Judgments
The next morning Maester Doran came to see Lady Ailyn at Lord Tywin's request. He was pleased with how well her wound was healing but apologized for the scar that it would leave.
"A scar is a small price to pay for keeping my life," she assured him gratefully.
After making sure she had enough milk of the poppy, Maester Doran left and Din slipped in to help her dress for the day.
"Is Lord Tywin in?" asked Lady Ailyn while Din was putting up her hair.
"No m'lady, he went out early this morning," was her soft reply.
"Do you know when he will return?" inquired Ailyn, handing her a pin.
The girl shook her head and when she was finished with Ailyn's hair, went about clearing away her things.
Lady Ailyn went out into the main room. A roaring fire was crackling in the hearth as always but the room was empty, save for Lord Tywin's little blonde cupbearer. The boy immediately brought her a plate of food for breakfast and a large goblet of water. He spoke even less than Din, which she hadn't thought possible but the boy was quick and efficient. Din replaced the rock Lady Ailyn had used the previous night by the hearth before disappearing.
When she was finished, she went into her room and collected her book. Ailyn draped a fur wrap around her shoulders and nestled into the corner of the divan by the fire to read. She passed an hour or so in cozy peace and comfort before the door opened and Lord Tywin strode in.
He was in partial armor, a cut of rich, red fabric draped regally over one plated shoulder.
"My lord," Lady Ailyn moved to rise but Lord Tywin stopped her.
"Please, remain seated my lady."
He walked in, pulling off his black gloves. He strode around the back of the divan and paused for a moment on her far right.
"It seems you are in less discomfort today, my lady," he said quietly.
"Yes, I feel much improved thank you. And…thank you," she said again, with feeling as she met his gaze.
He nodded once in acknowledgement and swept into his own room before she could say anything else. Perhaps gratitude embarrassed him.
Their subsequent interactions had remained polite without any further serious arguments. Lady Ailyn stayed either in the main room or in her own for much of the following days, venturing out occasionally just to stretch her legs. She found herself looking for Lord Hugh when she left the room but she had not seen him since they had arrived at Harrenhal. The grey weather and lack of companionship started to wear on her. She grew quiet and listless. If Lord Tywin noticed any change in her, he did not comment on it.
Lord Tywin had requested her absence for a long council meeting that day and Lady Ailyn reluctantly left the warm glow of the hearth for the dimmer atmosphere of her room. She had taken to listening at her door during these meetings for as long as she could stand it. There was so much indecision and squabbling she was amazed that anything was ever decided upon. Things would be different if she were sitting at that table. Ailyn smiled. She knew the sun would rise in the west on the day Tywin Lannister asked her to be on his council. Lord Hugh's voice, deep and certain, drifted over to her. Perhaps she could catch him just after the meeting. Lady Ailyn was just starting to plot what she would say to Lord Tywin to excuse herself when several shouts and a sharp, animalistic shriek cut through her thoughts.
Lady Ailyn yanked her door open to see all of Lord Tywin's council members on their feet; half had drawn their swords and all were focused on a point in the far upper corner of the room. No one noticed her as she strained to see what was causing the fuss.
Suddenly, a huge brown hawk dove off a rafter, speeding directly at her, claws out. She quickly spun her arm in a tight circle, causing the extra fabric of her sleeve to wrap around her forearm. Ser Kevan and Lord Hugh ducked slightly as it flew over their heads. Ailyn held her arm out and waited for the hawk to land. It flapped its wings forcefully several times to slow its descent, blowing her hair back and then it latched firmly onto her arm with another piercing cry.
All the Lannister banner men turned and stared at her in shock and confusion. None of them sheathed their swords. Lady Ailyn affectionately ruffled the feathers on its chest as it clicked its beak at her. She looked over at them after a moment, a proud grin glowing on her face.
"You may sheath your swords, my lords. This is Striker, my father's hawk. My father must be impatient for news. May I sit?" she asked Lord Tywin, who was giving her a calculating look.
