Chapter 10 Moving forward
Im really really really sorry for the very late update. Ive been very busy with college lately since im a freshman majoring in computer science and programming is hard as fvck. So heres a very short chapter to keep the story flowing. Please forgive me for any mistakes. I think my mistakes worsened since i wasnt able to write for a long time. please forgive the change of writing as well (if there ever is since i think there is) since i kinda forgot how to write :(
Yukino POV: (chapter 8 for reference)
Hayama-kun called me a while ago stating that he would come pick me up so we could head to university together. But I rejected his offer and instead, I decided to head out to school earlier than usual hoping that I could at least catch a glimpse of the man I dreamt of.
The memories I dreamt of last night pained me in ways that I cannot describe, but it also awakened a sense of deep longing and deep affection i've unknowingly tried to ignore since that specific painful event a year ago. The awakening of these tucked emotions made me stop and think, and I decided that these emotions can't stay unexpressed forever. So, I decided to act upon them but in a way that I don't overstep my bounds.
So, here I am, waiting in front of the main gate of Tokyo University. Shamefully like a dumb struck maiden in love. People were staring and gossiping as I stood in a corner, holding my book close to my chest in anticipation. The crowd around me was uncomfortable but enduring it was a small task considering the reason I am suffering right now.
Suddenly the crowd grew silent. I looked around me to find a definite answer for their abrupt silence to only find them staring towards the direction outside of the main gate. And there he was… a man with shoulder length hair, tall stature and empty looking eyes came out of a cab. judging from the aura he emits, it was definitely him. But, surprisingly he wasn't alone. My chest began to hurt as I saw him hand in hand with a woman whom Hachiman seemed to be close with. I felt terrible, I felt like running, I felt like turning my back away from everything i knew.
But i calmed myself and I tried to look at the situation critically. Ishikki-san and Yui never told me that they were dating and from the facial expressions of the woman called "Ayumi" alone, it was clear that she is not used to having that extent of close contact with Hachiman. So, in conclusion, its either they've just recently started going out or something could have happened.
They walked towards the entrance and once they have reached it Hachiman seemed to notice that he was unawarely holding her hand. So, He let go and her expressions changed from joyful to disappointed immediately. Judging from her reaction I could clearly and logically hypothesize that it was the latter of both conclusions.
As they passed through security, I prepared myself by breathing in and out as an unusual way of self-encouragement. I tried to ignore everything, the crowd and "her" as I push towards my objective.
"Good Morning, Hikigaya-kun" I greeted him calmly, hoping the affection from my facial expressions and the desperateness of my voice did not show.
"Good morning as well, Yukinoshita-san" He greeted back with indifference
Unexpectedly, Hachimans left arm were defensively embraced by the woman standing beside her. I reflexively eyed Hachimans reaction after it happened and I was saddened to find him acting as if it was a normal occurrence.
"Um, Hachiman, would you be so kind to introduce your friend here?" She looked at me and smiled.
After saying those words, She and Hachiman immediately stared at each other as if they were having a wordless conversation. Hachiman looked at her in confusion while her eyebrows twitched in what could only be described as annoyance.
Their brief interaction made me envious of the fact of how close they actually were, I grew frustrated and I cursed myself uncharacteristically as my chest grew uncomfortable with pain.
He sighed and spoke "Ayumi this is Yukinoshita-san, an… uh… um… an old acquaintance of mine."
Acquaintance?, when did I ever just become a mere "acquaintance". We were more than that… way more… But I guess hiding our past relationship is expected, considering that we agreed to forget everything and considering what I've hearing him personally say it still hits home, as if my heart is being pricked by countless needles.
"Specifically she's the president of a club I was a member of during High school" he continued
I bowed slightly in greeting as a form of proper etiquette.
"and Yukinoshita-sa" I interrupted
" Yukino is fine Hikigaya-kun"
There was silence after I said those words and I immediately regretted my actions. I noticed I was being full of myself and I was over stepping my bounds. I tried to fix my words but nothing came out. I glanced at his direction to only find him disapproving by shaking his head left and right in a short and a quick manner.
"Im sorry, I can't find myself to say-" I interrupted him again in complete and utter panic.
"At least remove the suffix, Just call me Yukinoshita… like before…" I replied, seemingly like a whisper.
He looked at me in indifference and it made me seemed pitiful. But whats done is done and my words can never be taken back again.
"Please…" I pleaded
He was silent at first but he later sighed and gave up. "Okay then Yukinoshita"
I smiled at him and we stared at each for a couple of seconds which to me felt like eternity. It was awkward but I enjoyed every millisecond of it. I loved it, the enticement of his eyelashes, the deepness of his stare, The flutter of his hair on the blowing wind, the sharpness of hi-
"Ehem" My pondering was finally disturbed by the interruption of the woman I have unfortunately forgotten.
" Anyways… I'm Ayumi Scheufele, Nice to meet you." She extended her hand and I shake it with equal passion. But her grip was too weight full for my liking.
She quickly glanced at Hachiman and smiled at him tease fully "Im Hachimans uh…" she paused and continued with a sweet smile " Its hard to explain but to put it simply Our relationship can only be described as "complicated""
I opened my eyes in shock by the bluntness of her words. I quickly looked at Hachiman to find answers and what I found did not disappoint. He grunted in annoyance as he gently tapped Scheufele-sans Head with the sides of his left hand in a downward motion.
"Hey!" She complained while scratching her head.
"Stop saying things that will cause misunderstandings" He looked at me and continued "Anyways, We've got to go, our classes will start in a minute."
"Okay then Hikigaya-kun, Its nice to see you" I replied softly, hiding the disappointment in my voice
"To you as well, Good bye" He quickly walked off while Sheufele-san hastily looked at me and said " See ya". she then tries to catch up to Hachiman while yelling " Hey wait for me!"
I stared as them as they completely disappear in the crowd. I felt frustrated and annoyed after going through that entire debacle. I was bitter and envious of how close they actually were, It was more than I expected and I know I'm not supposed to feel this way since I had my chance and due to my stupidity I just let it slip off my hands completely. But I cant help it, After all this time I still love him and my feeling for him will never change.
I asked myself in regret as I walk towards my lecture. Is it right for me to hope that I could still have him back? Is it right for me to hope that he will forgive me and accept me? Is it right for me to hope think that everything will go back to how it was.
I pondered for a couple of seconds and I finally found a conclusion…
It isn't right for me to ask these questions, at least not yet, not until I find a way to annul my engagement with Hayama-kun, not until I find an agreement with my family and not until I find an answer for all my problems.
With these thoughts in my mind, I hastily head towards the future with confidence, leaving all my insecurities behind. Determined to reach my new goal… my new hope…
Thats it guys. its short but it keeps the story flowing (i think). please review my work, I accept any type of criticism. I cantromise quick updates but ill find the time. TY.