather not. You have a very strong will to live, or you would have gone mad a few years ago. You're… interesting."

Zero frowned at that, the anger that had only just abated blooming once more. "I'm not some science experiment for you to play with! I thought for just a second that you were going to give me something useful, but I should have known better. I'll deal with this myself. I don't need your help after all."

The hunter moved around the taller pureblood and down the path to go back to the headmaster's house, but Kaname's quiet words stopped him.

"I can help you control it."

Zero was torn. He very much wanted to get away from the powerful aura that rolled off of the pureblood, but he found himself unable, or perhaps unwilling to continue walking away. Nobody had ever offered him such a thing, and he could not bring himself to refuse, no matter how much he loathed the creature behind him. Very slowly he turned and came a few paces closer to Kaname. He saw only sincerity in the intelligent, serious eyes. Silence stretched between them.

"I can teach you to control your urges Kiryu, but you will have to accept yourself as you are, and make an effort to understand your nature, or it is hopeless. I said before that vampires are predators. Within you is a potential for violence, a desire to hunt and capture prey. That is something which you must accept in order to maintain control. You will need to explore it and familiarize yourself with it in order to do this. Your body has already changed, but you have yet to really become a vampire. If you want my help, then you must agree to step outside of your comfort zone. That also means extending some trust towards me." Kaname gestured to himself by placing a palm on his own chest. He knew he was asking a lot.

Lilac eyes bored into auburn, as if searching for sincerity. Kaname held Zero's gaze, unwavering.

"I don't want to hurt anyone." Zero said finally, although it wasn't really an answer. He wanted to know what he was agreeing to before he ended up forced to forfeit his values by accident.

Kaname considered his response. He was trying to be as diplomatic as he possibly could, but he needed Zero to agree to his offer, for his own sake. "I believe you already have. When I found you, you were covered in human blood. It is unlikely that you came into contact with that much blood by accident. Can you tell me what happened?" he tried to be as unthreatening as he could, offering only an attentive look to show he was ready to listen.

"I," Zero began, but the words died in his throat. He had never spoken of anything that had happened in the House, least of all the culminating moment of that life before his escape. He was talking to his sworn enemy, whom he loathed. Kaname seemed like he was being friendly, but it had to be some sort of game. A trap designed to lull him into a false sense of security. How could he admit his greatest shame to this beast? And if he didn't, how could he ever hope to give Kaname's offer an actual shot? "I… can try," he said after a long pause during which he warred with himself.

"Good." Kaname started to walk away, towards the school.

Zero frowned. "Where are you going?"

"We have been standing here for some time now, I would find it more comfortable to get off of this path and walk a bit. There is a spot further up where you can hop down and walk along the edge of the lake, or amongst the trees. That way we can be certain that none of the other Night Class members will overhear what we discuss."

Zero was naturally suspicious of being led off, but he surmised that if Kaname was going to harm him, he could do it anywhere. He thought it would be nice to move his legs, so he followed the pureblood to the place he had described. He easily hopped the short distance from the interlocking brick path to the grass below. It was immediately cooler and darker, and Zero could more easily smell the earth and the nearby water. He enjoyed the sound of crickets that he hadn't been aware of before. The last vestiges of bloodlust that had been nagging at him dissipated with this change in scenery, bringing some much-needed relief.

He looked at Kaname's back a few paces ahead of him. The pureblood moved with an inhuman grace and poise. He exuded confidence, but he always had a quiet calm about him that Zero didn't understand. He thought it must be the result of being the most powerful thing for many miles in every direction. Kaname was confident and fearless. He wondered what it felt like to be in control of one's own life and body. He could hardly imagine it. In fact, when he even thought of it he quickly remembered some of the less pleasant things done to him in the House, and felt anger surging at his helplessness. It was the most frustrating thing about his life as a whole. He was helpless. Events and situations were being constantly inflicted on him and he had little or no choice in his own path.