"All of you, out," ordered Lord Tywin, pulling out a chair.
Several of his lords turned to go but Ser Kevan and Lord Hugh didn't move.
"Go!" snapped Tywin. "We'll reconvene in an hour."
Lady Ailyn risked a smile at Lord Hugh who answered it with a twinkle in his eyes as he stepped out.
She moved to the chair Lord Tywin had pulled out for her, holding her arm near the top of the chair back. With a mighty flap, the hawk jumped onto the edge, its claws digging into the wood. Lord Tywin kept a healthy distance away from the bird. Lady Ailyn leaned in and plucked the message carrier from the hawk's leg. She unrolled a long strip of parchment and sat down to read it.
Her father's message had a light tone but she recognized the strain in his handwriting. He would never put it on paper, but he was worried about her. He and her brother were well and anxious for news of her health.
Lord Tywin pulled his own chair back slightly from the table but remained standing, watching the hawk as closely as it watched him.
Lady Ailyn reached out and placed the small scroll near Lord Tywin. He picked it up and read it quickly.
"May I send a reply, my lord?" asked Lady Ailyn patiently, the hawk preening its feathers just above her left shoulder.
"Be brief," was his reply, carefully sliding paper and an inked quill toward her.
She picked up the quill and began to write a short reply. Striker chose that moment to hop down onto the table and peck at some unfinished food in one of Tywin's golden bowls. If the Lord of Casterly Rock's glare had heat, the hawk would have burst into flames.
Lady Ailyn was enjoying herself. The presence of her father's hawk reminded her of her duty and family. She also found Lord Tywin's uneasiness refreshing.
"There. I have written that I am healthy and continue to be treated respectfully. I promised to send a raven to him in a few days so he would not have to send his hawk here again since you disapprove of it," she said moving the paper over to Tywin.
Lord Tywin reached out to take the paper but Striker screeched and snapped at his fingers. The Lord of Lannister jerked his hand back, leaving the paper where it was.
"Get that animal off my council table," he growled angrily at Lady Ailyn.
"I am sorry, my lord. He never had polite table manners," she apologized, rewrapping the fabric of her sleeve around her arm.
She whistled shortly and Striker flapped back onto her arm. Lord Tywin picked up her note as she moved away and read it quickly. He rolled it between his fingers and handed it to her as she walked past him to the opening in the wall. With a little management, she placed the note in the metal carrier on his leg. She ruffled his feathers one last time then lifted her arm up to send him off. He screeched one last time as he flew off in the direction of her home. She stood at the opening after he had gone, smiling.
When she turned around, she met the full force of Lord Tywin's glare.
"You will use ravens from now on. If that bird ever comes to this castle again, I'll have it killed and served to you on a platter, is that clear?" demanded Lord Tywin, his countenance thunderous.
Her smile vanished.
"I beg your pardon my lord. I didn't know my father would send his hawk. I am content to use ravens when you can spare them. I apologize for interrupting your meeting," she said quietly, moving carefully past him with her head bowed. She went to her room, slipped on her cloak and quickly left the room, and Lord Tywin's frown, behind.
She turned to the right and began to climb the stairs, her wound pinching only slightly. The two guards from the door followed her at a distance. At the top of the next landing, she saw Lord Hugh in conversation with one of his men. When he noticed her he quickly dismissed the knight and descended the stairs to meet her.
"My lady, I am glad you are still in one piece. Lord Tywin looked displeased when we left," said Lord Hugh, coming to a halt near her.
"He threatened to kill my father's hawk and serve it to me for supper so no, he is not in the best humor at present," she informed him with a small smile.
"He does not like to be caught off guard," murmured Lord Hugh glancing back down the stairs behind her at the two guards.
"I'll add it to the long list of things he doesn't like," she quipped.
Lord Hugh chuckled and then turned serious, concern radiating from his blue eyes.
"You are well, though, my lady?" he asked softly, stepping a little closer to her.
"Yes, my leg is healing faster now that we are no longer on the move everyday," she replied, a little surprised at the sudden shift in his demeanor.
