Fleeting Touches

Chapter 10 The Wheat from the Chief

"Come on, Astrid. Come on!" Hiccup murmured to himself anxiously as he rang her apartment's doorbell repeatedly. Every press of the small button made him a little more worried that she wouldn't come down to the door; that she'd already moved on or at least wished to. Shaking the thoughts out of his head, he pounded furiously on the buzzer a few more times to spite his suspicion.

After thumbing the button a few more times, Hiccup saw someone coming through the small lobby, a young woman, one he was sure he'd seen before. She reached it and opened the door. A bored and annoyed expression overcame her face, bordered against dark hair and accentuated with deep, red lips. Evidence would suggest that she was Astrid's roommate, the one she'd mentioned once or twice.

"Can I help you?" she said flatly, looking at him disinterestedly. He must have looked half crazy, jittering uneasily and wildly anxious as he was. He tried to calm himself, but only succeeded in rubbing the back of his neck, one of his many nervous habits. He blushed as well, realizing that she must think him insane.

"U-umm…y-yes! Yes…Heather, right?" he responded shakily. He tried to show his urgency, but could only manage to glance up at her meekly now and then. He seemed to have caught her curiosity at the very least.

"And who are you?" she asked, one eyebrow raised suspiciously. Maybe he shouldn't have begun with calling her by her name as if he knew her. He tried a different approach and just hoped that Astrid didn't keep all of her emotions bottled up with this girl as much as she did with him.

"Hiccup. I'm Astrid's…" he answered, though a part of him was far too embarrassed and ashamed to call himself her boyfriend. "Anyway, I need to find her. Is she home?" he asked cautiously. He really didn't wasn't really sure how well he would be received. A guilty pain welled up in his chest at the thought that she had perhaps gone home crying and maybe still was. That would explain her friend answering the door.

This Heather crossed her arms and stared at him; the once bored, but curious, look being replaced by a hard scowl. Her pale green eyes seemed to burn every part of him she looked at, weighing and measuring him.

"You're Hiccup Haddock?" she asked, a tinge of anger staining her voice.

He sheepishly responded "…yes?".

Her scowl deepened and she moved to close the door in his face. "Stay away from Astrid," she hissed venomously. As she went to slam the door shut, Hiccup shoved his foot in the doorjamb, which smarted sharply in protestation. This only served to make her look at him even more heatedly. Her jaw clenched irately as she commanded, "Unless you want me to break your foot, I'd move it."

Hiccup shook his head and placed a hand on the door to try and relieve some of the pressure, but the girl held firm, surprisingly strong for her size. "If she's too upset to see me, that's okay, but just tell me if she's home" he offered calmly, despite the aching pain radiating up his legs.

She seemed to press even harder on the door.

"She is upset, thanks to you" the dark-haired woman hissed harshly.

He nodded guiltily, "I'm sure…but if I could just talk to her…"

"Don't ever talk to her" the raven haired girl snapped quickly. She looked to be on the verge of a seething rage. He took that to mean that she cared deeply for Astrid. Or that she really was as deranged as she seemed at the moment.

He sighed regretfully, seeing this as further punishment for his transgressions. He donned a pitiful, pleading look that truthfully expressed his pitiful, pleading state of mind. The girl in front of him seemed not the slightest bit sympathetic.

"Look I…I just want to talk to her. If she doesn't want to be with me, or…I'd understand, but…I-I need to see her" he practically begged, choking on a few of the more painful words of his plea. Her face read nothing but disdain, but somewhere inside her mind resigned, tired of his whining.

She sighed, "You're wasting your breath. She's not here".

"Wait, really? Where did…"

"I don't know. She said something about heading off to somewhere where she could think about 'everything else' or something like that" Heather admitted in a dangerously low tone that made him quake in his shoes in anticipation of what might come next. She lowered her brow into an angry scowl and growled, "…but if you hurt Astrid -any more than you already did- you won't get the chance to regret it". He nodded emphatically and she continued "Good. Now get out of my way…and don't be here when I get back!". He swallowed audibly and she took that as a cue to take her leave. She didn't even spare him a second glance as she pushed him out of the way, closed the door behind her, and marched away indignantly.

Astrid sure knew how to pick her friends…

Hiccup's talk with Heather had been…fruitful, among other things. After an agonizingly long stretch of time between him calling Astrid's phone and it eventually going to voicemail, he grunted in frustration and set of in search of her. The hunt had taken him over miles and miles of the city, zig-zagging back and forth across it.

He looked high and low for her, from the gymnasium where she practiced almost every day, to the library where he knew she often studied. It'd been futile thus far.

