Part 10
The dining room of the Loud House was bustling with excitement. Lincoln's Super Hot and Spicy Pepper Eating Contest was, as Luan would say, really heating up. Round one had already ended and the contestants were all fairing well so far in round two. Not one of them had so much as glanced at the glasses of milk sitting on the table. Although it wasn't that surprising, considering the first set of peppers were on the milder side. But it was getting a bit tempting for one of the contestants.
Rusty huffed and puffed, panting like a tired dog as the heat flooded though his body. He had just rolled the die and it had landed on 5. This would be the third time in a row where he had gotten a high number. The redhead had gotten a few low rolls at the start of the first round, but then came that 6 which had tested his mettle. If things kept going like this, his taste buds might explode.
It was just a good thing these weren't the same peppers used to make hot sauce, or he'd be in real trouble. Thanks to his allergy, he hadn't eaten spicy food very often in his life. But still, this was a lot tougher than he had imagined. He was surprised that no one had dropped out yet, himself included.
"You can do this." Rusty thought to himself, popping the next pepper into his mouth. "You've made it this far. Just need to keep toughing it out!"
His eyes began to water almost instantly as the intense flavor flooded his mouth and burned his nasal cavity. That milk was really starting to seem good about now. But he wasn't going to give in, not with that impressive trophy Lincoln had for the winner. The ladies were into winners, and he was going to be the winner. He just had to outlast the competition. They had to be having as much trouble as he was at this point.
"Alright Haiku." Lincoln said. "You're up next."
Sniffling wetly as the spicy peppers made her nose run like a river, Haiku reached for the die and rolled it. It landed on a 4.
"That's four peppers for you." Lincoln said, placing the jar in front of her.
Using a pair of barbecue tongs, Lincoln pulled four peppers out of the jar and handed them to Haiku. Rusty's eyes nearly bugged out of his head when he saw this spooky looking young lady with a pasty complexion wolf down her peppers with no hesitation. Sweat began to gather on her forehead, and mucus poured form her nostrils like a waterfall, but the look on her face reamined unchanged.
Lincoln tossed the die to his grandfather. "Now it's your turn, Pop-Pop."
Albert grinned as he shook the die in his palm. "C'mon baby!" he said. "Daddy needs a new pair of shoes!"
He rolled the die, and it landed on a 6. Lincoln pulled six peppers out of the jar and handed them to him. Albert tossed each pepper in the air one at a time and caught them in his mouth with ease. Lincoln waited until the display was over wtih before he held up the jar for all to see.
"Looks like the second jar is empty." Lincoln said. "Which means Round 2 is over!"
The crowd cheered as Lincoln went to get the next jar of peppers. Albert looked over at his grandson as he passed by and reached out to tap him on the shoulder.
"Hey Lincoln." he said. "If you're not going to do anything with that jar of pepper juice..."
"Go ahead." Lincoln said as he slid the jar over to him.
Albert poured juice into his mouth and gulped it down with ease, much to the shock of the others at the table. There was a wave of even louder cheering from the surrounding people as he patted his belly and let loose with an ear-splittingly loud belch. Rusty's jaw dropped at the display.
"Nuts to this!" Rusty muttered, grabbing his glass of milk and draining it dry. "I'm out!"
"And thats one down!" Lincoln announced. "Who will be the next to fall?"
Lincoln reached under the table, pulled out a box of tissues and a jar of wet wipes, and set them in front of the contestants.
"Feel free to clean yourselves up before we start round three." he said. "We'll start with the next contestant just as soon as you're all done."
While the contestants took a moment to do as Lincoln suggested, the host decided to step out of the room to check on things. It had been a little while since his sisters had last attempted something and he felt like something was going to happen at any given moment. But after checking with both Hank and Hawk, he was surprised to learn that nothing had happened that was worth noting since Lynn's earlier outburst.
Leaving his security guards to their work, Lincoln returned to the contest. He brought out the next jar of peppers and handed the die to Maria. The woman rolled and landed on a 2. Lincoln opened the new jar and gave two peppers to her, which she ate quickly. Next it was Frida's turn. Her roll landed on a 4 and she scarfed down her peppers even faster than her sister, giving her a smug look as she finished.