Until now. Now there was something new. He was here at Cross Academy. He wasn't a prisoner, although he doubted they would let him just run off unaccounted for. Somebody noticed what happened to him now, and there were people, like the headmaster, and Yuki, who actually seemed to like him. Perhaps they were even his friends. That was an encouraging feeling. In addition to those good things, Kaname had given him a sliver of hope that he could overcome the urges that had plagued him for so long; but in order to do it he would have to bend his own rules. It seemed like one of those circumstances that was imposed on him without his choice, only it was supposed to help him. It was also the only viable option aside from death.

The pureblood settled into a slow stroll, and Zero moved into step beside him. He was aware of all kinds of little nighttime creatures scurrying and flying close by. There was also the sound of the lake lapping leisurely at the shore, and the rustling of grass and trees on the breeze. All of these things served to calm Zero, so when Kaname finally spoke he felt a little less difficulty responding.

"You were going to tell me what happened."

Zero sighed. It still wasn't easy. "I killed someone."

"That much was already evident. Why did you kill them?"

A pang of guilt ran through him as he replayed the memory of tearing out Higashi's throat with his teeth. More than that, more than the panic to escape alive, was the sick satisfaction that it had given him to actually do it. He felt only disgust at that realization. "I lost control," Zero replied. "He was going to kill me and I reacted."

"Is that who shot you?"

"Yes, he hit me twice, and kept shooting. It happened so fast, he was dead in seconds."

"How did you do it?"

"What?" the hunter gave Kaname a startled look. "Why does that matter?"

"Humour me. I want to know what you are capable of." Kaname knew he was pushing things, but that was the whole point. Zero would never accept future lessons if he wasn't able to discuss what he'd already done.

"I ripped out his throat with my teeth. The blood sprayed everywhere, it covered everything. After that I took the keys from him and got the fuck out of there, but I was shot. I only had once chance to get free." Zero had not intended to say so much, he hoped there wouldn't be any more questions. What did those details matter, anyway? The fact was he had committed a terrible act.

Kaname arched an eyebrow. "So you were held by force? Trapped against your will?"

Zero's eyes darkened considerably and his face became stony once more. "That's not your business Kuran. I tore the man's throat out. I murdered him. It's unforgiveable and inhuman."

Getting the message that certain topics were off-limits, Kaname considered his next words. "Humans murder one another all the time, although I cannot judge whether it is forgivable or not. What matters here is that you acted out of necessity, desperation. You were backed into a corner and you fought to gain freedom. Now you have it, and you mustn't lament the methods which you employed to get here. You cannot change your actions, so it would be best to learn not to repeat the less favourable ones." Kaname ran a hand through his hair, pushing the strands from his face. He looked at Zero beside him. "Did you enjoy killing him? Did you feed on his blood?"

Zero felt awkward discussing this, it was like being touched in an unpleasant way to even think about it. "I drank his blood, then he shot me, then I killed him and escaped. I didn't do it because I enjoyed it, I did it because it was the only way."

"Ah, but I didn't ask you why you did it, I asked you if you enjoyed it. What did it feel like to rip out his throat, to take his life?"

"I don't know, why are you so insistent on this point? You want to hear about it in detail for your own pleasure? Does it get you going to know that I did something like that?" The accusing violet glare pierced Kaname through and through, but it did not elicit any sort of retort. He remained focused.

"Not at all, I want to draw light to this because you are obviously very uncomfortable with it. I said you would need to confront your new instincts and urges, didn't I?"

"You didn't tell me I would have to talk about the worst thing I've ever done! This is stupid, I don't want to relive this shit." Zero couldn't talk about this anymore. He turned to leave, but Kaname caught his arm in a firm grip that he couldn't wiggle free from. He yanked at his arm, trying to get it out of the strong hand. "Let go!"

"No." The level stare from the more powerful vampire was inescapable. Zero felt a twinge of panic at being trapped and struggled harder, nearly dislocating his own shoulder. The grip on his arm remained firm. "Don't struggle. You cannot hope to move me, Kiryu."

Zero tried to think of a way to escape, but nothing he tried yielded any result, not even stomping on Kaname's foot. He just stared at him coldly, unmoving. The fear sent adrenaline coursing through Zero's veins. His heart thundered in his ears. He struck at Kaname, trying to hit his eyes, anything to get free. Any blow that landed seemed not to matter, he never even flinched. A cold feeling of dread began to overtake Zero, his mind snapping back to the many rapes he had endured while tied down, not given a choice. He thought of the beatings, of being hit until he was bleeding and bruised. He realized that he once more had no choice about what happened to him. All he could do was retreat inside in attempt to preserve himself in the face of whatever would come next. As he slumped down, he felt Kaname's grip loosening. He barely registered it.