In time, his search brought him to a bar, the bar, the one where this all started. It brought back memories; a few pleasant moments of nostalgia, but mostly some unwelcome remorse. It reminded him of how much he'd fucked up to have let a girl as irreplaceable as Astrid out of his arms. He was no closer to finding her than he had been this morning too. He leaned against the wall outside of the bar, now fresh out of ideas, but stocked full of regret.

His mind's eye glanced over scenes of the day he met her; from the camaraderie he shared with his friends that morning to when he had first seen Astrid. He laughed at how many bittersweet details he could recall: the way she'd dressed, the intricate braid she had (which he had never gotten the chance to figure out), the way she joked and laughed with him and made him feel like he was the only person in the crowded room. He cursed himself for how sappy he was, though he couldn't fight the sad smile on his face.

His thoughts moved on to later in the night: the unfortunate incident with Snotlout (from which their relationship hadn't yet recovered) and that brilliant moment he'd shared with her on the top of that parking garage, overlooking the whole fleet. Just thinking about it gave him goosebumps. So many times, he had replayed it over and over again in his head. She looked so beautiful in the dim light and he shivered at the way she'd punched and then kissed him stupid. He laughed inwardly as he remembered how she'd been ever so slightly awkward about it. She'd kill him just for thinking it, but he just found it endearingly cute, how she presented it as a reward for 'everything else'…

His eyes widened at the realization. Heather said Astrid had gone 'to think about everything else'. Oh, he was such a moron. He should have known.

He ran off frantically toward the place where he had first heard those words. He didn't want to waste the time tracking down another cab. He sprinted off, begrudging all the time he'd wasted. Still, he was fueled by the sudden hope blooming in his chest.

Eventually, he made it there, despite the ornery, yelling New Yorkers in his way. His legs revolted against him with a blazing soreness as they threatened to give out with every push they made. He climbed concrete stairs with as much speed as possible, an anxious tightness in his throat making it even harder to breathe. He hoped she was there. He really, really hoped she was there.

Red-faced and gulping air like there wasn't going to be any more of it the next moment; he reached the rooftop parking deck. He doubled over, his hands on his knees, as he desperately tried to catch his breath. It proved to be of little use after a few seconds, so he righted himself, though his body really just wanted him to collapse to the ground. He battled the fatigue with a grimace and stood up straight.

When he opened his eyes, he saw her. Astrid stood at the ledge, leaning over the low wall. She was looking out over the water and he could imagine what in particular held her attention. He was caught between elation at having found her and a dreadful anticipation. He knew what he had said to her last and what he had to say now. He wasn't brimming with excitement at the prospects of bringing it up again either.

Still, Astrid was worth fighting for. Astrid was worth all the effort, the pain, the anxiety that felt like his brain was being gently torn down the middle. He had come this far. It would have been a shame to give up just because he was afraid of an uncomfortable conversation and an apology.

Slowly, he willfully forced his tired forward, his breath still shallow and harried. Within a few strides he was able to walk straight and begin to breathe normally, though he winced every time he planted his right foot. He'd probably torn something. He held in his groans as he neared her. He was able to see over the ledge now, USS Berk bobbing up and down proudly in the harbor in before them.

She sighed heavily just as he was right behind her and…was that a sniffle? No, must have been his imagination. He took a moment, and then nodded to himself resolutely.

Astrid stared out over the waters forlornly. She stood deathly still, unable to bring her mind to think of anything other than the mistakes she had made and the injustices she had caused. Her thoughts raced and her heartrate fell into step with it. Her skin prickled despite the warm weather and her eyes lost focus for a moment. Such a feeling within her chilled her far beyond the reaches of the sun.

What had she become? Self-doubt never before had a place in her mind. She was sure of herself and that drove her. She always knew she could do better, be better. Somewhere along the line, though, her determination became tainted with something selfish and loathsome.

She'd never seen it within herself to be so manipulative and inconsiderate. All of her actions were always calculated, rational, but the things that had been happening the past few days seemed anything but. She was being engaged and passionate in ways that had escaped her for so many years, done things that held nonsensical meaning to her, with a person equally as enigmatically important. Somehow, she'd managed to push away someone she was so…attached to. No wonder she felt like she'd ripped her own arm off.

"Astrid…" called a quiet voice. The relative silence and her imagination preyed on her guilty conscience. She wanted to believe that he would take her back eventually or at least hear her apology out, but she had a hard time convincing herself that she even deserved that much. The wind taunted her with shallow wishes coming true. But then…the wind coughed. It called her name a little louder, more clearly. The hair on the back of her neck stood on end as she spun around. She choked on her gasp for a second as she saw Hiccup, standing just a few feet away, still cherry red from either nervousness or exertion. Beads of sweat dotted his face and slightly darkened the collar of his green t-shirt. He toyed with the short hair on the back of his head.