"Don't get cocky, Frida." Maria warned. "Just because you aren't having trouble doesn't mean that you're going to win."
"Easy for you to say. Keep in mind that I eat Mama's cooking everyday. And you went without it for how many years?" Frida countered.
"That doesn't mean anything. I can still beat you in this contest. Just you wait."
The two watched as the die was passed back to Haiku. The girl only got a 1 this time, but when it came to be Pop Pop's turn again, he got a 6. The man popped the peppers into his mouth three at a time, not even the least bit bothered by their intense spiciness.
"Then again..." Maria said. "Maybe we should keep an eye on the other contestants too."
Frida nodded, taking a look at the number of peppers left in the current jar. At the rate things were going, odds were this one would be empty without another person dropping out. They had some surprisingly tough competitors to deal with before either of them could claim that trophy. Gloating over which of them was able to best the other wouldn't mean much if they lost to the old man or the little, pale girl.
A sudden noise startled the two women. They looked over their shoulders and saw someone pressing her face against the dining room window. Maria believed she recognized her as one of Lori's younger sisters. Although she honestly couldn't recall which one. The red jersey and freckled face rang a bell, but she couldn't quite place it with a name.
Lynn frowned at her brother from her place outside. She was definitely going to give him a good butt-kicking for this one. And if Lana's plan worked, it would be happening soon enough. All she needed was for one of Lincoln's goons to show up to try and run her off.
"Hey! Back away from the house!" Came the sound of Hank's voice from behind her. "You should know by now that we aren't gonna let you in!"
Bingo.
"Ah, blow it out your nose you butt-faced baboon." Lynn said, turning to face him.
"What did you just say?!" Hank snarled, his face starting to turn red.
"I said you have a face that only a mother can love." Lynn replied. "And I think your mom is in denial."
Hank fired a stream of soda at her. Lynn, who was prepared for it this time, side stepped and then began to run. She made sure he was following her as she rounded the corner and crossed the front yard. Hawk was on the front porch and she blew a raspberry at him as she passed. The boy grabbed his own water gun and joined Hank stepped down to be ready in case any of the other sisters attempted to try something.
Unknown to either of the bullies, Lynn had indeed made an opening for her sisters next plan. But not so they could try to get in through the front door. No, what they needed to do was get into the garage. While she was busy creating a diversion, Lana snuck through Mr. Grouse's yard,a length of rope coiled up and slung over one shoulder. She got to the side of the garage that faced it and tried the window, finding that it was unlocked, just as she had hoped. The girl slid the window open and crawled inside.
As soon as her feet touched the floor, Lana scrambled over to grab the ladder. She made her way over to the window, looking outside to watch the two bullies drive Lynn away. Lana chuckled to herself as her plan began to set in motion.
"Think you're so smart, don't you Lincoln?" Lana thought. "Well you might be a smart little boy, but so am I...I mean...I'm just as smart as you are so...meh forget it."
Lana watched as Lynn sprinted away from the house, the bullies spraying cola at her as she left. Her eyes slowly drifted from her sister to the mudpit where Liam's pig sat, quietly sleeping in the filth she had worked so hard to create. Lana stared at Virginia longingly, feeling envy and anger bubbling up in her stomach.
Or that might've been the chili fries she had eaten earlier at the mall.
Either way, she was unhappy.
"Just you wait." Lana muttered under her breath. "As soon as we get Lincoln, I'm taking you down with my bare hands. I'm gonna turn you into pork chops. Just you wait."
She turned her eyes back to the lump of a teenaged boy standing outside the door. Hawk stood on the porch, watching his friend chase Lynn around for a few minutes before heading inside. Lana opened the door to the garage, walked out and quietly shut it. She held the ladder under her free arm, barely able to carry the thing by herself.
"Gotta work fast." Lana said. "Before they see me."
She quickly shuffled over to the left side of the house, making sure not to cross directly in front to the windows to avoid being seen. Then she set up ladder, keeping her eyes peeled for anyone who may happen to pass by. As she climbed up and stepped onto the roof, she took a moment to look out into the horizon before pulling out her phone and calling her sisters.