"I am glad of it but that isn't what I meant," persisted Lord Hugh, his voice falling to just above a whisper.
She frowned in confusion and waited for him to explain.
"Lord Tywin, he isn't…he hasn't…" Lord Hugh cast about for the proper words, looking at her meaningfully.
"He is not the most agreeable man I've ever kept company with but he has done nothing dishonorable if that is your concern," she assured him in an equally quiet voice.
Relief washed over Lord Hugh's face.
"Good. It's just that there are rumors…" he trailed off.
"If there are any, you would do well to hush them up. If Lord Tywin hears that his own men are whispering behind his back, he will start removing tongues. There is nothing between us," she reiterated, shaking her head for emphasis.
Lord Hugh was about to say something else but he was interrupted. A Lannister soldier ran up the stairs to them and bowed to Lord Hugh.
"Forgive me, my lord. Lord Tywin demands that you assemble his council," panted the man.
"Tell Lord Tywin I will at once," said Lord Hugh, although there was a slight edge to his usually even voice. The soldier ran back down the steps as Lord Hugh turned to her.
"I had better go. I am glad you are well my lady. I hope to convince Lord Tywin to leave this place soon," said Lord Hugh, clasping her hand briefly before heading down the stairs.
She smiled after him and then continued farther up the stairs, the Lannister soldiers following her. She reached the battlements of the tower she and Lord Tywin were staying in and stared out at the bleak landscape. Lord Silvyn had told her the story of Harrenhal when she was younger. It had sounded like an awful place in his story and now that she was here, it only seemed that much worse. The melted statues and crumbling walls gave her a very uneasy feeling. She was standing on the ruins of a once great house and living side by side with a man who had caused the ruin of two others.
Lady Ailyn stayed out, staring down at the soldiers going about their duties in the yard below, lost in thought. Sometime later, a light drizzle brought her back to her senses. She pulled her cloak more tightly around her and was about to head down stairs when there were several shouts farther down the battlements off to her left. Ailyn stopped and turned to see what the men were yelling about. There were three guards farther down the wall and one was pointing at something beyond the castle walls. She ran to the side and looked out. Lady Ailyn strained to see what the soldier was pointing at and then she saw it: a small blonde head running at full speed away from Harrenhal. Lord Tywin's cupbearer.
She glanced back over at the soldiers and her stomach lurched as one of them raised a long crossbow. Lady Ailyn broke into a run.
"NO!" she screamed breathlessly, but she heard a 'snap' as the crossbow released. It struck the boy in the back and he crumpled to the ground.
The men all turned to look at her in surprise as she ran up to them.
"How dare you? He was just a boy!" she shouted at the man who had pulled the trigger.
"I'm just following orders, milady," he protested, lowering the crossbow to his side.
"We were ordered to shoot any of his servants that tried to desert," the soldier explained with a noncommittal shrug.
She looked down at where the boy had fallen. Two soldiers were already heading over to collect his body. White hot rage surged through her. She didn't have to ask whose orders they had been. Lady Ailyn turned and ran down the battlements back toward the stairs. She shoved one of his guards out of her way and moved swiftly down the spiral staircase back to their rooms.
Two more guards had taken the place of the soldiers who where following her. One opened the door at her rapid approach. She stormed in to find Lord Tywin standing by the opening in the wall, his back to her, hands clasped behind him.
"Your cupbearer just tried to run away," she cried, walking directly over to him.
He turned to her with concern in his pale eyes.
"Your men shot him!" exclaimed Lady Ailyn indignantly, her face pink with anger.
The concern melted away.
"Then they followed my instructions," he said simply, turning away from her again.
"How could you? He was just a boy!"
Lord Tywin rounded on her.
"Yes, a boy who's been privy to every council meeting I've held for the last week. That kind of knowledge is dangerous even for a child," said Lord Tywin sternly.
"He…but…" she sputtered incoherently. There were no words for this.
She took a breath and composed herself a little.