"Hiccup, what are you doing here?" she harshly asked in her surprise.

"Oh…umm…sorry?" muttered meekly. She winced a little at his reaction.

"I…don't be sorry" she told him and quickly turned back toward the water. She didn't want to look at him. She didn't want him to be here…or not right then at least. She needed some time.

"But I am, for…umm…for more than just that."

He took a step forward and Astrid shot a glare at his foot, pinning him in place. Her expression softened when she looked up to his face, it cautious and worried. He seemed to deflate somewhat.

"Look, if you don't want to see me, I can…" he suggested, pointing his thumb over his shoulder as he spoke, a placating, but hurt look in his eyes. She didn't want to see him, but she couldn't lie to herself and think she wanted him to leave, definitely not when he looked like a kicked puppy.

"Don't" she interrupted softly.

"Are you sure? Because…"

"Stay" she told him half-heartedly. It felt like she was tearing herself apart on the inside, but she couldn't make him leave again. He agreed hesitantly and she once more looked away and tried not to think about him.

Astrid could tell that he was waiting for her to say something, though she didn't intend to.

"Do you hate me?" he eventually asked. Perhaps it took her by surprise at first, but then it quickly made sense to her that he could come to that conclusion. She couldn't really imagine saying the things she had to someone she was particularly fond of…although she had done exactly that.

"No" she replied simply, her voice cracking annoyingly. Every word felt like she was trying to cough up a bowling ball.

"Loathe? Despise? Strongly dislike?"

"Would you just…!"

"Sorry…"

"Hiccup, I swear if you don't stop apologizing" she growled in a dangerously low rumble.

"I can't; not when I'm doing something wrong"

He still spoke in a soft, conciliatory tone and it irked her to no end. It made it harder to manufacture the anger she needed to keep every other emotion at bay. She set her jaw defiantly. "Would you stop if I just said I forgave you?" she asked bitterly, hopping off the wall somewhat aggressively. It came off harsh, and she meant for it to, despite it being entirely disingenuous. She just didn't want to have to hear it. She also didn't want to see the hurt edging forward in his eyes.

"Is that what you want? For me to just stop trying?" he returned, swallowing a thick lump in his throat. His face drained itself of its color as he looked on in nervous anticipation. That. Astrid wasn't used to that, the feeling of responsibility and concern for someone else that clearly put the whole of his trust into her. Astrid was crass, blunt; being able to tear someone down or build them up with her words alone was a pressure to which she had never been accustomed. Anything remotely similar to what she had with Hiccup was never this involved, this deep.

His shoulders sagged momentarily as he took her brief silence for a 'yes'.

"Hiccup, no. I…I just don't know what to do. What am I supposed to say?" she asked sincerely. He looked away for a moment as he thought of a quick response.

"Well, usually one of us has an idea and the other comes up with a response…"

"Hiccup, I'm not kidding"

"Right…" he agreed, looking properly admonished. He ran a hand over the top of his head and back to his neck as he looked off to nowhere for the umpteenth time. It annoyed Astrid that she knew he only did that when he was nervous, even more so that she really liked knowing things like that about him. When his eyes earnestly flicked back to hers, she honestly got scared. In a solemn tone, he asked "Astrid, what do you want?".

"What?"

"I mean, if everything were to go to plan, what would you want? From this?" he said, gesturing to the couple of feet between them casually.

"What're you talking about? What kind of question is that?" she replied dismissively. It was not the time for airy hypotheticals and optimism. Why did he have to talk so hopefully? Did he actually think she could answer that, because she sure as hell wasn't about to.

"A simple one" he answered calmly.

"Well if it's so easy, why don't you answer?". Now she was coming off as defensive. He was prying her open and really, all she wanted was to hate herself for just a little longer, like a few minutes ago when life was just a little bit more clearly cut, even though it wasn't going to get fixed that way.

"Fine…" he said without hesitating and she perked up curiously to his words, "What I want is for you to be happy". He could feel the roll in her eyes before it came. He continued, "I'm serious, I mean it. I want you to be happy, and if I can be a part of that, great, but…it's not the most important part".

"Hiccup…"

"I'm not finished," he interrupted pointedly. Her objection died in her throat. "The things you said…before…well, yeah okay, they hurt. A lot." he admitted timorously. She was about to interject again, but once more he cut her off "And…I said a lot of things too, things I didn't mean. But I see where you were coming from. We've known each other for all of-what, five days now?". She nodded and he started up again, "So I don't blame you. None of it was true, but…I don't hold it against you".

"I'm sorry. It wasn't fair, to just assume something like that and then throw it in your face" she agreed.

"No, it wasn't, but I understand. And I reacted the way I did, because…well…I do actually care about you. It's hard to explain, but…no one really looks at me the same way you do."