"Okay, phase one is a success." she said. "I made it on top of the roof."
"So this was your big plan?" Lola asked. "Getting onto the roof? What are you going to do, crawl in through the chimney?"
Lana snorted in annoyance. "Of course not." she said. "I can't crawl in from there, the opening is too small. And even if I got in, what's to stop someone from catching me? The house is full of people. I'd be outside again before I could blink!"
"Well, what is your plan then?" Lori asked.
"I just need one of you to get Lincoln to come back outside." Lana said. "Once you get him off the porch, I can pounce on him from up here and hogtie him. Once we have him trapped, then we can make sure that he won't get back into the party unless he lets us come in too."
"Okay, then leave it to me." Lori replied. "Just don't jump until I have him in place. I don't need you getting hurt."
"Relax, sis." Lana said. "I'll be able to do that, no problem. Lincoln won't see it coming. This is guaranteed to work.
Meanwhile, inside of the house.
"Yeah, whatever it is they're planning, it's not going to work." Lincoln said. "Thanks for letting me know what's going on Hawk. Could you do me a favor and go find Liam for me? Tell him that there's a the fox near the hen house. He'll know what it means."
Hawk nodded and turned to leave. Lincoln returned his attention to the contest, not wanting to miss another second. Things were really getting interesting now. Pop Pop and Mrs. Santiago both seemed to be getting close to their limit. It was hard to say who would give in first, but that was half the fun in watching.
Lincoln felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned to find Ronnie Anne standing behind him. The serious look on her face gave Lincoln the impression that she meant business, whatever it was that she wanted. Hopefully not because he had done something to upset her.
"Hey Ronnie Anne, what's up?" he asked.
"I want a rematch." She replied. "You, me, and Dance Battle. You won't be so lucky this time"
"Okay, that sounds good to me. But after the contest, if you don't mind waiting."
"That's fine by me. Looking forward to beating you." She said, a smug smirk on her face.
Ronnie Anne left Lincoln to finish his contest, heading into the living room where she joined Carlota. The older girl had been patiently waiting for her cousin to return. And the moment Ronnie Anne was by her side she smiled excitedly.
"So? How did it go?" Carlota asked.
"He agreed to the rematch." Ronnie said.
"Good! So, when you two have your rematch..." Carlota started.
"I compliment him on his dancing after, no matter who wins." Ronnie Anne finished.
"And then?"
Ronnie Anne's cheeks flushed a bit pink. "I...I ask him for a dance downstairs in the VIP area. A slow dance. But do I have to?"
"Trust me chica, you'll be grateful you did." Carlota said. "While you two are nice and close, you can talk a little and catch up. He'll forget all about that other girl and you'll have your man back."
"He isn't my man!" Ronnie Anne grumbled.
"He will be if you do as I told you. Just wait. You'll see."
Back outside, where Vanzilla was currently parked.
Leni got out of Vanzilla, nervously twiddling her fingers. "I dunno about this Lori." she said. "What if Lincoln gets hurt?"
"Oh come on." Lori said. "He's wrestled with Lynn and she's much heavier than Lana. He can handle this. And besides, he hurt us by kicking us out of the house and not letting us join his party."
"I know but..." Leni said. "It still doesn't feel right. This is his party and yeah, it still seems unfair that..."
"He keeps us out?" Lori said. "I know, but once we get him stuck outside, he'll have to let us in. We'll worry about how he feels about it later. Now get moving."
Leni nervously walked back up the street to their house. As she approached the house, a red blur sped past her, nearly knocking her down. She looked behind her to see Lynn running towards Vanzilla, just keeping out of range of the soda stream firing from Hank's water gun.
"And STAY out!" Hank shouted after her before heading back into the house.
Gulping down a nervous lump in her throat, Leni walked up to her house. Glancing upwards, she saw Lana standing on the roof, waving at her with one hand and holding a rope in the other. She took a deep breath, exhaled and knocked on the door. Hawk answered, stepping back outside, his water gun pointed at Leni's face.
"Can I help you?" He asked.