"Forgive me, my lord," she said icily, "I'd forgotten you're no stranger to murdering children."
She spun on her heel and took several steps before he spoke.
"Are you judging me?"
The fire in her veins abruptly went out and was replaced with icy fear. She'd heard him speak in anger before but this was different. His tone made her believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Death was standing right beside her with His hand out.
She turned slowly, trying to summon her courage but it fled the moment she met his eyes. They burned with a terrifying intensity.
"I've killed men for less than half the insults I've suffered from you this past month," he growled, stalking toward her.
If he had had a weapon in his hands, she would have screamed. As it was, she took a step back for every stride he took forward.
"I alone brought my house up from the dirt my father mired us in. I've wiped out entire Houses for their insolence," he snapped, his voice cold and dark.
She jumped as her back ran up against the far wall. The lion of Casterly Rock still advanced.
"I alone kept the peace in King's Landing as Aerys slowly went mad and it was I who solidified Robert's reign after the Rebellion."
He drew up to within a hand's breath away from her, his eyes boring into hers. He inclined his head toward her slightly and she looked down to the right, away from him.
"I did all this before your father ever had filthy thoughts about your mother and you think you can lecture me?" he breathed softly.
She flinched as he reached out and grasped her chin between his forefinger and thumb, turning her face back to his.
"Tell me what difficult decisions you have made my lady," he said deprecatingly. "What heavy burdens do you carry?"
Lady Ailyn swallowed and gathered her strength. She twisted her head back, out of his hand and said softly, "I killed my mother."
The anger in his eyes shifted to inquiry and he took a small step back, lowering his hand.
"What?" he asked, his brow furrowed.
"My mother was giving birth to my brother. There were…complications. Our Maester came to my father and me during the delivery and told us he could only save one of them. He asked my father to choose," began Lady Ailyn, as tears crept into her eyes at the memory.
"My father couldn't bear the thought and would not speak. There was no time so I made the decision. My father needed an heir. My mother died and my brother lived," finished Lady Ailyn, her voice cracking on the last word.
She brought her hand up to hide her face. She didn't want to cry in front of him but tears were already streaming down her face.
She pushed past him as a sob broke free. She ran to the door and pulled it open. Lord Tywin called out to her but she didn't hear the words over her troubled breathing and the pounding of her heart. She ran past the surprised guards; ran down a hallway; and another; then another until she wasn't sure where she was any longer. She pulled open the door to the first room she could find and shut herself inside it, sobbing hysterically. There was a pile of damp straw in the corner and she threw herself down on it and buried her face in her arms. She wept until she was empty and light headed. Minutes passed or hours; she had no sense of time in the darkened room. Several soft taps on the door made her jump.
"My lady?" asked a muffled voice.
"Go away!" she yelled, and curled up as well as she could in her confining corset.
The door opened slowly anyway and a figure stepped inside. She glanced over but her eyes were blurry with tears.
"Go away," she whispered again, hiding her face.
"My lady, please; the floor is cold," insisted a gentle voice.
She looked up again, wiped her red eyes and met the concerned blue ones of Lord Hugh. He knelt on the ground and tentatively put a hand on her back.
To her shame, she started crying again. Lord Hugh tried to help her sit up. She buried her face in his neck as he gently put his arms around her.
"Did he hurt you?" he asked quietly, after she had calmed down a little.
"No. He's so heartless; I can't bear to be near him. Please, take me away from here," she begged, putting her arms around him.
She felt him sigh deeply.
"Don't tempt me anymore than I already am Lady Ailyn. I have half a mind to steal you away in the night and damn the consequences," he whispered.
She picked her head up and looked at him in the dim light.
"He would kill you," she said.
"He would have to find me first," replied Lord Hugh with a small smile.
She laughed once and then hung her head.
"You shouldn't say such things. I am being weak and foolish. I can't leave," she sighed resignedly.
"You are allowed to be weak you know," he urged.
"No, I can't be. I have to be strong for my family," Lady Ailyn resolved, as she wiped tears from her eyes again.