Kaname saw the war going on in Zero's eyes, and let it play out until the boy accepted that he could not win and stopped fighting. He then released his hold on Zero's arm, giving him a moment to collect himself. He knew he had scared him badly.

"It is not my intention to trap you or to hurt you, but we need to finish our conversation. Are you alright?" His voice was tinged with genuine concern.

"I'm fine," came the clipped reply, almost a whisper. Zero's eyes were distant. Kaname wondered if he had gone too far. Maybe Zero was more fragile than he had anticipated? He felt guilty for trapping the disturbed young man and stepped back a little to give him space. Zero stood back up hesitantly, rubbing his arm. He glared at Kaname. "If you are trying to get me to trust you you're doing a crappy job."

"My apologies, Kiryu." Kaname said finally. He moved off the path through the grass, towards the shore. He picked up a little stone and easily skipped it across the water's surface. The stars were out now, and a half moon bathed everything in a soft white glow. "I want you to explain how it felt to feed and kill because it is something natural to our kind. Human death is an inevitability if you have no guidance. The thirst for blood is very powerful, especially if it is new to you. It can drive you to do things that are not normally in your nature. Bloodlust is exactly that, lust. It is carnal. It is intimately connected to your body, and can yield heightened urges for violence. Sexuality is often involved, and emotional response. You were never prepared for this onslaught of intensity, so preventing it or stopping it would have been very difficult.

Zero was listening very carefully now. The things Kaname was describing fit what had been happening to him perfectly. He recalled the way he had responded to being fondled by the bald senator back in the House. The smell of blood had been overpowering. It'd made him almost enjoy being touched by that man, he had been moaning and panting in his grasp and salivating for a taste of blood. It was disgusting and Zero never wanted to feel that way again, but even the memory sparked a physical response. "How do I stop it?" he asked, trying to drive the thoughts from his mind. He hoped the solution was realistically possible and not something crazy.

"First tell me what it felt like," Kaname countered. He needed Zero to admit what he already knew.

Zero clenched his hands into fists at his side, his jaw working hard. "I didn't feel anything when I killed him, I was trying to stay alive. Afterward I felt disgusted, and I still do."

Kaname paused skipping stones to study Zero closely. "Then what did it feel like to drink his blood, tell me that."

Zero wished he could just get past this damn question. Obviously when Kuran wanted something he got it. "It was good, okay? It felt good. I… liked it." His whole face burned red. He whipped a stone at the water. "It's sick. The reactions… how do I stop them?"

"As I said before, you must accept it, and also feed regularly. You don't have to kill anybody to do this. It would be easiest to develop some human or vampire contacts who will allow you to drink from them. Kaien Cross is an example of someone like that. I know that he gave you his blood to assist you in healing when you first came to the school. He would likely allow you to drink from him again. However, there will not always be a willing donor to help you. Fortunately you can also hunt and take what you need. I am going to teach you to do that." Kaname knew Zero wasn't going to like that part, and was prepared for his reaction.

"That's disgusting." The hunter had a revolted look on his face and he was shaking his head. "I'm not going to hunt people."

Kaname allowed an amused smile to touch his lips. He skipped another stone across the water. "I never said we would hunt humans. There are plenty of Level E vampires around if you know where to look. I had expected that you would be eager to take down a few real monsters."

That sounded like a challenge Zero could accept. As long as he didn't think about what happened when he caught a Level E, the idea of hunting them seemed acceptable. He couldn't believe that he was agreeing to something like this. He picked up a flat stone, whipping it at the lake and watched as it skipped almost twenty times before sinking into the water.

"I'll do it."

Kaname was satisfied by this. He watched the change in Zero, a little confidence showing through all the insecurity and self-loathing. It looked good on him. He only hoped that when it came down to capturing and killing, Zero could actually do what he had to in order to survive.