"Um..yeah." Leni began. "I...I was just wondering if you could tell Lincoln that I need to talk to him. Please."
"He's busy." Hawk said flatly.
"Oh come on." Leni said batting her eyelashes at him "It'll only take a minute. Pretty please?"
Hawk shuffled uncomfortably, his face going a bit red. He gave a groan of irritation "Just hang on" he said "I'll go see if I can get him
He stepped into the house and returned a minute later, a young boy with white hair and wearing an orange shirt following close behind. Leni brightened up at seeing her little brother and eagerly waited for him to step down from the porch. She smiled sweetly at him, taking a moment to glance up at Lana on the roof before returning her attention to the boy.
"Hey Lincoln. Um..." She said, begining to rub the back of her neck. "Like, I just wanted to say that I'm totes sorry about this."
"Geronimo!"
Lana leaped down on the boy, catching him by complete surprise. The moment she made contact with him, she moved quickly to tie him up with her rope. The two tumbled across the lawn, Lana's hands swiftly weaving the rope around the boy's wrists and ankles, leaving him fully hog-tied in just shy of fifteen seconds.
"We did it!" Lana cheered, pumping her hands into the air. "We got him!"
"Yay!" Leni chirped, clapping happily. "I'll go get Lori and the others!"
"Don't bother." Hawk said. "You aren't getting in."
"But we've got Lincoln!" Lana said triumphantly. "And he isn't going back inside unless we go with him."
Hawk grinned and pointed at the captive boy. "Check again, kid. That may not be who you think it is."
"Huh?" Leni asked, tilting her head to one side a bit. "What are you talking about? Of course it's Lincoln! He's got white hair and everything! See?"
Leni reached down to put her hand onto the younger boy's snowy locks. But the moment she did so, said locks came off and fell to the ground. Both she and Lana gaped at the sight and gasped as a head of red hair was revealed.
"Ohmygosh!" Leni gasped. "Lincoln! You've been wearing a wig this entire time?!"
"No Leni! That's not Lincoln at all!" Lana corrected. "That's his friend from the farm. The kid who brought that pig that's in my mudpit!"
"Yes Ma'am, that's me. The name is Liam by the way." Liam said, sitting up. "And my pig is named Virginia. And while we're talking about her, I should let y'all know that she's an attack pig. Here, let me show ya."
Liam whistled and a loud squeal was heard from the back yard. Virginia came running around the house, spotting her master sitting tied up. Liam gestured towards Leni, making Virginia look at the blonde teen.
"Get em Virginia!"
Virginia charged at Leni, the girl letting out a frightened shriek and turning to run. Lana watched as the pig advanced on her older sister and then smiled confidently.
"Oh this is perfect! I wanted a chance to take you on! Come here piggy!"
Lana made ready to chase after and tackle Virginia, but didn't get to take a single step before she felt liquid striking her in the back. She turned around and found herself being heavily doused by Hawk's water gun. But unlike her sisters, she wasn't quite so bothered by the attack. If anything she had been hoping he'd do that.
"Nice try, but if you think a little soda is gonna scare me off, then you're dead wrong." Lana said. "I play in the garbage all the time. I'm used to being sticky!"
"I know." Hawk replied. "That's why the boss told us to use something special if you tried to get in the way. Go ahead and and check for yourself."
Lana stared at him for a moment but then began to inspect the liquid that was soaking into her clothes and coating her skin. She quickly discovered that it wasn't soda at all. Although it did smell tasty. Almost like...
"Strawberries?" Lana asked. "Did you use strawberry juice or something?"
Hawk shook his head. "Nope. It's just what it smells like. It's Strawberry Shortcake scented body wash."
"Body wash?" Lana echoed, her eyes widening a bit. "As in soap?! You...you made me clean?!"
'"Yup. Squeaky clean." Hawk said, a taunting smirk on his face.
Lana's lip trembled a bit, tears starting to well up in the corners of her eyes. "This isn't fair! I took a bath last week!" She cried, turning and running for the nearest garbage can, scrambling inside.