A small thought crossed her mind. She considered all the scandalous, lustful ways she looked at him, even now to an extent; though it was suppressed by the mass of emotions bubbling to the forefront of her brain. She refocused herself back on what he was saying, hanging on his every word.

"You're different than everyone else and…I like that. You mean a lot to me, Astrid, so it cut pretty deep that you thought something else"

"You mean a lot to me too, I'm just not very good at this…"

"It's okay. I said I want you to be happy and I wasn't lying. If you think it's best to quit here, tell me. Just tell me what you want" he pleaded candidly. He spoke so soothingly about it, even as he placed the entire weight of what they had in her hands. He put it up to her so that she wasn't forced into anything, wasn't trapped in anything. She had every bit of control she could have asked for. And she did know what she wanted; she just didn't know how to say it. God, he made it all look so easy.

He was still standing there, watching her with hopeful eyes, waiting for her to answer. When she didn't give him one, he could tell she was having trouble and encouraged her "Just say whatever you're thinking".

She took a moment; considered his words, then hers…and huffed a dry, choked laugh. He looked at her incredulously; but she teased him in a soft and (to his relief) playful voice, "They let saps like you into the Navy?".

"Seriously? After all…" but he swallowed his protestations when she took a big step towards him and tilted her lips up to his mouth. His surprised yelp was muffled, but it quickly melted into a relieved moan. He pressed back into the kiss and held her tightly, to assure himself that she wasn't gone for good just yet. He was still warm and a little sweaty, perhaps a bit self-conscious too, but Astrid didn't seem to mind. For the moment, he didn't mind either, just content to be all-consumed in the tender affections she was giving him.

She pulled away with a barely audible pop. "I'm sorry I assumed there were any other girls" she confessed meekly, before meeting his lips again.

"God, no. You're the only one" he reassured her between kisses.

Before she could stop her stupid mouth from running, she blurted "Well, surely not the only one". She went back to him, but now he wasn't returning the gesture. Only then did she realized what she had just said out loud.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked, leaning away from her, though he didn't let her go. He bore a thinly veiled expression of offense. 'Shit!' Astrid cursed herself. She tried to feign innocent curiosity instead of betraying just how insecure she sounded.

"Well…you know…I'm not your first girlfriend, am I?" she said, trying to come across as nonchalant.

"Do you really want to talk about exes right now?" he tested her, making it very clear how ridiculous he thought it was. She once again tried to look aloof, but failed. He could see the genuine desire for an answer in her. He sighed and she watched as his eyes turned a shade darker. "My last year of high-school, out of nowhere this girl asked me out. I barely knew her, but I wasn't about to turn down the only girl who'd ever seemed to like me. Well, turned out that she didn't, at all; could barely stand next to me, actually. She just wanted to be able to say she wasn't single. About a month later she dumped me for an upgrade". He lightened up a bit after he stopped talking, but not entirely. She'd revisit that another time. "So…so what about you?" he asked, blushing slightly in such an oddly Hiccup-y way.

She didn't take time to tell her story. Bluntly she said, "I dated two guys in high school. I was young and stupid. Neither meant anything and they both ended in one dumb way or another in about six months".

"Ah. Good to know?"

She shrugged, and looked at him intently, almost predatorily. "But, Chief Haddock…" she led on purposefully. He gulped and raised a cautious eyebrow. "I can assure you, I don't need any upgrades" she said with a lascivious grin. Her hand rose to cup his jaw and she once again found herself completely engrossed in kissing the man before her.

"Are you sure? The newest model comes out next year" he mumbled against her lips. She laughed with him and it was ecstasy to have him back where she could touch him, and hold him, and kiss him. One day had been far too long without him, especially when they left off with such bitter words.

Speaking of which…

"Ow!" Hiccup whined overdramatically, his shoulder flinching from the punch that landed on his bicep.

"That was for swearing at me the other day! Being a sailor doesn't mean you have to talk like one." She scolded him mockingly, but it lost its weight while she was still contentedly in his arms.

"Okay, I deserved that…"

She kissed him once more for good measure. "…and that" she added, both of them unable to hide their big, shit-eating grins.

A/N: So back in April, I decided that I really needed to take a break from writing for a little bit. It was becoming boring and uninspired, so I took a month to figure everything out. When I was finally able to get a chapter out for another story, it came at the perfect time, because immediately after that, finals started. BUT! Good news is: I handed in my last assignment ever for high school yesterday and my summer officially started! That should mean a lot more chapters, now that I have the free time ;)

-Nick (ncham9)

p.s. I hope I'm not too out of practice with this chapter, but I promise, this story will only get better. Trust me. :D