Master Chief
A Stasis Pod
The Rear End of Dawn
Deep Space
CH2 6NH
19/10/2553
Dearest Sugar Puff,
You left some of your shit in my stasis pod. Now that we are no longer seeing each other I feel that it is no longer necessary for what little space I have to be taken up with your chick stuff.
I know you're probably angry I've replaced you with a Sat Nav with a Mr T voice mode, and so soon after the break up. I'm sorry Cortana but its more functional and comes with less jibba-jabba.
If your Paramore cds aren't here by the time you come round its not my fault.. Johnson's been eyeing them up. The UNSC is already aware he has issues with self harming and guy-liner. Personally I think the purple nail varnish rather suits him.
Your Ghost Whisperer boxsets are cluttering up my lavatory. I'm running dangerously low on toilet roll. I'm currently weighing up getting shards of dvd in my ass and the benefit to humanity destroying the last remaining copy. Get here fast if you want it.
I would also like to point out you still haven't paid me back those eight hundred microsoft points you borrowed. I know you just HAD to have your very own the force unleashed special edition darkside lightsabre, but a debt's a debt.
I'm keeping that gravity hammer that we stole from the Guardian Pub, but you can have the ashtray that we took at the same time. God we were wasted that night. Cortana,
you should have listened to the Arbiter when he said that sambucca burns when shot through the eyeball. How you snuck that hammer out down your bra I'll never know. We found the ashtray four days later, remember? Good times.
Yours sincerely, please pick up your shit.
Your Ex Snuggle Bum
PS Can I have my razor back as have been shaving with my energy sword and its killing the battery.