-Back inside-
The pepper eating contest had entered its fifth round and seven of the ten people who had entered the contest had quit. Ronnie Anne's mother Maria, Pop-Pop and Haiku were the only ones left. Maria wiped the sweat off her forehead and the drool off her mouth before reaching for the die and rolling rolled the length of the table before coming to a stop in front of Lincoln.
"Looks like a three." Lincoln said, grabbing his tongs and fishing three peppers out of the jar.
He handed the peppers to Maria. She popped one in her mouth, chewed and swallowed with effort. But then tossed her remaining two peppers into her mouth, only to gag loudly while trying to chew. Lincoln rushed over with a small wastebasket. Maria grabbed it and spat out a mouthful of chewed up peppers into it. Then she grabbed her glass of milk.
"Sorry." she said raspily. "But I'm done."
Lincoln nodded as Maria chugged her way to relief. Lincoln took his place back at the head of the table. Looking at out his sisters friend and his grandfather.
"And then there we're two." he said.
Cheers broke out in the surrounding audience. Lincoln waited for them to settle down before speaking.
"Now that only two contestants remain." Lincoln said. "I think it's only fitting that this contest go into sudden death!"
The cheers rang out again. Lincoln noticed the corners of Haiku's mouth slightly turn upwards, probably at the mention of the word "death". Lincoln went into the kitchen, and quickly returned with a blender and a packet of dixie cups.
He handed the cups to Clyde, who began setting the cups on the table. After plugging the blender in, he poured all the remaining jars of peppers into it, and set it on high. After about a minute the peppers had been ground up into a chunky liquid, which he began pouring into the dixie cups.
"This smoothie has all the spicy peppers you hadn't eaten yet." Lincoln explained. "We're gonna see which one of you can handle the heat. Because whoever can choke down more cups of this smoothie than the other before going for their milk, wins the contest!"
Albert grinned at Haiku. "Think you can take the heat, little lady?" he asked.
"I'm not touching that milk." Haiku said flatly.
"Suit yourself, kiddo." he said. "I'm gonna take it to ya!"
Lincoln raised his hand up, waiting for both remaining contestants to ready themselves. Once they seemed set to go, he swung his hand down to signal the start of the sudden death round. Albert grabbed the nearest cup and gulped it all down in one go. Haiku took hers with a bit more pacing, but finished it up quickly enough. Both moved onto their second cups the same way, and then third, and then the fourth. By this time it became notable to all onlookers that things were about to finish. The two contestants were clearly reaching their limits, Haiku especially. She was seeming really hesitant to drink from her fifth cup, leaving Albert with the confidence to grab his next one.
"Sorry, but it looks like I have this one in the bag." he said confidently. "Better luck next time."
Albert inhaled the cup, soon learning it was a mistake to do so. The smoothie almost went down his windpipe and he ended up coughing it up a little, managing to get a good portion to fire from his nose. The intense burning that filled his nasal cavity in the following seconds made his eyes flow with enough tears to make Niagra falls look like a leaking faucet.
"Oh sweet mother of mercy!" Albert cried out. "That stings!"
Albert grabbed his cup of milk and splashed it into his face, trying to get it into his nose with the hopes to alleviate the horrible sensation that he was experiencing. Fortunately for him it worked, albeit at a cost. Haiku had finished her fifth cup, and even managed to follow it up with a sixth.
"We have a winner!" Lincoln said amidst a wave of applause from the surrounding people, gesturing to Haiku. "And I think I speak for all of us when I say that was amazing! You even beat my sister Lynn's record for most spicy peppers eaten in one sitting! Feel free to drink your milk now if you want."
"No thanks, I don't want to." Haiku said.
"You're sure?" Lincoln asked. "The contest is over, so it's no big deal if you do."
"Actually, it is." Haiku replied. "Because I'm lactose intolerant."
"Oh..." Lincoln said. "Can I get you a soda?"
"Blood Orange flavor please." she asked. "I brought some and put them in the cooler earlier."
Lincoln moved through the dispersing crowd of people, ran into the living room, snagged a can of soda from the cooler and brought it to Haiku. She began sipping the drink slowly to cool her burning mouth, as Lincoln went back into the living room. Ronnie Anne stood amidst a crowd of people, standing on her dance pad, tapping her foot impatiently.