As her emotional crisis subsided, she started to shiver.
"You need to be near a fire my lady. Please, let me take you back," offered Lord Hugh getting to his feet and then reaching down to her. She took his hands and rose shakily to her feet but the combination of her tight corset, recent exertions and a skipped meal overpowered her. She collapsed against Lord Hugh with a soft cry.
Lady Ailyn's eyes fluttered open to the half light of her room. She was lying on her bed wrapped in a warm fur, and she was not alone. She blinked a few times to focus and then froze. Lord Tywin had pulled up a chair and was sitting beside her but his posture was all wrong. She had only ever seen him sitting ramrod straight or standing at attention, always tense, always controlled. The man beside her was leaning forward so his elbows rested on his knees, his hands clasped loosely in front of him. He was staring blankly at some candles in the corner, an empty, slightly haunted look on his face. It was like looking at a statue that had suddenly crumpled under its own weight.
She slowly sat up and moved back until she was sitting against the headboard. When she started moving, his face instantly went blank as he sat up and looked at her. They stared at each other for a moment before Lord Tywin asked if she wanted some wine.
"Water," she amended quietly.
She expected him to call for a servant but he rose and poured her a cup himself. She took the goblet from his hand, her fingers brushing against his as he let go. She took a few sips and then held it in her lap, still slightly afraid of his presence.
He noticed her wary expression and cleared his throat to speak.
"You have made several assumptions about me, my lady, and I in turn, have made some about you. Perhaps one of the reasons we seem to be at each other's throats so often is that we are both mistaken in our beliefs."
He paused and waited for her to argue but she remained silent.
"My experience of women has led me to believe that most of them are weak, irrational, and untrustworthy. You are none of those things and consequently, I don't know how to deal with you. You have valuable opinions but I cannot be seen to be taking your advice," explained Lord Tywin, searching her face for confirmation.
"I understand that what you do and what you are seen to be doing can be very different things," she replied.
"Then you have learned one of the most valuable lessons of nobility," he concluded.
"And what are my false assumptions, my lord?" she asked curiously.
Lord Tywin paused a moment, focusing on the candles in the corner again.
"I take no pleasure in the knowledge that that boy is dead on my orders but it is the decision that my position required of me. I don't make the choices I want to make but the ones that need to be made because the honor of my house and the welfare of the realm demand it. I have the strength to bear the heavy burden of responsibility where others would collapse under its weight."
He took a breath and then fixed her with a look.
"I know you understand this, my lady, in light of the decision you made to keep your brother, not your mother. It was not what you wanted, but what your family needed. I respect you for having the strength and foresight to realize that," said Lord Tywin as gently as he could.
He paused again.
"It may have been the right decision but it nearly destroyed me," she whispered, looking down at the cup in her hands.
"Be thankful you only have one decision to haunt you," replied Lord Tywin, staring into the candle flames again, empty bitterness in every word.
Lady Ailyn leaned forward without thinking and placed her hand gently over his. He looked down at it but did not pull away.
"Thank you for sharing this with me," she said fervently.
Lord Tywin raised his eyes to hers. Her chest tightened a little at the pain, longing and something else she couldn't quite put a finger on in his look. Lady Ailyn found herself wanting to comfort him. She pressed his hand but suddenly, his eyes went blank again. He sat up straight in his chair and moved his hand out from under hers. He had gone from being just a man to Lord Tywin Lannister, Hand of the King.
"You understand that this conversation will never leave this room," he said quietly, his eyes sharpening slightly.
She nodded and placed the cup on the table beside her bed. Lord Tywin returned the chair to the corner and walked back to her.
"You will…" he began, and then stopped, glancing away.
"Will you dine with me?" he amended, searching her face.
For the first time since she had met Lord Tywin, Lady Ailyn finally felt as though he was genuinely asking her something and that she had the right to refuse.
She waited a moment and then said, "Yes, I will."
Lord Tywin held out a hand for her and she let him help her to her feet. He kept hold of her hand and together, they went into the main room for supper.