"Well it took you long enough!" she said. "Everyone came to watch me kick your butt. The least you could do is show up fast!"
"Oh, I'm so sorry." Lincoln said as he rolled his eyes. "Next time I'm hosting a pepper eating contest, I'll be sure to tell the contestants to eat faster."
"You do that." Carlota said. "There's no reason a boy should keep his girlfriend waiting."
Lincoln and Ronnie Anne both went pink. "He's not my boyfriend!" Ronnie Anne said.
"I'm not her boyfriend!" Lincoln said at the same time.
"Sure." Carlota said with a playful grin. "You're not dating. And you're not dancing with each other either."
"We're dancing against each other." Ronnie Anne said. "There's a difference"
Carlota shrugged. "If you say so."
Lincoln turned to Ronnie Anne, his blush slowly fading away. "So how will we do this?"
"Best of three rounds, like earlier." Ronnie Anne said. "Winner of each round chooses the music."
"Sounds good to me." Lincoln said. "And since I won our last match, I'll choose the music first."
Ronnie Anne shrugged her shoulders as Lincoln picked the song. Then he stepped back on his dance pad just as the music began to start. Ronnie Anne turned to Lincoln.
"Oh, wait a second." she said. "There's one more thing I need to do before we start."
"What's that?" Lincoln asked, quirking an eyebrow.
Ronnie Anne stomped on Lincoln's foot, making him hop up and down, yelling in pain. Ronnie Anne stepped on her pads with a wicked smile on her face.
"Okay, I'm ready to go whenever you are."
"Cheater!" Lincoln said.
"Better than being a loser." Ronnie replied, starting to dance.
Lincoln gave her a dirty look and then quickly fell into step with the music. He was familiar enough with this song to know the steps by memory. So he could keep an eye on his opponent to make sure she didn't try any more funny business. Thankfully her little stunt had gotten her a couple disapproving comments from onlookers.
"At least no one is laughing." Lincoln thought as he slowly gained the upper hand over Ronnie Anne. "I bet Lynn would've found that hilarious."
He wasn't wrong, Lynn did find it hilarious. She had burst out into hearty, yet spiteful laughter at the sight. In fact she had enjoyed it so much that she wanted to see it again."
"Is there a way we can rewind this?" She asked, grabbing Lisa's phone.
"No, I'm afraid not. Please return that to me now." Lisa said, reaching and taking it back.
"Oh well, maybe she'll do it again." Lynn said hopefully.
"Dude, why would you want that?" Luna asked.
"It serves him right!" The jock answered. "Thanks to him, not only did I miss out on a great chance to win another first place trophy, but my pepper eating record just got beat by one of Lucy's friends! Now I have to break it again!"
Lucy shuddered at those words. "Which means I'll be staying in someone else's room for a while."
"No you won't." Lynn said. "Because after I'm done, I'm bunking with Lincoln for however long it takes to let those bad boys pass through my system."
"In that case, I'll start planning his funeral."
"Enough, both of you." Lori said. "We need to think of our next plan. At the rate things are going, the party will be over before we get inside!"
"Not unless the party gets stopped early." Luna said, peeking out the window at the house next to their own. "Mr. G. looks like he isn't happy about the noise. Just saw him getting his mail and he didn't seem to like the noise coming out of our place."
"Oh no. I hope he doesn't call the police like he did that time we had all of our friends over at the same time!" Leni said. "Lincoln would get in so much trouble if that happened!"
Lori's eyes widened. She turned to look back from the front seat at her younger sister, a wide grin on her face.
"You're a genius!"
"Um, no. I'm Leni." the second oldest said. "Lisa is over there."
"Dude, your aren't gonna do what I think you're gonna do. Are you?" Luna asked.
Lori took out her phone. "Oh, I'm going to do it alright. I just wish we had thought of it sooner." She dialed a number and waited patiently for an answer, getting one on the second ring. "Hello, is this the Royal Woods Police Department?"
First, Twisteddarkness225 and I would like to apologize for taking so long with this we've both been dealing with some harsh problems in our lives, which take up or time for writing. We hope that you'll bear with us as we write.
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